Author: Eriador117
Website:http://eriador117.insanejournal.com
Email:annette.gisby@which.net
Permission:
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take care,
Annette
(Eriador117)
Title: After Everthing, Now This 1/1
Author:Eriador117
Rating: Adult/Mature
Snape/Harry
Warnings: non-con, hurt/comfort, established relationship, angst
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns everything Harry Potter, I just like to borrow them.
AFTER EVERYTHING, NOW THIS
Harry didn't sleep so much as he closed his eyes and wrestled with the blankets and demons which populated his nightmares. Occasionally Snape heard a whimper or a frantic, "No!" as Harry tossed and turned, lost in the darkness of his dreams.
Snape knew that darkness, knew who caused it and why.
He'd seen it. He'd let it happen.
Harry had never spoken of it. Never spoken to any of his friends or to Snape, his lover for the past two years. But Snape knew it all the same. He didn't need Occlumency to know what had happened to Harry before they finally defeated Voldemort.
It was what happened to all Voldemort's prisoners eventually. Male, female, it didn't matter to Voldemort. He would violate them all.
He'd wanted to save Harry from that fate, but knew if he did, his work as a spy would be over as would his life. No matter how many times Harry had told him that he didn't blame him, Snape knew it had to be a lie.
He'd allowed it to happen. He'd allowed Voldemort to make use of Harry's body and how could Harry forgive him for that?
"Harry," whispered Snape softly. He didn't touch Harry, did not try to rouse him that way. He still had the bruises from when he tried to wake Harry the night before. Harry had lashed out, thinking that Snape was Voldemort in the throes of his nightmare.
Was it significant that Harry had physically attacked him rather than use magic? For magic hadn't saved him from Voldemort. What Voldemort had done to him. And magic hadn't killed Voldemort.
After the rape, Harry lay stunned and broken on the floor. Voldemort had already broken Harry's wand and it sat on the ground, just two useless lumps of wood now.
It was as though Snape had just emerged from a trance. He'd stood back and watched Voldemort violate Harry, violate his lover. Harry up until now had known no other touch. Snape had been his first.
Snape had suddenly snapped, he went beserk, cursing Death Eaters left right and centre. He could not take it any more. All they'd done to Harry, to him and he would end it once and for all. Voldemort cast a disarming charm, but only stood staring at Snape, as though he couldn't quite believe he'd been betrayed. Before Voldemort had time to cast a spell, Snape had his hands around his former lord's neck. There was a satisfying crunch as his neck broke between his fingers. Voldemort had never expected a physical attack, had not taken any plans to prevent it.
He was gone and Harry was free.
Only he wasn't, not really. The nightmares hadn't abated, only seemed to increase as the weeks went by and Snape did not know how to help.
Dreamless Sleep had no effect on Harry and it was addictive if taken too often anyway, so Harry did without it.
"Harry?" Snape asked again, but Harry showed no sign of waking. He was wearing a blue t-shirt and a pair of green pyjama bottoms, something else that had changed after the rape. Snape couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen Harry naked.
The clothes were sticking to Harry, perspiration covering his face in a fine sheen. Harry's legs were twitching, kicking at the blankets, as though he was trying to run away from something in his sleep.
Snape lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. Harry moved closer to Snape, but not quite touching him, as though even in his sleep he could sense where the other body was in the bed.
The heat was coming from Harry in waves, they would have no need of a fire tonight.
A scream from Harry had Snape almost jumping out of the bed. He quickly lit a torch and looked at his bedmate.
"Severus?" wide green eyes stared back. "Why didn't you wake me?"
"I tried, Harry. I didn't want to -- to touch you."
"I know," said Harry and tried to fling himself from the bed, but the blankets were still tangled around his legs. "You haven't touched me since -- since..."
Harry's eyes filled up and he rubbed angrily at them. "Why are you still here?"
"At Hogwarts?"
"In my bed," said Harry.
"You want me to go?" asked Snape.
"What I want doesn't seem to matter. It's what you want, isn't it?"
"Harry, I have no idea what you are talking about."
"You don't want to be here. You don't even kiss me anymore. You think I'm soiled, defiled because of what he did to me. You don't want to touch me because I'm dirty."
"Harry, no! That isn't it all. I didn't want to upset you by touching you if you didn't want it. I thought I would leave it up to you if you wanted to resume things."
"And if I didn't? What if I never wanted a physical relationship ever again? Would you still be here?"
"Of course."
"I don't believe you," said Harry, removing the blankets and stepping down from the bed.
"Whether you believe me or not doesn't change the facts. I will still be with you even if we never as you put it, have a physical relationship. Do you think that's why I was with you? The sex?"
"Yes," admitted Harry, but he looked a little confused. "Wasn't that what you wanted?"
"Harry, what do you think these past two years have been? Do you think that I don't love you? That I'm not in love with you?"
"You love me?" gasped Harry. "You never told me that."
"No, I thought I'd showed you. And what about you, Harry? You've never said it either. Or was this all just some game to you?"
"I've always been in love with you, Severus. I just didn't say it because I didn't think you would want to hear it. That you'd just think me some infatuated teenager."
"Harry, you're nineteen years old. You are an infatuated teenager, but I'm quite glad of that actually. Now tell me what is going on in that head of yours?"
"What? You don't want to go ahead yourself and pry?" the words were harsh, but Snape could see a small smile at the corners of Harry's mouth. How long had it been since he'd seen that smile?
"No. I respect your privacy."
"I thought you hated me. That you didn't want me anymore. After what I'd let him do to me."
"Stop right there, Harry. You didn't let him do anything. That's what rape means. You were forced against your will to do something you didn't want to do. He's gone. He can't hurt you anymore."
"I know. I'm sorry, but sometimes I can't help remembering." Harry glanced down at his apparel and laughed. "God, I stink. I need a bath."
"Harry, can I -- can I bathe you?"
Harry's eyebrows arched up. "Why?"
"I just want to do something for you. I want to make you feel better." Not that he thought one bath would heal Harry overnight, but it would at least start him on the road to recovery, Snape hoped. There was nothing sexual in his offer, but Harry still looked nervous all the same. He just wanted to let Harry get comfortable in his own body again.
Harry nodded briefly and walked into the bathroom. When Snape followed him in, he found Harry standing in the corner, giving furtive looks towards the bath, as though it was going to spring to life at any moment.
"Why don't you undress while I fill the bath?" suggested Snape, turning round to give Harry some modicum of privacy. He selected lavender oil from the selection on the shelves, knowing it promoted relaxation and added it to the bathwater. There weren't any bubbles, but Harry had never liked bubble baths. He told Snape once they reminded him too much of the Dursleys.
Snape stood up, stretched his back, turned round and felt his heart fall to somewhere near his shoes. It had been six months since Voldemort's demise, six months since Snape had seen Harry naked and it was if it was the first time all over again.
Harry was beautiful, plenty of men were handsome, but only Harry was beautiful to Snape's eyes. It wasn't entirely physical, he knew that on some level, but he was amazed at the expanse of flesh revealed now before him.
Harry had never grown tall, but his chest and shoulders had broadened. His chest was still hairless, but a fine line of hair trailed from his navel to his groin, thickening around his cock like a nest for it. Thighs well muscled from Quidditch, but not too thickly, and Snape drew his eyes to Harry's once again.
Snape was surprised and pleased that Harry had not felt the need to hide himself from view, from Snape's careful scrutiny. Black eyes met green and held for an eternity. Snape never wanted to stop looking at him. Never stop looking at this fey creature who had declared himself in love with Snape. Something Snape thought would never happen to him.
"Well? Aren't you getting in?" asked Snape.
Harry nodded and climbed into the bath. He sat with his knees tight against his chest, leaving only his back exposed. Snape knelt down beside it and grabbed the sponge. He spread the soap on and lathered it up before sweeping it across Harry's neck and shoulders. At the first touch of the sponge, Harry flinched, but gradually seemed to ease into it.
He sponged Harry's back as far as his waist, but didn't go lower, unsure of his welcome. Harry sighed and lay back in the tub, leaning his arms on either side of it.
"You haven't done my front yet," he said with a small grin.
Snape grinned back and began to lather the sponge again. Harry plucked it out of his fingers and shook his head. "No. I want you to use your hands. I want to feel your hands on me."
"Harry? Are you sure?" There was nothing Snape would like better, but he wanted Harry to be sure. This wasn't about him. It was about Harry.
"Yes. Please," Harry lay back down, displacing some of the water. It splashed on the floor and on Snape, but he found he didn't care. Harry wanted Snape to touch him. He had permission to touch.
Snape took the soap, dipped it in the water and lathered his hands. He began soaping Harry's neck, then eased onto his shoulders. The soap let his hands glide over Harry's skin with ease. It felt as though he was stroking velvet. Warm, breathing velvet that gasped as the hands moved lower, gently circling his nipples, but not quite touching them.
Snape used both hands to caress Harry's side, sliding up and down, loving the feel of Harry beneath his fingers. He could easily get addicted to this. He needed more soap, his hands were drying out, but soon he was ready to tend Harry again.
He began this time by carefully lifting each of Harry's legs in turn and soaping his feet, even between the toes. Harry giggled and tried to snatch his legs out of the way, he had very ticklish feet. Then Snape's hands moved upwards to the thighs.
Harry's breath hitched as Snape reached even higher, towards Harry's groin, but he didn't protest. Already, even before Snape had touched him, Harry was hardening, a firm pulse between his legs.
"Oh, God!" moaned Harry. "I didn't think I would be able to get an erection ever again."
Snape's hands hovered above Harry's cock, unsure what Harry wanted. Yes, he had an erection, but did he want to do anything about it?
"Harry?" the question was unspoken, but Harry seemed to know what was being asked.
"Yes. Please. Please touch me, Severus."
Snape didn't need telling twice. He gripped Harry firmly around the shaft, remembering how Harry liked it before and hoping that he stilled liked it that way. Harry was slick with soap and precome, it was easy to caress his cock. It twitched in Snape's hands. Harry's eyes fluttered closed, dark lashes dusting his cheeks.
Snape watched Harry's reactions as he continued to stroke the young wizard. Harry's whole body was flushed, and he didn't think it was from the heat of the water. Harry's hands gripped each side of the bath and his body arched up into Snape's hand.
"Oh, please!" gasped Harry. "More! I need more!"
Snape leant over and took Harry full in his mouth. He licked the slit at the top and moaned at the taste he found there. Harry. Snape's own pyjamas were getting rather tight, but he didn't want to do anything that distracted him from Harry.
"Severus! Oh God!" Harry's hands gripped his head, tangling his fingers in Snape's hair. Snape ignored the pain and sucked even harder. Harry's cock seemed to enlarge in his mouth and he knew it wouldn't be long before Harry came.
"Severus! I'm going to --" Harry tried to yank Snape's head out of the way, but Snape held on. He wanted this. He wanted Harry to come in his mouth, wanted to taste him on his tongue, down his throat.
"Oh God! Oh! OHHHH! OHHHH!" Harry wailed as his body stiffened. Snape felt the cock in his mouth harden even further just before Harry shot his release into Snape's waiting mouth. Harry spasmed in his mouth, once, twice, three times before Snape milked him dry.
Harry pulled out of Snape's mouth and lay back down in the bath. "I think my bones have melted," he smiled at Snape.
"Well, as long as you don't go anywhere near Lockhart, you should be okay." Snape grinned back.
"Thank you, Severus. But I think I neglected you a bit, there."
"I'm okay," said Severus. "You don't have to do anything. I can take care of it."
"I'm sure you could, but wouldn't it be more fun if I did?"
"What do you suggest?"
"I suggest you get undressed and get into this bath with me before I fall asleep."
"And then?"
"And then, we'll see." Harry smirked.
"Should I be worried?" asked Snape.
"Oh, very," agreed Harry. "How often do I get to wash the Potion master's hair?"
Snape raised an eyebrow at him, which turned into two upraised eyebrows when Harry poured shampoo all over his groin and the wiry hair there.
It was going to be an interesting night indeed.
THE END
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