Everything's Not Lost (end) by:Eriador117

Author: Eriador117
Website:http://eriador117.insanejournal.com
Email:annette.gisby@which.net
Permission：
Yes, you can have permission to repost the stories on your board if you want. :)

take care,
Annette
(Eriador117)



Summary: Harry/Cedric, Harry/Snape. angst, child abuse, character death, non-con, chan, attempted suicide, MPreg.The whole kit and caboodle. Spoilers for GOF movie. Harry takes Cedric's death harder than anyone could have imagined
Characters: Harry, Other, Severus, Harry/Severus, Harry/OtherMale
Genres: Angst/Tragedy, Romance, Drama, Alternate Universe, First Time, Hurt/Comfort
Rating: M+
Warnings: Violence, Adult Language, Sexual Situations, Chan, MPreg, Non-con (rape), Character Death, OOC-ness





Chapter 1: Everything's Not Lost
Everything's Not Lost

When you thought it was over,
You could feel it all around,
Everybody’s out to get you,
Don’t you let it drag you down.
Cos if you eve feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost,
I’ll be counting all the demons, yeah.

Everything's Not Lost by Coldplay

Part 1

"And this strapping lad must be Cedric," said Mr. Weasley as a tall boy dropped down from one of the trees as gracefully as a dancer or an athlete. Landing on all fours, it was a few moments before Cedric stood up to his full, considerable height. He dwarfed both his father and Mr. Weasley and Harry felt his heart lurch to somewhere in his throat. His stomach jolted as if he'd fallen down one of the trick stairs at Hogwarts. He'd seen Cedric around at school, but that was from a distance as he'd never really been friends with any of the older students except for the Weasleys.

Harry had never really looked at Cedric before but he found himself staring at the handsome boy as the rest of the Weasley children greeted him in a rather subdued fashion, the twins and Ron had never really got over the fact that Hufflepuff had beaten them at Quidditch last term. Harry found himself drowning in grey eyes the colour of a storm tossed sea. When Cedric smiled, revealing a set of perfect white teeth and said a gentle, "Hi, Harry," Harry found himself smiling back and feeling as if he could fly all the way to the Quidditch world cup without benefit of a broom.

Mr. Diggory suddenly perked up at the name. "Harry? Harry Potter?" he exclaimed. "This is who you beat at Quidditch, eh? Such a good flier, my Cedric," said Mr. Diggory, but Cedric blushed.

"Dad, I told you, Harry had an accident, that's why they lost."

"But you didn't have an accident, did you, eh?" persisted Mr. Diggory. "I think we know who's the better flier."

"Yeah, Harry," said Ron with a pout.

"We'll miss the Portkey if we don't get a move on," said Cedric, leading his father away and Harry found himself staring at Cedric's retreating back, the well developed muscles of his thighs, the way his jacket curved round his...

Harry blushed and hoped no one else noticed how much of an interest he was taking in Cedric. Hermione and Ginny were giggling behind their hands. "He's so handsome, isn't he?" sighed Ginny and Hermione nodded her agreement. Harry was shocked to find himself agreeing with them.

"What's a Portkey?" asked Harry as he caught up with the rest of them, who were all standing around an old boot. It was a boot that had seen better days, the leather was cracked and looked as if it had been last polished in the previous century, or even the one before that. No-one had answered Harry's enquiry, but everyone else placed a finger on some part of the boot and Mr. Weasley's frantic shout of, "Harry!" had Harry doing the same.

As almost as soon as his fingers touched the leather, Harry felt the strangest sensation in his midriff, as if someone had hooked a fishing line behind his navel and was jerking him from the ground in a dizzying whirl of sound and colour. He was aware of the others around him only as dim blurs, he couldn't make anyone out. A voice came from somewhere to his left, urging them to let go. "Let go, kids!" came the roar for a second time.

Harry obeyed and soon he saw the ground rushing up to meet him at an alarming rate. He fell to the ground, groaning, winded, feeling as if he'd just been through a high-speed spin-cycle in a washing maching. Clutching his aching stomach, Harry looked up just in time to see Mr. Weasley, Mr. Diggory and Cedric glide down to earth as if they'd done this sort of thing every day.

Harry was dimly aware of the others struggling to their feet, but he himself was caught unawares, still lying down and feeling trapped by Cedric's smile. His teeth glinted a little in the sunlight as Cedric held out a hand to help Harry up, his grin getting even wider. Harry felt that strange little jolt in his tummy again as their hands touched and he smiled in return. He just hoped no one else noticed his blush, his cheeks felt as though they were burning.

Once back on his feet, Harry held onto Cedric's hand, unwilling to let it go just yet. Cedric stroked the back of Harry's hand, a soft caress and Harry felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. No one had ever touched him so tenderly before. "Thanks," he said, blinking the tears away and hoping his voice didn't sound too hoarse as he let go of Cedric's hand.

While his and Cedric's little drama had played out, the others had forged ahead, marching up the hill to the multitude of tents covering the hillside. He and Cedric would have to walk by themselves, not that Harry minded. He had a happy feeling low down in his tummy that he and Cedric would get to spend some time alone together, but he wondered if it bothered Cedric that he had to spend time with someone so much younger than him.

Cedric was one of the most popular boys in school and here he was, walking with Harry, talking with Harry as if they were friends and oh, Harry would love to see the look on Malfoy's face if he saw them together. That Harry was friends with a seventh year, when even the seventh year Slytherins wouldn't give Malfoy the time of day, no matter who his father was.

"Harry, I'm sorry about my Dad," said Cedric as they neared the campsite. "He goes on a bit sometimes."

"Don't be," said Harry. "He's just proud of you." And how many times had Harry wanted his parents alive, to be proud of him? "He should be, you did really well in that match."

Now it was Cedric's turn to blush. "You really thought so?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm surprised no professional team has wanted to snap you up."

Cedric stopped on the path, the crowds veering around the two of them. "Well, actually, I have had an offer."

"Oh, who?"

"The Ballycastle Bats," replied Cedric. "But Harry, please don't tell anyone else. I haven't even told my father yet, he wants me to go into the Ministry, thinks it's more of a secure job than playing Quidditch."

Harry could hardly believe that Cedric had chosen him to tell his secret to. He could have skipped with pleasure. Cedric must have been bursting to tell someone his news and the fact that he'd picked Harry had him feeling very proud.

"I won't tell anyone," Harry promised. "Thanks for telling me."

"Well, I knew you'd appreciate it," said Cedric with another one of those wonderful smiles. "WE Seekers have got to stick together, right?"

"Right," said Harry. "And just think, maybe next year it'll be you up there in the World Cup."

"Nice thought isn't it?" sighed Cedric, both of them glancing up as two brooms flew low overhead.

"Get a move on, you two," called Fred from outside one of the tents a few yards away. Harry and Cedric both grinned at one another before running to catch up with the others. Harry had almost forgotten there was a world outside the two of them.

Mr. Diggory was looking rather flushed and upset, but Mr. Weasley was doing his best to calm the man down. Harry wondered what had happened and was soon to find out. "Don't worry about it, Amos. These things happen at the best of times." Mr. Weasley turned to the rest of them. "There's been a bit of a mix-up with the tent bookings. Amos and Cedric are going to be sharing with us. Cedric, you can share with Ron and Harry and Amos you'll be with me. We can conjure some extra sleeping bags or campbeds or something. It'll work out, don't worry."

"I'm so sorry to put you out like this, Arthur," said Mr. Diggory.

"Nonsense, it's our pleasure."

"Thank you, Mr. Weasley," added Cedric.

"Don't mention it," said Mr. Weasley, smiling at them all.

"I hope you don't snore," muttered Ron, Harry suspected that Ron wasn't as pleased with the new sleeping arrangements as Harry was. His tummy fluttered and Harry wasn't sure whether it was from the anticipation of seeing his first professional Quidditch match or because Cedric would be sharing their tent later that night.

"Right, that's settled then," said Mr. Weasley, rubbing his hands. "We'll just put our stuff away and then we'd better head off to the match."

Hermione and Ginny entered the small tent first, closely followed by Fred and George. Harry wondered how all of them were supposed to fit in such a tight space. Everyone else went in before Harry and he stood outside on the grass for a few moments before pushing aside the flap.

His jaw almost dropped to the floor. Inside it was enormous, plenty of room for everyone. Cedric glanced over at Harry, in the midst of unpacking his rucksack and smiled at him again.

Harry grinned back. "I love magic!"

***

Harry was pleasantly exhausted as he lay on the bottom bunk. His first taste of professional Quidditch was everything he had hoped for. The only sour note came from Lucius Malfoy. Harry's shoulder still ached where Lucius had pulled him with his cane. "Enjoy yourself, while you still can," Malfoy had jeered at him and the words lingered in his brain long after the foul man had spoken them. The man made his flesh crawl.

"It was brilliant, wasn't it?" said Ron, leaning down from his top bunk. Cedric was on a sleeping bag on the floor, quite near to Harry in fact. Harry had been horrifed to discover that he had taken an inordinate amount of interest as Cedric undressed, not seeming to care about whether or not Ron and Harry could see anything.

Harry could hardly tear his eyes away as the handsome boy had disrobed, but mindful of Ron, Harry had contented himself with glimpses through lowered eyes and hoped neither of them noticed. Cedric had bronzed skin, a well muscled chest dusted with soft looking brown curls, a much lighter shade than the hair on his head. Harry wondered how it would feel to trail his fingers through it.

Cedric hadn't removed his underwear, a pair of plain white boxers, but he had bent down to pull off his trousers and Harry had felt his cock stirring at the sight. Harry was no stranger to masturbation, he'd been doing it for a few months now, but it was the first time he'd ever got an erection from staring at a boy's arse and he wondered what it meant.

"Yeah, brilliant," agreed Harry, not entirely sure what he was replying to. He was distracted and trying his best not to stare at Cedric, but it was a near impossible task. The Hufflepuff Seeker had forgone the modesty of t-shirt or pyjama top and his lower half was barely covered by the sheet. Harry could almost imagine he could see the swell of Cedric's prick at the top of his thighs. Not that he was looking. Who was he kidding? Harry shut his eyes, hoping that might help. All he could see was a vision of Cedric as he disrobed, in Harry's mind, the underwear came off too. Harry turned over onto his stomach, hoping they hadn't seen his arousal or guessed the reason for it.

He really needed to touch himself, but he couldn't, not with Cedric and Ron in the tent. It was a fair bet to guess that his sheets might be sticky in the morning.

"Yeah," sighed Cedric. "Did you see that Wronski Feint? I hope I get to be as a good as Krum some day."

Ron seemed to have warmed to Cedric a lot more now that they both shared an appreciation for Ron's hero and Harry drifted off to sleep to hear the two of them discussing the Bulgarian Seeker's merits, their voices getting fainter and fainter.

Harry's sheets were indeed sticky when he woke up, but from cold sweat.

The nightmares were back.



Part 2

It was the same nightmare he'd been having for weeks now. Harry was staring at a large, old, run-down house which seemed to have been unoccupied for a long time. Most of the windows were dark, but upstairs, there was a strange, flickering light. It shouldn't have been fire, no one should have been in the house. Harry had a bunch of keys in his hands and with trembling fingers, he tried to find the right one to unlock the door.

As soon as he entered the house, he could hear voices from one of the upstairs rooms. He did not want to go up those stairs, he didn't want to see, didn't want to face what was up there, but he knew he had no choice. He had to do it. It was his duty. As he placed his right foot on the first stair, he noticed his hand gripping the bannister rail, a hand cracked like old leather and dotted with brown spots. It was the hand of an old man, not a fourteen year old boy.

That part of the dream had never made much sense to Harry, why was he dreaming that he was an old man? Was he dreaming of his own future? Once he reached the upstairs corridor, the voices were getting louder and at the end of the landing, he saw that same flickering light from a door which stood ajar. It was casting strange shadows on the hardwood floor. His own footsteps were muffled by the layer of dust on the floor and the voices carried on, unaware that anyone might be listening to them.

There was talk of a boy. Him? Were they talking about Harry?

Harry stood, just staring at that half-open door, transfixed, unsure what he should do. A loud hissing by his feet had him looking down and his heart jumping into his throat at what he saw there. The snake was as broad as a man's thigh and its undulating length seemed to go on forever. The snake hissed at him, but made no move to attack or bite him, instead it slithered through the doorway. A few hissed syllables later and the door was wrenched open from the inside and Harry gasped in surprise. Wormtail! His parents' betrayer leered at him. Harry could see a wing back chair facing away from the doorway and there was a man kneeling beside it, but he couldn't see the man's face.

Harry had a horrible suspicion that he knew who else was in that room, who was sitting in that chair. Harry turned, he tried to flee, he couldn't bear to see who or what was in that chair, but Harry's feet refused to obey him. Wormtail opened the door evern wider, before giving Harry a sickly smile, then going back into the room and turning the chair to face Harry.

The flash of blinding green light had Harry screaming himself awake, the blankets a sweaty tangle around him. He was breathing heavily too, as if he'd just finished a race and his heart was pumping so fast that he felt faint. Ron was still snoring away, but Cedric was sitting up and gazing at Harry with such a look of concern that he felt a bit weird about it. Normally, there was no one there after he'd had a nightmare.

He was happy that Cedric was there, but at the same time he was a little bit embarrassed that the older boy had seen him having a nightmare. Would Cedric think he was just some child who was afraid of the dark or something?

"Harry? Are you all right? You were screaming, I put a silencing charm on you, I hope you didn't mind."

"No, that's fine," replied Harry. "I didn't want to disturb anyone. Sorry for waking you."

"You didn't, I wasn't asleep, just couldn't settle. I sometimes get nightmares too," admitted Cedric in a soft voice.

"You do?" gasped Harry. He couldn't imagine what the popular boy would have nightmares about. Cedric nodded, Harry could just about make out the shadows in the room. He was drenched in sweat and his scar was aching, as if someone had been poking about in it with a razor or something. Harry groaned and rubbed at his head, but it did little to bring him any relief. The only thing that usually helped was one of Madam Pomfrey's painkilling potions, but Harry had run out during the first half of the holidays.

"Was - was your nightmare about You-Know-Who?" asked Cedric in a loud whisper.

"Yeah," muttered Harry. "They usually are."

They were both silent for a few moments, Harry wondered what Cedric was thinking. "So, you're seventeen then?" Harry asked when he couldn't bear the silence any longer.

"Yes, it was my birthday on the first of August."

"Day after mine," said Harry and feeling very stupid that he couldn't think of anything wittier to say. Cedric must think he was such a prat.

"Harry - would you like a hug?" asked Cedric. "It sometimes helps after nightmares to know that someone else is there." Cedric unzipped his sleeping bag and opened it.

Harry gaped at him, but realised that yes, he would indeed like a hug. Ron was still asleep, otherwise Harry would never have considered it, but he slid down from his own bunk and climbed into the sleeping bag with Cedric. Cedric wrapped his arms around him and Harry couldn't help it, he burst into tears and sobbed on Cedric's bare shoulder. Harry wrapped his arms around Cedric's waist and clung on for dear life. It was the first hug he could ever remember.

"Ssh, Harry, it's all right, it's just a dream," said Cedric, rocking Harry close to his body.

"It- it's not that," gasped Harry between sobs. "I - I - they've never hugged me. I've never been hugged like this before."

"What? Your relatives never hugged you?" Cedric sounded appalled on his behalf and hugged Harry even tighter, if that were possible, for the two boys were as close to each other as they could get without sharing the same skin. Harry's tears soon subsided, it was nice, being held like this, feeling strong arms around him. Unfortunately, the nearness of the other boy, his wonderful broad chest, his scent, caused another problem.

There was nothing Harry could do to prevent it, he felt his prick rising, pressing against Cedric's thigh and he wriggled, trying to get out of Cedric's embrace. The struggle was sending little sparks of sensation throughout his whole body and much to his horror, Harry heard himself make a wanton moan, more of a reflex than anything.

Harry yanked Cedric's arms away and fled the sleeping bag, but there was nowhere to go except for his own bunk. Once he was back in bed, Harry turned over and covered his face with the blankets. He felt so ashamed that he'd reacted like that, when all Cedric had been trying to do was comfort him after his nightmare. "I'm sorry," Harry mumbled to his blankets.

"It's all right, Harry," said Cedric, laying a hand on Harry's back. "It's just hormones. Don't worry about it."

Loud shouts and screams from outside had them worrying about something else. "What's going on?" asked Ron, yawning and rubbing sleep from his eyes. Mr. Weasley popped his head in their room. "Ron! Harry! Cedric! Up! Up! It's Death Eaters!"

***

Harry had to look away from the front page of Hermione's Daily Prophet, the Dark Mark moving about in the black and white picture made him shudder and he rubbed absently at his scar. His nightmares hadn't abated since that night at the Quidditch world cup, if anything they'd gotten more intense. Every day for the past two weeks, the front page of the Prophet had that same picture of the Dark Mark stark against the night sky.

None of the Death Eaters had been caught, no-one knew who they were, but Harry had his suspicions that Lucius Malfoy might have been one of them. The man just seemed the type.

"Harry, your scar, it's hurting again, isn't it?" accused Hermione as she set the paper down on the train seat beside her.

"No, I'm fine," Harry protested. He didn't want to discuss this, he didn't want to discuss any of it. It felt as if he was separate from all of them, that he was somehow marked, but it had nothing to do with his scar. They couldn't understand, Harry wasn't sure anyone would. Harry felt somehow that the Death Eaters had been after him, but feared it would be a bit melodramatic to say so.

Harry was glad when the sweet trolley arrived and he rummaged about in his pockets to find some money, not because he was hungry, but because it saved him having to talk anymore. Ron was already outside their compartment counting up his money and coming up a bit short. "On second thoughts, just the Droobles," said Ron with a disappointed pout.

"I'll get them," said Harry.

"Just the Droobles," said Ron, glaring at Harry and pushing him aside as he went back into the compartment. It was a sore point that Harry always had more money than Ron, but Ron would never accept any of it from Harry, no matter how much he wanted to share his wealth with the Weasleys. Cho Chang and a gaggle of giggling girls were on the other side of the trolley. Cho gave Harry a sweet smile before turning round with her purchases and he could hear the other girls giggling all the way down the train.

Someone clasped their hands over Harry's eyes and he had to fight down the urge to scream. "Guess who?"

"Cedric!" gasped Harry, turning round and beaming at him. He hadn't seen Cedric since the World Cup and Harry had been a bit worried that now they were heading back to school, Cedric wouldn't want to be seen as being friends with someone so much younger than him. It didn't seem to bother Cedric, Harry had the impression that Cedric really liked him, no matter what age he was or what year he was in.

A shaft of sunlight fell on Cedric's chest, drawing Harry's attention to the new badge that decorated Cedric's robes, just above his Prefect badge. "Head Boy?" said Harry. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Harry," said Cedric blushing a very becoming shade of pink. "You're the only one who's congratulated me, everyone else has done nothing but take the Mickey all morning."

The trolley witch let out a put upon sigh. "Anything from the trolley, dears?" she asked.

"Er, I'm not really hungry," said Harry, whose tummy was doing somersaults that he knew he just wouldn't be able to eat anything. Not when Cedric was looking at him like that.

"Four liqourice wands," said Cedric, counting out the money. "You're in here, Harry?" he asked, looking past the trolley to Ron and Hermione who were looking at Cedric and Harry as if both of them had grown two heads.

"Yeah," said Harry. Cedric pushed the door aside and went in, closely followed by a bemused Harry. Cedric handed round the liqourice wands to the others before settling down on the seat next to Harry and beginning to suck on his own. What on earth was Cedric doing? Surely he didn't mean to sit with them all the way to Hogwarts? Not that Harry would have minded, but he was very surprised that Cedric wanted to spend some time with a group of fourth years.

The compartment door slid open again, Malfoy stood there, his wand raised as if he was just about to cast a hex, but then he saw Cedric and the shiny Head Boy badge. Malfoy opened his mouth as if to say something, but he seemed to have lost his voice.

"Something we can do for you, Malfoy?" queried Cedric with an arched eyebrow.

Malfoy glared, turned on his heel and stalked away down the train without a word.

"Wicked!" exclaimed Ron. "I've never seen Malfoy speechless before."

"He doesn't seem the type to bully someone bigger than him," said Cedric. "If he gives any of you any trouble, just let me know. The Head Boy and Girl can give out detentions, just like the teachers."

"Really?" said Hermione. "I never knew that, it isn't in Hogwarts: A History or I'm sure I would have seen it."

"Will you give it a rest with that book, Hermione?" scowled Ron. "No one else is interested."

"Actually, it does have some interesting things in there," said Cedric and proceeded to tell them all about what he found fascinating. Ron raised his eyes to Heaven, but Harry and Hermione were hanging on Cedric's every word.

It was a little disappointing when the train rolled into Hogsmeade and Cedric had to leave them.

"He's really nice, isn't he?" said Hermione to no one in particular.

"He's okay," admitted Ron grudgingly. "He's a bit of a bookworm though. Can't imagine him being much fun."

"Oh? And I suppose I'm no fun either, then, Ron Weasley?" demanded Hermione as she stood with her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Considering how much of a bookworm I am!" Hermione flounced out into the corridor and Ron stared at Harry.

"What's got into her?"

"Ron, if you haven't figured it out by now, there's no hope for you," chuckled Harry as he pulled his rucksack down from the luggage rack.

"I - " Ron began, but couldn't quite seem to finish what he wanted to say. "You think Cedric's a bit of a prat too, don't you?"

"No, Ron, actually I don't," said Harry, but he couldn't say anything further than that. How he felt about Cedric was something he didn't feel like sharing.

Not yet, anyway.

Part 3

Severus had lost count how many times he'd been in Dumbledore's office. The room hadn't changed much in all the years since he'd been a student, neither had Albus for that matter. He'd been white haired and bearded from the day that Severus had started Hogwarts as a shy eleven year old. No, nothing about the office or the headmaster had changed, it was Severus himself who had changed, but so gradually that he'd barely noticed.

He grew to hate these meetings at the start of every school year, when at first he had been so pleased that Dumbledore had wanted to see him alone. Severus felt honoured, felt that he was being chosen for something. It took a while for him to realise that not only was he being chosen, he was being used too. The golden carrot of the DADA position had been dangled in front of him for so many years now and each year he was disappointed again. At the end of every school year Dumbledore hinted that he would be reviewing Severus' application again and it was difficult for Severus not to get his hopes up. The crushing disappointment every September was more painful than if Dumbledore had not mentioned it in the first place.

"Lemon drop, Severus?" Albus pushed the crystal dish of sweets towards him. That ritual too was the same.

"No, thank you," replied Severus. In all the years Severus had been coming to this office, had the headmaster never noticed that Severus detested sweets? He wished Albus would just get on with it rather than drag everything out with his offers of tea and sweets, for Severus had no taste for any of them. He just wanted to know which incompetent the man had hired this year so that he could go and sulk in his rooms alone.

"Severus, I suppose you're wondering why I asked you here?"

"Not really, it's about the Defence position, isn't it?"

"Yes... and no," said Albus, steepling his hands beneath his chin. "Were you at the Quidditch World Cup, Severus?"

Severus sat up straighter in the chair. "You know very well I was here all summer, Albus. Lesson plans do not write themselves and I had some research to finish up."

"Quite, quite, forgive me, I did not mean to disparage your efforts, Severus. Did you hear about what happened there?"

"You would have to be living under a rock not to hear about it," said Severus and bristled when he saw the old man's eyes twinkling at his expense. So Severus spent most of his time in the dungeons, that didn't mean that he didn't keep up with the latest news. He'd had a subscription to the Daily Prophet since he first started teaching at Hogwarts. Mind you, the way it was going these days, most of it was nothing but tabloid gossip. He wondered how that Skeeter woman could get away with half of what she'd written.

"I fear the Death Eaters were after Harry," admitted Dumbledore. "He's in more danger than ever this year, I can feel it."

"Well, they didn't get him, did they?" said Severus. The boy was always going to be in danger, there was no doubt about that. Even if Voldemort never surfaced again, there were plenty of Death Eaters still at large who would love to get their hands on him to avenge their Lord. Lucius Malfoy's pale face sprang into is mind and Severusn tried not to shudder.

"Thankfully, no. Severus, I'm afraid I have to turn down your application for the DADA post this year. It's just not viable at the moment with this new threat to Harry."

"I see." Severus had learned long ago to hide his emotions. He did so now, his face a blank mask. The old man across the desk would never know how hurt he was at yet another rejection. Were his past sins never to be forgiven then? Was his penance to teach Potions for the rest of his life and not the subject he really wanted? Was he in purgatory now or had he already descended to hell?

"Alastor Moody has agreed to take over the Defence classes this year, surely you can have no objections to an ex-Auror, Severus? He is very well qualified."

Hell it was, then.

"He's also as mad as a hatter," spat Severus, unable to hold back any longer. "You think he's a better candidate than me?"

"That was rather unkind, Severus. You know what Alastor has been through, he's only agreed to take the job as a favour to me and I do hope you will set aside your differences. I'd like all the staff to get along."

"Very well, headmaster," agreed Severus, knowing when he was beaten. "You said there was something else besides the DADA position?"

"Yes, yes. As I said I think Harry is in grave danger this year, the Dark Mark and Death Eaters at the World Cup, these can't be conincidences. I would like you and Alastor to keep an eye on Harry, discreetly of course. He mustn't know. There's no need to frighten the boy."

No, of course there wasn't. Frighten Dumbledore's little saviour, his tool for the upcoming war? Severus had no illusions as to what that Mark in the sky meant.

Voldemort was coming back.

***


Severus was seething as he left Dumbledore's office and made his way to the Great Hall for the feast, but no one looking at him would ever have noticed. His face looked as calm as it always did, it was the hands that gave him awaym fisting in his robes as though he wanted to choke someone or something. Alastor Moody! Dumbledore's appointments in the last few years were getting worse and worse! Was the old fool going senile?

He'd failed to notice that Quirrell had Voldemort sharing the back of his head, then he'd hired that narcissistic fool, Lockhart who probably wouldn't know how to defend against a lamp post never mind anything else and then of course there was the werewolf. Granted, Lupin did seem to be the only teacher to know what he was doing, but Severus couldn't sit by and let him terrorise the students, it was best he was nowhere near a school. And now, now they were going to have a madman teaching the little darlings.

A lot of people thought Severus was a little paranoid, but they hadn't met Mad Eye Moody. Compared to him, Severus was a measure of calm. The students' chatter got louder as he ascended the dungeon staircase, a few of them were still milling about in the entrance hall even though the bell for dinner had sounded five minutes ago.

"IN!" he barked at the latecomers who suddenly hurried up at the sound of his voice and he followed them in, sweeping up the aisle between the House tables, feeling every eye in the place upon him. Severus made it to his normal spot and drank down a whole goblet of pumpkin juice, wishing it were something a bit stronger. It was going to be a long year. Severus felt as if a thunder cloud was hovering above his head like in those old Muggle cartoons and even as he thought it, real thunder boomed overhead and a jagged fork of lightning speared across the enchanted ceiling.

Hooch and Flitwick were on either side of him, they both greeted him jsut as the door swept open again to admit Hagrid, Professor McGonagall and a the most bedraggled group of first years he'd ever seen. They looked like they'd swum across the lake rather than sailed. One very small boy was wrapped up in Hagrid's coat, smiling broadly at Colin Creevey on the Gryffindor table. "Colin! I fell in the lake!" he shouted across the Hall and everyone else burst out laughing. Severus' grip on his goblet tightened. Another Creevey, he just hoped they weren't as productive as the Weasleys.

The Sorting seemed interminable, Severus found himself nodding off at various intervals, even though he did his best to welcome the newcomers to his House. Thankfully, the other Creevey boy was admitted to Gryffindor as well, so at least he would only have to deal with the accident prone boys in class, which was bad enough.

The Welcome Feast seemed to drag on that year, but Severus was doing his duty like a good little spy and keeping an eye on Potter as the headmaster had requested. The boy had finally grown a few inches over the summer, but he was still shorter than most of his year mates. His face had lost the babyish softness of last year, now he was all planes and angles, looking more like the young man he would soon become. His eyes had lost none of their brightness and he was staring like a moonstruck calf at someone on the Hufflepuff table.

Out of curiosity more than anything, Severus glanced over to see which giggling schoolgirl had caught the golden boy's attention. Severus' heart leapt into his chest. It wasn't a girl. It was a boy, a boy who was returning Harry's smiles and blushing. Not just any boy, but Cedric Diggory, Hufflepuff star Seeker, handsome to a fault and all round good egg. It was enough to make you sick. Trust Potter to go for style over substance. Potter would never see beyond the obvious.

Severus gripped the stem of his goblet so hard that it shattered in his hand. Potter liked boys. Potter liked boys. He tried not to think of why that revelation had affected him so much, it wasn't as if Potter had been the first gay student in the school since he was a teacher. Severus glanced back at Potter, who was oblivious to Severus' stares. He had eyes only for Cedric at the moment and Severus had to admit he was a little disconcerted. He should not be wondering about the love lives of his students, especially one who was still underage but he couldn't seem to stop.

Should someone put a stop to it before it went too far? Dumbledore would have his guts for garters if someone had taken advantage of Harry Potter. Severus glanced back at Potter, the moonstruck look on his face heart breakingly familiar.

Severus had seen it in his own reflection when he was twelve years old.

He would just have to ensure that Potter didn't make the same mistake he had.

Part 4

It was the most exciting start of term ever. None of the Gryffindor fourth year boys could seem to settle to sleep that first night. The Triwizard Tournament, two whole new sets of students to get to know from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. Ron was still sighing over the Beauxbatons girls, as well as enthusing over Viktor Krum.

"I didn't know he was still at school, did you, Harry?" asked Ron for what must have been the hundredth time.

Seamus threw a pillow at Ron. "Give it a rest, Ron, anyone would think you fancy Krum or something!"

"Don't be stupid!" said Ron, his ears turning red. "I just think he's a good Seeker, I don't fancy him!"

"Methinks the lad doth protest too much," giggled Dean.

"Harry, tell them I'm not gay!" said Ron, nudging Harry in the ribs, for both of them had been sitting on Harry's bed.

"Would it matter if you were?" asked Harry quietly, for Harry couldn't forget these strange new feelings engendered by Cedric. Would Ron not be friends with him anymore if Harry was gay?

"I don't mean it like that," said Ron. "I'm just fed up with everyone teasing me about Viktor Krum!"

"Give it a rest you guys," said Harry, wondering how much teasing he'd be in for if they knew about him. Ron climbed back into his own bed and pulled the curtains shut, soon the others had settled down as well but Harry just lay there, staring at the canopy above his head. He couldn't stop thinking. Was he gay? Or was what had happened with Cedric that night at the World Cup just like Cedric had said, that it was only hormones?

If it was only hormones, why didn't Harry get aroused when Ron hugged him or sat close to him? It was only with Cedric, which led Harry to the conclusion that he must fancy Cedric, but not Ron or any of his other friends. He tried imagining kissing any of them, but the only scenario that seemed remotely interesting to Harry was kissing Cedric. Was Cedric even gay? Would he even be interested in Harry as a well, the only word Harry could think of was boyfriend, considering their age difference?

Harry sighed and punched his pillow, but it was a long while before sleep finally claimed him.

***

The first week back passed in a blur, they had so much work to do that Harry didn't have much time to dwell on Cedric, but he was very pleased that every time they met in the corridors between classes (which wasn't often enough in Harry's opinion) that Cedric always gave Harry a warm smile. It always made Harry's tummy jolt every time he saw Cedric unexpectedly like that. He tried not to be too obvious but he blushed so much every time he saw the other boy that Hermione asked him if he had a fever and did he need to go and see Madam Pomfrey?

Harry snorted at her, there was nothing wrong with him, nothing that a kiss from Cedric wouldn't cure anyway.

Even Snape seemed to be on his best behaviour these days, Harry wondered if it was because he now had some Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students in his classes, but there weren't any in their year. He gave them plenty of homework though and still seemed keen on trying to wrongfoot Harry in each lesson. Potions was their last class of the day before the Champions were due to be chosen and everyone was keen to finish and get to the Great Hall.

"Can't you read, Potter? The instructions clearly state butterroot, not buttercup," sneered Snape, ladling out the contents of Harry's cauldron as though it was toxic. Considering Harry had made a mistake in the brewing, that may well have been the case.

Harry glared at the man. The instructions may have been on the board, but there was nothing clear about them, Snape's handwriting was so small and spidery that even with his glasses on Harry found it difficult to read during most lessons. He held his tongue though, knowing that any outburst from him would probably end up losing Gryffindor points and landing himself in detention.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for failing to follow instructions," Snape said with a smirk in Harry's direction and Harry wanted to scream at the unfairness of it. The Slytherins laughed, Malfoy laughing the loudest. Maybe he should have said something about Snape's horrible handwriting after all and was just about to open his mouth to give the man a piece of his mind when the bell rang.

"Class dismissed," said Snape, turning round and walking back towards his desk in a flurry of black robes. Harry was so angry that he was grinding his teeth together. Ten points for one stupid mistake! A mistake that was Snape's fault! If the man could only write decently, he wouldn't have had any problem with the potion at all!

"That was so unfair," said Hermione as the trio made their way to the Great Hall, echoing Harry's sentiments exactly. "And buttercup shouldn't have ruined your potion, Harry, it's not a catalyst like the butterroot would have been."

"But I didn't add any butterroot," said Harry. "So my potion wouldn't have turned out right anyway. He's going to fail me on it, I know he is. He always does." Harry couldn't remember the last time he got a decent mark on Potions, but he felt in his gut that he could do the work if only he could actually read the instructions properly.

The Great Hall was crowded as everyone waited for the announcement of who would be the three Champions for the Triwizard cup. Harry had seen Cedric drop his name in the Goblet of Fire the day before, but he'd been surrounded by lots of his seventh year friends and Harry felt a bit awkward about wishing him luck in front of them.

Dinner was served quickly that night, but most people didn't seem to have an appetite, too nervous or excited about which names the Goblet of Fire was going to reveal.

"I still think we should have been allowed to try," pouted Fred.

"We're seventeen in April, it's not that far away," added George.

"It's because it's so dangerous," said Hermione. "The Ministry was right to change the rules."

Ron glared at her, but Harry had to admit that he thought Hermione was right this time. The Tournament did sound dangerous, not that it stopped him from daydreaming about being chosen as a Champion, but he knew that's just what it was, a dream. He wasn't sure that he really wanted to be entered in it. Not that he had much of a choice in that, being under seventeen. No, he, Ron and Hermione could watch safely from the sidelines as the three Champions were tested in the three tasks.

After the dessert plates had finally been cleared away, Dumbledore stood up and the chattering in the Hall died away. The headmaster waved his hands over the torches and the flames all flickered out so that the only remaining light came from the Goblet of Fire itself and the moonlight filtering through the high windows. It was a full moon tonight and Harry found himself wondering about Professor Lupin. Did Snape still make the Wolfsbane Potion for him?

For a few moments the Goblet's flames continued to flicker blue, but then red sparks began flowing from it. A charred piece of parchment shot into the air, Dumbledore caught it on the way down and read it out. "The Champion for Durmstrang is Viktor Krum!"

The Durmstrang students clapped Viktor on the back and cheered as loudly as the spectators at the World Cup before Viktor stood up and was directed through the door behind the teachers' table by Professor Flitwick. More red sparks flew and the Goblet spat out another piece of parchment flew into the air. "For Beauxbatons, Fleur Delacour!"

The silvery haired girl stood up and followed Krum into the room. Ron sat up straighter as he watched Fleur disappear. It was a few mintues more before the last parchement emerged. To Harry, it seemed as if the whole of the Hogwarts student body was holding its breath. Who was going to be chosen as the Hogwarts Champion? That was what they were all waiting for. Harry crossed his fingers for Cedric, feeling a little disloyal to his own House, but he just knew that Cedric would make an excellent Champion.

Mad Eye Moody'e strange eye was swivelling round the room, Harry wondered what the man hoped to see in such darkness, or maybe his magical eye could see clearly in the dark? At last the Goblet's flames turned red once more and Dumbledore caught the parchment as it shot out of the top of the cup.

"The Hogwarts Champion is Cedric Diggory!"

"Yes! Yes!" cheered Harry standing up and clapping as hard as he could, he could have rivalled the Hufflepuff's table for his pleasure at Cedric being chosen. Ron was looking despondently from Harry to Hermione, who was also cheering Cedric on. Harry was so pleased for the other boy. Cedric was everything you could wish for in a Champion. He was handsome with those rugged good looks, he was athletic and he had gorgeous eyes. Cedric began to follow Fleur into the room behind the table, when he turned and his eyes sought out Harry's.

Harry felt as if someone had just punched him in the gut. He was breathless as Cedric gave him a secret smile and entered the room. Harry sank back down on the bench, his legs had suddenly turned wobbly. Cedric had sought him out, him, he was sure of it. Cedric wanted to share his happiness with Harry and Harry couldn't have been more pleased than if he'd been chosen as a Champion himself.

Dumbledore was saying something, but Harry barely heard the words, he was still in a daze from Cedric's smile. The other boy seemed to smile so much and he seemed to smile so much at Harry. It must mean something, surely?

Harry may not have heard the words, but he was still staring at the Goblet of Fire and so he saw what everyone else did, everyone except Dumbledore who'd been facing the other way as he showed off the Triwizard Cup. The Goblet was sending out red sparks again. Mutters broke out in the Great Hall, as another piece of parchment flew out, there were a few shrieks of surprise as well.

"Harry Potter," mumbled Dumbledore and Harry wondered why the headmaster wanted to talk to him. "Harry Potter!" he said even more loudly. Harry stood up, then sank back down again, but Hermione was pushing him back up.

"Go on, Harry, go!" she urged him as Harry got to his feet. Ron was staring at Harry as if he'd never seen him before.

It was the longest walk of Harry's life. Everyone was staring at him and this time he knew it was not imagination, he could feel hundreds of eyes boring into his back. Dumbledore looked so disappointed in him but it was only as he reached the door to that small room that the mutterings became louder and louder.

"Cheat! He's a cheat!"

"He's not even seventeen yet!"

"Cheat! Cheat!"

Professor McGonagall patted Harry on the shoulder as he neared the doorway, even Snape seemed to be looking at him with a bemused look as Harry finally went through the doorway.

Why had Harry's name come out of the Goblet of Fire?

Part 5

Cedric, Fleur and Viktor had been talking amongst each other, but their voices trailed off as soon as they saw Harry and they were looking at him, confused stares on their faces.

"Harry, what's going on?" asked Cedric. How could Harry reply? How could he explain what had happened to Cedric of all people? Loud voices outside saved him answering as all heads turned towards the doorway. A heated discussion was in full swing, but there were so many people that Harry couldn't make out individual words.

Dumbledore marched towards him and shook Harry by the shoulders, his eyes glittering angrily. "Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire?" he demanded of Harry.

"No, sir," gasped Harry, almost struggling for breath, for Dumbledore's hands had moved and were now around his throat.

"Did you ask one of the older students to do it for you?" Dumbledore's hands squeezed even tighter round Harry's throat, he had no breath for a reply. He tried to breathe, tried to get some air in, but it was nearly impossible. He clawed at the man's hands, but Dumbldore was stronger than he looked. This was too much like what happened in Privet Drive and he almost willed himself to stay conscious. He couldn't faint. He couldn't.

"Albus!" snapped Snape as he and McGonagall tried to forcibly drag the headmaster away from him.

"Headmaster, stop it!" stop it screamed McGonagall when the headmaster tried to bat her arms away. "You're hurting him!"

McGonagall was flung to the ground and then it was Mad Eye Moody and Cedric helping Snape pry the headmaster away from Harry. Mr. Crouch was looking on in horror as Harry sank to the ground, coughing and spluttering. "I didn't, I swear I didn't!" but Dumbledore was glaring at him as if he didn't believe him.

"He's lying!" protested Madam Maxime. "Of course he would deny it!"

Harry struggled to his feet and leant against one of the cabinets, panting for breath. He really just wanted to go and lie down somewhere and wake up now. It was a nightmare, it had to be.

"I demand to know what is going on, Dubmeldore!" hissed Karkaroff. "How did that boy's name come to be in the Goblet of Fire? There are only three schools, how did it happen? You cheated, didn't you, boy?" sneered Karkaroff as he edged closer to Harry, his hands outstretched as though he wanted to throttle him too.

"Enough!" roared Moody, placing himself between Harry and the others. "Don't be ridiculous! Harry is only a fourth year, do you really think he has the adequate skills to confound such a magical object as the Goblet of Fire? Well, do you?" Moody glared at each of them in turn, his magical eye searching.

"I do not believe Potter's skills are up to the task," said Snape, glowering at Harry and for the first time it dawned on Harry that Snape's insults and lack of confidence in him as a magician were actually helping. "But I for one am curious as to how Potter's name did indeed appear in that Goblet."

"As are we all, Snape," agreed Moody with a nod to Dumbledroe, who was looking a bit dazed now. Did he even realise what he'd done? How much he'd hurt Harry?

"He can't comepte!" protested Madam Maxime again. "It is not fair on those whose names have been drawn by fair means!"

"Barty, what should we do?"

"It's a binding magical contract, Albus. There is no choice, Potter has to comepte. As of tonight, he is the fourth Triwizard Champion."

***

The discussions and arguments seemed to last for hours, or so it seemed to Harry. There was a sick, hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, his throat was sore, his head ached and he felt a little dizzy. If he passed out, maybe then they'd let him out of this accursed room. Cedric hadn't spoken to him since the revelations that Harry's name had come out of the Goblet. Did Cedric think he was a cheat too? Harry didn't know how he would bear it if Cedric hated him.

"Harry? Harry?" Cedric said again, as if he'd been talking to Harry for some time and Harry hadn't heard him. "Are you okay?"

"Not too good," Harry admitted. "I feel a bit sick."

"Professor McGonagall," Cedric's clear voice rang out over the din. McGonagall peered down at him from beneath her glasses, her face mask of surprise. "May we be excused now, ma'am?"

"Of course! Of course, you should all have been tucked up in bed hours ago!" As the four Champions got ready to leave, McGonagall stopped Harry with a hand on his arm. "Potter, if you need to talk about anything, please come and see me after breakfast."

"Thanks, Professor," said Harry, but his stomach was doing somersaults at the thought of food. He hoped he would be able to make it to a bathroom in time before he actually threw up, although going by the churning in his guts, he didn't hold out too much hope after all.

Viktor and Fleur made their way outside to their respective ship and carriage, Cedric took Harry by the arm and led him to the bathroom nearest the Great Hall. Harry rushed into one of the stalls and emtpied his stomach of what little he'd had for dinner. He was aware of Cedric hovering behind him, rubbing his back as Harry threw up twice more.

His stomach was still roiling a little, but he didn't think there was anything left to come up. Harry flushed the toilet, then on shaky legs he walked to the sink, rinsed out his mouth and splashed cold water on his face.

"Sorry for that," said Harry, wondering if Cedric thought it gross that Harry was being sick.

"Don't be. Here, sit down," urged Cedric, leading Harry over to the wall, where he'd conjured a cushion for Harry to lean against. As soon as he had Harry settled, Cedric conjured a flannel and soaked it in cold water from one of the taps. He folded it and placed it against Harry's forehead. "Better?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks. Cedric - I didn't put my name in the Goblet, I swear I didn't."

"You don't have to tell me, Harry. I know you're telling the truth." Cedric sat down on his haunches next to Harry, with one hand, he held the flannel against Harry's forehead, with the other he was trying to undo the top button of Harry's shirt. "Let's have a look at those bruises."

"No!" said Harry forcefully, struggling to stand up, but he was still so dizzy that he swayed on his feet. He couldn't let Cedric see, he couldn't let Cedric know how much of a freak he was. "No, please, no."

Cedric lifted both hands, palm up. "Okay, Harry. I won't. But you might want to go and see Madam Pomfrey, she might have some salve or something. I've never seen the headmaster freak out like that before, are you sure you're okay, Harry?"

"I'll be fine," said Harry, hoping that by saying it, he'd be making it come true. "I'm glad you believe me, Cedric."

"Hey, what are friends for?"

"Just friends?" Harry asked, wondering where his boldness came from.

"Well, actually, Harry, I've been meaning to talk to you about that."

"You have?" Harry didn't know whether the swirling sensation in his gut was from disappointment or excitement. It sounded like Cedric was about to let him down gently.

"The first Hogsmeade Weekend is in two weeks time and I was wondering - well, I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?" Cedric blushed pink, Harry was sure his own colour matched it.

"Do - do you mean as friends or as a date?" Harry asked hopefully.

"I suppose as a date, I'd really like to get to know you better, Harry and see what happens. But if you're not interested, we can just go as friends."

"I'd love to go with you, Cedric," Harry beamed at him. "As a date, if you want."

"Great!" said Cedric and he sounded so pleased, that Harry felt as if he was the most important person in the world.

"You're not worried about what people might say?" Harry asked tentatively.

"About what? I've been out for ages, Harry, everyone knows I'm gay."

"No, not about that. About going out with me, I'm not very popular you know."

"What's that got to do with anything? You're - oh, God, this is going to sound so lame, but you're nice and I'd like to go out with you."

"The age difference doesn't bother you?" for Harry suddenly felt very young. What if Cedric wanted to - to do things? Not that Harry was quite sure what those things might be.

Cedric laughed, but it was good natured. "It's not as if we're getting married, Harry. It's just a date, to get to know each other better. And I promise to be on my best behaviour, you needn't worry about wandering hands."

"Oh," Harry blushed again, relieved that Cedric could see straight through to the source of his worries.

"But right now, I suppose we really ought to be gettng back to our dorms before Filch catches us."

"You're Head Boy," smiled Harry. "You could tell him you caught me out of bounds and are making I sure I get back to my dorm."

"I suppose I'd better see that you get back all right," agreed Cedric. "Can't have you fainting on the way back, can we?"

"No," said Harry with a broad grin. He was feeling a lot better.

Cedric walked him to the portrait of the fat lady and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Goodnight, Harry."

"Goodnight, Cedric," replied Harry as the other boy walked away. Harry was still holding his cheek and grinning like an idiot when he entered the common room. It was empty except for Hermione and Ron who looked as if they'd been waiting for him.

"Oh, Harry!" sobbed Hermione, as she flung herself in his arms. "What are you going to do?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" said Ron in a surly tone. "He's going to win it, get all that prize money and eternal glory. You could have at least told us you'd entered or how you did it, I might have wanted to try. How did you get past the Age Line?"

"I didn't! Ron, I didn't put my name in that cup!"

"Yeah, that's what you say," said Ron as he stomped upstairs to the boys' dormitory without another word.

Harry stared after his friend for a long time, feeling his heart shatter.

He'd been so sure that Ron would believe him.

TBC

Chapter 2: Everything's Not Lost
Part 6

Cedric didn't see much of Harry in those two weeks leading up to their date, but he thought about him a lot. He was a little worried about the younger boy to be honest. If Harry hadn't put his name in for the Tournament, it meant that someone else had, and why would they do that? Harry was younger than the other Champions, he had less magical experience and it seemed to Cedric that it was done out of malice, rather than to give Harry a treat.

Badges had started appearing around the school, Potter Stinks, Potter the Rotter and quite a few supporting Cedric as well. Cedric had already told his friends to stop wearing them, it was really unfair and he wondered how Harry was coping when most of the school seemed to be against him. It reminded Cedric of that time a couple of years ago when Harry was thought to have been the heir of Slytherin. Cedric was determined to make sure they had fun on their date, to help take Harry's mind off things.

Not only was there Harry's surprise entry into the Tournament, there was that attack from Professor Dumbledore, Harry had nearly choked and Cedric wished he'd been more persuasive in getting Harry to go and see Madam Pomfrey. Why had Harry reacted so badly when Cedric tried to undo his collar button? He had only been trying to see the marks on Harry's throat, but maybe Harry thought Cedric had wanted to take liberties. Cedric wouldn't, Harry was a bit young for that sort of thing yet, but that didn't mean Cedric didn't want to get to know him better and maybe, just maybe kissing wasn't out of the question? Harry wouldn't balk at a few kisses, would he? For Cedric could not deny that he'd been dreaming about kissing Harry for a while now.

On the Saturday of their date, he woke up to sticky sheets and a smile on his face, he was just glad that as Head Boy he now had his own room and could probably wander about naked if he wanted. Not that he ever wanted to, but it was nice to know he could. The dream had been about Harry, he'd been having quite a few of those lately, but he resolved to keep his libido in check, no sense in scaring Harry away before they'd even started.

***

Harry woke up on the morning of his date with Cedric feeling less refreshed than when he went to bed. The nightmares were getting more and more frequent and the distrust of the rest of the school was getting him down. If it hadn't been for Hermione and Cedric, he didn't know what he'd do. He held the thought of his and Cedric's date close to his chest like a shield, protecting him against the worst of the taunts and the insults. Ron still wasn't speaking to him and Harry felt that he would cope a lot better with everyone else hating him if only Ron would believe him.

Ron had been his very first friend ever since they met on the train to Hogwarts and it hurt Harry more than he care to admit that his friend thought he was an attention seeker and a liar. Fred, George and Ginny were still on speaking terms with Harry, but he got the impression that they weren't a hundred per cent sure whether he was lying or not.

As he turned over, Harry saw that Ron's bed was empty and had already been made, as if he was keen to put as much distance between himself and Harry as possible. Harry sighed as he got up, rummaging about in his trunk for his soap bag. It was early, the sun was barely up, Dean, Seamus and Neville were still fast asleep and Harry thought he might have time for a shower before everyone else was up and get some privacy.

It was difficult finding time for himself in school, there were people around him all the time, in class, at meals, even in the dorms and sometimes Harry just wanted to be alone. It wasn't just because he sometimes needed to touch himself, although that was nice too, but he needed to have some time on his own, just to be. Just to be Harry. Not Potter, not the Boy Who Lived or any of that rot. Just Harry. And if he was on his own, he didn't need to have the glamour on when he took his shower. It took a bit out of him keeping the spell in place.

He'd panicked when Cedric had tried to undo his shirt button that day, not because he was worried about what Cedric might do, but because of what he might see. Ever since he'd started at Hogwarts, Harry had tried to avoid showering with the others and they teased him mercilessly about it, asking him what he was trying to hide. When he'd been in the Restricted Section of the library that first Christmas, trying to find out about the Philosopher's Stone, he'd discovered another book, which had a glamour spell in it. He used it now when he had to shower or undress, but not normally during the day and he had no glamour in place when Cedric had fumbled with his buttons.

Harry grabbed his dressing gown and made his way to the bathroom, a short walk down the corridor from the Fat Lady's Portrait. As he hoped, no one was about. Harry turned on the shower as hot as he could stand it, but it wasn't really as hot as he would like it, for the water was charmed not to scald and it always stopped before it got as hot as he wanted.

Harry let the shower run for a while so that the bathroom mirrors steamed up, for he had no desire to see his reflection, to see how ugly his body was, how ugly they had made it. He thought about Cedric instead, how soon they would be going on their very first date and as Harry stepped into the shower, the remains of his nightmare faded into the distance.

It didn't take him long to get clean, but he took extra care with everything today, wanting to look his best for Cedric. He shampooed his hair twice, wondering if that would help tame it. The hot water flowing over him, the thoughts of Cedric were having an effect on one particular part of his anatomy and Harry decided to give in. He didn't normally do this in the shower, too many people were usually about, but there was no one else here now, so he let his hands wander and began to stroke his prick as slow as he could stand it.

His legs parted almost of their own accord, Harry placed one palm flat on the tiles above his head to support himself, with the other, he gripped his prick in a firm hand and began to rub up and down, pretending it was Cedric who was touching him. His fingers flew along his length faster and faster, his cock was moist, but whether from the water or precome, he wasn't quite sure. Harry could feel tightness coiling in his belly and he wanted to come, he needed to come soon but it was feeling too good to stop at the same time. "Cedric," he whispered, his hips bucking into his hand. A few fingertip touched to the tip of his cock and Harry was coming and coming, ropes of white sliding down his hand, being washed away by the shower water. He leaned his forehead against the coolness of the tiles, gasping and hoping his legs would support him for a little while longer, for at the moment they seemed to have turned to rubber.

A few moments later, he was washing his prick clean (again) and smiling in anticipation. After breakfast, he and Cedric were going to Hogsmeade.

***

Severus hated chaperoning the students in Hogsmeade, Albus knew it and that was probably the reason Albus made him do it. Not to mention the fact that Harry Potter was one of those students who were allowed to go and as Albus had made clear, Severus was to keep an eye on the boy in the village. Potter's relatives had not signed the permission forms in the boy's third year, but Sirius Black had given permission. Severus thought it was a mistake, it was obvious someone was out to get the boy, but he was allowed out with the other students to somewhere without the benefit of the Hogwarts wards.

Of course, it didn't help that every time he caught sight of the brat, he was laughing and smiling in the company, yet again, of Cedric Diggory. Severus felt like giving both of them detenion and making them scrub out cauldrons until their hands were raw and bleeding, but for what? They had every business being in Hogsmeade, just like all the other students and Severus tried not to dwell on why the sight of Harry Potter laughing and joking with Cedric Diggory put his teeth on edge.

As per the headmaster's instructions, Severus had been keeping an eye on Potter without him noticing. Severus was well used to blending into the shadows and Potter seemed oblivious. Severus noticed the dark circles around the boy's eyes, he noticed how stoically he was holding his head, despite those awful badges and taunts from the rest of the school.

Surprisingly, Ron Weasley seemed to be part of the majority who thought that Potter had indeed placed his own name in the Goblet of Fire, but Severus doubted that was the case. He may have accused the brat of being an attention seeker and celebrity hound in years past, but in his heart Severus knew it wasn't true. There was a secret sadness behind those emerald eyes, despite the brave face Potter was showing to the world.

He'd hidden it better than Severus had, but Severus wasn't fooled by Potter's bravado. The boy was damaged, as much as Severus had been, maybe moreso and Severus hoped that Cedric Diggory was not the sort of person who would make it worse.

He resolved to keep a close eye on the two of them.

***

"Madam Puddifoot's?" queried Harry as they turned a street in Hogsmeade he hadn't been into before. "What is it?"

"It's a tea shop, or you can get coffee or hot chocolate, whatever you'd like."

"Oh, okay," said Harry, smiling up at Cedric. He'd been smiling so much today that his jaw ached, but it was a good ache. Harry could not remember the last time he'd ever felt as happy as this. Cedric pushed the door open, a bell tinkled as they entered and they were ushered to a table near the window by who Harry assumed to be Madam Puddifoot herself, for he lace trimmed robes she wore resembled the tablecloths and curtains hanging on the windows.

She left them with two fancy menus, velvet with red tassells before bustling off to see to some other customers. Harry glanced down at the bill of fayre, blushing slightly. The prices were a lot steeper than he expected.

"Um, Cedric, I didn't bring much money with me."

"Don't worry, Harry, it's my treat. Order whatever you like."

Harry nodded, but he was determined not to order anything too expensive and next time, he could be the one who paid. Next time? He thought there was going to be a next time? Harry smiled to himself, he certainly hoped so.

"Right, what can I get you?" asked Madam Puddifoot as she returned to their table.

"Hot chocloate and a slice of chocolate gateau," said Cedric. "Harry?"

"The same, please," said Harry, who didn't really know what he ought to have ordered.

A few mintues later, their order was levitated to their table and they both smiled at each other before tucking into the cake. The hot chocolate was in a deep mug and there was so much fresh cream on the top that Harry wasn't sure whether you were meant to climb it or drink it. Cedric lifted his mug to his mouth just as the bell tinkled again and they both glanced towards it. Harry almost fell from his chair.

"Snape!" Harry hissed in a whisper. "What on earth is he doing in here?"

"He is one of the chaperones today," said Cedric.

"I know, but we're the only two Hogwarts students in here, why isn't he chaperoning the rest of them?"

Cedric risked a quick glance over his shoulder, but soon brought his head back round when he saw Snape glaring at both of them. "Harry, have you noticed anything odd about Snape lately?" Cedric whispered.

"Like what?"

"Like, is he taking more notice of you than before?"

"What do you mean?" Harry's heart shot into his throat. Had Snape been acting oddly? Harry always thought the man acted oddly around him, but he didn't think it was any stranger than how he normally behaved around Harry.

"Harry, you don't think - you don't think it was him, do you?"

"Him what?"

"Who put your name in the Goblet of Fire?"

Part 7


Harry couldn't forget Cedric's words as they continued to drink their chocolate and eat their cake in silence, both of them hyper aware that Snape might be eavesdropping. Had Snape put Harry's name in the Goblet? Sometimes Harry thought the man hated him enough to do something as malicious as that, but then he didn't think Dumbledore would have attacked him either. Things were getting more and more confusing the older Harry got and he wasn't sure he was ready to grow up at all if things continued getting weirder and weirder.

The rest of their date had a shadow over them, a shadow in the form of a black robed man who hovered over them when they went to Zonko's, when they went to Scrivenshafts to get some new quills, when they went to Honeydukes where Cedric bought a bag of Ice Mice and shared them with Harry as they made their way back to the castle, feeling as if their date had been cut short unfairly. They couldn't relax with Snape so near.

Snape didn't follow them back to the castle, it was still early and the others hadn't started coming back, so that he would have to stay in Hogsmeade until the rest of the students returned. Harry felt as if they could suddenly breathe again with no Snape skulking about like a mourner who'd mistakenly gone to a wedding rather than a funeral.

"Harry?" Cedric paused by the front doors of the castle. Filch was standing glaring pointedly at their muddy shoes and clucking his tongue at them, but Harry ignored the caretaker, he had eyes only for Cedric. His face and neck felt warm again, despite the autumn chill and he just knew he was blushing again.

"Yes?" Harry asked breathlessly. He didn't want their date to end just yet, there was plenty of the day left before dinner and Harry didn't want to go back to the empty Gryffindor dorms.

"Did you want a game of chess or something? I have a set in my room," said Cedric all in a rush, as if he was nervous too.

"Um," said Harry. Cedric's room? Where they could be alone. Where there would be a bed. Cedric's bed. Where he slept. Where he... "Oh, okay," replied Harry, hoping against hope that Cedric couldn't hear his heartbeat thud like a drum. Harry's hands were getting clammy, he wiped them on his robes before following Cedric to the steps that led to the Hufflepuff dormitories.

Cedric had his own room, a few steps above where the other seventh year Hufflepuff had their dorm. Like all Hogwarts bed, it was a four poster, but rather than draped in the red velvet hangings like Gryffindor, Cedric's bed was draped in a billowing, gossamer fabric in a very pale yellow. There was a desk and chair underneath the window, set with scrolls, quills and ink. Harry could imagine Cedric here doing his homework, looking out over the Hogwarts grounds, sucking the edge of a quill as he thought about his work. Cedric's trunk was by the bottom of his bed, it was shining, well polished, unlike Harry's own, which had four year's worth of finger marks and spilled foodstuffs all over it.

Cedric sat down on his bed, his legs over the side. Harry sat down on the desk chair, turning it to face Cedric. There didn't seem to be a chess set anywhere in evidence, unless it was in Cedric's trunk or maybe the wardrobe. Harry gulped and pressed his hands close together, wondering why Cedric had sat on the bed. Did he mean - did he want for something to happen? Harry wasn't so sure about that, not yet.

"Harry, I didn't really ask you up here to play chess," Cedric finally said.

"Oh."

"No, I just wanted somewhere where we could talk in private without everyone else listening in, but we can play chess if you want. I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together, alone."

"Okay," said Harry.

"I really like you, Harry," said Cedric, patting the bed beside him. "Why don't you come over here? It'll be much easier to talk that way."

Harry felt as if he couldn't breathe, almost as bad as that night when Dumbledore had his hands around Harry's throat. Did Cedric really only want to talk? Or was it just a ploy to get Harry over there and he might do things? Kiss him? Touch him? Harry wasn't sure what he wanted. He'd never been kissed before and the only touches he could remember were full of pain and humiliation. He wasn't entirely sure he'd be comforable with someone else touching him, but kisses might be good. He glanced at Cedric's lips, so full and soft, they looked like they'd be nice to kiss. Harry blushed again, feeling sweat trickle down his back, but he got up from the chair and sat down next to Cedric, a few inches separating them. Cedric did nothing to close the distance between them, which made Harry feel better about this already.

"So, Harry, why don't you tell me a bit about when you were little. I want to know all about you."

Harry's hand, in the process of scratching his nose, went completely still and just hung there in the air. It felt as if all the breath had suddenly left Harry's body and he stared at Cedric, not seeing him, but seeing the faces of his tormentors. When he was little. What did Cedric want to know? The locked cupboard? The starvation? The beatings? The humiliation and everything in between?

Cedric seemed to realise something was wrong. "Oh, Merlin, Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Your relatives, they did things to you, didn't they?"

Much to his surprise, Harry found himself answering. "They hated me, Cedric. Hated me because I could do magic, not that I knew that at the time of course. I just knew that they hated me, kept calling me a freak and a liar because things sometimes happened that I couldn't explain. They - they hardly ever fed me, if they did it was on leftover scraps, but there were hardly ever any leftovers because my cousin was such a pig."

Harry paused, glancing at Cedric, who was listening, but not judging. "Are you sure you want to hear this, Cedric? It isn't pretty."

"Only if you want to talk about it, Harry."

"I'm afraid," Harry whispered, his throat aching with the effort not to cry.

"Of what?"

"That you won't like me anymore if I tell you what they did, that you'll hate me."

"Harry, I could never hate you, I can promise you that." Cedric made no move to touch him, but Harry found himself wanting the comfort of Cedric's arms wrapped around him, like that night in the tent when he'd had the nightmare.

"Cedric, can you, can you hug me?" Harry asked at last, glancing at Cedric with tear filled yes. "I could use a hug right about now."

"Of course I can, Harry," Cedric smiled down at him and wrapped his strong arms around Harry. Harry leant against his shoulder and began to tell his tale of all the awful things the Dursleys had ever done to him, it helped not having to look Cedric in the eye as he talked, Harry talked to the boy's robes, his voice muffled, but it was easier that way. He didn't knew if he could have got half of it out if he had to look directly at Cedric, who was so nice, so normal. Did he really mean it? That he wouldn't hate Harry for what he'd let the Dursleys do?

Harry talked until his throat was sore, from the first time he remembered the whipping from Vernon's belt, he was four. Soon the belt wasn't enough, Vernon would use his hands and whatever else he could get a hold of, a broom handle, his boots and shoes, sometimes he didn't beat him, he would kick Harry in the back and the ribs. The deliberate scaldings when Harry was learning to cook.

The chores he was made to do while Dudley did nothing. How Dudley got tons of presents on birthdays and at Christmas, but Harry was shoved back in his cupboard. How he wasn't allowed to use the bathroom, he had two buckets in his cupboard and to wash, he was allowed outside in the back garden to use the hose. How he was locked in his cupboard unless he was doing chores, how if he even talked to one of the neighbours he would be beaten black and blue.

"Oh my God, Harry, they kept you in a cupboard?" said Cedric, rubbing Harry's back. "What sort of people are they?"

"When I came back from Hogwarts after first year, they put me in Dudley's second bedroom, but it was worse than my cupboard, Cedric. It was worse," Harry shuddered against Cedric's body as the memories crowded in on him.

"Harry? What happened?" asked Cedric gently.

"There weren't any buckets in the bedroom, Cedric. They let me out once a day to use the bathroom, but - but sometimes it wasn't enough. I - I had accidents. I was so filthy, Cedric, so disgusting. You'll hate me now, I know you will!" Harry struggled to get out of Cedric's embrace, but the older boy wasn't letting him go that easily.

"Ssh, Harry, you're not disgusting or filthy. It wasn't your fault you couldn't get to the bathroom sometimes, they locked you in, Harry, what were you supposed to do? Ssh, it's okay, it's okay. It's not your fault, they beat you just because they were coward and enjoyed picking on someone smaller than them. They're bullies and pathetic excuses for human beings! Is that why you were so upset the other night, Harry, when I tried to look at your bruises? Were you scared I was going to hit you or something?" Cedric's arm tightened around Harry's waist.

Harry shook his head. "No, not that, but I'm covered in scars from what they did to me, I'm so ugly, I didn't want you to see. I normally have a glamour if I have to get undressed or shower in front of the others, but I didn't have it on then."

Cedric tilted Harry's chin up to face him. "Harry, you aren't ugly. You could never be ugly to me. I'm glad you told me this, it must have been hard for you. You can come and talk to me about this, or anything at any time, all right? Harry - did they ever you know, touch you? Molest you?"

"No, they would never have done that. Not considering Uncle Vernon's thoughts on gays. It was just physical abuse."

"Just?" exclaimed Cedric. "That is bad enough, Harry. Was there nothing you could do?"

"I tried to run away last year," admitted Harry. "After I accidentally blew up Aunt Marge. I was just so angry, Vernon had beat me the night before to make sure I was on my best behaviour for her visit but she wouldn't stop going on about my parents how - how my father was nothing but a good for nothing layabout and a drunk. Petunia told her my father was unemployed, that he didn't work."

"Oh, Harry, he wasn't unemployed. Didn't you know? Your father worked in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry. That's why You-Know-Who went after them in the first place. There was something there he wanted."

"What? No one's ever told me that, although I suppose I haven't really been asking. How do you know all this?"

"My father has kept every issue of the Daily Prophet since he left school, I learned to read from reading the old newspapers. Do you want me to get him to owl some of the ones that have the stories about your parents in them?"

"Would you, Cedric? That would be great. You - you don't hate me?" he added tentatively.

"Harry, no! Of course I don't hate you! I hate those people for what they did to you, but I could never hate you. Haven't you told anyone what happened, Harry? Maybe if you told someone you won't have to go back there."

"Who could I tell?" asked Harry. "Dumbledore won't believe me, not when he thinks I put my name in the Goblet, you saw how mad he was that night."

"Hmm. You normally stay at Hogwarts over Christmas, don't you, Harry?"

"Yeah."

"So do I, so that's one holiday sorted. I'll have to owl my parents, but how would you like to spend the summer holidays with us this year? I can't just stand by and let you go back there to those people."

"I'd love to Cedric, but Dumbledore won't allow it, I keep getting invited to the Weasleys' and he kept turning me down then, I can't see how this would be any different. Even when I ran away last year, he made me go back this summer. I couldn't tell anyone else, Cedric. I just couldn't."

"Oh. Well, it's worth a try to ask about the holidays though, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose it is," said Harry, sniffling a little. He couldn't believe how calm Cedric was being about things. Harry thought for sure if he told anyone what had happened to him, he would be branded a liar and made to go back to the Dursleys' anyway. Cedric believed him and was going to try and do something about it. Harry started crying again and ran off to the bathroom.

After Harry had dried his eyes and freshened up a bit in the Hufflepuff bathroom, they did finally get to play their game of wizards' chess. Harry's heart really wasn't in it though and Cedric beat him three games in a row. They could hear snatches of conversation coming from the common room and dormitories below, it sounded like the Hogsmeade outings were finished and people were returning.

"I suppose I'd better be getting back," said Harry, although he was unwilling to leave Cedric just quite yet. He was still feeling a little fragile over his revelations that afternoon, he never thought he would be able to admit to anyone what had happened to him, but Cedric wasn't just anyone, Harry realised that now. He trusted Cedric.

Cedric stood up and walked Harry to the door of his bedroom and paused, running his fingers through his hair. "Harry, oh, this is going to sound so terrible after what you told me, but would it be okay, would you mind terribly if I kissed you?"

Harry must have looked completely panic stricken. "Just a kiss, Harry. That's all, I promise."

"You want to kiss me?" Cedric still wanted them to be more than friends? Even after what Harry had told him?

"Harry, I'd love to kiss you, but only if you want to. I'm not going to pester you to do things you don't want."

Harry tilted his head forward and smiled softly. "Yes, Cedric. I think I'd like that."

Cedric was so tall that he had to bend down to reach Harry's mouth, even when Harry stood on tip toes. At first, Harry barely felt the softest touch of lips against his own, as if Cedric was unsure how Harry would react but gradually the pressure increased against his mouth. Harry had no idea what he ought to be doing, his lips were closed and he had one eye open, staring at Cedric who wrapped his arms around Harry again and pulled away from the kiss, grinning a little.

"Harry, it'll go much better if you open your mouth a bit."

"Oh!" exclaimed Harry, flushing. He had no idea you were meant to open your mouth, who talked about kissing? He nodded and closed his eyes as he saw Cedric's mouth descending down on his again. Oh, this was much better. He matched Cedric's movements, following every curve of Cedric's lips, opening and closing his lips when Cedric did. Harry had no idea how long they kissed like that, just kissing and kissing, breathing each other in. Harry's arms wound themselves around Cedric's neck as Cedric's found their way around Harry's waist and he wanted to let the moment go on and on an on. Cedric was a wonderful kisser.

"Wow!" said Harry when Cedric pulled away and smiled down at him.

"Wow," echoed Cedric softly. "That was your first kiss, wasn't it, Harry?"

"Yeah, did I do okay?"

"No, Harry, you did brilliantly," said Cedric as he lowered his head again and Harry got ready for the second kiss of his life.

Part 8

"Harry, I saw you in Hogsmeade with Cedric yesterday," said Hermione as Harry settled beside her for breakfast. He hadn't had much sleep the night before, too many nightmares again and his answer was probably a bit more brusque than he'd intended.

"So?"

"Nothing, I just thought it was nice that the two of you are getting along, even though you're in competition for the Tournament," said Hermione, pouring out a bowl of museli. "It's what the Tournament's all about, isn't it? Getting along." Harry and Cedric hadn't actually mentioned anything about the Tournament or the First Task, maybe they were both wary of mentioning it in case it did remind them that they were in competition. Harry wouldn't have minded if Cedric won, he would just be glad when the whole thing was over and he could relax a bit more.

They'd already been told by Mr. Crouch that their First Task was to test their courage and daring in the face of the unknown and as such, they weren't going to be told what it actually entailed. Harry tried his best not to think about it too much or he would drive himself crazy trying to figure out what it was.

Harry risked a glance further down the table, Ron was sitting between Seamus and Dean and pointedly not looking at Harry, but Harry had the impression he was listening in to his and Hermione's conversation anyway. Neville sat down on the other side of Harry, covering his face as he yawned.

"Hi, Harry. I just wanted to say Harry, that I believe you. I don't think that you put your name in that cup."

"Thanks, Neville," said Harry, glad at least that one of his other fellow Gryffindors seemed to be speaking to him. Ron turned to Seamus and said something that had both the boys giggling over their toast. Harry wondered if he was being a bit paranoid wondering if the joke was at his expense. Harry stood up and grabbed his schoolbag and was in such a bad mood that he didn't even wait for Hermione as he stomped all the way down to the dungeons, ready for their first lesson, Potions.

Why was Snape following them yesterday? He wasn't at breakfast, Harry had looked and then wondered why he'd bothered. What was it to him if Snape wasn't at meals regularly? Although Harry had noticed that the man was missing for more and more meals this year. It was hard not to notice the man's absence, he had such a strong presence.

Harry went into the classroom and set his bag down on the workbench he and Ron usually used, but when Ron came in with the rest of the class a few moments later, he and Seamus sat together, leaving Neville the only one without a partner and the only one who could sit next to Harry. Great, just great.

It wasn't that Harry didn't like Neville, he did, but Neville was a walking disaster area when it came to Potions and Harry didn't want to give Snape any more ammunition than necessary to pick on him. Harry and Neville at the one workstation would probably be a dream come true for the Potions master, he wouldn't have to even walk round the room. Just hover over his and Neville's desk and take point after point for each mistake they made.

The Potion today was already on the board, although Snape himself was nowhere in sight. Calming Draught. Harry remembered reading about that in his textbook. He took the book out and rapidly read the ingredients and instruction list, for he still couldn't read Snape's writing. Maybe this time he'd actually be able to make a decent potion.

Snape arrived a few minutes after the Slytherins, who delighted in pressing their Potter Stinks badges at him across the room whenever Snape's back was turned. Harry tried ignoring it, thinking about his date with Cedric and their kiss the day before. Unfortunately, Potions was not the best lesson to be absorbed in daydreams, especially when you were relying on Neville Longbottom to add the ingredients in the correct order as you stirred.

The resulting explosion was deafening, it hurled Harry a foot in the air. He landed flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him and a glutinous mass of liquid drenched his robes and skin as the contents of the cauldron fell back down to earth. There was a sharp smell of petrol and ginger, already the concoction was eating through Harry's robes.

"Idiot boy!" snarled Snape, pushing Neville out of the way. "Potter! Can you hear me? On your feet! Come with me!"

Harry stood on trembling legs, whatever Neville had done, it wasn't a Calming Draught. The liquid was burning through his robes like acid and he moaned in pain. Snape yanked him by the arm and took him through to Snape's store cupboard, where he rapidly searched the shelves, climbing up and down the ladder.

"Take off any clothes that have been splashed, quickly!" ordered Snape as he seemed to find the vial he was looking for.

No, oh, God no. Harry couldn't. He couldn't take his clothes on in front of Snape. His glamour wasn't in place and he couldn't say the spell with Snape standing there or the man would know.

"Potter, unless you want me to strip you naked right now, you will disrobe! That concoction is eating through your skin and damaging you internally even as we stand here!" Snape took a step towards the clasp holdng Harry's robe closed.

The pain was getting worse they longer Harry stood there, he knew he had no choice. He removed his robe, jumper and his hands shook as he undid his shirt buttons. Snape never said a word about the scars decorating Harry's chest and back, maybe he thought they were from the accident? Harry so hoped that was the case.

Snape unstoppered the vial and proceeded to rub the contents onto Harry's skin, starting with his back. It tingled, whether from heat or from cold, Harry wasn't quite sure. He was just glad that none of the potion had got onto his legs and he didn't need to remove his trousers. It was rather strange, Snape taking care of him like this. Harry thought the man would have been glad to see Harry so hurt, but that hadn't seemed the case at all. It almost seemed as if - as if Snape cared for Harry in some way, but surely that couldn't be the case? He was probably just worried what people would say if they found out there'd been an accident in Potions and he hadn't helped.

"Turn around," said Snape after he'd finished with Harry's back. Harry turned, when their eyes met for a brief second, he blushed and quickly lowered his eyes and stared at his feet while Snape continued to rub the salve or whatever it was on his chest. The touches were different to those Snape had used on his back, softer, and Harry found his eyes drawn to the man's hands. He would never have guessed Snape's hands could be so gentle. Harry sucked in a breath, feeling a strange sensation in his chest.

"There, I've think we've managed to neutralise it," said Snape as he moved away from Harry and stoppered the vial again. "You should go and see Madam Pomfrey after class just to make sure everything is all right."

"Okay, thank you sir," said Harry and he meant it. Who knew what might have happened if Snape hadn't been so on the ball? Harry moved back towards the storeroom door.

"Oh, and Potter?" said Snape as he replaced the vial on its shelf.

"Yes, sir?"

"You are not to partner with Longbottom again. Gather your things and move to the front of the classroom where I can keep a better eye on you."

Harry almost smiled at Snape then. Somehow, the thought of having Snape keep an eye out on him wasn't as bad as he thought it might be.

***

Harry did indeed go to see Madam Pomfrey after Potions, in case Snape asked her if he'd gone, Harry had the impression that Snape would indeed be checking up on him. She made him have a lie down for a few hours, so that he missed History of Magic and Divination, not that he would probably have missed much there anyway. He was dozing on and off before he heard Snape and Madam Pomfrey talking a few beds down from his. He closed his eyes again but listened intently.

"How is he, Poppy?"

"He'll be fine, Severus. It was an accident, nothing you could have done."

"It wasn't an accident, Poppy. For once, Longbottom did exactly what he was supposed to."

"What do you mean, Severus?" asked the medi-witch; Harry's thoughts exactly.

"Each table is issued each lesson with a particular shelf and set of ingredients, it wouldn't have mattered who Potter was partnered with today, that accident still would have happened. Longbottom was making the potion correctly for once, and adding the correct ingredients in the proper order. What he didn't know, or I for that matter until a few moments ago, was that the ingredients had been tampered with. The ginger root had been adulterated with bubotuber pus and once it was added to the cauldron, we had that violent reaction."

"Someone tampered with the ingredients? But who?"

"My guess is it's the same person who put the boy's name in the Goblet of Fire. It had to be someone who knew which table Potter usually sits at and someone who could gain access to my stores but I don't think we'll find out any time soon. They were too clever, removed all traces of their magical signature. We know someone is out to get Potter, that's why the headmaster gave me this duty in the first place, but I didn't once think he would be in danger in one of my own classes!"

"Hush, Severus, you'll wake him," said Madam Pomfrey and Harry tried to even out his breathing. Dumbledore had given Snape a duty? What was that? Watching Harry? Looking out for him? Then it didn't sound very likely that Snape was the one who'd put his name in the Goblet. Was that why he'd been following him and Cedric yesterday? Because he was ordered to? Was Harry considered such a child that they didn't think he could look after himself?

He'd show them. He wasn't a coward and he wasn't going to be frightened away from the Tournament.

***

Cedric caught up to him just as Harry was going into dinner later that night and pulled Harry behind one of the suits of armour flanking the doors to the Great Hall. "Harry? Are you all right? I heard what had happened in Potions, I tried to get to see you in the infirmary but Madam Pomfrey said you weren't up to visitors."

"I'm fine now, Cedric, thanks. Professor Snape fixed me up before I got to the infirmary, but she made me lie down and have a rest anyway. She fusses a bit over me."

"You're worth fussing over," smiled Cedric as he leaned down and gave Harry a quick kiss. Harry felt as if all the burning pain he'd endured in that Potions lesson was worth it if it got him more kisses like those. "Harry, how would you like to come and meet me tonight?"

"Oh, Cedric, I'd love to, but I can't, not tonight. Hagrid wants to see me for something, but maybe tomorrow night?"

"Yes, of course," said Cedric. He sounded disappointed and Harry was sorely tempted to give his visit to Hagrid a miss, but the message had come from Ron via Hermione and if Ron had almost spoken to him despite their falling out, then Harry reckoned it must have been important.

"Tomorrow then," said Cedric as he kissed Harry once more, a longer lingering kiss that made Harry's toes curl and his heart beat faster in his chest. He watched as Cedric made his way to the Great Hall; Harry followed a few minutes later feeling as if he was floating on air.

Harry grinned happily to himself as he devoured his roast chicken and mashed potatoes.

"Harry? What's wrong?" asked Hermione, she probably had never seen him eat so fast before.

"Nothing's wrong, Hermione," said Harry.

No, there was nothing wrong.

He just thought he might be falling in love.

Part 9

"Hagrid, have you combed your hair?" asked Harry later that night, for he could see a few broken plastic teeth embedded in Hagrid's thick locks. Hagrid was also wearing his best suit, the hairy brown one that somehow still reeked of the animal it had probably come from.

"As a matter of fact, I have," said Hagrid, glancing down at Harry. "You might like to try it sometime."

Harry didn't bother to reply, what was the point? He did comb and brush his hair, but it never made much difference. No matter what he did with it, his hair always appeared as if he'd just that moment been dragged backwards through a bush. It wasn't just the references to Harry's grooming, or lack of it that had him in such a bad mood. Hagrid had come over to him after dinner to remind Harry to come down at midnight, so Harry could have had a few hours with Cedric after all.

Instead, he was trudging along a path in the Forbidden Forest with a Hagrid who kept fiddling nervously with an ugly orange flower perched in his buttonhole and seemed as if he was waiting for something, or looking for someone else.

"Hagrid, where are we going?" asked Harry, getting more and more curious by the minute and suddenly there was an enormous bellow from further in the Forest, as if an elephant had just been trodden on. Even before Harry could try and work out what the noise was, branches up ahead parted and the unmistakable form of Madam Maxime bore down upon them, Harry barely had time to place the invisibility cloak around his shoulders before she reached them.

"'Agrid, oh, 'Agrid, I thought you were not coming!" she exclaimed in a high pitched voice, reminiscent of one of her students. She fluttered her dark eyelashes at Hagrid, who was gazing at the large woman with an enraptured expression on his face and blushing. Harry almost gagged; watching Hagrid and Madam Maxime's mating rituals were something he could do well without.

"Would I let you down, Olympe?" beamed Hagrid and Harry could see a large piece of something green stuck between Hagrid's two front teeth. Harry couldn't even signal to his friend, for Hagrid wouldn't be able to see him, but Madam Maxime didn't seem to notice. Either that or she didn't particularly care about Hagrid's hygiene or lack of it. Going by how impeccably dressed and groomed the woman was (high heels and a cocktail dress in the Forest?), Harry briefly wondered if the woman was only interested in Hagrid as a bit of a fling, a bit of rough even and then he shuddered. He really, really, really didn't want to think of Hagrid and Madam Maxime in any romantic or sexual capacity whatsoever, but his brain didn't seem to be listening and he had to pinch himself hard on the arm in order to make those disturbing thoughts stop.

"This way," said Hagrid, taking Madam Maxime by the arm and glancing back over his shoulder at Harry to signal that he ought to follow. Maybe now Harry would find out what he was doing here on what was beginning to look like a date between Madam Maxime and Hagrid. Why had Hagrid wanted Harry along?

The Forest was alive with the sounds of scurrying and scuttling creatures; the haunting calls of birds, some owls and others that Harry didn't recognise, but as they edged further along the path, Harry hear other noises too. More of those large bellows, shrieks and screams, some of them even sounded human.

Oh, dear, had Hagrid found some interesting new creature and wanted to show Madam Maxime as a treat? Why bring Harry along, then? Hagrid seemed a bit old to want a gooseberry along on his date. Fire flared up ahead, lighting a clearing in an orange glow, gone so fast that Harryn wasn't sure he'd seen it at all.

Then some of the voices began to be distinguisable and Harry heard a voice he recognised. Charlie Weasley, one of Ron's older brothers whom Harry had met earlier in the summer. But what was he doing in the middle of the Forbidden Forest? Wasn't he supposed to be working with dragons in Romania? Fire flared again, making the clearing as bright as noon and Harry saw them.

Four crates. Four Dragons. Four Champions.

His heart fell to somewhere near his feet, then shot into his throat.

Madam Maxime was already making her way towards the creatures' enclosure.

"Dragons?" hissed Harry, removing the cloak from his head and shoulders and glaring at Hagrid. "The First Task is Dragons?"

"Aw, come on now, Harry, they're just terribly misunderstood creatures," said Hagrid, just as one of the dragons roared and almost burned one of its handlers with the flames coming from its throat.

"Oh, of course," agreed Harry sarcastically. "Nothing wrong with them at all, they just breathe fire because they want to be friends with you! Oh and don't worry if it tries to bite you or claw at you, it's just a misunderstanding! Dragons! Dragons!" Harry almost screamed at him.

"Well, some people can't take them, that's for sure. Ron almost fainted when he saw them."

"What? Ron was here?"

"Yeah, his brother helped bring the dragons over from Romania, Ron saw them yesterday. Didn't he tell you that?"

"No," said Harry darkly. "He didn't."

This was worse, much worse than Ron not talking to him about the Tournament. Ron had seen the dragons, had probably guessed they were part of the First Task, but had he told Harry? Had he even hinted at Harry what might be ahead? No, not one word. It would be a long time before Harry would forgive his former friend this, if ever.

Harry stomped off a few moments later, leaving Hagrid to glance longingly at the dragons' eggs, with four dragons and the delights of Madam Maxime to keep him occupied, he probably didn't even notice Harry was gone. Harry was still in such a tizzy over seeing the dragons and Ron's betrayal, that he wasn't paying any attention to where he was going. It was inevitable really, Harry bumped into something thin and bony and fell flat on his arse on the Forest floor.

Glancing up, he saw the sharp face of Karkaroff illuminated by the moonlight. The man looked even scarier that way, his eyes glittering with some sort of malice that Harry could almost feel. Harry put his hand over his mouth to try and silence his breathing a bit more. Karkaroff was staring around at waist height, as though he thought Harry might have been a dog or some other sort of animal.

"Who's there?" he asked, still staring round him. Harry tried to keep as still as possible, even when Karkaroff's hands searched a few yards in front of him. He daren't move, not when a rustling leaf or a snapped twig could give him away at any moment. Sweat was beading on his brow as Karkaroff kept searching and searching but eventually the man gave up and began to walk further along the path. Towards the dragons.

That meant that three of the Champions would know what was coming, for Harry couldn't imagine that Karkaroff or Madam Maxime wouldn't tell their students, just like Hagrid had told him. Why hadn't Hagrid told Cedric as well? It didn't seem very fair to Harry and he resolved to tell Cedric, and not just because of their changing relationship. Harry liked to think he would have done it anyway, at least if all four of them knew, they would be starting out on an equal footing, wouldn't they?

Harry made his way back to the castle, the main doors were locked fast, it being well beyond curfew, but the side door was always kept open in case there was an emergency and people had to get in or out. He pushed the door open and went into the entrance hall, the torches were dimmed but even in the gloom, Harry could make out the looming form of Professor Snape standing by the top of the dungeon stairs.

"Potter, remove that ghastly cloak at once and come with me."

For a few moments, Harry just stood there, wondering if he could get away with pretending that he wasn't actually there, that the door had opened of its own accord but he knew it was futile. Snape always seemed to know when he was around.

Harry unwrapped the cloak from himself and lay the silvery fabric across his arms. "My office. Now, Potter," said Snape as he descended the stairs leaving Harry no choice but to follow. His feet felt leaden as he walked down the steps, almost running a little to keep up with Snape's large strides.

Snape removed the wards to his office door and stood aside to let Harry enter first. Harry stepped into the office and wondered if Snape was going to give him a detention.

"Sit," barked Snape as he took a chair behind the desk.

Harry sat down and looked at the wood grain on the desk.

"Mr. Potter, would you care to tell me why you were out in the grounds in the middle of the night? Well beyond curfew. You, like every other student should be tucked up in bed."

"I - I can't say," Harry replied, not wanting to get Hagrid into trouble.

"You. Can't. Say," Snape enuciated the words slowly and carefully as if he was talking to an imbecile, tapping his index fingers along his chin. "Very well, Mr. Potter, since you seem to have no regard for your own safety whatsoever, you will relinquish that cloak to me and serve detention every evening this week. Maybe that will help keep you out of mischief and out of danger!"

"Sir, please, sir, I can't do that!" He couldn't give his father's cloak away, he couldn't. And detention every night, how was he supposed to see Cedric if he was in detention?

"Potter, I am your teacher, I am in authority over you. You have no choice in the matter of your punishments, that is up to me to decide."

"That isn't fair!" bristled Harry.

"You broke curfew, Potter, you will pay the price. Now hand over that cloak!"

"Please, sir, I'll do the detentions, anything, but please let me keep the cloak. It - it was my father's," Harry said softly, hoping for some understanding from the man, but the man who'd tended his wounds earlier that day seemed to have disappeared.

"I am well aware who it belonged to, Potter, that has no bearing on the matter. Now, hand it over." Snape held out his hands in expectation and despite not wanting to do it, Harry felt his hands lifting up and giving the cloak to Snape. Hot, angry tears slid down Harry's cheeks and he blinked quickly to try and dispel them, not wanting the man to see how upset he was. It was as if the last link to his father, to his family, had been wrenched away and he didn't know how he was going to bear it.

Snape stood up. "You may go, Potter. Your first detention will be with me tomorrow evening at eight o'clock. Don't be late."

"No, sir," said Harry hollowly.

When Harry got back to his dormitory, he found a note under his pillow from Cedric.

I'm missing you. Meet me in the entrance hall at eight tomorrow evening, I thought we could maybe take a walk by the lake after dinner?

Love, Cedric

Harry gripped the note in his fist and lay down on the bed, fully dressed and cried himself to sleep.

***

Severus took the cloak back with him to his quarters, really he ought to have given it to Argus Filch, confiscated items usually ended up in the man's office, but Severus didn't want to run the risk of Potter or one of his friends trying to steal it back. They all knew where Filch's office was and as a squib the man could no more place wards on his office than he could fly to the moon.

No one knew where Severus' quarters were, nor would any student be able to break his wards, he'd made sure of that long ago. Never again would anyone be able to get through his defences, he'd make sure of that too.

He felt totally on edge tonight, first there was that scare with the Potions acciddent and now Potter was wandering about the grounds in the dark! Didn't he care about the danger? Was he being reckless or was he just foolish? Potter didn't know about the monitoring spell Severus had cast on him, nor did Dumbledore for that matter, but Severus couldn't be everywhere at once and if he was to continue with his duty as Potter's guard dog, it had to be done.

Seveurs poured himself a generous measure of Firewhiskey as he returned to his quarters; he wasn't remotely sleepy, but he felt weary, deep down in his bones. He'd placed the cloak over a chair and his eyes kept being drawn to it, remebering all the times Potter and his friends had used it to humiliate Severus, which in turn brought back other memories. Severus shuddered and stood up, he hadn't looked in his pensieve for months, he knew what was in there after all, but he needed to look tonight.

He removed the bowl from its cabinet and set it on the coffee table but it was a long time before he had the courage to look into its depths. But he had to.

He had to keep reminding himself why he was doing the things he did.

As Severus' father had always said, revenge was a dish best served cold.

Part 10

Harry was late for breakfast the next day, his sleep had been so restless, so he didn't see actually see Cedric until the mid morning break. He had to push his way past two Hufflepuffs who blocked the entrance to the courtyard, shoving their badges in his face. It was only by sheer force of will that he didn't hex them.

Cedric was lying down on one of the stone benches dotted around the courtyard, his head in another boy's lap as the boy was quizzing Cedric on Ancient Runes. Harry felt as if he'd just been doused in a bucket of ice cold water. The way Cedric was lying with the other boy, just seemed so intimate. There was a group of Cedric's other friends hovering around the bench too and they laughed when they saw Harry approaching.

"Hey, Cedric," called one boy. "Your boyfriend's here!" He giggled like a fool as the rest of them started calling Harry names and Cedric sat up so fast it was almost as if he'd received an electric shock.

"Harry!" he exclaimed and to Harry's ears he thought it sounded a bit guilty.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" asked Harry, glaring at the boy who so recently had Cedric's head in his lap. "In private?"

"Sure," said Cedric, getting up and walking with Harry until they were in the shadows of the walls. "Harry, what is it? What's wrong?"

"It's dragons."

"What?"

"The First Task is dragons."

"Are you sure about this?"

Harry arched his eybrows and Cedric nodded his head. "Sorry, that was a silly question. It's just a bit tstrange to get my head around, I've never even seen a dragon before. And the others, they know as well?"

"Yes."

"Thanks for telling me, Harry, you didn't have to."

"What? Of course I did! The others all know, I couldn't just let you go out there and face them without knowing!"

Just then, some of Cedric's friends hooted with laughter as they pressed their Potter Stinks badges. Cedric flushed. "Look, Harry, about the badges, I've told them not to wear them."

"Forget about it," said Harry as he began to move away, but then he turned and all the upset, all the anger just came bubbling up to the surface when he'd promised himself he'd be mature about this and not act like a nervous schoolgirl.

"Who was that boy?" demanded Harry.

"What boy?"

"The one who's lap you were lying in!" Harry almost shrieked at him, feeling like he wanted to punch something.

Cedric smiled, which only served to infuriate Harry all the more. "His name's Clive, he's my cousin."

"Your cousin? So you and he ... " Harry waved his arms about, feeling about an inch tall.

"God no! Clive's straight. Harry, you weren't, you weren't jealous, were you?"

"So what if I was?" said Harry, folding his arms over his chest and pouting.

"That's so sweet," smiled Cedric.

"I'm not a girl!" snapped Harry, bristling again, even though he certainly felt as though he'd been acting like one.

"Sorry, but Harry, there is no reason to be jealous. Why would I want anyone else when I have you? Did you get my note last night?" Cedric asked, his voice lowering to a whisper.

"Yes, but Cedric, I can't come with you tonight, I've got detention with Snape all week."

"Oh, how about meeting me for lunch then?"

"All right," agreed Harry, just then catching sight of Ron walking along the cloister with Seamus. "Hang on," said Harry as he made his way over and caught Ron just as he was coming outside.

"You're a right foul git, you know that?" Harry started in on his former friend, not caring that most of the school was listening in.

"You think so?" asked Ron sullenly.

"I know so," replied Harry, thinking of the dragons.

"Anything else while you're at it?"

"Yes. Just - just stay away frome me!" Harry roared and turned to go back to Cedric, only to find his way blocked by Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle.

"Why so tense, Potter?" smirked Malfoy. "My father and I have a bet you see. He doesn't think you'll last ten mintues in this Tournament. I disagree, I don't think you'll last five!" Malfoy doubled up with laughter, his goons and most of the students in the courtyard joining in. On top of Ron, it was just too much.

"I don't give a fuck what your father thinks, Malfoy!!!" Harry screamed, shocking the listeners into silence with his outburst. "Just because he has money he thinks he can do what he likes! He's mean and cruel and you're just pathetic! Thinking you're better than everyone else just because you're a Pureblood!"

"Better than a jumped up little half-blood bastard like you!" scowled Malfoy. "Or haven't they told you about that yet?"

Harry's wand was raised and a hex cast before he even realised he'd done it. Malfoy was screaming on the ground, blood pouring from his nose but Harry could not summon even an ounce of sympathy for the other boy. He turned on his heel and felt something whizz past his ear.

"Oh, no you don't, laddie!" came the grating tones of Mad Eye Moody.

"I'm sorry," said Harry, knowing an apology was expected, but he didn't mean it.

"Not you, him!" said Moody, pointing his wand at Malfoy. "Trying to hex someone when their back is turned? Cowardly, scummy thing to do!"

And in the next instant, where Malfoy had been, there was a pure white ferret.

***

"Oh, did you see the look on Malfoy's face when he turned back?" Cedric was giggling again, lying down on the grass in front of one of the beech trees. "I can hardly believe Moody did that!"

"Yeah," said Harry, grinning. Harry got lines from Professor McGonagall, both for swearing and for hexing Malfoy in the first place, but it was so worth it to watch him being taken down a peg or two.

Cedric had used his veritable charms on the house-elves and had managed to get a picnic basket for them. The middle of November was not the best weather to have a picnic, but because it was so cold he and Cedric seemed to have the place to themselves. Wrapped up in cloaks and scarves, they sipped tomato soup, ate baked potatoes and roast chicken and Cedric had even managed to get a couple of slices of chocolate gateau as well.

Harry smiled shyly at him as they ate their cake, remembering their date in Madam Puddifoot's that day. Cedric seemed very keen to make sure that Harry ate everything Cedric put in front of him and Harry relished in the attention. He was so glad he'd told Cedric about the Dursleys and what they'd done to him. It was out in the open now, the secret wasn't hanging over him any more and Cedric didn't seem to judge him for it. Up until he'd confessed about the abuse, Harry had felt so ashamed at what the Dursleys had done to him, he felt as if he was as worthless as they kept saying, he was ashamed that he'd let them treat him so badly and was scared of admitting it to himself, never mind anyone else.

Harry yawned, just about remembering to place his hand over his mouth.

"Tired?" asked Cedric with an edge of concern in his voice.

"I didn't get much sleep last night," said Harry, shrugging. "Nightmares." He was getting used to coping on less and less sleep, but it probably wasn't good for him to have as little as he was getting. Madam Pomfrey would probably give him some Dreamless Sleep if he asked, but she would also bombard him with questions and he wasn't sure he was up to telling anyone else what his nightmares were about. They weren't just of that strange house, but of the abuse his relatives had inflicted upon him and Harry didn't really want to tell the medi-witch about them.

"Here," said Cedric, sitting up and leaning his back against the tree. He opened his cloak and his arms. "There's over half an hour before lunch is finished, why don't you take a nap? Lean on my shoulder."

Harry stared at him, they'd shared a few kisses, but sleeping on Cedric's shoulder? That seemed even more intimate than kissing, but Harry was tired and it wasn't as if they were in a bed or spending the night together or anything. He smiled and scooted up so that he was lying sideways across Cedric's legs and leaned his head on the older boy's shoulder. Cedric wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and kissed his hair.

"Promise to wake me?" Harry asked nervously, he didn't want any more punishments today, detention with Snape and lines from McGonagall were bad enough. His eyelids were drooping already, feeling warm and comfortable wrapped up in Cedric's arms. He drifted off to sleep thinking about the audience he'd had with Moody after the ferret incident, his Firebolt invading his dreams as he swooped and soared, a snitch kept hovering out of reach. Someone shook him gently.

"Harry, the first bell's gone," someone was shaking him. Harry woke up to Cedric's grey eyes looking into his own. Cedric kept staring at him for a little while longer, before he swooped down for a kiss and Harry's stomach lurched as if he'd fallen down one of the trick steps. "What have you got next?" asked Cedric as he finally pulled away from the kiss.

"Divination," said Harry. "You?"

"Potions, I'd better go, Harry. Or I'll end up in detention with you for being late!"

"Would that be such a bad thing?" queried Harry with a small smirk as he licked his lips.

"Harry! Stop it, I really have to go!"

"What? I didn't do anything," said Harry innocently.

Cedric didn't answer, he pressed Harry's body close against his and kissed Harry breathless, his hands seeming to be everywhere at once, in Harry's hair, on his back, his sides, his stomach, but he ventured nowhere below Harry's waist, as if scared Harry might bolt if he did. Cedric's tongue pressed insistently against Harry's lips and almost his lips opened on their own to admit the questing organ. It was an unexpected sensation, the tongue in his mouth felt so big, so hot and wet; Harry felt heat coil low down in his belly and lower still. An echoing hardness thrust against his own, Cedric moaned and it was as if the noise had roused Harry from a trance.

It was too soon, much too soon. Harry got his arms up and pushed Cedric away, turning his head, his cheeks flaming. "Stop," Harry pleaded, his voice almost cracking. Had Cedric noticed? Had Cedric noticed how hard Harry was? Harry was mortified, it was a reaction beyond his control but he still felt ashamed and embarrassed.

"Sorry, Harry," said Cedric, stroking his hair. "I didn't mean for things to get out of hand."

"They didn't," said Harry. "You stopped when I asked you to."

"And I will. Promise me you'll tell me if I do anything you don't like, Harry. I'm sorry if I was going too fast."

"No, it's okay," said Harry, feeling a lot better now that they had stopped kissing and his body was calming down. Yes, Harry touched himself, enjoyed touching himself, but he wasn't sure if he was at all ready to have someone else touch him there or touch them either. It was all a bit daunting really and he wondered how people did it, how they got over this fear, this nervousness. Perhaps it got easier as you got older.

The second bell rung and they knew they had to get to class. "Lunch again tomorrow?" Cedric asked, smiling as he helped Harry up from the grass.

"Great!" said Harry.

They walked back to the castle holding hands and Harry didn't care who saw them. Cedric was with him, with him and Harry knew that as long as he had Cedric, he could take whatever the rest of the school cared to throw at him.

TBC

Chapter 3: Everything's Not Lost
Part 11

"Diggory, see me after class," barked Snape to the Advanced Potions class. Cedric looked up, confused. His Potion had been perfect and he hadn't been late, despite staying so long with Harry. Mind you, his concentration could have been better, he couldn't help thinking of Harry's quite disparate reactions about intimacy.

Cedric tidied away his ingredients, washed out his cauldron, placed his Potion on Snape's desk and waited patiently while the other students filed out. Snape continued to scrawl something across somone's essay. Cedric coughed, but still there was nothing from Snape to indicate that he even knew Cedric was standing there.

"Sir? You wanted to see me?" he ventured and at last the man looked up.

"There have been quite a few rumours circulating of late," sneered Snape, standing up and pacing the room, as if what he had to say couldn't be contained by sitting in a chair. "Rumours concerning yourself and Harry Potter."

"Rumours, sir? What sort of rumours?"

"That you and the Potter boy are intimate with each other."

Cedric just gaped at him.

"You are aware that he is an underage student?" Snape snarled then. "And as such, is under the protection both of wizarding law and of this school? You know the penalty for taking a wizard's virginity by force, Mr. Diggory, I presume?"

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing!" snapped Cedric. How could this man stand here and practically accuse him of raping Harry or of going to rape him? "We've done nothing wrong!"

"I saw you, Mr. Diggory, last night behind the armour. You kiss all your friends like that, do you?"

"Well, we have kissed," Cedric admitted. "But so do boyfriends and girlfriends!"

"You know very well that a witch's power is not connected to the loss of their virginity, not like it is for wizards, Mr. Diggory. Tell me, are you the one who is going to release Mr. Potter's full potential?"

Cedric flushed to the roots of his hair. "I do not think that is any of your concern, sir," he stressed, trying to get the man to remember that he was Cedric's Professor and as such should not be delving into his private life.

"On the contrary, Mr. Diggory, it is my concern when I see an older student preying on a younger one. He looks up to you, he admires you, surely even you might give into his adoration, might you not?"

"I won't! Not unil..."

"Until what?" the man just wasn't letting up and if Cedric didn't get out of the dungeons soon he was going to be late for Ancient Runes. Maybe if he just told him and got it out, this travesty of an interview would be over that much quicker.

"I made a vow, all right? That I wouldn't ... with anyone until I was bonded."

"You mean you are a vir--"

"Yes," Cedric cut the man off before he could say anymore, there was no need for Snape to spell it out. He had enough ribbing from his friends about it, sometimes he wondered if he was the only seventeen year old virgin in the school and he never thought he'd be revealing his status to Professor Snape of all people. Cedric's skill at magic was an inborn talent, he hadn't accessed his full powers yet himself, how on earth could the man think that he was preying on Harry?

"Then I am sorry for the misunderstanding," said Snape then and Cedric almost choked. Snape had apologised? To a student? "My sources have been ill-informed, but you do realise I had to check this out?"

"Yes, sir, you were only looking out for Harry."

"As I would any other student," said Snape, but Cedric didn't believe that for a moment. The man had been following Harry for weeks now and Cedric couldn't help but wonder why. Was he Harry's bodyguard? For everyone in the school knew that someone must be after Harry, despite all the badges and taunts, Cedric didn't think they really believed that he'd put his own name in the Goblet.

Cedric would be glad when this wretched Tournament was over and done with.


***

Harry arrived for his detention at ten minutes to eight, not that he really hoped to impress Snape with his time keeping, but he knew it would be worse if he'd arrived late. The Potions classroom door was closed, if it had been class, Harry would just have gone on in, but he knocked on the door, unsure whether he should just barge in or not.

The door swung open by itself, the classroom itself was empty, but Harry could see a shadow who he presumed to be Snape going to and fro inside the store cupboard. As soon as Harry entered the room, his shoes echoing across the flagstone floor, Snape emerged from the cupboard with a jar of something in his hand. It was suspended in some sort of green slime and Harry thought it might even be wriggling. He had to look away.

"Potter, ah, good," said Snape as he sat the jar down on his desk. "For your detention this week, I want you to clean the classroom. Workstations, cauldrons, floor and utensils, all without magic."

"Yes, sir," said Harry, thinking he'd got off lightly. Usually Snape made him chop and prepare ingredients, which Harry hated to do, knowing that he could never do it well enough to escape Snape complaining about his efforts. But cleaning? Muggle cleaning. This he could do and do well, he'd learned it well enough at the end of his uncle's fists.

He got to work straight away, almost whistling as he began.

One good thing about having detention with Snape all week was that it kept Harry's mind off the Tournament and the First Task which was drawng ever nearer. Each night, Harry scrubbed cauldrons, brushed the floors, cleaned the desks, all without benefit of magic, but the he enjoyed the physical work. It helped to tire him out and each night after his detention, Harry fell deeply asleep and couldn't remeber his dreams, whether or not they were nightmares. The week of Snape's detention he slept better than he had in months.

He saw Cedric each day for lunch, they took a picnic to the lake again and each day they talked more and more, always ending with a few kisses, but Cedric was quick to draw back, as if he didn't want to upset Harry again. It wasn't surprising that the rumours were all around the school about him and Cedric, but what was surprising was that Snape wanted to talk to Harry about it on the last day of his dention.

Snape had been arranging ingredients in his storeroom, but he asked Harry to sit down, that he wanted to have a little chat with him before Harry left. Harry sat down on the chair by Snape's desk, as he waited for Snape to emerge from his store cupbord. It reminded Harry uncomfortbaly of the night Snape had caught him sneaking back into the castle. Harry wracked his brains trying to think of what he'd done wrong, but he couldn't think of anything. He and Cedric had picnics by the lake, but there weren't any rules about that, were there? Without his invisibility cloak or the Marauders' Map, Harry hadn't wandered off anywhere after curfew ever since that night.

Snape finally emerged, washing his hands by one of the stone basins lining the room, wiped his hands on a cloth and sat down opposite Harry.

"Potter, I am glad to see that you have been working diligently during your detentions without complaint. I don't think I've ever seen the classroom this clean."

Harry opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Did Snape just compliment him? "Sir?"

"If you are amenable, Mr. Potter, and not as a detention, would you like to help keep the classroom clean? Magic cannot be used around such volatile ingredients, of course. Your work has been of the highest standard I've yet seen."

Harry stared at him. "I - I thought you made me clean the Muggle way as my punishment, sir. I didn't realise you couldn't clean it with magic. That's what --" Harry broke off, it was one thing to discuss the Dursleys' punishments with Cedric, but with Snape? Cleaning had always been a punishment for Harry, for some imagined infraction. He realised now, it was probably just because the Dursleys wanted him to do it anyway.

"No, it's the way the Potions classroom needs to be kept clean, need I remind you what happens when things go wrong with Potions?"

"No, sir," said Harry, he remembered, but he what was uppermost in his mind about that day was not the accident, but how Snape had rubbed that potion into his skin in such a tender way. He blushed and hoped the man didn't notice.

"Well, what do you think of my suggestion, Potter? It won't be a detention, but it will help you with job or university applications, that you have taken up some extra responsibility."

"Oh," Harry hadn't even thought of that. "How often, sir?" For Harry did not want to spend every single night of his school career in the Potions classroom, even if the work did help him sleep.

"I thought twice a week would be sufficient. Don't look so worried, you can still have some time to spend with your ... with Cedric Diggory."

"You know about that, sir?" Harry blushed again, feeling the heat creep up on his neck.

"Potter, I doubt that there is anyone in the school who doesn't know about your little romance. However, I caution you not to let it interfere with your studies, or his, Diggory takes his NEWTs in July as I'm sure you are already aware."

"Yes, sir, I won't," said Harry. "Um, sir, about the cleaning. Yes, I can do that, if you want."

"Very well, I will see you on Monday at eight o'clock."

"Thank you, sir," said Harry as he stood up and headed towards the door.

"Oh? And Potter?" Snape called from the desk.

"Yes, sir?"

"Despite how you think you might feel about Mr. Diggory, do not let him pressure you into doing things you do not want."

"Cedric would never do that!" hissed Harry, angry on Cedric's behalf and what on earth had any of it got to do with Snape? "You're not my father!"

"Thank Merlin for small mercies. No, I am not your father, but while students attend this school, it's the teachers who are responsible for them. I've given you some advice, but whether you pay any attention to it is up to you. I do not delude myself that youngsters such as yourself have any regard for what their elders might teach them. Does it never occur to any of you that your teachers have vast more experience than yourselves, both in magic and in life and that occasionally, just occasionally they might actually be right?" Snape sighed as though he'd been entirely put upon, Harry had never heard the man sound so weary.

"I - I'm sorry I shouted at you, sir," said Harry in a small voice, never in a million years did he think he would ever have apologised to Snape! "But I meant what I said, Cedric would never do anything like that."

"I do believe you are right, Mr. Potter," said Snape, staring deep into Harry's eyes. It was disconcerting and Harry had to look away. "Our Mr. Diggory, is too honourable, don't you think?"

"Yes," agreed Harry heartily before Snape waved a hand at him and Harry was finally dismissed.

***

The day before the Tournament, Harry was called out of class, along with the other Champions, to go for a photo shoot for the Daily Prophet. It was just unfortunate that Colin had to drag him away from Potions, after Harry thought he and Snape were getting a long a little bit better. Snape glared daggers at him as he snapped for Harry to leave then and take his stuff with him.

So, Harry wasn't feeling in a particularly good mood as he made his way to the classroom on the fourth floor that had been commandeered as a press room. He cheered up as soon as he saw Cedric though, the two of them smiling as if they shared some secret knowledge. Before the photos though, there was the weighing of the wands to make sure that their wands were working properly.

The other Champions went first, Harry was content just to watch and was surprised when Mr. Ollivander exclaimed over Fleur's wand, that it had the hair of a Veela in it. The girl was part Veela and Harry couldn't wait to tell Ron until he remembered they weren't speaking to one another. He sighed and sank back against his chair.

Finally, the wands were all checked and thought to be performing at their best, for wands were the only item they were allowed to have during any of the Tasks, so it was important they worked well. The photographer arranged the Champions, Harry, Cedric and Viktor standing behind, Fleur sitting on a chair in front of them.

A woman in vile lime green robes and platinum blonde hair, her curls so rigid it was if she had a rod of metal hidden in each one, stared at each of them in turn over her diamanté glasses. "Rita Skeeter," she proclaimed, shaking each of their hands in turn.

"Now, who shall we interview first? What lurks beneath all those curls?" she asked, ruffling Cedric's hair so that it almost looked as wild as Harry's. Harry couldn't help but grin at him and his heart jumped when Cedric smiled back. Harry could never get enough of those smiles and every time he did it, Harry felt as though Cedric was smiling only for him.

"How about the youngest?" said Rita Skeeter, befory yanking Harry away and shoving him into a broom cupboard.

Part 12

"Harry James Potter, just where do you think you're going?" demanded Madam Pomfrey, as ever on the alert to when her patients were doing things they weren't supposed to. Harry barely had one foot on the floor before the Matron was bearing down on him, bottles of potion in either hand. His shoulder ached, the pain radiating downwards through his left arm, he could barely move it, although that might have been from the sling encasing it. A dull throbbing permeated the base of his skull and his face and the skin of his torso felt tender, as if his skin had been scraped by a cheese grater. Only it hadn't been a cheese grater, had it?

There was a drip attached to the back of his right hand, the one not inside the sling. A metal pole stood by the side of the bed and attached to it was a bag of clear fluid that was surely going into his arm.

"Cedric, where's Cedric?" Harry rasped, his throat dry and sore. It felt as if he'd been swallowing sand.

"Mr. Diggory was discharged over a week ago, as were all the other Champions. You however, have been unconscious for the past week! Back into bed, now!" The matron's tone left no room for argument, not that Harry felt up to arguring anyway. Despite the pains, his limbs felt rubbery, as if he had no bone there at all and he lay back down on top of the covers. Sliding inside them would have taken too much effort.

"The clue? Did I get the clue?" Harry asked as the matron scanned him with her wand and set the bottles down on the bedside cabinet.

"No talking yet, Harry, your vocal chords were damaged. You'll need to keep taking these potions for a while yet before you're fully recovered. Dragons! Dragons!" she exclaimed, raising her hands in the air and wandered off muttering something about incompotent fools and didn't they know how dangerous dragons were? A few moments later, she came back; this time, her pocket was bulging with six more bottles. Surely Harry didn't need to take all of those?

Madam Pomfrey emptied her pockets and set the contents alongside the two bottles already there. All the bottles themselves were made from clear glass, but each potion was a different colour, red, yellow, green, purple, grey, blue, white and pink. She handed him the green one first.

"This is to ease your throat, some are healing poitons and some are nutrient potions as we couldn't feed you for a week except through the magical drip," she nodded her head towards the metal pole. Harry almost said it wouldn't really have mattered if he hadn't been fed for a week, he'd endured much longer periods of starvation at the Dursleys', but realised that not only didn't he want her to know, he wasn't supposed to be talking anyway.

Madam Pomfrey watched while he downed each dose of potion and she nodded in satisfaction. "Good, good, would you like some breakfast this morning, Harry? Nothing too heavy, maybe some milky porridge and some toast?"

Harry nodded, feeling hungry, despite the nutrient potions and the drip. He waved his right hand at her, asking silently if it could be removed. "No, not yet, Harry. You're still very dehydrated, burns can do that and we need to get as much fluid into your system as possible. The drip is the best way to do it, but I'll make sure to get you a jug of juice to go with your breakfast as well."

"Tha--" he opened his mouth to say, but her stern look had the words catching in his throat. He mouthed the word without speaking and she smiled at him approvingly, before patting his beclothes and heading away. Harry was lying on his back, it was difficult to move onto his side, but he knew he wouldn't be able to eat breakfast if he was lying down. He struggled to settle himself upright, a task normally so easy made difficult by the fact of the sling and the pain in his left arm every time he moved it. It took him longer than he thought possible, but he finally was able to sit up and rest his back against the pillows.

Now he could see a golden egg about twice the size of his fist sitting on the table at the foot of the bed. He must have acquired the clue then, but Harry could barely remember much about it. His head was still a little fuzzy but the pain was easing now he'd downed Madam Pomfrey's potions. Well, they were probably Snape's potions he realised, and Harry had to admit, the man did know his stuff. He was feeling a lot better already but nowhere near ready to leave the infirmary, Harry still felt a little too fragile for that.

After he'd finished most of his breakfast, Madam Pomfrey clucked her tongue at the two slices of toast he'd left, but he'd had four already and was feeling rather full, but at least she didn't pester him to keep eating. He hated when people did that, as if he didn't know how much food was comfortable for him. Harry ate less than most people, he had never been used to large portions, but it didn't stop Hermione from nagging him when he didn't eat all of his meal.

Madam Pomfrey banished his breakfast things. "Are you feeling up to visitors, Harry? I have a young man here who's been visiting every day and he'd like to see you."

Cedric! Harry beamed at her and nodded. The nurse bustled away and Harry tried tidying his hair by combing his fingers through it, but the drip tube got tangled so he gave up in the end. Cedric was hardly going to worry what he looked like after being in the infirmary for a week.

It wasn't Cedric who was his visitor that morning. It was Ron.

A very sheepish looking Ron who handed Harry a box of chocolate frogs. Madam Pomfrey was still hovering close by and Harry knew that it was more than his hide was worth to start talking, even though his mind was full of questions. Harry settled for looking questioningly at Ron.

"All right, all right, I know I was an idot!" said Ron, his face turning almost as red as his hair, making his eyes seem so much bluer against his skin. "But, Harry, I was so worried about you, having to face dragons!"

Harry arched an eyebrow at him.

"I know, I know, I should have told you myself, but I didn't know how I could come right out and say it without making friends with you again and I didn't know if you still wanted to be my friend anymore so I told Hermione to tell you that Seamus told Dean who told Parvati that Hagrid was looking for you, but really, it was me all along. I thought we'd be all right once you figured that out."

Harry couldn't help it, he burst out laughing, the action not doing his voice any good at all and Madam Pomfrey glared at both of them.

"Ron, who on earth could figure that out?" Harry asked in a low whisper, hoping Madam Pomfrey wouldn't hear.

"Mr. Potter, if you are going to talk and undo all the work those potions are doing, I will not allow you to have vistitors at all!"

"Sorry, Harry," said Ron. "Look, I've been a complete prat. I admit it, I was jealous, thinking you'd somehow found a way to get into the Goblet of Fire, but Harry, after seeing that Task, I reckon someone's trying to do you in! You couldn't have put your own name in!"

Harry opened his mouth to speak again, but Madam Pomfrey was ready for him that time and handed him a few sheaves of parchment and a quill.

IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!! Harry scratched so viciously on the parchement that it tore, but Ron was still able to read it. His face paled so much his freckles all but disappeared.

"So - so you don't want to be friends anymore?" Ron said quietly. Harry scribbled some more and handed it to Ron.

Of course I do, but I still think you were a prat! It hurt, Ron, it hurt that you didn't believe me.

"I really am sorry, Harry. I think I sort of half knew that you weren't lying, but I was too proud to admit that I'd been wrong. So, have you opened your clue yet?" Ron wandered to the end of the bed and caressed the egg. Harry nodded his head towards it and opened his arms, hinting with his body that he wanted to see it.

Ron placed the egg in his hand and Harry saw that there was a seam going right down the middle, splitting it in half. A clasp at the top held both edges closed. Harry remembered something Mr. Crouch had said, about the clue being inside the egg. He undid the clasp and immediately dropped the egg onto his lap as a terrible wailing and screeching filled the room. Ron and Madam Pomfrey covered their ears as Harry closed the clasp again, even when he'd closed the egg he still felt as if he could hear that terrible noise.

"What the bloody hell was that?" exclaimed Ron.

"No idea," said Harry. "But I've got to figure it out before the next Task."

***

Harry thought he wouldn't have anything else to worry about before the next Task in February, but he was wrong. Madam Pomfrey was displeased with how long he was taking to recover, Harry couldn't actually remember what had happened to him and pieced it together from things the matron and his friends had said. Cedric visited him every day before breakfast, after lunch and before dinner. Most of Gryffindor popped into see him as well and he certainly wasn't bored, Hermione kept bringing him his homework.

It seemed the dragon had actually broken loose from its bindings and went after Harry, he'd been badly burnt by the dragon's breath, hence the soreness on his skin, had broken his left shoulderblade and the dragon had almost crushed his windpipe with its tail. His voice and his arm were getting better, but the burns were taking a long time to heal despite plenty of potions and a special burn salve that Professor Snape had reformulated just for him.

So it was that Harry was still in the infimary two weeks later when Professor McGonagall came to visit him and explain all about the Yule Ball.

"I have to ask someone to a dance?" squeaked Harry, wishing his voice was still bad and that he wouldn't have to talk to her about this.

"Yes, Potter, that it is what a Ball is, a dance, surely you realised that?"

"And - um - Professor, is it okay to - to ask Cedric?"

"I'm afraid not, Potter. Anyone else will be fine."

"Oh, you mean boys aren't allowed to ask other boys? There's a rule about that?"

"Heavens no! Whatever gave you that impression? No, Potter, all I meant was that you couldn't ask Cedric because he is also a Champion. I keep forgetting you were brought up by Muggles and might have inherited some weird ideas there. You can partner anyone you like as long as it isn't another Champion. There is no taboo against same sex relationships in the wizarding world, Potter. More important is magical compatibility, and sometimes it is two wizards or two witches who have the best affinity with each other. Of course, there are some who disapprove, like with anything, they just can't keep their noses out of other's people's business. However, legally and magically it is entirely up to the two people involved once they are of age."

Harry flushed and McGonagall narrowed her eyes at him. "Potter, you and Diggory, you haven't been ... doing anything, have you?"

"Um, just kissing, Ma'am."

"I've just realised something else, Potter. Being brought up with Muggles as you were, you probably never received any information on just exactly why it's important for a wizard to keep his purity intact until the right time, have you?"

Harry shook his head, willing the bed to open up and swallow him. He didn't want to have a sex education class with Professor McGonagall, he just didn't.

"I'll just get Professor Snape to come and have a little chat with you, then," said McGonagall and Harry thought that was even worse. How could he talk about that with Snape?

"Professor Snape?" squawked Harry.

"Yes, he's the one who takes all the Slytherins for sexual education as soon as they start Hogwarts, maybe it's time the other Houses started doing it as well, considering how many Muggle borns we get, but as for now, he is the only one remotely qualified to answer any questions you might have."

Harry couldn't imagine a time in this universe or any other where he would feel comfortable asking Snape questions about sex.

"Um..." said Harry.

"Good, that's settled then," said Professor McGonagall. "I'll get him to pop into see you after dinner."

Yes, Harry ferverently wished his voice wasn't better after all.

Part 13

Severus wanted to refuse Minerva's request, but Albus had been in the staff room at the time and his blue eyes had twinkled madly over the rim of his glasses, almost demanding that he have this talk with Potter. That of course the boy had to found out why it was so important that he kept his virgintiy until the right time, esepecially considering who he was and how important it was that his purity remained intact untill the best possible time for his powers to be unleashed, and with the right person. The headmaster had looked gravely at him and Severus could only nod in agreement. It was important, he knew that now but he wished the headmaster had never known of his shame. Of ... but he wouldn't think of that. Remembering his past mistakes would not help him get through this interview any quicker.

So now, here he was, esconced uncomfortably in a chair by the side of Potter's bed in the infirmary ready to try and explain things that most of his Slytherins knew long before they started at Hogwarts. Being Purebloods, he was sure their parents had drummed it in to them from an early age and he had never had to worry unduly about any of them.

Potter was a whole other cauldron of fish. Not only was there most likely a murderer after him, and after seeing him attacked by the dragon the whole school had suddenly done an about face and now there were banners around the school supporting both Potter and Diggory. The badges seemed to have vanished from sight, but Severus still caught the odd Slytherin was a couple of them. He ignored any he found, just as he was expected to.

Not only that, but Potter was important in ways few of them could guess at. The boy himself didn't know, only Albus and Severus himself knew of the prophecy, Sybil Trewlawney couldn't remember a thing about it. Neither can live while the other survives. It seemed that Potter was fated to destroy the Dark Lord once and for all, for it was pretty obvious that Voldemort would try and return yet again. Possessing Quirrell, escaping from a diary, it was only a matter of time before he would try and regain a corporeal form.

And not forgetting that Potter already had a boyfriend, an older boyfriend who despite his vow might be tempted to do more than kiss and touch. Potter had to be warned, as Albus had pointed out.

Potter was sitting up propped on pillows, one side of his face bandaged as it was the best way for the salve to be absorbed by his skin. It was disappointing that it wasn't working quicker, Severus' potions had never failed him before. The boy was dressed in the infirmary issued striped pyjamas, but at least his arm was out of the sling now. Severus had never been so terrifed as when he'd seen that dragon squash Potter's arm with one of its legs. He still dreamed sometimes about the boy's agonised screams and wondered why on earth he would do that.

"Potter, I presume you know why I'm here?" he snapped, already feeling out of sorts and they hadn't even started yet.

Severus took a deep breath and tried to pretend that he was just in a class, reminding the Slytherins of why they needed to wait for the right person.

"Um - to talk to me about - about -- " they boy's voice trailed away to nothing and the side of his face not bandaged turned an almost alarming shade of red. So much the better, if the boy was embarrassed talking about it, he was probably nowhere ready to do it, a good thing in Severus' opinion. Maybe he wouldn't have to keep warning Cedric Diggory off after all.

"Sexual congress, Mr. Potter, yes." The boy's blush deepened and his hands fidgeted with the bedclothes. Severus had to damp down the urge to slap them and order him to pay attention. "As Professor McGonagall has so rightly pointed out, being brought up by Muggles, you are probably ignorant of some of our ways. Before we go any further, what do you know of sexual matters, Potter?"

"Um - I know about babies, what the man and the woman do."

"Very well. And tell me, have you ever touched yourself?"

"What?!!" spluttered Potter. "You can't ask me that!"

"I assure you it is entirely relevant to this discussion."

"Oh. Okay, yes, I do that sometimes." The blush was deepening even further and Severus wondered if he should perhaps cast a cooling charm on the room, for he was starting to feel a little over heated himself.

"And are you yet of an age where you have an emission?" Yes, that was it, couch it all in scientific terms and try to ignore the fact that this talk was beginning to make his trousers uncomfortable.

"Emission, sir?" the boy looked positively goggle eyed.

"Emission, or do you come dry?" he barked.

"Not - not dry," the boy said, looking anywhere but at Severus. He was practically squirming. So, despite the slender body and the lack of height, it seemed that Potter was fairly in the norm when it came to sexual responses and he tried desperately not to think of the boy touching himself in pleasure, but it was as if trying not to think it made him wonder about it even more. "Sir?" the boy asked rather anxiously.

"Witches and wizards are different, Potter and I don't just mean that one is female and the other male. A witch's power resides in her bloodstream and has got nothing to do with their virginity or lack of it. As soon as a witch undergoes her first menstrual period, she comes into her full power, which is probably why you have noticed that the girls in your classes are a lot better at spell casting than boys at this age. For wizard's it is another matter, their power resides in their essence, their seed. Semen," he added seeing the boy's confused look. Did no one have a decent vocabulary these days?

"Oh," the boy's eyes and mouth went wide in surprise.

"Oh indeed, Potter. A wizard will never come into his full power until he loses his virginity, by either shedding his seed inside another person, or accepting it inside his own. It's important to wait until the right time, for the right person. Do you know what rape is, Potter?"

"Yes, sir. That's when you don't want to have sex and the other person forces you anyway."

"A wizard who gives up his virginity willingly to the right person, will immediately come into their full power. It can be quite a shock to the system and it's important to have a loving partner there to help the wizard through the adjustment. However, it is quite different for rape victims, their power will manifest, yes, but because it was an act of rape and not love, their power will be stolen by the rapist and the wizard will never be as strong magically as they could have been."

"That's awful!" exclaimed Potter. "They lose their magical power because someone forced them?"

"They lose their potential to be as strong as they could, yes."

"So it is very important that you wait for the right person. Thank you for telling me about this, sir. I didn't know."

"You're quite welcome. Do you have any questions?"

"Um, you said a wizard could either shed his seed inside another person or take it inside his own body - how does he do that?"

Now it was Severus' turn to blush. "There are are only two forms of sexual contact that would be considered as loss of virginity, either vaginal or anal intercourse."

Potter didn't blush this time, he turned almost completely white.

"Potter, are you all right?" Surely he hadn't shocked the boy that much? He'd been going out with Cedric Diggory for months now, didn't he even realise what two males might do together?

"I'm fine, sir," he said stoically. "So - so having something up there, that means you're not a virgin any more?"

"Not something, Mr. Potter. It has to be a penis and it has to ejaculate."

"Oh, oh right," the boy sighed and lay back against his pillows, wincing as if in pain.

"I will brew some more of that salve tonight, I've changed the recipe again, maybe this time it will work better on your burns."

"Thank you sir," said Potter, closing his eyes as if wishing his teacher was no longer there.

Severus accio'd a few books and pamphlets that he'd used in his sexual education lessons with the Slytherins and left them the table by the foot of Potter's bed. "These should answer any more questions you might have, Potter. If you need something explaining, feel free to ask Madam Pomfrey, I'm sure she'd be glad to help. Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight, sir," said Potter, his eyes still closed.

***

"Harry, you're joking, right?" grinned Cedric when he visited Harry later that evening. "Snape wasn't here talking to you about sex?"

"Oh God," moaned Harry. "It was awful. I've never been so embarrassed in my life! I should have just asked you or Ron! Cedric, he said something about two men together, that they - that they - you know, one of them goes inside the other, back there. Is that true?"

"Oh, Harry. Has this been worrying you? That you think I might want to do that to you?"

"Well, do you?" Harry wished his voice didn't sound so shaky.

"Harry, you're fourteen! And no, I haven't thought about doing that with you, or with anyone for that matter! I'm not exactly experienced myself, you know. I promised my parents I would wait until I was bonded with someone, that way I know it's with the right person. I don't want to have meaningless flings, Harry, I never did."

"Oh. I didn't know that. Would you rather we not talk about this?"

"You can talk to me about anything, Harry, I don't mind. So you and Ron have made up then?"

"Yes. I'm glad we're speaking again."

"That's good, it's always good to have friends. Is he okay with you and me going out?"

"Yeah, he said he didn't mind as long as I was happy. And I am happy, Cedric, I'm really happy with you," Harry smiled shyly as Cedric leant over for a brief, soft kiss. "I just wish I was out of this place! Feels like I've spent forever in here."

"Did Professor McGonagall tell you about the Yule Ball?"

"She did, Madam Pomfrey's not even sure I'll be out in time though." Harry's hands stroked the nap of his bedspread.

"Harry, you know I'd love to take you to the Ball if it was allowed, don't you?"

"I know, Cedric, I don't know who to ask instead. Have you decided who you're going to ask yet?"

"Oh, I've already asked Cho Chang," said Cedric, shrugging. Harry felt his heart lurch towards his stomach.

"Cho Chang? But - but, you don't like girls, do you?" Harry asked, worried that Cedric was only with him while he decided to experiment.

"No, I don't like girls like that, Harry. We're just going as friends. Or would you rather I'd invited a boy?"

Harry shook his head, having to watch Cedric dance with another boy was something he could well do without.

"Anyway, I've something that might cheer you up," said Cedric and accio'd a piece of parchment from somewhere. He handed it to Harry, Cedric's hands trembling a little so that the paper shook.

"What is it?"

"A present for you. From me."

Harry looked down and saw what it was. A painting. A painting of Harry asleep, curled up on his four poster bed in Gryffindor Tower, although Cedric had got the hue of the curtains slightly off, he'd guessed what Harry's bed had looked like, had he even been in the Tower at all? Harry looked so peaceful lying there, he was all bundled up in the covers, only his head peeping out. His glasses were sitting on the bedside cabinet and his hair was as mussed and as messy as usual but somehow in the painting it didn't bother Harry what his hair looked like. He was seeing himself through Cedric's eyes and it was the first time Harry allowed himself to hope that Cedric loved him even just a little bit.

"Oh, Cedric! It't beautiful!" sobbed Harry, launching himself into Cedric's arms.

"I was only drawing what I see, Harry," said Cedric, rubbing Harry's back and whispering to his hair. "You're beautiful. I love you, Harry Potter."

Harry's heart fluttered at the admission, but he couldn't speak it. He couldn't voice it out loud. Not yet. It was too fragile a thing and he was afraid that if he uttered the words aloud he would somehow break the wonderful spell he and Cedric were under.

He didn't want to do anything to jinx their burgeoning relationship.

Part 14

Severus snorted and almost choked on his glass of punch, what on earth was the youngest Weasley boy wearing? It was a ghastly maroon confection with more lace on it than one of Madam Puddifoot's tablebloths. The whole ensemble looked like it last had an airing during the queen's silver jubilee, Queen Victoria, that was and hadn't seen the light of day since. The colour did nothing for the poor boy's complexion nor his hair and his date for the evening seemed to be putting a brave face on things all things considered. One of the Patil twins, but Severus wasn't sure which one, they looked too alike to him.

The other Patil girl was missing from the gathering as the assembled guests in the Great Hall got ready to welcome the Champions inside and Severus guessed she must be the date of one of the Champions then. Hermione Granger was also missing as well, she would probably be dating Potter, Potter was very noble about that sort of thing and would want his friends to feel special tonight, even though it was Potter and the other Champions who were going to be the centre of attention.

The orchestra tuned their instruments, although to Severus it sounded as though about twenty cats were being strangled. He detested cats in all shapes and forms and he tried to avoide Minerva every time she changed into her feline form. He just found something about them off-putting, but he couldn't logically explain what.

A few moments later the music started in earnest and the double doors were swung wide as the Champions and their partners glided into the hall. Much to Severus' surprise, the Granger girl wasn't on Harry Potter's arm at all, but Viktor Krum's, and he could hear the jealous muttering of a few students near him.

"What on earth is he doing with her? She's so ugly!"

"I bet she used a love potion! No one would want her otherwise!"

Severus ignored the mutters, what did he care if someone said anything disparaging about a Gryffindor? Mind you, he couldn't help but note that tonight, Miss Granger did not look ugly by any stretch of the imagination. Not that he could be sure what one would find attractive in a woman anyway, he had never been inclined towards girls that way at all, but she did seem pretty in her way. Viktor Krum certainly thought so too, he had eyes only for Granger and either ignored or didn't react to all the other girls preening to get his attention.

Fleur Delacour was with one of the Ravenclaw Quidditch Players, following behind them came Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang, the girl had an excellent grasp of Potions but wasted most of the time in his class giggling behind her hands with her friends as if she was a first year rather than a fifth. During staff meetings, he discovered it just wasn't his class either, it seemed she was generally a giggler. If detentions with him hadn't squashed it out of her by now, he wasn't sure what would.

Next came the other Patil girl and Severus knew she must have been on Potter's arm, but it was Harry Potter as he'd never seen him before. For a start, his clothes actually fitted him and fitted well. A bottle green dress robe that almost perfectly matched the hue of his eyes over a black dinner suit, white bow tie and shirt. The boy seemed taller somehow, or maybe it was just that he had more poise tonight. So used to seeing the boy in ill fitting uniforms and robes, seeing him dressed so well was doing weird things to Severus' stomach. He downed the rest of his punch in one gulp, noticing Moody was watching him carefully.

The Patil girl and Potter glided gracefully up the aisle and took their place on the dancefloor, standing so close to Severus that he could smell the girl's perfume, it seemed she'd showered in it rather than dabbed it on, the scent so pungent it was making his eyes water. Potter did not seem to have put on any aftershave or cologne, did he even shave yet? Instead, he just smelled very fresh and clean with a hint of apples that may or may not have been from his shampoo. He had smelled of lemons in the infirmary and Severus rapidly refilled his punch glass. Since when had he started noticing what the brat smelled like for Merlin's sake?

Harry's face had finally healed a few weeks previously, the salve working its magic finally, and the boy had been back at his classes for over a fortnight now. Spending so much time treating Potter in the infirmary and then the boy coming to clean the classroom on Monday and Wednesday nights meant that the two of them were becoming a little friendlier with each other when they were in private, but Severus was not so foolish as to allow that in regular classes. He still berated Potter and took points whenever he got the chance, or he made the chance. It amused the Slytherins no end, but Severus wasn't doing it for amusment. He was doing it to save the boy's life and his own.

His left forearm burned, Severus drank some more punch and tried to ignore the pain.

***

Harry had never danced, he had never learned how so when the music struck up he had no idea what to do. Parvati placed his arms around her waist and led him round the floor. He kept stepping on her toes and she hissed with pain every time he did it. He kept saying sorry, but that didn't really help matters any. As soon as the first dance had finished, she flounced off to one of the tables and sat down, removing her shoes to rub her sore feet. Harry was left standing in the middle of the dance floor feeling like an idiot and wishing he'd never come to this stupid thing.

His back was itching, as if he could feel hundreds of eyes staring at him, they probably were. He blinked his eyes and stalked over to the table where Parvati was sitting down, but she didn't speak to him and a few moments later, she got up to dance with one of the Beauxbatons' boys. Ron and Padma joined him at the table, Ron looking about as miserable as Harry felt.

"Are you going to ask me to dance or not?" demanded Padma, glaring at Ron.

"Not," he muttered under his breath. Padma huffed at him and she too stalked off. What was it with girls? They were as prickly as one of the Venemous Tentacula and probably just as dangerous. Harry's eyes sought out Cedric, he was still dancing with Cho Chang and the girl was staring at him with a very pretty smile. Jealousy churned in Harry's gut. He should be the one dancing with Cedric, not Cho and he thumped the table with his fist but that only made his hand hurt.

"What's she doing with Krum?" Ron suddenly said, rasing his voice to get heard over the music. Harry glanced up at the dancefloor where Hermione and Viktor seemed to be having a great time. "He can't even dance!"

From what little Harry could see, the boy from Durmstrang could indeed dance and Hermione didn't seem to think he lacked in any departement. Hermione saw them watching her and gave them a wave from the dancefloor, before walking over to them and sinking down into one of the chairs. Viktor had disappeared for the moment.

"It's hot, isn't it," said Hermione, fanning herself with her hand. "Viktor's gone to get us some drinks, would you care to join us?"

Harry began to stand up just as Ron spat out, "No, we wouldn't care to join you and Viktor! What are you doing with him anyway? You're - you're fraternising with the enemy, that's what your doing! I suppose you and Viktor are cuddled up in the library every night to work out that egg clue, aren't you?"

"How dare you!" shrieked Hermione. "I would never help him work out that clue, never! And if that's what you think of me, Ronald Weasley, you can just sod off!" said Hermione, almost sobbing now as she got up again and ran to find Viktor. Harry could hardly blame her.

"Ron, what's got into you?"

"Nothing, forget it," said Ron and he too wandered off, leaving Harry sitting there alone and wishing this horrible night was over already.

***

Severus had noticed how despondent Potter had looked when he'd first been deserted by his date and then his two friends, he looked like he might rather have another round with the Hungarian Horntail. Cedric Diggory was next to him by the punchbowl, Cho Chang was dancing with one of the Durmstrang boys and Diggory looked about as miserable as Potter.

"Ask him to dance," said Severus in a low voice. Diggory turned, a glass of red punch in his hand.

"Sir?"

"Potter, ask him to dance," repeated Severus wondering how someone as intelligent as Diggory could be so dense. "Or do the two of you intend to be miserable for the rest of the evening?"

"Is it allowed? Professor McGonagall said --"

"Of course it's allowed, it's a dance isn't it? Now go over there and ask the boy to dance before someone else does."

Diggory grinned at him, all crinkly eyes and perfect teeth. "Thank you sir," he said before he did what he was bid.

***

Harry was staring at the floor by his feet, wondering what charm had been used to create the icy effect on the floor, but yet wasn't slippery. He saw two shiny black shoes next to his own, their owner coughed and Harry looked up into the smiling grey eyes of his boyfriend.

"Cedric!" He couldn't hide the pleasure in his voice, he'd thought they'd have to avoid each other all night and here Cedric was standing right beside him. Cedric bent down, grasping Harry's right hand in his and kissed Harry's wrist.

"May I have the honour of this dance?" asked Cedric, his eyes never once leaving Harry's. Harry's heart speeded up and he was gasping for breath as if he'd just finished a run.

"Yes, I'd love to!" exclaimed Harry as he let Cedric lead him onto the dancefloor. Dancing with Cedric was a lot different that dancing with Parvati. For a start, Cedric was taller than him and Harry could lean his head on Cedric's chest, when he wasn't gazing into his eyes that was, for Harry found it difficult to tear his eyes away from the other boy. Cedric was so handsome and he was dancing with him! Harry could barely believe it.

When the music finished, Cedric dipped Harry by the waist and kissed him long and deep on the mouth in full view of the whole school. The silence was absolute, but Harry didn't care how shocked anyone was. It was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to him and he kissed Cedric back just as deeply, feeling as if he was going to fall, but with Cedric's strong arms around him, he knew that wasn't going to happen.

Cedric led them towards the doors. "Would you like to go for a walk outside, Harry?" Cedric whispered close to his ear. Harry shivered, but not from cold and he nodded.

As they made their way outside to the grounds, Harry wasn't walking on ice or marble. He was walking on air.


Part 15

As well as the Great Hall, the grounds had also been decorated for the occasion of the Yule Ball. Bare limbed trees were rimmed with frost, garlanded with hundreds of twinkling multi-coloured lights. Braziers every few feet along the paths helped to combat the chill and each stone bench on the courtyard was sitting underneath a magical shower of rose petals.

Cedric led Harry to one of the benches where they sat down and just stared at one another for a long time without speaking. Harry didn't really know what to say, he was still feeling a little dazed after that wonderful dance and the even more wonderful kiss and hoped that there would be more kisses before the night was out. He loved kissing, he loved kissing with Cedric, but before it had happened, he thought kissing was just something that girls would enjoy, that boys only did it to keep their girlfriend happy, but wouldn't really get anything out of it themselves. Harry's eyes had certainly been opened to the fact that kissing was an enjoyable activity even if you were a boy.

Cedric moved a little closer to him on the bench so that their thighs were touching, then Cedric reached out his hand and entwined Harry's fingers in his before kissing each of his fingers one by one. Harry looked up and smiled at him, Cedric's eyes shining with reflected light. It didn't take much more for Cedric to lower his head and press his lips softly against Harry's. Harry thought he was getting better at kissing the more practice they had and he certainly enjoyed the practice!

Cedric's arms wrapped around him as the kiss deepened, caressing Harry's back through his dress robes. He found his mind wandering, wondering what it would be like to feel Cedric's hands on his bare skin. The thought sent a jolt of arousal straight to his groin and Harry moaned into Cedric's mouth, wrapping his own arms around Cedric's waist. Cedric's tounge licked at his lips and it took Harry a while to cotton on what he should do, he opened his mouth to allow Cedric in and almost fell from the bench when their toungues touched for the first time. It was as if he'd just had an electric shock or something, it felt so intense, he was wriggling on the seat and just couldn't stop moaning, his prick pressing uncomfortably against his trousers.

His moans were echoed by Cedric, who'd moved his hands and was now gripping Harry's head and kissing him as if he was a man drowning and Harry was air. Cedric pulled away, panting and leant his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Oh, Harry," he moaned and proceeded to lick Harry's bare skin at the top of his collar, his hands moving round to rub Harry through his shirt. When he grazed a nipple with his thumb, Harry almost arched completely off the bench.

"Cedric!" he wailed, his hands grabbing hold of Cedric's hair as his neck was licked, nibbled and sucked as if it was a great delicacy. Cedric's right hand hovered by Harry's bow tie and he glanced up at Harry then.

"Is this okay?" Cedric asked softly. Harry nodded, he wasn't sure his voice would work properly. Cedric undid the tie with a spell, but he used his hands to undo the top three buttons of Harry's dress shirt. Harry swallowed nervously, but he didn't tell the other boy to stop. A few moments later, all Harry's wonderings ceased, for he knew now how it felt to have Cedric's hands on his bare skin.

Cedric trailed his fingers lightly across the skin that he had revealed, the touch so delicate it was hard to decide if it was really there or not. His hands sought out Harry's nipples and began to tweak them in time with his kisses on Harry's neck. Harry was lost in a haze of sensation, he was light headed as all the blood seemed to have settled in his groin, his prick was throbbing and he knew if he'd been alone in bed, he would have had to touch himelf long before now. It was getting painful, but he didn't want to touch himself in front of Cedric, didn't want to draw the other boy's attention to the fact that Harry was unbearably, painfully aroused.

"Can I touch you, Harry?" Cedric whispered, as he moved his hand down towards Harry's waist and rested it there, but Harry knew that's not where he meant. Harry's prick jerked and heat coiled low down in his belly. It seemed Cedric already knew.

"Please! Oh, God, please!" begged Harry, almost sobbing on the words. He'd never gone hard so long before without coming.

Cedric sat up straigher. "Here, sit on my lap."

Harry did, sitting sideways on Cedric's lap and wrapping his arms around Cedric. He hid his head on Cedric's shoulder, his cheeks flaming and his heart beating like a drum in his chest. One of Cedric's arms supported him, the other was busy fumbling at the opening to Harry's trousers. The sound of his trouser zip being undone sounded so loud in the winter night, but the relief when he was finally freed from the confines of his trousers meant he couldn't help a sigh.

Cedric's hand slipped inside and began to rub him through his over large y-fronts and Harry resolved then and there that he really needed to buy some new underwear rather than relying on the Dursleys' hand-me-downs from now on. This was so embarrassing, the awful underpants, but Cedric never said a word about the clothes, just kept rubbing Harry and whispering soothing words in his ear.

Harry just couldn't keep still, he was thrusting his hips into the welcome pressure of Cedric's hand, almost desperate now for the release which was getting nearer, but just seemed that little bit out of reach. Cedric delved inside his underwear and gripped Harry's naked length in his fist. Harry almost howled at the sensation, it was the first time he'd had hands other than his own on his prick and it was a lot different.

Cedric's hand was bigger, but it was also more experienced too and he did lots of little things that Harry had never thought of before, like swirling a finger around the tip, then using the precome as a lubricant as he wrapped a fist around Harry and rubbed up and down, hard. Harry bucked into Cedric's hand, feeling the delicious tingle in his balls that meant he was going to come soon.

Cedric wasn't keeping still either, he was pushing his hips against Harry's thigh and Harry could feel the hardness even through two layers of clothes.

Faster and faster Cedric's hand rubbed him and Harry felt himself get even harder.

Suddenly Cedric screamed and pulled his mouth away from Harry's neck. "Harry! Oh, Merlin Harry!" wailed Cedric as he juddered against Harry's body and Harry could feel dampness spread through both sets of robes. Oh, God. Cedric had come from this, just from this. Kissing Harry, touching Harry and Harry felt himself go lightheaded. "I'm going to fall!" he shouted in panic, for that't what it felt like, that any moment now he was going to go head first over a cliff without benefit of a broom.

"Ssh, Harry, I've got you, I won't let you fall," whispered Cedric, wrapping one arm even tighter around Harry as he fisted Harry even faster. "Relax, just let go. Just come, Harry, just come for me. Please."

It was the please that did it. Harry's entire body convulsed and it felt as if his soul was being pulled from his aching, throbbing cock. Oh, God, Cedric was touching him, kissing his neck again and Harry felt himself slide somewhere outside his body for a moment, the sensations just so new, so different than when he touched himself.

"AHH! Ahh! Cedric! Cedric!" Harry screamed as the first drops spurted from him, some splashing on his clothes, some on Cedric's hand and even a few ropes landed on Cedric's cheek. "I'm sorry, oh, God, I'm sorry!" sobbed Harry as he tried to wipe it away from Cedric's face.

"Hush, Harry, it's fine," said Cedric, wiping the smear with his own finger and then putting the finger in his mouth and licking it clean. Harry gaped at him. "You taste wonderful, Harry," said Cedric bending down as though to kiss him. "Would you like a taste?"

"Um," said Harry, he was still shaking from the force of his climax, but wasn't at all sure he wanted to taste himself. Did people do that?

"Sorry, Harry, you don't have to. I keep forgetting how new all of this is to you. It's an acquired taste," grinned Cedric.

They were silent for a few moments, both of gasping for breath.

"Are you okay, Harry? I didn't push things too far?"

"God, no!" exclaimed Harry. "It was wonderful. If you like, maybe - maybe sometime I can touch you too?"

"I think we might be able to arrange something like that," smiled Cedric as he kissed Harry on the cheek.

Voices in the distance had both of them hurrying to put themselves to rights again, casting cleaning and feshening charms over themselves and Harry getting his clothes fastened again. He smiled shyly at Cedric as he zipped up.

At first the voices were indistinguishable, but then Harry recognised at least one of them, Snape, shouting and docking points from couples he'd caught in some of the other courtyards. There was another voice too though, Karkaroff.

"You know what it means as well as I, Severus!" hissed the Durmstrang headmaster. "It's a sign!"

"Then flee, like the coward you always were, Karkaroff! I, however am remaining at Hogwarts."

The two men turned the corner and came up short when they saw Cedric and Harry sitting on the bench. "Diggory, it is well after curfew, the Ball has long finished. Escort Mr. Potter to his dormitory at once and then get to your own!"

"Yes, sir," said Cedric, standing up and waiting for Harry to do the same.

***

Severus watched the two students go with some trepidation, how much had they heard? Both of them had been sitting a respectable distance apart, as if they had just been talking, unlike some of the couples he had disturbed tonight. Did he really need to see Roger Davies and Fleur Delacour doing that? It was a wonder he wouldn't be psychologically scarred for life. Mind you, Diggory and Potter had looked a little guilty about being caught by a teacher. Had more happened tonight than just talking? Severus shook his head, no, his monitoring spell would alert him if Potter or indeed the boy's virginity had been in any danger. He'd changed the spell after he'd had that talk with the boy, something he had failed to inform the headmaster about.

Severus wasn't a fool, he suspected Dumbledore had planned something, someone had been in the headmaster's sights when he'd talked about making sure Harry kept himself for the right person. Who did Dumbleodre want to inflict upon the saviour? He didn't seem to be thinking of Diggory, but Severus thought he might actually be the best person. There was no doubt in Severus' mind now seeing them both at the dance, Diggory and the Potter boy were in love, a blind man could see it. Two wizards in love, what more could the headmaster want for the boy's first time?

Severus shook his head, Merlin, his thoughts were revolving more and more around Potter's love life, somewhere he didn't want his mind to linger for any length of time.

Karkaroff stalked off in a huff and Severus spent another half an hour rooting out those over amorous couples still scattered about the grounds. Good grief, it was as if the Ball had been an aphrodisiac or something, even Hagrid had been making eyes at Madam Maxime for most of the night and Severus did not need to have seen Albus and Minerva cooped up in one of the corners giggling like adolescent school children. He had a pounding headache and he delighted in taking points from every student he found. Funnily enough, none of his little snakes had been caught and he realised they probably had more sense than arranging their little trysts in the grounds, when they knew that's where the teachers would be patrolling. No, more than likely the snakes had sneaked their amour into their dormitories or the Slytherin common room.

He had to applaud their cunning.

***

Cedric lay in bed, unble to sleep, he couldn't stop thinking of tonight with Harry. God, those kisses, those touches, those moans as Harry had writhed and squirmed on his lap. The memory was making him hard again, his erection tenting the bedclothes above him. Sod it, he wouldn't get to sleep unless he did something to take care of it.

Cedric slipped his hand underneath the covers and inside the waistband of his shorts, gripping himself in a firm fist. He imagined it was Harry's hand touching him, Harry breathing softly in his ear. How would Harry do it? How did he do it to himself? Was he slow and teasing, or was he like what Cedric remembered fourteen being? Quick and furtive under the covers, getting it over as quickly and as silently as possible so that your dorm mates didn't hear?

Cedric's prick decided for him tonight, he had barely touched himself when the orgasm shot through him, starting in his toes and spilling out through his cock in copious spurts, despite coming barely and hour earlier. He lay panting and gasping, a giant grin on his face. God, even thoughts of Harry were so exciting. He'd never felt like this about anyone before.

Cedric cast a cleaning charm on himself and turned over to fall alseep.

Oh, bugger. He'd forgotten to tell Harry about the hint he'd had from Moody concerning the Prefect's bathroom.

TBC

Chapter 4: Everything's Not Lost
Part 16

A few weeks after Christmas, Harry had finished cleaning the classroom early and Snape came out of his storeroom, he seemed to spend most of Harry's time in there cataloguing ingredients, and asked Harry if he would like to try his hand at the same. Harry had been surprised at the offer, normally Snape wouldn't let anyone near his precious, private storeroom and Harry squashed down the guilty thoughts, remembering when Hermione had stolen boomslang skin from there in their second year.

No wonder Snape spent so long in there! Harry had no idea it was so complicated, but he was soon to learn. It wasn't just a case of jars being shelved alphabetically, although each section was supposed to be ordered like that. No, Harry had to discover whether something was a plant (and if so, was it shrub, herb, flower or something else), was it animal (fish, mammal, insect, arachnid, bird, veterbrate or invetebrate and all the rest), was it mineral or metallic, was it an element on its own or was it a compound mixture of two or more ingredients. It was also important to know not to put two volatile ingredients next to each other, something Harry learned the hard way when he put unicorn hair next to a jar of silverfish and both jars shattered, earning him a tongue lashing from Snape and costing him twenty points from Gryffindor.

Half of the ingredients Harry had never even heard of, so he had to keep asking Snape questions, always feeling a bit uncomfortable when he did so, wondering when the man would get fed up and shout at him for being so ignorant, but he never did. It seemed he didn't mind Harry's ignorance as long as Harry acknowledged it and asked questions before he caused any more damage to the Potions classroom.

They'd got into something of a routine now and Harry no longer dreaded coming to Potions classes, for he felt that by handling the ingredients, he was coming to a better understanding of Potions as well. Harry held a jar in his hands and squinted at the scrawl on the front. Snape's penmanship still left something to be desired. Gillyweed. The Gillyweed itself was green and slimy, looked like rat's tails or something.

"Um, sir?" said Harry, peeking his head out of the storeroom door. "Gillyweed? Is that plant or animal?"

Snape arched an elegant brow at him and continued with his marking. "Surely you can tell from the name, Potter?"

"Well, weed is a type of plant, flower?"

"Correct. So why are you having trouble categorising it?"

"Well, it looks sort of like it's writhing," said Harry, glancing down at the jar in his hand.

"Writhing?" queried Snape, moving closer to Harry. "Well, it certainly shouldn't be doing that. The Gillyweed plant itself will sway in water, but it's just the water moving it, the plant itself doesn't move and it certainly shouldn't be moving once it's cut." Snape held out his hand for the jar, Harry was only too glad to let it go. As soon as the jar fell with a soft plop into Snape's hand, the man paled and turned to Harry.

"Harry, there is floo powder in that jar there, take it and go directly to the headmaster's office. Now, go now."

"Sir, what's wrong?" asked Harry.

"Are you deaf, boy? Get to the headmaster's office at once!"

Harry didn't need to be told again, he did as he was ordered, but his heart felt heavy in his shoes at the way Snape had spoken to him. He couldn't remember that the man had called him Harry, it was another word that was echoing in Harry's head.

BOY. It was all that Vernon Dursley had ever called him.

***

The explosion happened almost as soon as Harry first stepped into the floo, the blast hurling him violently onto the Persian rug in front of Dumbledore's fireplace. Fawkes squawked from his perch almost in the same instant that Harry fell face first on the floor, Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were by his side, helping him up. Harry was winded a little, he'd twisted his ankle when he fell through the floo, but he didn't think he was otherwise hurt.

Snape! Snape was at the other end of the floo when the explosion had occurred. "Harry, what's happened?" asked Professor McGonagall as she led Harry over to one of the chairs, Harry leaned on her to take the weight off his ankle.

"I don't know, Professor Snape sent me away! He's still down there!" Harry knew he was becoming hysterical. If the force of the blast had sent him hurtling through the floo. "Something exploded, Gillyweed, I think. Professor Snape was still in his office. Oh, God, what if he - ? What if he - ?"

"Hush, Potter, hush," said McGonagall pouring him a cup of very sweet tea and patting his hands. He winced and and could see now that they were covered in tiny cuts, a few small shards of glass still embedded in them. "You need to see Madam Pomfrey," said McGonagall, but Harry shook his head.

"No! Someone needs to see if Professor Snape is all right!"

"The headmaster is already on his way, Potter, there's no need to fret. What were you doing in his office tonight anyway? Did you have another detention? Professor Snape knows he ought to inform the Head of House of any student he gives detention to."

"No, Ma'am, I'm helping Professor Snape, cleaning the classroom, organising the ingredients in the store cupboard, that sort of thing. He says it helps on job applications and things."

"It certainly does, Potter, but I'm surprised the man let you near his inventory, he's never allowed it before to my knowledge." McGonagall stood up and paced the room. "Gillyweed, did you say Potter? That's not explosive, at least not that I know of. Drink your tea, Potter, you'll feel better."

Harry sipped the hot, sweet liquid, but didn't think he felt any better. The headmaster wasn't back and the worry sat in his stomach and chest like a stone. He realised now why Snape had wanted him to go, Snape was saving him, yet again, but who had been there to save Snape? No one. Harry blinked back tears and his hand was trembling so much that his tea sloshed over the side of his cup and fell into his saucer.

"Oh, God," sobbed Harry, the cup clattered to the floor, his hands unbable to hold onto it any longer. "I shouldn't have left him! I shouldn't have left him alone!"

"Harry, it's all right dear, it wasn't your fault. Professor Snape is a grown man, he takes his own risks." She waved her wand and repaired the cup and saucer, then banished the tea from the floor.

"But he took a risk for me! To protect me and now - hic - and now he might - he might - because of me!"

"Of course he took a risk to protect you, Harry! He swore a vow to protect you, whatever it took."

Harry stared at her. Snape had vowed that? McGonagall sat down beside him and the two of them stared silently at Dumbledore's desk. Fawkes flew over and cried onto Harry's hands, the phoenix tears easing his pain and helping his skin knit back together again. Half the time Harry wasn't sure whether the tears falling onto his skin were his own or those of the magical bird.

When the door opened, Harry swung his head round to see Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore looking very grave indeed.

"Professor Snape?" asked Harry, his throat tight.

"Is resting in the infirmary as we speak," said Madam Pomfrey. "He is in a healing sleep and won't be up to visitors for a while yet I'm afraid, Harry. He wanted to see you, make sure you're all right."

Snape had been worried about him? "I'm fine, Madam Pomfrey. I wasn't in the middle of it when it happened."

"No, and nor was Severus, luckily enough. He had managed to cast part of a containment spell before the explosion, it could have been a lot worse. Now, let's have a look at you, young man," said the matron as she scanned Harry with her wand, checked his eyes, his ears, his throat, his reflexes, then took both of Harry's hands in hers and examined them with her eyes and fingers. Fawkes squawked at her, then gave a low trill.

"Very good, Fawkes," she said, petting the bird's head. Madam Pomfrey waved her wand towards Harry's ankle. He felt the warmth of the spell spread through his ankle and then through his whole leg. "There, no permanent damage, Mr. Potter, but you are probably suffering a wee bit of shock. Probably the best thing for you is to go and have a good night's sleep in your own bed."

"Please, Madam Pomfrey, can I go and see Professor Snape? I'd be able to sleep better knowing that he's okay."

"I told you, he's not really up to visitors, Harry."

"I won't disturb him, I promise."

"Headmaster, Minerva?"

"If it would put the boy's mind at rest, Poppy, I think he should see him," said McGonagall as the headmaster nodded.

"Very well, Harry, come with me," said Madam Pomfrey as she placed he wand in her apron pocket. They walked down through the whole school, the matron explained that since the floo from Snape's office had been open at the time of the explosion, the entire school floo network had been damaged.

"Was anyone else hurt?"

"No, dear, just you and Severus. His office, the storeroom and half the Potions classroom were all but destroyed mind you, he won't be in a happy mood about that when he wakes up!" she laughed a little and Harry's chest loosened a bit, if she could laugh about his mood, that probably meant he wasn't too badly hurt.

The matron pushed open the infirmary door. The wing was almost in darkness, a few lanterns were lit but dimmed around the walls. Snape was lying on one of the end beds, in fact he was the only occupant of the ward at the moment. "Go on, then," urged Madam Pomfrey in a whisper. "But try not to wake him."

Harry nodded and made his feet work. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing here, but he had told the truth, he would sleep better knowing Snape was all right. It was a strange thing to know that someone had almost died for you, in order to protect you. His parents had done it, but that was different. You expected parents to protect their child, but Snape? Snape had made a vow to protect him? It hardly bore thinking about.

Snape was dressed in a white hospital gown, but his complexion was almost as pale, except for the scattering of red scars decorating his face. His head was bandaged, a crimson rose seeping through the cloth. Harry couldn't see the man's legs hidden beneath the blankets, but it looked like he'd hurt one of his arms. There was a dark mark on his left forearm.

Harry swayed on his feet, it was the dim lighting in the infirmary. That's all it was. It couldn't be what Harry thought it was. Something he'd already seen cast into the sky at the Quidditch Worl Cup. A skull with a serpent protuding from the mouth instead of a tongue. It wasn't a dark mark.

It was the Dark Mark.

Snape was a Death Eater.



Part 17

"He's a Death Eater!" Potter yelled at the headmaster for what must have been about the tenth time in an hour. Severus smirked into his tea cup, he found it quite amusing really. He'd never seen the boy this passionate about anything before. Two weeks of forced bed rest courtesy of Poppy had Severus spoiling for a fight.

"Of course, a child with such limited intelligence as yourself, that's the conclusion you would come to," sneered Severus as he took a sip of overly sweet tea. He set the cup and saucer down on Dubmbledore's desk and stood up, feeling the need to pace.

Potter stood up as well and glared at him, his eys blazing jade fire. "I'm not a child!" he protested, pulling himself up to his full height, which wasn't considerable. "I defeated a dragon!"

"Oh, yes and look how long it took you to recover from that little escapade!"

"If your potions had bloody worked properly in the first place!"

"My Potions are always perfect, Mr. Potter. You are probably some weird mutant!" snapped Severus, staring the boy down, but it didn't work. The boy's eyes continued to glare and gape, his face flushed with anger.

"Gentlemen, enough!" roared Dumbledore. "You will desist with this at once! Both of you are acting like five year olds! Now sit back down, both of you," Dumbledore sighed and stroked his beard.

"Severus, this stress isn't good for you! You've only just got out of the hospital wing," scolded Poppy as she conjured a chair and settled it between both him and the brat. Severus had the most childish urge to stick his tongue out at the boy behind Poppy's back but clamped it down by sheer force of will.

"Now, Harry," said Dumbledore. "Without yelling, please, can you tell me what these accusations are about?"

"He's got the Dark Mark on his arm," pouted Harry. "I saw it in the hospital wing."

"Ah," said Dumbledore and Potter was on his feet so fast that it was almost as if a spell had wrought the change.

"You knew? You knew he was a Death Eater?" Potter snarled at the headmaster.

"You are a child, Potter. Your world exists in black and white, does it not? Good and eveil, light and dark. There is no in between. You'll soon learn that it is composed entirely of shades of grey." Severus brushed at invisible lint on his robes, he needed to do something with his hands but he didn't fancy drinking any of that horrible tea again.

Potter turned to stare at him again, but this time there was no fiery angry in those emerald depths, just confusion.

"I don't understand."

"Obviously," said Severus.

"Well? Is no one going to explain it to me?" he continued.

"It's rather complicated, Harry," said Dumbledore. "I'm not sure any of us can explain it to you properly."

"He tried to kill me and you don't want to explain?" Harry pounded his fists on the door, before turning to accuse each of them with a level gaze. "It was you, wasn't it? You got caught in your own trap, it was you who tried to kill me with the Gillyweed!"

"Don't be so dense, Potter! If I had been trying to kill you, why did I send you through the floo to safety, hmm? I'm a Potions master, Potter. I have other ways of committing murder, undetectable ways. I wouldn't do anything so flashy as an explosion in my own quarters!"

"You heard him! Other ways of committing murder, it was you, wasn't it? Who put my name in that goblet? And all because you hated my father!"

"I hated James Potter. There is a difference."

Potter turned to him, his face paling to cream, the only colour left in his lips and eyes.

"Severus!" Poppy shrieked and Severus knew it had been a mistake to speak, to even reveal what they'd known.

It was too late now.

"What do you mean? What do you mean?" gasped Potter. "Tell me!" he demanded.

***

"Harry, dear, you need to sit down," said the matron, urging Harry back to the chair. He let himself be led, he felt totally rubbery. Was it true then, what Malfoy had said that day? Better than a half-blood bastard like you!

He willed himself to faint, anything, to get away from all those sympathetic stares. Or haven't they told you about that yet? Oh, God, he felt sick and was afraid he was going to throw up. Madam Pomfrey conjured him a glass of water and pressed it into his hands. He clutched the glass but was unable to bring it to his mouth, his hands were shaking so much. "Tell me, please tell me," he begged, horrified to find his voice cracking as if he was about to cry.

"Poppy, we'll leave you to fill Harry in," said Dumbledore rising from his desk and indicating for Snape to follow him out. Harry didn't watch them go, he was too interested in what Madam Pomfrey had to say to him.

"I hardly know how to begin, Harry. I don't know how much of this you've garnered already, dear, but your parents used to work in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic. It was all very hush-hush, no one to this day knows what they were working on, just that it was something important to the war effort of the time. Your parents got married straight out of school and were recruited to the Ministry shortly before that. They were very much in love, had great jobs and plenty of friends. Then it all went wrong."

Madam Pomfrey's eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. "Harry dear, one night when your mother was coming home from work, your father had been ill at home with a bad bout of wizards' flu, your mother was attacked and captured by Death Eaters. They - they tortured her to try and get the information out of her as to what she and her husband were doing in the Department of Mysteries. She was strong, Harry, she was brave and she never broke and told them, but they were vicious and they almost killed her that night. They thought they had killed her, that's why they left and didn't bother resetting the wards. She was able to escape back to your father and alert the - alert the headmaster about what had happened."

Harry set the water glass down on the desk. "That wasn't all, was it?" he asked, his throat raw.

"I'm afraid not, Harry. The - the Death Eaters - they - they raped your mother. Oh, God, Harry! I'm so sorry!"

The room spun around him like a kaleidascope, reds, greens and golds so that he felt like he was inside some sort of weird colourful tunnel.

No. No. No. It couldn't be true, could it?

"Why do I look like James Potter, if he wasn't my father?" For everyone had remarked on it, hadn't they? Oh, you're so like your father. You have his chin, his hair, his seeker skills. Only all that had been lies, hadn't it? Who else had known about this? The Weasleys? Sirius? Professor Lupin?

"Actually, you look most like Lily's father, William Evans. People just assumed you looked like James. But Harry know this, James loved you as if you were his own flesh and blood, never forget that."

"Who was my father?" Harry asked quietly, but Madam Pomfrey shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Harry. No one knows. There was - there was more than one Death Eater that night and they all wore masks."

***

Harry left Dumbledore's office in a daze. Potter, Potter, Potter. He could hear the word every time Snape had snarled it in his direction, but he wasn't a Potter. He wasn't anyone, he wasn't anyone. The child of rape. The son of a Death Eater. His whole body felt strange, as if he'd never known himself before.

It was after curfew, but he couldn't go back to the dorms. Couldn't go in there and see all his friends laughing and joking as if everything was norml. It wasn't normal and it would never be normal again. Harry felt tainted somehow, that he had this stain on his soul and no amount of scrubbing would ever get him clean.

Is that why the Sorting Hat had suggested he'd do well in Slytherin? Had it sensed this darkness in him? The knowledge that his father was a Death Eater? Harry wanted to hex or punch something, most notably the headmaster for keeping this from him for fourteen years. Didn't he have a right to know? But now that he did know, wasn't there just a small part of him that wished he didn't? How could he face his friends knowing this terrible secret about himself?

Part of him wished that he still had the fairy tale to cling to, that he was the beloved child of Lily and James Potter, not some unknown man in a mask who had tortured his mother. Was it one of the Death Eaters who'd been at the world cup? Were one of those masked men his father? Oh, God, Snape? Was it Snape?

Harry's feet were taking him down into the dungeons long before he thought anything through, his whole mind was in turmoil. He didn't knock politely on Snape's office door, he pounded on the wood like a man possessed and he was, the rage coursing through his veins was causing his magic to flare wildly. Lanterns on the walls flickered on and off, some of them even flew from the wall and smashed, their flames dying.

Snape opened the door, his face almost as angry as Harry's. He was dressed in slippers and pyjamas, blue flanellette pyjamas that seemed ingongrous with the terror of the school and Harry found himself speechless for a few seconds.

"Was it you? Did you do that to my mother?" ranted Harry as soon as he could.

"In, Potter! Unless you wish for the rest of Slytherin to know your business!" Snape opened the door wide and once Harry was through, he cast a powerful warding and silencing charm on it. Harry thought the man would sit down and talk to him in his office, but Snape walked past the newly repaired classroom and storeroom and came to another stout door that Harry had never seen before.

Harry followed his professor into what could only have been the man's private quarters. It was a small, cramped room, jammed almost floor to ceiling with bookcases. There was no sofa, just two mismatched armchairs in front of a tiny fireplace, unlit at the moment. A small table by one of the armchairs held a book and a glass of something amber.

"Sit down, then," said Snape, but Harry didn't feel like sitting down anywhere near this man, this Death Eater. His blood was boiling in his veins and he needed to vent before he exploded.

"Did you rape my mother?" Harry snapped, standing with his arms folded across his chest.

"No, Potter, I had left the Dark Lord's circle long before that incident ever happened."

"So you admit it? You're a Death Eater?" persisted Harry.

"Do you have any concept of grammar, Potter? Had left, does that tell you anything?"

"So you're saying you were a Death Eater but you left? Why? Why join in the first place? Why leave?"

"My, my aren't we curious tonight," smirked Snape as he raised the glass to his lips. Harry saw red, or amber at least.

He snatched the glass from Snape's hand and shattered it against the fireplace. "Don't you dare patronise me! I just found out my mother was raped and I'm the son of some fucking Death Eater out there!"

"Language, Mr. Potter," said Snape, as calm as anything. "Twenty points from Gryffindor."

"I think Harry can be forgiven just this once, don't you, Severus?" came Dumbledore's voice from behind Harry.

Snape glared at the headmaster. "How did you get past my wards, Albus?"

"Now, now, Severus, you should know better than to try and keep the headmaster out from any part of his own school. I brought Poppy down with me, I think it's time Harry knew what happened in the past, don't you? Your pensieve if you please, Severus. Poppy has already brought hers down with her."

Snape paled and glared at the headmaster. "You promised those memories would remain private, headmaster!"

"I know, Severus, and although it pains me to break that vow, I do think Harry needs to know and a pensieve is an unbiased witness, isn't it? Bring your pensieve into the office when you're ready, Severus."

"They're private!" hissed Snape and although Harry was almost dying of curiosity, he had to agree with Snape on this one. How could he look inside someone else's memories without their permission? How would he feel if someone did that to him? He wouldn't be pleased, not one bit.

"Sir, you don't have to show me if you don't want to," said Harry to Snape as the headmaster returned to Snape's office.

"No, I do not wish it, Potter, but you will soon learn that when it comes to Albus Dumbledore, anyone else's wishes are irrelevant."





Part 18

Harry went through to Snape's office, a small stone bowl was sitting on Snape's desk, Madam Pomfrey standing beside it. Except for the runes carved into the sides, it was plain and unimpressive. Harry stared at the swirling, silvery liquid that filled the bowl almost to the rim.

Dumbledore was sitting on Snape's chair and to Harry that just seemed wrong, somehow. Not only was the man forcing Snape to show him memories that he wanted kept private, now he was usurping the professor's place as well. To say Harry was feeling a bit confused was an understatement. His mind was still reeling from the revelations about his parentage and he wasn't sure what he should be feeling about Snape. In his mind's eye he saw the Dark Mark blazing against the man's pale skin, but he remebered how the man had saved him too.

Was Snape a Death Eater? Or was he something else entirely? Harry had no idea what to think, what to feel. He wanted to see Cedric, he needed to see Cedric. He needed to talk to someone about this who wouldn't judge him, who wouldn't look at him differently and Harry hoped Cedric was that person.

He could well imagine Ron and Hermione's shock if he told them about the man who had fathered him. Hermione would pat him on the back and tell him not to worry, Ron would probably storm around the room ranting and raving. Your father was a Death Eater?

No, he couldn't tell Ron and Hermione about this.

Shades of grey?

More like shades of murky dishwater.

It was some time before Snape himself entered the office, carrying a bowl almost an exact replica of the one already sitting on the desk, only where Madam Pomfrey's bowl was a soft grey colour, Snape's was black, the white runes a stark relief against the bowl itself. Snape set the bowl on the desk. He nodded to Harry then turned to Dumbledore.

"The boy may look, Albus, but I do not intend to stay here and witness this again." With that, Snape stormed out of the room and slammed the door to his quarters so hard that jars on the shelves rattled against the wall.

Harry swallowed and stared at the two bowls on the table. "Sir, what exactly is a pensieve?" he asked.

"Are you familiar with Muggle recording devices, Harry?"

"Oh, like videos you mean?"

"The pensieve works on similar principles, but it records a person's thoughts, memories and emotions as well as any activity."

"So in there, that's Madam Pomfrey's and Professor Snape's thoughts?"

"Yes, dear boy. Poppy, I believe Harry needs to see your pensieve first in order to better understand what came later?"

"Of course, headmaster," Madam Pomfrey moved so that she was standing close to Harry. "Take my hand, Harry and bend forward when I do."

Harry reached out for the matron's hand, he trusted this woman with his life, she'd saved it so many times before. He remembered every time he'd been ill or injured in the hospital wing and how she'd looked after him but even so, he still wasn't prepared for the falling sensation as they both bent over the silvery vapour in the bowl. He screamed as he fell and landed on his feet in the hospital wing.

"Just watch and listen, Harry," the woman whispered to him. Harry gasped when he saw a younger version of Madam Pomfrey tending to a boy in one of the beds. He really had gone inside a memory.

***

Poppy stretched, pressing a hand to the small of her back, trying to get rid of the kinks. It was barely dawn but she'd been up all night tending her newest patient. The boy was resting now, lank, black hair contrasting sharply with the whiteness of the pillowcases. Most of his injuries she had dealt with, but she could do nothing for the nose. It had been broken at least four times and left to heal on its own, but it had healed crooked, it would always be crooked and she knew it would end up being another thing that they tuanted the poor boy for.

"Poppy, how is he?"

Poppy turned to see Albus Dumbledore framed in the doorway of the hospital wing. "How do you think, Albus? He was almost killed! Broken ribs, collarbone, legs, arms, damaged kidneys, ruptured spleen, concussion - shall I go on?"

"Best not," sighed Dumbledore and Poppy felt like throwing something at the man.

"This is systematic abuse, Albus, this has been going on for years. I cannot in good conscience allow the boy to go back home next term."

"Poppy, we cannot keep the boy from his parents, we have no legal grounds."

"No legal grounds? I will take this to the Wizengamot if I have to and sue for custody myself! He is not going back there! Not to that monster!"

"Poppy, Tobias Snape is the boy's father, you cannot keep Severus away from him. He's a Muggle, the Wizengamot will not interfere."

"Oh, they'll interfere, all right," said Poppy. "Just you wait!"

Harry lurched as he was hurled from the hospital wing to a different day, a different memory.

The room was circular with tiered seating arranged all around it, full to bursting with wizards in purple robes. Madam Pomfrey and the small boy, who Harry assumed to be a young Snape, stood on the floor in the middle, facing two elderly wizards, who were shuffling papers and whispering amongst themselves.

Harry took the oppurtunity to look at this unguarded version of Severus Snape. He was dressed in Hogwarts robes, a Slytherin crest on his lapel, no surprises there, but what was surprising were that his eyes were full of fear and he reached out to hold Madam Pomfrey's hand. Harry had never imagnined the man as a child, that he might have been scared and in pain. Harry had never imagined that Snape had been abused by his relatives, just like Harry had.

Harry was praying fervently that Dumbledore was wrong and that the Wizengamot would interfere and allow Madam Pomfrey to take the frightened boy away from his father. He saw the boy Severus pale when he looked up into the public gallery. Harry turned and saw who he assumed to be Tobias Snape. He was wearing a dark blue Muggle suit, but his dark eyes were fixed horribly on his son, it was the sort of look Harry used to get before he got a hiding from Uncle Vernon.

One of the elderly wizards in front of the younger Madam Pomfrey coughed and the room quietened down.

"Application by Mistress Poppy Pomfrey for sole custody of Severus Snape has been denied."

"NO!!" screamed Harry and the young Severus together. Severus clung to Madam Pomfrey's waist and would not let go. One of the attendants had to physically pry them apart, Severus was sobbing and screaming as if his heart was breaking and Harry felt for that boy. He'd seen the way Tobias Snape had been looking at his son, Severus was going to get a terrible beating as soon as they got him home, Harry didn't need to be Seer in order to see that.

"Oh, God, why don't they do something?" raged Harry as Severus was led away, outside the doorway, where he saw Severus being ushered into the hands of his parents. His mother, a pale faced, willowy woman who looked as if a breath of wind would knock her down. His father was stout, but not as much as Vernon and he towered over both his wife and his son. Harry could see a purple bruise on the woman's face and he realised Severus' mother would be unable to protect her son when she could not protect herself. Tobias Snape shook his son by the shoulder and dragged him outside, shouting something Harry couldn't hear.

It was almost as if Harry could feel the touch of the man on his own shoulder, when he realised it was Madam Pomfrey tapping him there. "Harry, we have to go now," she said and almost as soon as she spoke, Harry felt himself pulled upwards towards the ceiling. He stumbled onto the floor and pressed his head against the flagstones.

It had almost been like looking at his own life with the Dursleys'. Who'd have guessed that he and Snape had so much in common?

"Oh, God," Harry moaned to the floor. "His own father did that to him? Why did the Wizengamot allow him to go back there? That was so cruel! You gave him hope and then took it away again!"

"Harry, I didn't do it to be cruel, I wanted him out of that house. I did think that after seeing the evidence of the abuse Severus had suffered there, they would allow me custody of him until he came of age. I was wrong, but I never meant to hurt him, you must believe that."

"Why did you show me that?" Harry asked, pushing himself to his feet. "That was horrible!"

"Yes, Harry, it was, but you needed to see what Severus had endured in order to understand a little about his pysche," said Madam Pomfrey, leading Harry to the desk again. "Severus was an oustisder since the moment he set foot in this school. A half-blood, sorted into Slytherin House. His housemates refused to associate with him because he was a half-blood and the other Houses refused to associate with him because he was a Slytherin. He belonged nowhere and had no friends. He spent quite a bit of time in the library and haunted the Restricted Section whenever he could, he wanted to find something that would make his father stop. At age twelve, Harry, Severus Snape fell under the spell of one of the older students. He wanted so much to belong, Harry, but perhaps it's best if you see those memories for yourself," Madam Pomfrey pushed the black pensieve towards him. Harry knew that in there he would see Snape's memories, memories that the man had wanted hidden and he wasn't sure he could do it.

"I - I don't know, Madam Pomfrey. Professor Snape doesn't really want me to look in there, does he?"

"He doesn't, no. Perhaps if you just had a little talk with Severus?" suggested Madam Pomfrey. "That way he has control over what information he feels comfortable revealing to you."

"No, Poppy," said the headmaster. "Severus will never reveal what Harry needs to know. Harry is in danger from Death Eaters and I think he should discover exactly why someone joined Voldemort and then turned traitor against him. I insist, Harry."

"No! I refuse to violate the man's privacty like that!" It was bad enough what Harry had already seen. How would Harry feel if Snape had seen every horrible thing the Dursleys had ever done to him? He would hate it, he knew he would.

"Harry, you have no choice in the matter. Neither does, Severus. This information is too important to be kept private. Now, Harry, look into the pensive."

And as Harry felt his head dip towards the bowl, without his volition or consent, he knew that the headmaster must have cast a silent, wandless spell on him.

He'd been compelled to look.






Part 19

"SEVERUS!!!"

Severus heard Poppy's scream at the same time that the monitoring spell he'd placed on Potter went off with the decibel level of a horde of rampaging Hippogriffs. He rushed to his office door, to find Poppy trying to tend to the boy on the floor. Potter was having convulsions, his whole body arched completely off the flagstones, only his head and his feet were actually touching the stone, the rest of him resembling a human bridge. Severus could see the pale blue light of Poppy's binding spell encasing the boy, but it wasn't holding him, it wasn't doing much at all. The magic was bouncing off him and shattering jars around the room. Besides Poppy's hysterical screams and the shattering jars, the room was quiet. Potter himself was completely silent, his mouth arched backwards in a rictus, muslces taut with tension but no sound was coming out.

"Severus, hold him!" ordered Poppy as soon as she saw him. "I need to get an anti-convulsion potion in him, but he can't keep still long enough!"

Severus knelt down and gripped the boy's arms, holding them firmly by his sides, but his legs still kept kicking out.

"Albus, hold his legs!" roared Poppy and it was only then Severus noticed that the headmaster had still been in the office. The man looked rather pale as he did what Poppy had bid him and for once he seemed totally beyond words. Once Harry was a little bit calmer, Poppy leaned over him and poured a few drops of the potion down his throat. A few second later, the rigidity of Potter's body eased, but he lay there on the floor, his eyes totally blank and he didn't say a word.

"He's in shock!" said Poppy as she tried unsuccessfully to rouse him.

"What happened?" asked Severus.

"I - I didn't know, Severus," Dumbledore said weakly. "I didn't know that would happen to him. I thought he would be able to handle it."

"Handle what, Albus?" demanded Severus.

"Severus, Albus compelled Harry to look in your pensieve and --"

"What!!!" screeched Snape.

"Harry didn't want to look," sighed Dumbledore. "What was I supposed to have done?"

"You could have talked to me, got me to talk to him! You forced him to look into a pensieve? By himself, with no one there to anchor him? How could you, Albus? How could you have forced him to watch that without anyone else there to ground him? He got stuck, didn't he? You had to pull him out, that's why he's like this now! He's fourteen for fuck's sake! You thought he could handle it, did you?" Severus waved his arms in the direction of the prone boy on the floor. "You've traumatised him, you fucking bastard!"

"Severus!" scolded Poppy, but at that moment Severus did not care that he was verbally abusing his employer, his mentor and at one time friend. He could never be friends with the man again, not after this.

"I'm sorry, Severus."

"Sorry? That's all you ever say, Albus! Oh dear, I've ruined someone else's life, terribly sorry! But your words are fucking useless! How does being sorry help that boy on the floor, eh? Isn't it enough you manipulated my life, now you have to manipulate his too?" Severus yanked hard on Dumbledore's shoulder and led him over to look at Harry. "Look, Albus, take a good a look at what you've done. Your saviour, your precious tool, damaged by you and nothing you can say will make this better! Ever!"

"I need to take Harry to the hospital wing, may I use your floo, Severus?" she was stoically ignoring the arguments and Severus had to admire her calm.

"Of course you can, Poppy. May I visit him later?"

Poppy nodded as she levitated Harry's prone form over the floo and cast a pinch of floo powder inside. A few moments later, both she and the Potter boy were swallowed up by emerald flames, the image burned onto his retinas for a few seconds after they had departed.

"I should go," said Albus quietly.

"Yes, you should," said Severus, his voice flat. He sank onto the chair by his desk, feeling as if he was a puppet whose strings had just been cut. A few seconds later, he heard his outer office door close and he was left staring at the pensieve that had caused so much heartache. He was sorely tempted just to empty the entire contents down one of his sinks, but he knew he couldn't do that. He had to look, to see what Potter saw, in order to help the boy back from the abyss.

Severus removed his wand, leaving it on hsi desk, it would ground him and pull him back if he got too far inside the memories. He leaned over the swirling mass in the bowl and got ready to face his past yet again.

***

"It's Severus, isn't it?" the handsome blonde boy asked. Severus gawked at him and stared. The seventh year in front of him was like an angel, a beautiful, blonde angel with pale grey eyes and perfect alabaster skin. He didn't look real, he was like a statue. Severus glanced around the common room, sure the boy had made some mistake. Surely the handsome Head Boy couldn't be taking to him?

"Y- yes, y- yes sir," he replied nervously, but still remembered the sir. All Slytherins had to address the seventh years as sir, no matter who they were.

"I hear you're very good at Potions, Severus," the angel continued and sat down on the sofa next to Severus. No one had ever sat next to Severus before.

"P- professor Slughorn thinks so, sir."

"Yes, he wanted me to talk to you, Severus. I need a tutor for Potions and he suggested you."

"Me?" gasped Severus. He was a third year and a seventh year wanted to be tutored by him?

"Yes, come to my room at eight o'clock tonight and don't forget your Potions books!" Lucius laughed and ruffled Severus' hair before getting up from the sofa and joining his friends on the other side of the common room. The friends glowered at Severus, but it didn't bother him, not now, not when the had the memory of Lucius Malfoy talking to him, touching him and the anticipation of seeing him again that night.

***

Severus did indeed tutor Lucius Malfoy in Potions for the rest of the year, but sometimes during their sessions, Lucius would gaze at Severus in a way that made his hands sweat and his heart beat too fast, making him breathless. Sometimes he got a strange feeling down there, but he didn't understand what was causing it or even what he was supposed to do about relieving the pressure. His father whipped him with his belt any time he caught Severus trying to touch himself there, so Severus just gave up in the end, it was just easier that way.

One day, he was lying face down on Lucius' bed, his legs high up and crossed at the ankles as he went over some of the theory again. Lucius was sitting beisde him and one of his hands wandered to rub at Severus' back. He shot up in surprise, his Potions notebook dropped onto the bed. "Lucius, what are you doing?"

"Ssh, Severus, I just want to make you feel good. You'll enjoy it, I promise." Lucius' hand was back on his back, stroking Severus on top of his shirt, both their robes and jumpers had been discarded earlier in the evening as the fire in Lucius' room was always on the warm side. Severus swallowed and allowed the boy to continue stroking him, but he wasn't entirely sure that he liked it.

For a few weeks, that was all Lucius did, stroke his back with his shirt still on, on the fourth week, he removed Severus' shirt and his own, just touching and stroking until one day, Lucius' hands wandered down to his trousers and pressed Severus there, hard. "No!" Severus batted the other boy's hand away, noting how flushed Malfoy's chest was and how heavily he was breathing.

"Aw, come on, Severus. If you loved me, you'd do this, it won't hurt. It'll be so good, just wait and see. Or maybe I won't need you to tutor me anymore. Maybe I won't be friends with you anymore."

Severus didn't cry, not then, not the first time Lucius Malfoy jerked him off with an expert hand and Severus fell in an incoherent heap on the bed. Lucius hadn't lied, it had felt good, but it felt awful as well. It was later that night, alone in his bed with silencing charms up that he allowed himself the luxury of tears, for he knew now that his friendship with Lucius Malfoy was conditional. If he didn't do what Malfoy said, he would find himself back to being alone and friendless with nowhere to belong. Severus Snape wanted to belong somewhere, to someone and if the only way to achieve it was to do what Malfoy said, then he would just have to do it.

***

Soon, Malfoy stopped touching Severus at all, but he wanted to be touched himself. Each night, Severus had to touch him, make him come or Malfoy would threaten him with breaking up their friendship. Severus didn't enjoy it, he didn't even get hard anymore at touching the other boy. The first time Malfoy tried to put his cock in Severus' mouth, he ran away and locked himself in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and bawled his eyes out. The next day, Malfoy ignored him totally and that night, Severus went back to the Head Boy's room and swallowed down the leaking prick like a good little boy. He choked when Malfoy came and made himself sick later that night. But he didn't stop going back to that bedroom, back to Malfoy.

The night before the NEWTs, Malfoy wanted to fuck him. "No, you can't!" Severus had sobbed, remembering only too well his mother's admonishments on waiting until the right time and the right person. Malfoy wasn't the right person, he wasn't loving enough to help Severus through the transition of getting his full powers.

Malfoy didn't take no for an answer and that night, Severus' full powers were ripped from him at the same time as his innocence.

***

The next day, Severus avoided Malfoy and his friends, but he overheard them talking anyway.

"Malfoy, why do you keep hanging around with that little freak?"

"He gives great blow-jobs!" Malfoy laughed. "And, have you seen that arse? Tightest little thing, he let me fuck him last night! The little slut, he loves it! Just tell him you love him and he's yours!"

Severus hurried across the courtyard, but the shouts followed him anyway. "Hey, Snape? How about giving me one tonight? I hear you're great!"

Tears almost blinding him, Severus headed again to the only place in Hogwarts he could have any privacy, but that day when he entered Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, he came face to face with a red-headed Gryffindor. He almost backed out the door again, but she started talking to him.

"Hello, Severus, isn't it?" the conversation was starting to sound too similar to that one of Malfoy's earlier in the school year. "I'm in the same Potions class as you."

He set his books down on the bench by the sinks and wiped his eyes. "Lily? Lily Evans?"

She nodded, green eyes full of sympathy. "Are you all right, Severus? Do you want me to go and get Madam Pomfrey?"

"I'm not ill," said Severus.

"Um, Severus, you're bleeding," she said, flushing.

"Where?" he glanced in the mirror at his face and hands, but couldn't see anything.

"Severus, um, you're bleeding from behind, there's blood seeping through your robes."

Severus gripped the edge of the sink, feeling the blood drain from his face and since he was normally so pale to begin with, he looked like a corpse. Oh, God, she'd seen. The whole school had seen his shame and he wanted to die right here standing in a girl's bathroom with blood flowing from him back there, back where Lucius had hurt him last night.

"Severus, has someone hurt you? Touched you?" the girl asked gently, placing an arm on his. He welcomed the touch, a woman's touch, gentle, nothing like Lucius' angry touches.

"I said no," Severus whispered brokenly. "I said no."

***

Then it was the hosptial wing, the tests, the poking and the prodding, Aurors from the Magical Law Enforcement office, but Severus refused to speak, refused to name his attacker.

Without a name, they couldn't press charges and Severus was left alone except for being fussed over by Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore gave him a pensive, encouraged him to put everything inside, even though it was seventh year magic, not third. Dumbledore promised his pensieve would always remain private, that he didn't need to tall anyone anything he did not wish.

For three weeks he lay in the hospital wing planning his revenge on all those who had hurt him. It took him a while to realise that what Lucius had done to him was as much abuse as his father's fists had been and they were both going to pay.

At age seventeen, Severus Snape joined Voldemort and earned his Dark Mark by killing Tobias Snape.

He regretted the incident almost at once and hurried back to Dumbledore, where he was forgiven and agreed to turn spy for the Order. He regretted killing his father, but Severus Snape never once regretted joining the Death Eaters.

He had joined for one reason and one reason only.

Lucius Malfoy was a Death Eater.




Part 20

Severus felt the magic in his wand pulling him back, he'd almost stayed too long and he allowed himself to be pulled backwards, out of the pensieve. He jolted in the chair as the memories washed over him again, feeling as if they had happened just moments ago. But which memory was it that had so disturbed Potter? Severus' psuedo-relationship with Lucius Malfoy? The murder of his father? Or that he joined the Death Eaters in the first place? Or was it that darker one that Severus had tried to keep hidden at all costs. His rape at the hands of someone he once thought he loved.

Severus pushed the chair back from the table, the wooden legs scraping against the flagstones. He had to go to and see Potter, to see if there was anything he could do to help the boy. Help the boy like no one had been able to help him.

***

Cedric sat by his desk in his room, gazing out at the snow covered grounds. His Transfiguration essay lay untouched on his desk. He just couldn't concentrate. Ink dripped from his quill and spotted the parchment, he didn't notice. For three days now Harry had been in the infirmary, but Madam Pomfrey was allowing no one to visit him, not even Cedric. She wouldn't tell him what was wrong with Harry, no one would. The knock on his door startled him out of his reverie. Harry! He almost bounded across the room in his haste to open the door.

But it wasn't Harry who was standing on the other side, it was Professor Snape. A Snape who looked as though he'd got as little sleeep as Cedric had in the past few days. His hair was even greasier than usual and hunk in lank strands around his face. The man didn't have bags under his eyes, he had a whole set of luggage.

"Sir?"

"Mr. Diggory, can you accompany me to the hospital wing, please?"

Cedric gaped at him. The man had said please! "Harry, oh God, is he all right?" Cedric removed his outer robe from the hook behind the door and put it on. Snape took that as yes and he descended the stairs towards the Hufflepuff common room. Unusually for a Saturday, the other students were all there and entirely silent as Snape walked through. The man had never been in Hufflepuff territory before as far as Cedric knew.

Once they were out in the corridor, Snape turned to him, his expression grave. "No, Mr. Diggory, Harry Potter is far from all right. Madam Pomfrey wants to transfer him to St. Mungo's for more expert care. She feels she has failed. Spells and potions have not helped him so far, but maybe you can?"

"What's wrong with him, sir? What can I do? I'll help any way I can."

Snape ushered them both into an empty classroom on the third floor, warding the door and casting a strong silencing charm on the entire room. Wandlessly and silently. Cedric gaped at the man in awe, Cedric could do a few wandless spells, but he hadn't mastered the art of casting spells without speaking them yet. The wizard in front of him must be very powerful and he wondered what the man was doing teaching at Hogwarts. Surely he would make an excellent Auror?

"Madam Sprout has informed me that you have studied Occlumency and Legilimency since you were fifteen, Mr. Diggory."

"Yes, sir, my uncle Andrew, Clive's father, is an Occlumens. He tried to teach both of us, but Clive didn't have the aptitude for it, but he's continued to train me. He said it's a good skill to have."

"Indeed it is, Mr. Diggory. Have you kept up with your exercises while at school?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good, good. We need someone Potter trusts to go inside his mind, to bring him back, Diggory."

"Bring him back, sir?" Cedric was getting more and more confused as the conversation wore on.

"For want of a better word, Potter is catatonic. He is not unconsicous, in fact he hasn't even slept since it happened. He should be awake, talking, reacting to things around him, but he isn't. He just lies there, unaware of what is going on around him. Madam Pomfrey and myself think you may be able to reach him, reach him inside his mind."

"Sir? Aren't you an Occlumens? Couldn't you do it?"

"I have already tried," said Snape softly. "And I have failed. I fear that my being there has only made his mind deterioate further. Diggory, what happened to Potter, it is something that should never have happened, especially not like that. Mr. Potter was forced to look into a pensieve which contained very distressing memories, even for an adult. But to inflict them upon a child who had no wish to look! He was forced to look inside alone, Diggory, you know what that means?"

Cedric nodded. Mind magic was very delicate. Looking inside any pensieve had dangers. It was best that you were with someone to help anchor you into reality, or at least had your wand nearby to call you back. To look inside by yourself, you risked getting lost inside the memories with no way out, the penseive and thoughts would feed each other, causing a feedback loop that it was impossible to escape without help. Staring at who he now knew to be a powerful wizard, Cedric paled at the task ahead of him. If Snape couldn't save Harry, then how on earth was he supposed to?

"Sir, may I ask what the memories were?"

You may and although I would rather not discuss them, I think you need to know in order to better help Potter. Cast Legilimens on me, Mr. Diggory and you will see what he saw. I trust your discretion in this, it should never be repeated to anyone else, Potter's life may depend on keeping this knowledge secret, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Cedric removed his wand from his robe pocked but made no move to cast the spell. It felt a bit odd to be using mind magic on one of his teachers.

"You may discuss these incindences with Potter, but only with him as he may wish to unburden himself to you, but no one else. No one," the man repeated vehemently. Cedric nodded. "Cast the spell, Diggory."

Cedris cleared his mind as he raised his wand and intoned, "Legilimens," red sparks flew from his wand and enveloped Professor Snape. Barely a moment after the sparks had touched the other man, Cedric felt himself being pulled as if inside a whirlwind inside his professor's mind. The memories came one after the other, almost too fast for him to realise what they were, it was only once the spell finished that he would make more sense of them.

As Dumbledore opened his arms to the seventeen year old Severus Snape, Cedric was thrust out of the man's mind and wobbled a little on his feet as the classroom came back into focus. Cedric didn't know what to say. Sorry seemed woefully inadequate and would probably sound like an insult after what the man had been through. Cedric thought he perhaps understood the man a little better.

"So that's why you wanted to talk to me about Harry," he mused. "You were afraid I was going to hurt him, like you'd been hurt?" he asked softly.

"I - yes," agreed Snape. "I saw phantoms of my own mistakes in the two of you."

"Sir, I can promise you now that I would never hurt, Harry. Never. I love him. I could never do to him what Lucius Malfoy did to you."

Snape held up his hand. "Please, I have no wish to discuss this further. We should get to the hospital wing, it's Harry who needs our help now."

As they made their way down to the infirmary, Cedric realised it was the first time he had ever heard the man call Harry by his given name.

***

Snape hadn't been joking, Harry lay on top of one of the infirmay beds, his eyes wide and unblinking. His eyes were open but he wasn't seeing anything. Cedric waved his hands in front of Harry's face, not a flicker. He took Harry's hand in his and kissed it, but there was no reaction. He even tried tickling Harry's sides, he was awfully ticklish, but it was as if Harry was carved from stone, not a boy of flesh and blood.

Madam Pomfrey was hovering beside the privacy curtain, dabbing her eyes on her apron. "Come away, Poppy, let Cedric try," Snape urged her and led her away. Cedric stared at the boy on the bed and felt for the first time in all his years at Hogwarts that he was out of his depth.

Magic had come easily to him, he learned quickly and could cast spells the first time he was taught them, even before he was taught them sometimes. Madam Sprout said he had a naturual aptitude for magic, that he instinctively knew the balance of the universe and that it was a rare gift, but one he should cherish. But looking at the still form of the boy he loved, Cedric felt that his skills and talents were going to fall short of the task set before them.

He meditated for ten minutes, clearing his mind of everything but Harry. He pointed his wand at Harry's head before casting the spell and felt himself whisked away, almost like a portkey, inside Harry's mind. It was not a good place to be at the moment. Harry's mind was like a garden, only this garden was dying, weeds were choking out all the flowers. Even as Cedric watched, he saw them shrivel and fall to the ground.

A ten foot high thorny hedge blocked his path, he knew Harry was somewhere on the other side of it, trapped inside terrible memories that were not even his own. How on earth was he supposed to ge through the hedge? He felt as if he'd fallen into a fairy tale, he was the prince come to rescue Sleeping Beauty. Even as he thought the words, he felt his clothes change, he glanced down and saw he was dressed in a silver tunic and hose, a jewelled scabbard hanging by his left hip.

He pulled out the sword; it was lighter than he expected and it took a while for him to get his balance right, he'd never used a sword in real life, but his mind self didn't let that deter him. Cedric hacked at the hedge in front of him, the blade sliced cleanly and created a path through the thorns. He didn't know how long it took to carve a path right through to the other end of the hedge, but finally he was through and stared at what was revealed to him.

A tower, over a hundred feet high, maybe even more. There was no door, only a window high up at the top of the turret. Too bad Harry wasn't Rapunzel and could let down his hair like a ladder. In the next instand, a long, black braid fell from the window to stop a few inches from the bottom of the tower. Cedric pulled on the hair, to test its strength, he half expected to hear a yelp of pain from above, but there was nothing. The only sound in this strange landscape was his own laboured breathing. The hair seemed strong, but would it be adequate to hold him?

Cedric replaced his sword in the scabbard and gripped the plait with both hands, trying to convince himself it was a very strong rope and not fragile human hair. He climbed and climbed, feeling he wasn't getting very far at all. His arms were aching, his legs were trembling, but still he climbed until what seemed like an eternity later he was at the window of the tower. He hefted himself onto the windowsill and dropped down into the circular room. He couldn't help a small laugh. It was almost an exact replica of the Divination classroom, but with a couple of additions.

Professor Trelawney was sitting by a spinning wheel, humming to herself as she spun some yarn. There was a small trestle bed in the room, which Cedic knew had never been in the real classroom. Harry was lying on it, long black hair trailing to the window. There was a small speck of blood on Harry's thumb. As Cedric watched, it welled up and fell in a crimson spot onto the white sheet below him. Trewlawney looked up from her spinning. "He's been waiting for you for a long time," she sighed softly.

"How long?" asked Cedric.

"A hundred years," said Trelawney and returned to her spinning wheel.

It couldn't be as easy as that, surely? Cedric knelt down by the side of the bed and placed a soft kiss on Harry's lips. Green eyes fluttered open and stared at him.

"C- Cedric?" he gasped and lurched upright, hugging Cedric to his chest. "I knew you'd come for me! I knew you would!"

Cedric felt tears dripping down his princely tunic, but he didn't really care. Harry was going to be fine, Cedric would make sure of it. He took Harry's right hand in his left.

"Come on, Harry. It's time to go home."

TBC




Chapter 5: Everything's Not Lost
Part 21

Harry couldn't consciously remember Cedric resucing him from his own mind, but he dreamt about it quite a bit and after those dreams, he would wake up with a smile on his face. Neither of them talked about Snape's memories, but Harry knew he could talk to Cedric if he needed to. He was very surprised that Snape had shared those same horrible memories with Cedric, but he was glad that he had. Physically, Harry felt fine and he wanted out of the hospital wing, but Madam Pomfrey wasn't convinced and made him stay for a few more days just to be on the safe side. On Wednesday evening though, she smiled as she served him his dinner; roast chicken, mashed potatoes and sprouts.

"Well, Harry, I've just got all your tests results back and you'll be pleased to know you can leave the infirmary tomorrow. I've let your teachers know you won't be going back to class until Monday, you still need to take it easy."

Harry tried not to roll his eyes. Take it easy? He'd been stuck in a bed for over a week, any easier and he would be dead! She patted Harry on the shoulder once she'd set down his dinner tray on the table over the bed. As soon as she'd gone, Harry took out his wand and Banished the sprouts. He'd discovered the matron went a lot easier on him if it looked like he'd eaten everything on his plate, there was a lot less fuss and clucking of tongues if his plate was clean.

Since Harry could never eat a full portion, he always Banished some food when the woman wasn't looking and ate what he could manage, then Banished any leftovers as well. He felt a little guilty about doing it, knowing he was deceiving her, but he wanted out and if she didn't think he was eating properly then he would remain under her watchful eye until he would be forced to eat so much that he would be sick. And throwing up certainly wouldn't get him out of the infirmary any time soon.

Once his dinner was first eaten, then the remainder Banished with a small flick of his wand, Ron and Hermione came to visit him. They talked about classes, how Harry was getting on with his clue for the second task but neither of them asked why Harry had been in the infirmary this time and Harry didn't feel like volunteering the information. Ron and Hermione were growing closer together, they seemed to have got over what had happened at the Ball and Hermione was more to be seen in Ron's company than Viktor Krum's these days. Harry felt a little apart from them, both from the knowledge of what had happened to his mother and what had happened to Snape. In a way, he felt he was more grown up than them now, their world was filled with school, classes, dates to Hogsmeade with each other.

Harry's world had expanded too far too quickly and sometimes he wished he had remained ignorant of everything that he'd discovered since that night when Madam Pomfrey told him about his mother's pain.

A small gold necklace adorned Hermione's neck, Harry had never seen it before. "That's pretty," said Harry, reaching out to touch it gently. Hermione and Ron both flushed.

"Ron gave it to me for Valentine's Day," said Hermione, smiling at Ron, who flushed even redder at that.

"Valentine's Day?" queried Harry. "When was that?"

"Today, silly," said Hermione.

"Oh." Harry felt stupid that no one had told him. He had no idea how long he'd been out of things and he felt bad that he wouldn't be able to get Cedric a present. After all that Cedric had done for him, Harry knew he wanted to give him something to show that he really appreciated him, but what? "Hermione, can you bring me some parchment and quills?"

Hermione perked up at that. "Oh, Harry, you're feeling well enough to try and catch up on your homework?"

"Er," said Harry, not wanting to lie to her, but Hermione was already on her feet and away to get Harry his requested items. Harry had no intention of doing homework though, at least not yet.

***

Cedric stood outside the infirmary, the box in his robe pocket felt as if it weighed a ton. He could feel it pressing into his thigh and wondered if he really had the neve to do this. Madam Pomfrey saw him standing by the door and ushered him in with a smile. The woman had positively glowed every time she saw him these days, she was so pleased that he had been able to help Harry back.

"Go on in, Cedric, Harry's other visitors have already left."

"Thanks," Cedric wiped his clammy hands on his robes and wandered down to Harry's bed. The privacy curtain was nowhere in sight and as soon as Harry saw Cedric his face broke into the widest, happiest grin Cedric had ever seen. His eyes were almost glowing with glee. "Cedric!" Harry exclaimed and Cedric felt his own heart flutter almost to a stop in his chest at how pleased Harry was to see him.

"I'm afraid I couldn't get out to get you anything for Valentine's Day, Cedric, but I tried a drawing for you instead. It's not as good as yours though, I don't think I'll ever be an artist." Harry flushed as he handed over the scrunched up piece of parchment he'd been holding tightly in his hand. Cedric straightened it out and stared down at the figure of himself as he'd been in Harry's mindl. The image of him as a prince, ready to rescue his Harry. Cedric smiled.

"Thank you, Harry. It's brilliant!"

Suddenly the box in his pocket seemed a lot lighter. He could do this, he wanted to do this. Cedric kissed Harry briefly on the lips, then knelt down by the side of his bed and reached inside his pocket.

He handed the small velvet box to Harry. "Harry James Potter, will you do me the honour of becoming my bond-mate?" Cedric asked, his heart feeling like it was choking him. The silence stretched and stretched and Cedric's first thought was that he'd made a mistake, that perhaps Harry was too young for what he was asking of him. But in the next instant, Cedric felt himself topple back onto the floor as Harry had launched himself into Cedric's arms and then Cedric could hear again. The word repeated over and over again. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Cedric lay flat on his back, Harry on top of him, peppering his face with tiny kisses, the velvet box still clutched in his hand. "You haven't even seen the ring yet, Harry," said Cedric, smiling as Harry's kisses rained down on him.

"Oh, right," Harry flushed and sat up so that he was sitting astride Cedric's thighs. The position was one that featured prominently in Cedric's dreams and fantasies of Harry and he willed his burgeoning erection away. This wasn't about sex, although he certainly hoped they would be able to do some of that in the future. Harry opened he box and peeped inside before removing the gold band.

At the centre of the ring, two hands clasped a heart with a crown above it. "It's beautiful," breathed Harry.

"It's a Claddagh ring," said Cedric. "It's a traditional Muggle Irish wedding ring, but sometimes used just for friendship as well. If you're available you wear the heart facing away from your body, if you're taken, you wear the heart facing towards you."

Harry placed the ring on his finger, the heart pointing back towards his body. "Cedric, I am most definitely taken," smiled Harry before leaning down and kissing Cedric long and deep on the mouth.

"I thought we could get bonded as soon as you leave school," said Cedric, breathless once he'd pulled away from Harry's kiss. They were both hard from the kiss, but wary of where they were, Cedric pushed Harry off him and led him back to sit on the bed. "We need to get at least two people to witness our bethrothal though," he continued. "Otherwise when we do bond, it won't be considered valid. If you're agreeable, I thought perhaps Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape."

Harry nodded his head.

"I can't think of two better people," he said and sqeezed Cedric's hand in his.

***

Severus had never been asked to witness anything as joyful as a betrothal ceremony before. He, Madam Pomfrey, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were the only people in attendance besides the almost bethrothed couple themselves, Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory. The Hogwarts infirmary was certainly not the most romantic place in the world to become betrothed, but considering the amound of time Harry Potter spent in there, Severus found it rather amusing and he had to stop himself smirking. He felt a little pang beneath his breastbone as he saw they way the two of them looked at each other. They were very much in love and it would have been churlish to refuse to witness their betrothal and Severus wondered why the thought of being churlish now bothered him when it never had before.

Madam Pomfrey was taking the lead in the proceedings, Severus had never witnessed the ceremony before so he was just following her instructions. Weasley looked a bit gobsmacked that his friend was getting bethrothed so young, but Miss Granger thought it all terribly romantic and hadn't yet stopped crying into her handkerchief. What the girl would be like at the wedding itself in a few years didn't bear thinking about.

Diggory and Potter stood in front of Poppy, blue and white ribbons twined around their left hands which were clasped together, palms and fingers touching. "I, Poppy Imelda Pomfrey do hereby bear witness to the promise of these two wizards bound before me, Harry James Potter and Cedric Amos Diggory. The above named have promised with no magic or coercion that they wish to be bound in wizard matrimony to each other. They promise until that day to be faithful to one another and to any vows they have made to each other in private. I, Poppy Imelda Pomfrey witness that these two wizards are bethrothed." Poppy then wrapped a third ribbon round their joined hand which she'd conjured from the air, this one the green colour for healing.

Madam Pomfrey stoo down and nodded to Severus that he should now do the same.

"I, Severus Tobias Snape do hereby bear witness to the promise of these two wizards bound before me, Harry James Potter and Cedric Amos Diggory. The above named have promised with no magic or coercion that they wish to be bound in wizard matrimony to each other. They promise until that day to be faithful to one another and to any vows they have made to each other in private. I, Severus Tobias Snape witness that nthese two wizards are bethrothed." Severus conjured a dark grey ribbon, the colour of Potions and draped it round the hands of the two young men in front of him.

Their hands and the ribbons encasing them glowed gold before the ribbons disappeared entirely and four scrolls of parchment fell onto the nearest bed. Severus lifted one up, handed one to Poppy and each to the now betrothed wizards before him. He unrolled the parchment, it was a confirmation copy of the betrothal certificate which was now filed at the Ministry of Magic records office.

Diggory and Potter stared at the certificates with matching grins, Hermione Granger sniffled yet again into her handkerchief.

"Oh, it was beautiful! Thanks for inviting us, Harry and Cedric."

"Our pleasure," said Harry. He and Cedric were making a beeline for Severus as he tried to escape to the doorway.

"Thank you, sir," said Potter, holding out his hand. Severus had never been offered a handshake from a student before, but what else was he do? He accepted the hand and nodded his head. Once Potter had finished with him, Cedric shook his hand, but then to Severus' mortification pulled the man towards him in a hug and slapped him on the back as though they were the best of friends.

As he was finally released from Cedric's embrace and he and Potter returned to the other three, Severus couldn't help but stare at their retreating backs a little bit longer. Those two students knew more about Severus than anyone else in the world except maybe for Poppy and Albus. Was it true?

Were those two students the nearest thing in the world he had to friends?



Part 22

The night before the Second Task, Harry made his way to the Prefect's Bathroom on the fifth floor, having received a very cryptic hint from Cedric earlier that day. Hermione had already told him off for not figuring out the clue before now, but he couldn't tell her about the other things he had on his mind.

He felt a little vulnerbable wandering about after curfew without his invisibility cloak, Snape still had hold of that, but he didn't want to risk any of the Prefects seeing him by having his bath any earlier. His egg was lodged under his arm, his dressing gown pulled tight across his waist. He just hoped no one was about, he didn't want to explain to Filch what on earth he was doing here. Not only was it after curfew, but he was not a Prefect and technically was not allowed to use this bathroom.

Harry leant close to the door and whispered the password, "Pine-fesh." The wooden door swung open without a squeak and Harry crossed the threshold, his jaw almost dropping. The bath was sunk into the floor, it was the size of a swimming pool, with hundreds of jewel encrusted taps around all four sides. Harry tried a few taps at random, scented foam erupted from one, large bubbles from another. He turned on a few more and the bath filled with water and foam, taking a short while despite the size of the bath. Harry grinned to himself, Magic was the best.

There was a painting of a mermaid on one of the walls, she looked to be asleep, for she was snoring softly. Alcoves dotted about the walls held tons of fluffy white towels. Harry padded over and removed two, before setting them down beside the bath and settled his egg on top of them. He locked the door before he began disrobing, he could hardly wait to slide inside the water, the bath full of foam looked so inviting and the clue was the last thing on his mind, he just wanted to relax.

Harry quickly pulled down his pyjama trousers and his underwear before sliding into the bathing pool. The temperature was just right, just on this side of warm, making his whole body flush with heat. He sat down on the shelf which ran round the edge of the bath like a seat and stared at his egg for a few moments. How on earth was having a bath supposed to help him work out the clue? Harry shrugged his shoulders and opened the egg, the wailing and screeching echoing off the tiled walls. His eardrums throbbing, Harry tried to close the catch again, but his hands were slippery with foam and the egg dropped from his hands into the pool.

The wailing was still going on, but it sounded a bit more... musical? Harry took a deep breath and ducked his head under the water. The centre of the egg was glowing with golden bubbles and now he could hear snatches of a song, which seemed to be coming fron the egg.

We cannot sing above the ground.
Come hear us where our voices sound.
An hour long you'll have to look
To recover what we took.

The verse repeated over and over again, Harry held his breath for as long as he could so that he would be able to remember the song then he rose back to the surface with a splash, coughing and rubbing his eyes and glasses free of water. The mermaid on the wall gave a rather loud snore and Harry stared at the painting again. Merpeople? Maybe there were Merpeople in the Hogwarts Lake? But how on earth was he going to hold his breath underwater for an hour? He'd only been under for a few minutes and already his lungs felt as if they were burning.

After he'd set the egg back down on the tiles beside the towels, Harry lay back with his head resting against the edge of the bath. The water lapped against his skin, the foam tickling him and he smiled to himself. It would almost be worth becoming a Prefect just to use this bathroom. His eyes were becoming heavier and heavier and if it hadn't been for the loud knocking on the bathroom door, Harry may have been in danger of slipping beneath the water.

"Harry, it's me," came Cedric's hoarse whisper from the locked door. Harry sought his wand in the pile his discarded clothes had made and opened the door with a flick of his wrist and a mumbled Alohamora spell. Cedric wandered in, his hands in his trouser pockets. He wasn't wearing his school robes tonight, just dressed in a pair of jeans and a pale cream shirt. Harry had never seen Cedric in anything as casual as jeans before and he had to admit, they looked really good on him. Really good. All the blood in Harry's body pooled in his groin, his cock throbbing as he looked at Cedric.

Harry swallowed around the snitch that had suddenly lodged in his throat and was just glad there was so much foam in the water. "Cedric, hi. What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were all right, you're not long out of hospital."

"I'm fine," said Harry. "I figured out the clue. Thanks."

"You're very welcome," Cedric smiled and knelt down next to the towels, lifting one up. "Are you ready to get out now?"

"Um," said Harry, blushing and trying not to draw attention to his groin, but his eyes flickered there almost of their own accord.

"Oh," grinned Cedric. "In that case, do you think there's room in that bath for one more, fiancée of mine?"

Harry grinned back and glanced at the ring adorning his finger. He'd never really thought of it like that before, he knew they'd gone through a betrothal ceremony but it was only after Cedric had called him his fiancée that he really grasped what that meant. They were going to get married. He was going to get married to Cedric Diggory.

The Task paled into insignificance. He was getting married to Cedric, that was all that was important to him and his heart felt swollen to almost twice its normal size due to the joy coursing through his body. Harry couldn't remember the last time he'd ever felt such joy, such contentment. He stared up at Cedric, appalled to find his vision blurred with the tears he was trying so hard not to shed.

Cedric knelt down next to Harry, glancing down at him, sadly. "Hey, what's this? Harry, we don't have to share a bath if you don't want to."

"No - no, it's - it's not t- that," sobbed Harry. "I'm just so happy!" With that, Harry used all of his Seeker strength to pull Cedric's face down for a long, lingering kiss. Oh, he could almost come just from this, just from kissing Cedric. His damp hands wound themselves in Cedric's hair, feeling the wet strands trail through his fingers. Cedric pulled away, gasping, his face a delightful shade of shell pink. Harry wanted to lick every inch of it. "I think I'm a bit overdressed," said Cedric with a nervous laugh. Cedric was nervous too? It would be the first time the two of them would be naked toghether, but despite his nervousness, Harry didn't want to put a stop to anything, not unless Cedric wanted to.

When Cedric moved away and stood up, toeing off his shoes, he wore no socks, Harry guessed that despite his nervousness, Cedric didn't want things to end so soon either. Cedric undid the top three buttons of his shirt, then he got impatient and just yanked the garment over his head. Harry was transfixed by the view, his memory hadn't been playing tricks on him; Cedric's chest was as well muscled and toned as he remembered it from that night in the tent. He thought that maybe his fantasy version of Cedric had been over endowed by Harry's brain, but no, it was all real and standing right before him.

Harry couldn't stop the moan of longing that emerged as soon as Cedric popped open the button of his jeans and Harry was treated to a view of a trail of soft looking hair dipping beneath Cedric's trousers. Cedric unzipped his jeans rather gingerly, and Harry could see why. Already, Cedric's rather impressive erection was filling the material between Cedric's legs and Harry felt himself fall very short in that department. Compared to Cedric, he was tiny and he just hoped Cedric wouldn't spend too long looking at him, at his size.

Once Cedric had stepped out of his jeans, he folded both them and his shirt in neatly, before standing up again to remove his boxers. Harry couldn't help the small giggle, comparing Cedric's neatness to his own haphazard, discarded clothes. He'd never even thought of folding them. Cedric glanced back over his shoulder at Harry, his hands in the waist of his boxer shorts and grinned at him before yanking them down and slipping out of them. It was a few moments more before Cedric turned fully around and Harry got to see the full effect of his naked intended.

Harry slid from his seat in shock. Good grief, Cedric was enormous! His prick stood almost vertical to his stomach, so hard already, with clear fluid dripping from the tip. Cedric had his hands fisted nervously by his side, as if he was afraid Harry might find him lacking or ugly or something. Harry didn't think he'd seen anything more beautiful in his life than a fully nude, fully erect Cedric Diggory.

Harry smiled and held his arms out; a few moments later, Cedric joined him in the foam and the two of them swam towards each other and kissed as if each of them was air. Cedric was a great kisser, he just seemed to know what Harry liked, that he enjoyed his bottom lip being bitten, but not the top, that he loved it when their tongues duelled passionately against each other, that he adored it when Cedric carded his fingers through Harry's hair. They were both treading water, legs wrapped around each other, arms holding each other's waist.

Harry could feel Cedric's chest hair against his own smooth chest, he couldn't quite decide whether the sensation was ticklish or arousing. Then Cedric moved his mouth and began to suck on Harry's neck; definitely arousing. Harry's prick was bobbing in the water, trying to seek out something to rub against, but the water was carrying them away from each other. Cedric stopped his ministrations to Harry's neck, making Harry moan in frustrated longing, that had felt so good! Cedric dragged Harry back over to the shelf seat and sat down on it, settling Harry in his lap, Harry's legs on either side of Cedric's waist.

"Cedric! Oh God, Cedric!" yelped Harry as his cock came into contact with Cedric's lower belly and the other boy's erection as well and sparks of sensation coursed through him. He lay his head on Cedric's shoulder, gasping for breath, Cedric grasped Harry's hips and began moving him in a thrusting motion against him. Harry was hyperware of everything, the lavender scent from the froam, the water lapping against his skin, Cedric's fingers gripping him as if Harry was the only thing keeping him grounded, the panting breaths of both of them and they thrust against each other, the soft kisses that Cedric bestowed upon Harry's neck when he could reach it.

Harry had sometimes humped his mattress or a pillow, but that was nothing compared to the sensations coursing through his body as he frantically bucked against Cedric in that bath. Every neve ending was aflame and he was certain he would burn to ashes, no one could survive this intensity for long. Harry felt as thought he was going to explode at any minute, he grabbed Cedric's face and kissed him, hard, thrusting his tongue into Cedric's mouth as the orgasm erupted from the end of his cock in ecstatic pulses. Wave of after wave he rode, splattering both his belly and Cedric's, a thicker fluid to add to that which was already covering them. The waves weren't stopping, just bearing him up, further and further until he landed, screaming, "Cedric! Cedric!" on the beach of Cedric's shuddering body as Cedric spilled himself between them, his hands gripping Harry's hips so tight that his knuckles were whiter than the foam.

"Oh God. Oh God," said Harry, leaning his forehead against Cedric's as he tried to regain his breath. His heart was still hammering his ribs and his whole body felt like the water he was sitting in rather than flesh and bone. Another little aftershock tore through him and he juddered against Cedric, loving the way their wet bodies slid against each other.

Cedric removed his hands from Harry's hips, cupping Harry's face with them before tugging Harry down for a wonderful sweet kiss that had Harry's toes curling and his cock beginning to swell again. "Wow!" said Harry, once they'd both pulled back for air. Harry could feel Cedric's cock hardening against his too and he smiled shyly at Cedric, although why he still felt shy after what they'd been doing was something he tried not to dwell on.

"Did you enjoy that, Harry?" smiled Cedric, kissing Harry's nose, then his cheeks, then his eyelids.

"It was wonderful! Er, Cedric, what was it?"

"What was it called, you mean?"

Harry nodded.

"I think it's called making Harry and Cedric very happy!" laughed Cedric, but relented on seeing Harry's pout. "Okay, it's called frottage, from the French."

"Cheese?" asked Harry, getting more and more confused.

"No, that's fromage!" chuckled Cedric. "Frottage, to rub against something. Feels good, doesn't it?" since at that moment in time, Cedric's cock gave a delicous twitch against Harry's, he couldn't help but agree.

"I think I may need a bit more practice at this frottage," sighed Harry leaning in for another kiss.

Cedric seemed only too happy to oblige him.




Part 23

Cedric was still feeling rather woozy with the afterglow when he and Harry finally got out of the bath. He accio'd a few more towels from the alcove and as Harry got out, Cedric wrapped one around Harry's body and rubbed him briskly, drying Harry's arms and chest.

Harry was just standing there, as stiff as a broom handle, his head lowered and not uttering a word. Cedric found it rather disconcerting after their banter earlier in the evening. When Cedric's hands moved lower, over Harry's belly, Harry yanked the towel out of Cedric's arm and wrapped it around himself.

"Don't, don't," pleaded Harry as he sank down against the wall and hung his head on his knees, but not before Cedric had seen the boy's tears.

"Harry, what is it? What's wrong?" asked Cedric softly. Had he rushed things tonight? Was he pushing Harry too far, too fast?

"We - we shouldn't have done it," said Harry, voice hoarse from crying and trying to hide it.

"Done what, Harry?" asked Cedric, although he could almost guess. One of Harry's hands emerged and waved at the bath.

"Us. This. We shouldn't have done it. How can you bear to touch me? I'm so filthy, so disgusting," Harry sobbed again and lowered his head back down to his knees.

Cedric felt his heart fall to somewhere near his feet. Oh, God, had Harry been sexually abused and just hadn't told him? Had he lied that day when he told of his uncle's abuse? That it was just physical? And here Cedric was, pushing and pushing him into things that perhaps Harry was nowhere near ready for. And then to have seen those memories of Snape's, it was just a wonder Harry hadn't pushed him away before now. Cedric felt so guilty at what he'd allowed to happen between them in the bath, as if he'd somehow taken advantage of Harry in some way. That had never been his intention.

Cedric wrapped a towel around his waist and sank down beside Harry, but he didn't touch him, unwilling to upset Harry any more than he seemed to be already. If Cedric ever got his hands on Vernon Dursley he would not be responsible for his actions.

"Harry, pet, please talk to me," said Cedric. "You know you can tell me anything."

Harry just continued crying, rocking himself backwards and forwards against the wall.

Cedric waited, he wasn't about to leave Harry here alone with only his weeping and bad memories for company. After about half an hour, his patience was rewarded. Harry looked up from his knees, seeming surprised to find Cedric still there.

"I thought - I thought you would have left me. That you were angry with me," said Harry croakily.

"Harry, we're betrothed, we are going to get married. No matter what has happened, whatever you tell me, I am not going anywhere. I will never leave you, Harry. That's a promise."

"You - you mightn't want to marry me anymore," said Harry, "when you find out. I feel so dirty, Cedric, and I can't feel clean even when I've just had a bath!" Harry broke down again and Cedric wished he could hug him to give him some comfort, but he wasn't sure if perhaps any sort of touching now might make Harry feel worse.

"Harry, nothing you can tell me will ever make me stop loving you. I love you, all of you, no matter what happened to you. Please don't be scared of telling me, Harry."

"You'll hate me!" sobbed Harry. "You'll hate me!"

"I could never hate you, Harry," said Cedric in the calmest voice he could muster. He almost felt like crying himself at all the horrible things that had happened to Harry and he was determined that he would allow nothing or no one to hurt the boy he loved ever again. "I love you. I love you and I always will."

"Promise?" asked Harry, the hope lighting up his eyes making Cedric's chest tight.

"I promise," said Cedric. "Do you feel ready to talk, Harry? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but it might make you feel better."

Harry glanced down at the tiled floor, then back up to Cedric's face. "It was so awful, Cedric!" he wailed and then launched himself at Cedric's chest and wrapped his arms around Cedric's waist. Cedric stroked Harry's back and was relieved when Harry allowed it. He was careful to keep his touch light and didn't allow his hands to wander any further than Harry's waist, letting him know without speaking that it would be a comforting touch… nothing more.

Between sobs and hiccups, the story of what had happened to Harry's mother emerged. Cedric held Harry throughout, not speaking, just letting Harry tell the story in his own time. He'd barely been able to take in the news before he’d been forced into Snape's pensieve and seen the awful memories it contained.

"I - I felt so guilty, so dirty, Cedric. I - I shouldn't even have been born," sobbed Harry. "I'm nothing, I'm nobody!"

"Ssh, Harry, ssh," Cedric tried to soothe him. "You're Harry. You'll always be Harry, it doesn't matter what surname you were given or even who the bastard was who did that to your mother. What matters is that your parents loved you. James and Lily Potter were your parents and they loved you so much they died to save you."

"They did, didn't they?" said Harry, looking up from his perch on Cedric's chest. "Everyone kept telling me that, how much they loved me."

"They loved you, Harry. They didn't think you were disgusting or dirty, for you aren't. You were not to blame for how you were conceived, Harry. No one is, no one can choose their parents. You said you felt guilty? Why? It wasn't your fault your mother was captured. Lay the blame squarely where it belongs, with the Death Eaters who did that."

"I - I wasn't feeling guilty about that, Cedric. The bath - what we did. I feel awful about it because I enjoyed it. How can I enjoy things like that after what happened to my mother? I shouldn't enjoy it, should I?"

"Oh, Harry," sighed Cedric and kissed the top of Harry's head. Harry flinched a little, but he didn't move away. "What we did was totally different to what rape is. We love each other, we were showing our love in a physical way. Rape isn't about love, it's not even about sex. It's about power, control and violence. It is just another form of torture that the Death Eaters have always used."

"You sound like you know a lot about it," said Harry.

"I had an older sister, Harry. She was an Auror; the Death Eaters raped and killed her during the last war. I was only two or three at the time, but as soon as I was old enough, my father told me everything. He wanted to make sure that I would be prepared for anything."

"Oh, Cedric, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Do you think my sister was dirty and disgusting, Harry?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"And your mother?"

"No, it wasn't their fault, what happened to them."

"No, it wasn't. And it wasn't your fault either, Harry. You are an innocent in all of this and I wish there was something I could do to help."

"I - I don't know that there is, Cedric," said Harry sadly. "But - but maybe, can we - can go back? Take things a bit slower? Just kissing for now? I feel a bit confused."

"Harry, of course we can! I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. Ever."

"Thanks, Cedric. Thanks for being so understanding."

"Hey, what is your knight in shining armour for?" laughed Cedric. "It's in the chivalry code book, you know."

"They have a code book?" Harry pushed himself to his knees and much to Cedric's relief, the boy was smiling, tears dried to silvery tracks on his cheeks.

"Oh, yes. Maybe one day I'll let you read it!"

***

Once they were both dressed again, Cedric walked Harry back to his dormitory in case they ran into Filch or one of the Prefects, although Harry wasn't sure how much longer the fact that Cedric was Head Boy would still be accepted as a valid excuse considering the whole school knew they were going out together. Harry was feeling a bit wrung out after their talk, but he was glad he'd told Cedric. He probably should have told him sooner and maybe things wouldn't have gotten so far out of hand in the first place.

Cedric pressed a soft kiss to Harry's lips once they'd reached the fat lady before he made his way back to his own dorm. Harry said the password, "Flying Seahorses," the Fat Lady mumbled something about being called upon at all hours before she swung her portrait open and Harry could climb into the common room. It was so late that everyone else was already in bed and the fire had dwindled to glowing embers.

It was with a heavy heart that Harry made his way up to his dorm. He hadn't lied to Cedric, he was feeling very confused, he just hoped Cedric would be patient with him while he tried to sort out his confusion. Cedric was older than him, maybe he'd want more from their relationship than a few kisses, but Cedric had said that he wanted to wait until he was bonded before he lost his virginity, so perhaps Harry was worrying over nothing. After all, Harry wasn't leaving school for another three years, plenty of time to work out anything they needed to before then.

Not only that, there was also the Second Task tomorrow. Harry caught a glimpse of Dean's Muggle alarm clock, the figure glowing green: 1.40 a.m. – make that later this morning then, and Harry had no idea what he was going to do. He was already dressed in his pyjamas after his bath, so he just pulled back the covers and slid into bed.

There was something hard underneath his pillow. Harry growled – was one of the others playing a prank? He wasn't in the mood for pranks, not tonight. He sat up and pulled his pillow out of the way. There, just about visible from the moonlight streaming through the windows was a small jar. He had handled plenty of jars like that before when he'd been cataloging Snape's storeroom. As he lifted up the jar, a note popped into existence beside it.

Gillyweed, Potter. The non-exploding kind this time. I'm sure you can figure out a use for it.

The note wasn't signed, but Harry would recognise that spidery scrawl anywhere.

He clutched the note to his chest and fell asleep with a small smile on his face.




Part 24

"Harry! Harry!"

Harry jerked awake on hearing the voice, the green of the Avada Kedavra spell still lingering in his head as the nightmare gradually faded and he stared blurrily into the worried eyes of Neville Longbottom. Harry fumbled for his glasses and pushed them on, the room came into focus and he blinked up at Neville.

"You were screaming, Harry," said Neville, sounding a little shaky. "Are you all right?"

"I'm okay," said Harry. "It was just a nightmare."

Weak February sunlight filtered through the windows, was it morning already? Harry felt as if he'd hardly slept at all. What with worry about the Second Task, the nightmares, and wondering if Cedric was angry with him after their talk last night, Harry just wanted to crawl back under the covers and hibernate until the Tournament was over.

Neville's eyes took in the jar of Gillyweed sitting on Harry's bedside cabinet. "Oh, great idea, Harry!" exclaimed Neville with a large smile.

Harry noticed his hand was empty, he must have dropped Snape's note sometime during the night.

"Er, Neville, what does Gillyweed actually do?" asked Harry, for Snape's note hadn't said and the last time Harry had been anywhere near Gillyweed the explosion had happened and Harry had not had time to ask any questions about it. Questions about a Potions ingredient had been the last thing on his mind that day.

Neville smiled then. "You're teasing me, right? Why on earth would you have Gillyweed if you don't know what it does?"

"Um..."

Neville glanced around at the other beds to make sure no one was listening in, Harry looked too and saw that Ron's bed was empty and already made up. Come to think of it, Harry didn't think he'd seen Ron in bed late last night when he got back. Had Ron been out all night? Harry grinned to himself.

"Gillyweed helps you breathe underwater," explained Neville. "There's enough here for about an hour. I thought that's why you got it, for the Second Task."

"Well, yeah, I did," said Harry. "But I didn't actually know what I was going to do with it. You're the expert on plants, Neville, not me. I'm hopeless at Herbology."

Seamus gave a loud snore and woke himself up, glaring round at Neville and Harry, as though one of them had been the one to wake him. Neville laughed. "Come on, Harry, let's get you some breakfast."

***

Harry ate some breakfast, then spent the ten minutes before the Second Task throwing up in the bathroom next to the Great Hall. Hermione and Ron weren't at breakfast and Harry hoped they wouldn't get into trouble if the teachers found out that they'd spent the night together, for that was the only reason Harry could come up with as to why they weren't in their beds last night; he'd overheard Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil wondering where she'd been. Hermione's bed had been empty too.

Harry leaned his head against the wall of the stall and tried to calm himself down, the jar of Gillyweed clenched in his fist. It was all well and good in theory, but Harry was scared of putting it into practice. He had never learned to swim and Harry was terrified of water. One day when Vernon had been feeling particularly vindictive, he'd already beaten Harry badly with a broom handle, but he didn't think that was enough punishment for whatever it was that Harry had done. Vernon had filled the kitchen sink with water and held Harry's head under until Harry had almost drowned. It had been bad enough last night when he'd gone under the water in the prefects' bath, how on earth was he going to dive beneath the lake?

Maybe he should just go now and tell the judges that he couldn't do it? That he was giving up?

Harry was shaking and almost crying with nerves before he heard Cedric calling from outside the cubicle.

"Harry? Are you in there? It's nearly time."

Harry stood up and opened the stall door. Cedric was already dressed in his swimwear, a vest t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He held Harry's swimming outfit in his hands, Harry had left it on the breakfast table.

"I can't do this, Cedric! I can't!"

"Harry, you got past a dragon in the best time! This will be a walk in the park. Or a swim in the lake," he smiled, but Harry couldn't smile back.

"I can't swim, Cedric! They never - they never took me for lessons, only Dudley. How am I supposed to do the task if I can't swim? I'm terrified of drowning, Cedric. He - my uncle --" but Harry couldn't speak any more.

"Do you trust me, Harry?" asked Cedric softly.

"Yes, with my life." As he said the words, Harry realised they were true. He would trust Cedric to the ends of the earth and beyond.

"There's a spell I can do, it won't let you drown. Will you let me cast it on you?"

Harry nodded. He had a lot more faith in Cedric's spells than he had in the Gillyweed, although he would probably use that too.

Cedric removed his wand and intoned the words of the spell, "Aqua Tutis." Harry felt the red glow from Cedric's wand wrap around him like a blanket, but he didn't feel trapped, he felt safe, secure, like nothing or no one could ever harm him.

"Wow," Harry breathed softly. "Thank you, Cedric."

"You're very welcome," said Cedric. "A kiss? For luck?"

Harry nodded and stood on tiptoes to press his lips against Cedric's, feeling all the love Cedric had for him in that simple gesture. He could do this. He would do this. Cedric made Harry feel that there was nothing he couldn't do. Cedric hugged him tight, before Harry quickly got changed and they both made their way to the lake.

***

Harry lay shivering on the platform as Seamus and Hermione wrapped him in towels. His skin was burning from the Grindylow stings and his two friends' brisk drying wasn't helping him any. Cedric came over and took one of the towels from Seamus.

"Get him another towel," Seamus ordered no one in particular as he relinquished his own towel to Cedric.

"How are you feeling now, Harry?" Cedric asked in a low whisper as he began to dry Harry a lot more gently than Seamus and Hermione had done.

"Glad that's over, even if I did come last," replied Harry.

"Second to last," added Hermione. "Fleur never finished at all."

Harry shrugged, he didn't really care what his score was, he would just be happy when this whole bloody Tournament was over. The judges were in discussion a few metres away, but Harry couldn't hear what they were saying. Karkaroff was looking murderous though, his face like thunder. Someone handed Harry a fluffy bathrobe, he put it on over his shorts and vest, but he was still shivering. He couldn't wait to get back and get into a warm shower or bath. He felt as if he'd never be warm again.

Dumbledore cast a Sonorus spell on his throat. "Attention please!" his voice carried over the lake and to all the spectators. "Miss Fleur Delacour did not complete the Task so the judges have no choice but to award her fourth place. Mr. Cedric Diggory earns first place as he was the first contestant back with his hostage."

The cheers were deafening, Rita Skeeter hauled Cedric away from Harry for a photo, but Harry had the impression that Cedric's smile was not for the benefit of the photographer, but for him. Harry felt a warm glow settle somewhere around his midriff and he smiled back.

"There has been some contention over the second place position," said Dumbledore, his eyes flickering briefly to Karkaroff. "However, most of the judges have agreed that Harry Potter was first to reach the hostages and that if it hadn't been for his determination to rescue all four and not only his own hostage, he would have returned first. Therefore, for this outstanding show of moral fibre, we award Harry Potter second place!"

There were boos, there were cheers, but Harry could hardly believe what he'd just heard.

"There you go, Harry!" said Seamus, clapping him on the back. "You weren't being an eejit at all, you were showing moral fibre!"

Hermione hugged Harry so tightly that he felt all the breath leave his body. He came second? He came second?

As soon as Rita Skeeter and her photographer had finished with Cedric, he rushed over and gave Harry his second hug of the day. "I knew you'd do it, Harry!" said Cedric, kissing Harry on the forehead, Harry heard about a dozen flashbulbs go off, but he didn't care. He'd done it, he hadn't drowned and Cedric was in his arms, what more could he want?

"Party in the Gryffindor common room!" shouted Fred as the rest of the spectators headed towards the boats.

"Can Cedric come?" Harry called after him, Cedric still hadn't let go of him.

Fred pretended to give Cedric the once-over and turned to his twin, "What do you think, Fred? Is he good enough for our Harry?"

George and Fred both gave Harry equally, friendly grins. "Yeah, he'll do!"

***

It was the first party Harry had been to that he actually enjoyed and he knew it was because Cedric was there with him. They spent most of the party with Cedric commandeering one of the comfy armchairs by the fire, and Harry perched in his lap. Harry was finally warming up, the other Gryffindors hadn't even let him have time to go and change so he'd still been in his swim shorts and vest and a damp bathrobe. As soon as they'd reached the Tower, Cedric had cast a warming and drying spell over both of them, but Harry still felt a little shivery.

He leaned his head against Cedric's shoulder and watched as the party erupted around them. Butterbeer had been conjured (or more likely Fred and George had sneaked into Hogsmeade for it through one of the secret passages) and the noise was getting louder and louder. The tables of snacks and drinks looked decimated, and the floor was a mess of spilled crisps and popcorn which Harry couldn't stop looking at.

Fred and George were organising a game of ‘pin the tail on a broomstick’. Lavender squealed when she had her turn, for if you made a mistake, the board grew arms and tickled the contestant. Ron and Hermione were in one of the other armchairs, snogging without a care in the world as to who might see. Harry hurriedly looked away, feeling his cheeks burning.

"Harry? Are you okay?" asked Cedric, stroking his back. "You're very quiet."

"It's just nice, sitting here with you like this. I'm fine, really."

"Good," Cedric kissed his forehead, glancing over at Ron and Hermione. "They haven't come up for air yet."

"No," giggled Harry. "Do you - do you want to? With me?"

"Only if you want to, Harry. I told you, I won't force you into things. You know that, right?"

"I know, Cedric. I know you're not like that. I love you, and right at this moment I'd like it very much if you were to kiss me." .

Cedric smiled and caressed Harry's face with his hands. "I think I'd like that very much too."

Harry closed his eyes and arched his neck as Cedric lowered his and they met somewhere in the middle, mouths pressing hard against each other. It was meant to be a long, slow, lingering kiss, but they were rudely interrupted by catcalls and wolf-whistles, courtesy of the other Gryffindors. Harry turned his head from the kiss and glowered at them.

"Hey, Cedric, leave the poor boy's tongue in his mouth!" guffawed George.

"Harry! I am shocked at your behaviour!" added Fred, pressing his hand dramatically to his forehead and pretending to swoon. "Such decadence!"

Harry grabbed the cushion nearest to his feet and threw it at them. The twins just couldn't seem to stop laughing. Harry felt a bit embarrassed, but he was also a little excited that the others had been watching. Was he turning into an exhibitionist?

"Aw, true love," crooned Fred through his chuckles. "Don't mind us, Harry. Snog Diggory as much as you like, but maybe you'd like us to give you some pointers?" Fred leered and Harry was overjoyed to find Cedric's arms grip him in a very proprietary gesture.

"No he would not!" Cedric glared at them and the twins dispersed to harangue Ron and Hermione.

"Cedric, I wouldn't," said Harry. "They're just friends, really."

"I know, Harry. But sometimes I just wonder what on earth you're doing with me. You could probably do a lot better."

"Don't wonder, Cedric. I'm with you because I love you and there is nowhere in the world I'd rather be right now than here on your lap, snogging you senseless."

"Is that a promise?" asked Cedric with a small smile, his hands tightening around Harry's waist.

"It is," said Harry and proceeded to make good on it.



A/N: Aqua - water
Tutis - protected, safe.



Part 25

In the corridors between classes, ignoring the whistles of their friends; behind the greenhouses, whatever the weather; lying on Cedric's bed, wrapped in each other's arms; in dusty classrooms, empty desks and chairs the only company; in dimly-lit alcoves, bodies pressed against walls; in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, after checking that she wasn't spying.

Since kissing was all they could do, they kissed and kissed whenever they got the chance. Cedric was so pleased that Harry responded so enthusiastically to his kisses after their talk. Knowing that Harry only wanted kisses for now, made Cedric feel like a whole lot of pressure had been lifted from his shoulders as well. He felt lighter somehow and since all they did was kiss, they made the most of it. Using lips and tongues; nibbles and bites; hands tangled in hair; trailing down necks; over cheeks or along throats.

They would have plenty of time to work things out about sex and Cedric was in no hurry to rush Harry into things he wasn't ready for.

It was amazing how enjoyable just kissing could be. Cedric had had no idea that a good kiss could almost rival an orgasm for pleasure. He loved the taste of Harry's mouth and could not get enough of kissing those raspberry lips. He dreamed about them too and more than once he had to leave the Great Hall if he saw Harry eating, and had to head to the nearest bathroom for some relief. It wasn't very romantic, but sometimes Harry could make him hard just by looking at him in a certain way. Or even not looking, just devouring little morsels of food and licking his lips, and Cedric could almost imagine that Harry was remembering their kisses earlier that day.

Harry's lips were looking a lot fuller these days, wet and kiss-swollen. Cedric was sure they matched his own. They hadn't talked about the Third Task yet, but Cedric could sense that Harry was worried about it. Harry seemed keen to shut Cedric up with plenty of kisses if Cedric tried to talk about something Harry didn't want to. He didn't think it was particularly healthy for Harry to clam up like that, but he didn't want to force him to talk if he really didn't want to.

A few days before the Easter holidays, he and Harry were lying on his bed. Harry's head was resting on Cedric’s chest and he was stroking Cedric's shirt, making him shiver in delight. Cedric loved it when Harry took the initiative; it made him feel as if he wasn't forcing Harry into anything. It was already dark outside, the only illumination in the room came from the moonlight and a few scattered candles.

"Oh, Harry, I almost forgot. My parents wrote to Dumbledore, you're coming to stay with us during the Easter break. My mother can hardly wait to meet you."

Harry's head jerked up. "She wants to meet me? And she - she knows about us?" Harry glanced down at his ring, his eyes wide with a touch of fear.

"Of course. Don't look so worried, Harry. She'll love you, just like I do. It's only for a few days; Dumbledore doesn't want you away from the Hogwarts wards any longer than that."

"Fat lot he'd care!" said Harry viciously as he pushed himself upright and sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around himself. He was shaking; Cedric could see the boy's trembling even in the dim light.

"Harry?"

"It was him. Dumbledore. He forced me to look into Snape's pensieve, I didn't want to, Cedric. I knew Snape didn't really want me to either, but Dumbledore compelled me to look. God, the things that had happened to him, it was awful, Cedric, really awful."

"I know, Harry, I know. When you were trapped in your own mind, Snape showed me those memories too."

Harry turned back round to face him, a flickering candle flame reflected in his glasses. "He showed you? Deliberately?"

"Yes, because he thought it would help you. It can't have been easy for him to share that."

"No, I don't suppose it can," sighed Harry. "I guess that's why he's been so interested in me and you, after what had happened to him with Lucius Malfoy. Maybe he thought you'd try to take advantage of me or something."

"I think I understand his reasoning a bit better now, but I can assure you, Harry, I am nothing like Lucius Malfoy!"

"I know, Cedric," said Harry as he crawled back onto the bed and proceeded to kiss Cedric breathless. It was Harry's way of saying he didn't want to talk any more.

***

"You've never Apparated before, have you, Harry?" asked Cedric as they walked outside the Hogwarts grounds and were almost to the village of Hogsmeade before the wards ceased. Both of them were wrapped up in their winter cloaks, scarves and hats; it was still a very cold March although the snows had eased off now. Some buds were appearing on the trees and even a few daffodils had popped up on the hillsides.

Harry shook his head. He didn't know whether the nervous fluttering in his belly was because he was about to be Apparated for the first time or because he was going to meet Cedric's parents officially as it were, as Cedric's fiancée. What if they didn't like him? What if they thought he wasn't good enough for their son? Harry was almost hyperventilating in his anxiety.

"Harry, relax," smiled Cedric. "They're not ogres, they'll love you. Now, I have to hold on to you for an assisted Apparition, just make sure to keep holding on tight."

"You do have your licence, don't you?" asked Harry.

"Of course. I passed first time." After giving Harry a small kiss, Cedric wrapped his arms around Harry; Harry did the same, and in almost the next instant Harry felt as though his whole body was being squeezed through a tunnel much too small for it. He was breathless and gasping when they finally came to a stop in an alleyway, reminiscent of those between Privet Drive and Magnolia Crescent.

"Okay, Harry?" asked Cedric, smiling. They still hadn't let go of each other.

Harry nodded; he didn't trust himself to speak quite yet.

"This way," said Cedric, and grabbing Harry's hand he led him out into the alleyway. The street was very similar to Privet Drive, but there was something different about it. Harry couldn't quite figure out what it was until they passed a few houses. All the driveways were empty of cars, although some did indeed have garages. Some of the garage doors were open and hanging on the walls inside were different makes of broomstick and jars of Floo powder.

"Welcome to Quixley Street," smiled Cedric. "It's all wizards here."

"Where exactly is here?" asked Harry.

"Just north of Nottingham."

"Oh, like Robin Hood?"

"Yep, he was a wizard you know."

"Really? I thought it was just a legend."

Cedric laughed. "Don't let anyone round here hear you saying that! He's the most famous wizard to ever come out of Nottingham."

"So far," smiled Harry. "Wait until Cedric Diggory wins the Quidditch World Cup!"

Cedric smiled, blushing, before he came to a stop outside number 25. The front lawn was immaculate, the path free of windblown leaves and some shrubs were already in flower, despite the early season. Harry supposed being a wizard would help with that, although he himself could never get to grips with any of the Herbology spells himself. Harry didn't have a green thumb, it was a purple one by the time the plants had finished with him.

Even before they were half-way up the path, Mrs. Diggory yanked open the front door and wrapped Cedric in a very enthusiastic hug. "Cedric! Cedric! It's so good to see you!"

Harry felt tears threaten in the corners of his eyes. He had never been welcomed to Privet Drive like that and he knew he never would be. Mrs. Diggory was a tall, slim woman with long brown hair and eyes the same colour as Cedric's. She was wearing a long velvet skirt and a white blouse, looking somewhat like a governess from some Victorian novel. Once she'd finished with Cedric, it was Harry's turn to be wrapped in her arms and he wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

"So good to finally meet you, Harry! Cedric's told us all about you in his letters of course. I knew he was in love long before he did. Come in, come in, your trunks arrived by Floo earlier this morning and Sam is just putting them in your rooms." Mrs. Diggory let go of Harry and they made their way up the path to the house.

Harry and Cedric followed her down to the kitchen at the back of the house, it was almost an exact replica of the layout of Privet Drive, although the Dursleys didn't have pictures that moved and waved to you on their walls. When they reached the kitchen, that was where the resemblance to anything on Privet Drive ended. Whereas Aunt Petunia had to have every gadget going and everything in the kitchen had to be in its proper place, the kitchen in 25 Quixley Road looked like a tornado had just passed through it. Piles of clothes were scattered about, dishes were perched on the worktops and Harry didn't think he'd ever seen anything so wonderful in all his life.

The kitchen was large with a red quarrystone floor, comfy sofas dotted about one end and mismatched cupboards at the other. There was no dining table and no cooker either, just a large fireplace with a couple of different-sized cauldrons bubbling away, the smells wafting from them making Harry's mouth water.

There was a young witch sitting on one of the sofas, heavily pregnant, her blue robes straining around her bump.

"Harry, this is Sarah, my daughter-in-law," smiled Mrs. Diggory. "Sarah, this is Harry, Cedric's intended."

"Pleased to meet you," said Harry, bending down to shake Sarah's hand, as she was about to struggle to her feet.

"Cedric! About time you came home, mate!" came a booming voice from the doorway. Harry and the others turned to see the owner of the voice. He strode into the room. The man was about Cedric's height, but he was broader and his face was ruddy as if he spent a lot of time outdoors. Brown eyes twinkled at both Harry and Cedric.

"Harry, this is my older brother, Sam. Sarah's husband."

Another handshake and then a hearty backslap. "Congrats are in order, I hear, Harry. I'm sure you could do a lot better than our, Cedric, though!" he laughed, but it was well intentioned.

"Sam! Leave the poor boys alone!" scolded Sarah and Harry had to smile at that, Sarah didn't look much older than Cedric.

"Cedric, show Harry to his room, will you?" asked Mrs. Diggory as she bent over one of the cauldrons on the fire. "Then when your father gets here we can all have lunch. There’s something going on at the Ministry, he had to go in for a little while today."

"Okay, Mum," said Cedric, taking Harry's hand again and leading him out into the hallway.

As Harry climbed the stairs he couldn't stop smiling. Everyone was being so nice to him and he couldn't wait to get to know them all a bit better. After he and Cedric got married, they would be his family.

He couldn't have hoped for a better family if he'd chosen them himself.

Chapter 6: Everything's Not Lost
Part 26

"So, where are you taking Harry today?" asked Mr. Diggory over the edge of his paper. Harry had been in Quixley Street for three days already and in that time, Cedric had taken him out somewhere new every day. They'd gone to museums and art galleries, both wizarding and Muggle, and it seemed as if Cedric was determined to make up for all the trips Harry had lost out on in his childhood. He had never been allowed to go along on any of his primary school trips; the Dursleys wouldn't spend money on him if they could help it and certainly not for treats like that.

"I thought I'd leave it up to Harry today," said Cedric, squeezing Harry's hand under the table.

"Um, I don't really know," said Harry.

"Amos, can you take this tray up to Sarah, dear? She's not feeling her best, poor love," said Mrs. Diggory as she levitated a full breakfast tray to hover near her husband.

"Where's Sam?" asked Cedric.

"He had to go into work early. The Ministry is in an uproar. Madam Bones was up for the job of Under-Secretary, but Fudge has given it to - well, let's just say there have been rumours that the two of them are not just friends. Sam had to go in and try to keep the peace. Half of them are calling for Fudge to resign because he's been abusing his position appointing that woman as his Under-Secretary, but it is Sam's job to keep the Minister safe, no matter who holds the office."

Harry looked blankly at Cedric. "Sam's an Auror," explained Cedric. "He's the Minister's personal bodyguard, but he's never liked Fudge. Who got the job as Under-Secretary anyway?"

"Someone called Dolores Umbridge," said Mrs. Diggory, as her husband finally took the tray from mid-air and went out into the hall.

"Never heard of her," said Cedric.

"Me neither," added Harry.

"More toast, Harry?" asked Mrs. Diggory, spearing a slice of bread on a toasting fork and waving it over the fire.

"No, thanks, Mrs. Diggory. I'm full, really."

Mrs. Diggory glanced at Harry's plate, still with some scrambled egg and bacon on it, but she didn't mention it again. Harry wondered if Cedric had told her about the Dursleys starving him. Cedric leaned over to grab the newspaper his father had left on the table; it was then that Harry noticed it was a Muggle newspaper and not the Daily Prophet. Mrs. Diggory saw him looking.

"We don't take the Prophet anymore, not after what they said about you and Cedric."

"Mum," Cedric said in a warning tone.

"What did they say about me and Cedric?" asked Harry.

"You didn't tell him?" Mrs. Diggory gaped at her son.

"It was all lies anyway. I didn't think Harry needed to hear all that rubbish. Rita Skeeter is a hack, she wouldn't know the truth if it hit her in the face!"

In a way, Harry was glad that Cedric had protected him from something he thought Harry wasn't up to seeing, but on the other hand things had been kept from him before and he had felt even worse when he discovered what had been hidden.

"What did she say, Cedric? What did she write?" Harry asked softly. "Please, I need to know."

"Well, remember after the Second Task when we were hugging? They got it on camera and it was splashed across the paper how you and I had cheated because we were together, and that we were doing weird, unnatural rituals in order to win the Triwizard Tournament and wasn't it time we were under investigation by Mr. Crouch's office or even from the Magical Law Enforcement office itself."

"Unnatural?" asked Harry, his throat tight.

"Well, basically because we're gay, Harry. That's what she was implying in the articles anyway."

"But - but, Professor McGonagall said it didn't matter what sex you were as long as you loved each other!"

"That's true, Harry dear," replied Mrs. Diggory. "But there are some people who are still prejudiced no matter what. Rita Skeeter just likes stirring up controversy. Muck-raking sells more papers."

Harry knew that was true but it didn't help when he was the one who was being dragged through the mud time and time again. And now they were starting on Cedric because they were together. It wasn't fair, but then things in Harry Potter's life usually weren't; his time with the Dursleys should have taught him that already.

Cedric scanned the paper again, tapped an advert and grinned. "Harry, have you ever been to a funfair?"

"A what?"

"You know, bumping cars, Ferris wheel, candyfloss."

To Harry, it was as though Cedric was suddenly speaking another language, although he was almost sure the words were English, he didn't understand much of what Cedric had said.

"You haven't, have you?"

Harry shook his head.

"There's a funfair in Sherwood Forest today, that's where we'll go."

"Cedric, are you sure that's wise? Professor Dumbledore said neither of you were to venture too far."

"We'll be fine, Mum," said Cedric as Harry bristled silently. Suddenly Dumbledore cared what happened to him now? After compelling him to look into that pensieve?

"Let's go," said Harry, rising from the table and heading to the cloak rack in the hall for his Muggle coat.

***

Harry's face was covered in pink candyfloss, his tongue kept sweeping out to try and get it off and he had the widest grin Cedric had ever seen on him. It was as if Cedric was seeing the funfair for the first time as well, Harry was so wide-eyed with wonder at everything. They'd already been on the bumping cars, but Harry didn't want to try the Ferris wheel or the helter-skelter slide and Cedric wondered if Harry had a fear about heights as well, but then thought that couldn't be the case if he flew about on a broom with no problem.

"You missed a bit," smiled Cedric, gazing down at Harry.

"Where?"

"Here," said Cedric leaning over and licked the sticky confection away from Harry's upper lip and his left cheek before kissing him briefly on the mouth for good measure. "Do you know what you do to me, Harry?"

"I have an idea," smiled Harry, glancing quickly at Cedric's groin, which was stirring a little after their kissing.

Cedric laughed. "I don't mean that! I mean, I can't imagine my life without you in it. I'm so glad I found you, Harry."

"Me too," said Harry, standing on tiptoes so that he could kiss Cedric's nose, then he plucked a piece of candyfloss from its stick and fed it to Cedric with his fingers, both of them smiling at each other. Someone walked past with a large teddy bear, one of the prizes from the ring-toss. A whale of a boy was following the child with the teddy bear and proceeded to whine to the corpulent man and thin woman beside him.

"I want one of those! Why can't I have one of those?" he was saying over and over again. Harry froze in the act of putting another morsel of candyfloss in Cedric's mouth.

"Harry?"

"It's my cousin!" wailed Harry. "Quick, hide me!"

Cedric cast a silent See-Me-Not spell and the bubble enclosed both of them. Harry sank down and leant his back against the tree they'd been standing beside. Cedric sat next to him and took the opportunity to study the Dursleys. So these were the people who had so abused Harry? From Harry's tales, Cedric was almost expecting them to look as evil as they’d acted, but they looked perfectly normal. Just like any other family out for the day. Where were the horns and the forked tails?

Cedric's wand hand itched. He wanted to hurt them. He wanted to hurt them so badly for what they'd done to Harry. Cedric had never been attracted to the Dark Arts in any shape or form but in that instant as he watched the spoiled cousin being pampered by his parents; he wondered if he had enough hate in him to cast Cruciatus on them. They deserved to suffer for what they'd done to his Harry. Harry had never been pampered – he'd been beaten, starved, locked in; they treated him worse than you would a dog.

Cedric couldn't bear to sit here and watch them any longer. He cast a silent spell in their direction. It wasn't an Unforgivable, but all three of them would be needing the bathroom rather soon. "Come on, Harry, let's get away from here."

Cedric stood up and held out his hand to help Harry up, but Harry didn't hear. He had his arms wrapped around his knees and his eyes were blank, staring at nothing, the green glow dimmed.

"Harry, pet?" Cedric asked gently as he sank down on his haunches in front of Harry. Harry had done this before, gone away somewhere. The only thing to do was wait until he came back; this wasn't like the time Harry had been forced into the pensieve, he wasn't trapped in his own mind, he just wasn't ready to face some things and Cedric knew when not to push.

It didn't take too long before Harry blinked and stared up at Cedric. "How long was I out?"

"Just a few minutes, Harry. Come on, I'd like to show you something."

Harry reached for Cedric's hand and the two of them made their way deeper into the forest, bypassing a large oak tree surrounded by tourists clicking away with their cameras. The See-Me-Not spell was still enclosing them, but Cedric wasn't going anywhere near that tree anyway. A signpost nearby proclaimed it to be the Major Oak, the supposed camp of Robin Hood and his Merry Men.

As they got deeper into the forest, Harry paused and gasped, his hand tightening on Cedric's. "What was that? I feel all tingly."

"It's Earth Magic," said Cedric. "The forest is full of it. It's just a little further now."

The trees were getting denser now, making it seem as though it was twilight rather than early afternoon. There was no one else this far into the forest. There were no mountain bike tracks or walking trails here, they had to squeeze between the trees, making their own pathways. It got so dark they both needed Lumos from their wands, but suddenly they came upon a clearing, the sunlight dazzling them after so long in the murk of the woods.

An oak tree stood in the centre, its gnarled branches were swaying in the wind and the ground around it was littered with acorns.

"This is the real tree where they camped," said Cedric. "Can you feel the magic?"

"Wow!" exclaimed Harry. "It's like I can feel everything in my body."

Cedric nodded, he'd felt it from the very first moment his father took him here as a child. It was as if he was aware of every sensation in his body, the blood pumping through his veins; the air going in and out of his lungs; feeling every bone and joint as they moved; the magic tingling everywhere. He had been standing by this tree the first time his father told him that he was a wizard from a long line of wizards. Cedric had been five years old at the time and he'd never forgotten how wonderful it felt to be standing in this spot, knowing exactly who and what he was. He'd always suspected there was something odd about his family and it had been a lovely
surprise when his father finally told him what it was.

"Yes, it's right on a ley line," said Cedric. "Wizards can sense the magic beneath their feet."

"It's wonderful, Cedric. Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're very welcome, Harry," said Cedric leaning down for a kiss.



Part 27

After they'd eaten their picnic lunch by the shade of the tree, Cedric sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, Harry on his lap. He always thought they fitted together so well and Cedric could just spend all day sitting out in the forest, gazing into eyes which were such a deeper shade than the leaves surrounding them. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and tugged him forwards, ready for a kiss.

God, that first taste of Harry's mouth was always so heady and Cedric relished it. Harry was kissing him back just as fiercely, wriggling on Cedric's lap, and both from the kisses and Harry's movement, it wasn't long before Cedric was aroused, his fingers tightening on Harry's waist as he tried to stifle his moans. Magic and desire were both thrumming through his veins and it would be no hardship to allow this to continue.

Harry's tongue trailed across Cedric's lips, he opened his mouth to allow the questing organ entrance and once inside, Cedric sucked on Harry's tongue, imagining what it might be like to suck Harry's prick. A wave of arousal shot through him so suddenly at the image that he couldn't help but groan. He reluctantly pulled away from Harry's kisses.

"Harry, stop, if you don't want things going any further, please stop. I - I - ," but Harry cut him off with a kiss, rough and passionate, and Cedric could feel the evidence of Harry's desire pressing against his abdomen. Cedric's hands clawed at Harry's back, almost pinning the boy in place on top of him as he thrust up against him.

Harry's hands fumbled with Cedric's shirt buttons, even while they continued to kiss. God, Harry seemed as frantic as Cedric was, he ripped the buttons when they wouldn't open quickly enough for him and yanked the shirt apart, the bottom of it still stuck inside Cedric's jeans. Harry moaned long and deep in his throat and Cedric could feel the vibrations of the sound right down to his toes.

"Cedric! I - I feel funny," admitted Harry as he pulled his mouth away.

Cedric looked up to stare at the boy in front of him. Harry's eyes were lust-glazed, he was so aroused that there was barely any green left, just a rim around the dark pool of his pupil; his face was flushed; his lips were wet and swollen from their kisses and he was breathing heavily. His hair was sticking up at all angles. Cedric carded his fingers through it.

"It’s the earth magic, Harry, it sometimes affects your libido."

Cedric was so hard that he ached and he very much wanted this to continue, but not at the expense of Harry's peace of mind.

"Harry? Are you sure about this? I mean really sure?" He tried not to hope… tried not to wish.

"I'm sure, Cedric. I love you - I want us to do things together. Not - not inside, not yet. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"What do you want to do, Harry?"

"I love the way it feels when you kiss me and touch me. Just touch me, Cedric, anything – as long as it's you."

Cedric cast a magical fire in the clearing; it would warm them and give some light, but it wouldn't damage the forest around them and since it was also enclosed within their See-Me-Not spell, they wouldn't have an audience for anything they wanted to do. Not that many people ventured this deep into the heart of the woods anyway.

Harry glanced at the fire. "I - I feel on fire a bit, Cedric. Like something has to happen or I'll explode."

"I know, Harry," grinned Cedric. "It's the wild magic of the woods, it's very – stimulating." Cedric kissed Harry again, teasing at first, then more firmly as Harry writhed on his lap making the blood pound in his veins. He undid Harry's buttons slowly, teasing the bare skin revealed, loving the texture of Harry's skin under his fingers. Each nipple got a little tweak, causing Harry to buck his hips and pull sharply on Cedric's hair. Cedric didn't mind, it was showing him how much Harry was enjoying this too.

It was quite erotic, kissing and fondling Harry in the open air, both of them only half-dressed, the magic of the woods adding something extra to their desire. Not that Cedric needed much help in that department, not when it was Harry who was squirming on his lap as if he wanted to get even closer to Cedric if he could. Cedric removed one hand from Harry's back and reached between them, first undoing Harry's jeans and then his own. Wrapping his hands around both their erections, Cedric pulled hard and arched his hips towards Harry. Both of them were hard and leaking precome already. He could feel both their heartbeats pulsing through the pricks in his hands, they felt hot and heavy and Cedric knew neither of them was going to last long – not when the wood magic was coursing through both of them.

All too soon, Cedric felt the delicious ache low down in his balls and belly, he tried to hold on, wanting both of them to come at the same time. Harry pulled his mouth away yelling to the woods, "Cedric! Oh God, Cedric! I'm coming! I'm coming!" As Cedric felt the first drops of Harry's climax on his hand, he let go as well. The orgasm poured from him in a seemingly never-ending stream. He was gasping for breath as he milked both their cocks, trying to wring every drop from them, his chest heaving, his body still trembling with aftershocks even after the climax ended.

Cedric took their combined essence and wiped his hand first on the tree, then on the forest floor. He felt a vibration deep in his chest and knew that their offering had been accepted.

He hugged Harry to him and kissed him, long and deep. "Are you okay, Harry?"

"I'm fine, Cedric. Thanks for being so patient with me. I just needed to feel ready again. Maybe the wood is affecting me!" Harry laughed and the sound made all Cedric's worries disappear in an instant. Harry was ready for more intimacy, but Cedric would never push unless he was sure Harry wanted it too. Harry rested his forehead against Cedric's.

"I still get upset about it, sometimes," he admitted softly. "About my mother and what happened. So if I sometimes don't feel like it, you’ll know why."

"Harry, no one feels like having sex all the time. If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. I'm glad you can enjoy it when you feel like it, though." Oh, dear, what had he said? For now he could see that Harry's eyes were swimming with unshed tears.

"What did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?" whispered Harry as he leant in for another kiss. Cedric could taste salt on his lips but he realised now that Harry cried for joy as well as sorrow. He was determined that Harry would never cry for sorrow ever again.

***

Severus wandered through the empty school, his boots echoing on the marble floors. Most of the students had gone home this year for the Easter holidays; there were barely a handful of them left. Severus had caught up with both his marking, lesson plans, research and brewing and he had to admit to himself that he was bored.

Albus had invited him to tea again, and again Severus had turned down the invitation. Their relationship would never be the same, not after what he'd done to Harry Potter. To compel the boy to look into that pensieve, when it was clear he had no wish to, it was almost as much a rape as what Lucius Malfoy had done and Severus could not find it in his heart to forgive the headmaster. At least not until the man squirmed some more.

Severus paused by the Great Hall, it was only mid-afternoon so all the tables were empty. It was a depressing sight, so Severus turned and headed out to the lake instead. He had to do something – anything – before he went mad.

He couldn't stop thinking about two boys, wondering what they were doing, what they were getting up to away from Hogwarts’ rules and regulations. Would Diggory find himself reneging on his vow once they were away from the school? No – Severus shook his head, the monitoring spell would alert him if that was about to happen. It seemed that whatever the two of them might get up to – and Severus was no fool, he well remembered the raging hormones of his youth – it wouldn't involve full intercourse, at least not yet.

Severus sighed as he stared out at the lake. Who'd have thought it? He missed Harry bloody Potter and Cedric Diggory.

***

Harry didn't get to see much of Cedric once they returned to school as Cedric was busy studying for his exams which were only a few months away, as was the Third Task. Mr. Crouch had finally told them that it would be a maze.

Ron and Hermione seemed permanently glued to each other’s lips and Harry felt himself drawing further and further away from them as the Third Task approached. He had a horrible feeling about the maze, but he couldn't put it into words why he was feeling so upset about it. He had to do it anyway, binding magical contract and all that, but Harry just wanted the whole thing over and done with.

"Hey, Harry," said Neville one evening as Harry was staring into the fire. "Fancy a game of Exploding Snap?"

Neville was pointedly trying to avoid staring at Ron and Hermione who were snogging in the corner for all the world as if they were alone.

"Sure, Neville," said Harry. His homework was finished and it was a Tuesday, so he didn't need to help Snape in the dungeons tonight.

"Not seeing Cedric tonight?" asked Neville as he dealt the cards.

"He's studying, it's not long until his NEWTs. I don't want to bother him."

"I'm sure he wouldn't find it a bother, Harry," smiled Neville.

"Well, maybe he'd find it a bit distracting," giggled Harry, remembering what had happened the last time Harry visited Cedric in his room when he was supposed to be studying. The only study going on that night was to discover who could scream the loudest when they came. Harry's face reddened at the memory, but Neville didn't seem to notice. "We've agreed that until his exams, we only see each other on weekends."

"It must be tough though," said Neville as he set down his first card. Harry's mind wasn't really on the game.

"Yeah, it is a bit, but NEWTs are important. I don't want him to fail because of me."

"Cedric's a brain, Harry. He won't fail," said Neville and Harry wondered when the universe had turned around and he was being given a pep-talk by Neville Longbottom. Normally it was the other way round, but Harry found he quite enjoyed the change. He was fed up sometimes of having to be the strong one, the one people went to for advice as if he knew all the secrets of life when really he was just as confused as the rest of them.

The scar on his forehead didn't imbue him with super intelligence or even common sense, he was just muddling through life and hoping he'd get it right somewhere along the way. He'd never been taught by his parents or by the Dursleys for that matter, and his Muggle primary school had certainly never prepared him for life as a wizard. Sometimes Harry felt as if he was just hanging in there by the skin of his teeth and one of these days everything was going to fall down around him, ripped to shreds.

The cards on the floor exploded as Neville won the game, but Harry found he no longer had the stomach for games. His guts were in knots, but he couldn't figure out a cause. Had he eaten too much at dinner? After he bid Neville and the others ‘goodnight’ he went to bed, where he stared at the canopy above his head until he felt sure he could discern every individual thread on the tapestry.

It was a long time before sleep claimed him.



Part 28

The dream itself was fading, but not the terror it had engendered. Harry stood outside Cedric's bedroom door, his heart thudding like surf pounding against sand. It was well after curfew and Harry knew if he was caught he would probably lose points or get detention, but at the moment he couldn't really have cared less about House points or detention or anything except for making sure that Cedric was all right. The dream had seemed so real and Harry just could not get it out of his mind. He needed to make sure that it was just a dream; that it was only his imagination or his subconscious or whatever. Harry didn't believe in Divination, so what was he doing here outside Cedric's room at two o'clock in the morning when there were only sixteen more hours until the Third and final Task?

But what if he knocked on that door and Cedric sent him away? Sent him away back to his cold, empty bed with nothing but nightmares for company. Harry rubbed his clammy hands on his dressing gown – they just wouldn't stop sweating and he stood outside in the corridor for the best part of half an hour just staring at the wood-grain.

Harry twirled his Claddagh ring round a few times before he eventually got up the courage to knock. It was a few moments before the door swung open to reveal a tousle-haired Cedric, yawning, as he tied the belt of a dressing gown across his waist, but not before Harry had seen him bare-chested.

"Harry!" exclaimed Cedric in delight once he'd seen him, the warm hug shortly afterwards had Harry breaking down completely and sobbing his distress onto Cedric's shoulder. He was barely coherent, but Cedric didn't seem to mind. Still hugging Harry, he led them both over to the bed and pulled Harry down to sit in his lap as Cedric rested against the headboard.

Cedric rubbed Harry's back, letting him cry it all out. "Ssh, Harry. It's all right, I'm right here. It was only a dream. I'm not dead, Harry."

Harry just wept and wept. He couldn't explain it; he couldn't explain how terrifying that dream had been.

"I'm scared, Cedric," said Harry when he'd finally calmed down enough to speak. Cedric removed Harry's glasses and wiped away the tears from his cheeks with the pads of his fingers. "I - I don't want to go to sleep. I wish this stupid Tournament was over!" Harry crushed his face against Cedric's neck, feeling so young and so foolish for what he was asking. "Can - can I stay here tonight, Cedric?"

Cedric tugged Harry's face away from his chest so that they were looking eye to eye. "You want to spend the night with me?"

"Just to sleep," Harry said, flushing a little. "I - I'd just like to be held."

Cedric wrapped Harry in an ever tighter hug. "Oh, Harry, this Task is really upsetting you, isn't it? Of course you can stay with me! Did you think I'd send you away when you've been having awful dreams?"

"I - I didn't know," admitted Harry honestly. "No - no one's ever really cared about me before."

Cedric's face darkened and Harry could almost imagine the other boy's thoughts in that instant, for his own thoughts were with the Dursleys too. They had never comforted him after a nightmare, after a scraped knee or a broken bone. More often than not they were the ones who'd caused the injuries in the first place.

Cedric pressed his lips against Harry's neck. "You’re with me now, Harry. I'll always care about you. Always," he said fiercely. Harry didn't doubt it for a second.

***

When Harry woke up, he didn't know where he was. All he was aware of was a warm body next to him and sunlight streaming in through the window. His heart reverted to its normal rhythm once he saw that it was Cedric in the bed next to him. He'd had the nightmare again despite falling asleep in Cedric's arms.

"Mr. Diggory! Mr. Potter!" shrieked Professor Sprout, ably accompanied by Professor McGonagall.

Cedric opened his eyes and groaned when he saw the two Heads of House staring at both of them. In the same bed. Cedric wearing only a pair of boxer shorts and Harry in his pyjamas. This was not good. On no level was this good and Harry just wished a hole would open up and swallow him right now.

"Do you have any idea how worried we were, Potter?" screamed McGonagall. "The whole castle has been out searching for you all night! We thought you'd been abducted or something!"

"I'm sorry," said Harry.

"Well, sorry just isn't good enough! And you, Mr. Diggory? Would you care to explain what another student is doing in your bed?"

"I am very disappointed in you, Cedric, very disappointed indeed," said Madam Sprout. "Not only do we find you in bed with a student, but an underage one at that! I thought you had higher morals than this, Cedric, I really did."

"Please Madam Sprout, Professor McGonagall, nothing happened!" protested Harry. "I had a nightmare and I couldn't sleep so I came to see Cedric. Cedric didn't do anything; he wouldn't, not until we're married."

"Married?" queried Professor McGonagall. "Potter, you are fourteen years old, far too young to be thinking about marriage – and sex for that matter!"

"We're getting married as soon as I'm of age," said Harry, showing the teachers his ring. "We’ve already had the betrothal ceremony."

McGonagall opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again and stood staring at the ring for what must almost have been a full minute. "You both swear that nothing untoward happened between you?"

Well, Harry wasn't going to admit about the snogging and the touching they sometimes indulged in, he knew she was asking if his virginity was still intact.

"Yes, ma'am," said Harry and Cedric together.

"May I have your permission to cast a Virgo charm, gentlemen?" asked Professor Sprout. Harry must have looked a bit confused at that.

"It is a charm to detect a person's virgin status, Potter," explained McGonagall.

Harry and Cedric both nodded, they knew nothing like that had happened between them yet. Madam Sprout waved her wand; a red mist emerged from the tip of it and enveloped both Harry and Cedric in it. It settled around them and a few moments later the mist turned white around both their bodies.

"I see," said Madam Sprout seeming very surprised. "So both of you are still virgins; however, you must see how inappropriate such an action is. You should not have spent the night in Mr. Diggory's chambers Mr. Potter no matter how many nightmares you have! And you, Diggory, you should not have allowed it!"

Neither Cedric nor Harry spoke, what could they say?

"Minerva, I will leave Mr. Potter's punishment up to you as he is in your House and I will deal with Mr. Diggory. I suppose we'd best alert the others that Harry has been found alive and well." Madam Sprout sent off a Patronus message from her wand and in the next instant Harry found himself very roundly hugged by Madam Sprout and then by Professor McGonagall.

"Don't ever scare us like that again, Harry," said Professor McGonagall as she stood back up and Harry wasn't sure whether or not he imagined the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

"Your family is downstairs, Cedric," said Professor Sprout, who looked a bit glassy-eyed as well. "Get dressed and you can meet them for breakfast."

"Come with me, Harry," said McGonagall as she waited by the door for Harry to leave Cedric's bed and gather up his dressing gown. He couldn't help the blush when he tied it around his waist, he was still feeling very embarrassed that his teachers had caught him in bed with Cedric, no matter that they hadn't actually been up to anything in it. "Your family is waiting to see you too."

The world around Harry greyed out then went almost completely white. He grabbed one of the bedposts to keep himself upright. The Dursleys couldn't be here. Not at Hogwarts. Not the only place where he was safe from them.

"Harry!" he heard someone scream his name, but he wasn't aware which of them it was. Arms were around him, leading him to a chair. A conjured glass of water was thrust into his hands. Everything sounded weird, as if he was hearing it through a long tunnel.

"The D- Dursleys?" Harry gasped once he'd sipped some water. Professor McGonagall snorted under her breath.

"Those Muggles? No, Harry, I meant the Weasleys. Didn't you know? Molly Weasley thinks of you as one of her own. Now drink up and let's get you ready for breakfast."

Harry knew Mrs. Weasley liked him, but he'd had no idea that she felt for him as if he was one of her own sons. He blinked back the tears and drank the water gratefully. It should have been obvious that the Dursleys wouldn’t venture anywhere near Hogwarts.

Once Harry had finished his drink, Professor McGonagall escorted him back to the Gryffindor dormitories and waited while he took a quick shower, but at least she waited outside the door. Harry had the feeling he was being guarded, but usually it was Snape who'd performed that duty in the past. Once he was dressed, Professor McGonagall walked with him to the Great Hall.

"Since it's the last day of term, detention hardly seems in order," sighed McGonagall. "I will have to take twenty points from Gryffindor, Harry."

"I understand, ma'am," said Harry. He was getting off lightly and he knew it. Professor McGonagall was well within her rights to expel him for being in another student's bed and he was very glad she hadn't.

As Harry entered the Great Hall he was wrapped in another womanly hug, this time from Mrs. Weasley who squeezed him so tightly he was afraid she might crack one of his ribs.

To go from no hugs in the first few years of life to receiving three in one day was a little disconcerting.

"Oh, Harry, we were so worried about you, dear!" said Mrs. Weasley as she released him. Bill was standing beside her, but he just shook Harry's hand and grinned at him, as if he knew exactly where Harry had been last night.

After breakfast, Harry took Bill and his mother on a tour around the grounds. All the Champions had been excused from lessons on the day of the final Task. Most of the seventh years had their last NEWT today, but as one of the Champions, Cedric's exams would take place at the Ministry in early July, a week or two later than the rest of the students, and he'd have to take a different one to everyone else.

At lunch time, Cedric's family and the Weasleys got talking, so Cedric and Harry sneaked off after they'd finished eating and sat down by the shade of some beech trees by the lake. A few of the other students had braved the sunshine as well, those who'd finished their last exam that morning were having great fun casting spells on their books so that they ripped to shreds and fell to the ground like confetti.

They could see the tall hedges of the maze in the distance. Harry shuddered and buried his face in Cedric's robes.

"I don't want to do this, Cedric. I have a bad feeling about this."

"Do you want to resign from the Task?" asked Cedric.

"I can't, I've already asked Mr. Crouch. I have to attempt it, the only way I can get out if it is if I'm injured or something during the Task itself."

Cedric pulled his face round to kiss him. "You're going to be fine, Harry."

Harry nodded, but it wasn't himself he was worried about. It was Cedric.

***

There were more crowds that night than there had been when the Champions had faced a dragon. Harry was shivering in his tracksuit, but it wasn't from cold. Dumbledore pulled the Champions closer and mumbled a warning. "There are no dragons or creatures of the deep to be found in the maze, but be careful. People change in the maze. Oh, find the cup if you can, but remember not to lose yourself in the process."

With that, he sent Harry and Cedric to their starting points, they stared at each other, but Harry wanted more than a look, he wanted a hug and for Cedric to tell him over and over again that things were going to be all right. Harry felt sick, he hadn't eaten much dinner and he willed himself not to faint.

The cannon blasted, he and Cedric made their way into the maze, the hedge closing over the gap where he'd entered so that the noise and music of the crowd disappeared as suddenly as if someone had flicked a switch.

Remembering Moody's quick hint, Harry turned left deeper into the maze.



Part 29

"Harry, take it! Take the Cup!" protested Cedric. "You saved me! You won!"

How could Harry take it? He'd almost let Cedric be eaten by one of the hedges; he didn't deserve to win and he stood there just staring at the blue glow of the Triwizard Cup.

"Go on, Harry!" Cedric shouted again as the wind picked up, twirling leaves and dirt around them. Harry could barely see a thing.

"Together," insisted Harry. "We both got here at the same time and it'll still be a Hogwarts victory, won't it?"

"If you're sure, Harry," said Cedric, but he made no further move towards the Cup.

Harry nodded and started counting. "One, two, three..." both of them reached out and touched the Cup at the same time and in the same instant Harry felt the lurching sensation behind his navel. His hand gripped the Cup; he knew Cedric was somewhere in amongst the flashing colours and sounds but he wasn't aware of him at all. All Harry could hear was a rushing in his ears and he couldn't see anything but blurs.

A very short while later, he landed flat on his back and the Cup flew out of his hand. Harry groaned and pushed himself upright. Cedric was nowhere in sight, but he could hear him off to the left somewhere.

"Harry, the Cup is a Portkey! Did you know? Is this still part of the Task, do you think?"

Harry glanced around him. He'd been here before… in his dreams. It was the graveyard from his nightmares.

Harry stared at the gravestone he'd landed next to. It was a large square block, held in place by a creature holding a scythe. It was no angel atop this gravemarker; but an image of Death itself, skeletal and grey. Harry's hands traced the name on the stone – Tom Riddle. There were just dates after his name, no elegy, no protestations that he was a loving husband or father and Harry knew even without reading the dates that this was Tom Riddle, senior. It was Voldemort's father who was buried beneath their feet.

"I've been here before," said Harry as Cedric came round the other side of the grave. "It was in my nightmares."

Suddenly Harry's scar burned and he fell to the ground, clutching his head. It felt as if someone was trying to cleave his head in two and he could barely think through the pain. "Cedric! Get back to the Cup!" he screamed through the agony in his head.

Cedric knelt down next to him. "Harry, what is it?" he asked softly, trying to help him up.

"The Cup, Cedric! Get back to the Cup!" But even as Harry said it, he and Cedric saw a lone figure emerge from a small cottage at the base of the hill. It was a squat, lumpy man cradling what looked like a bundle of rags in his arms, but from the pain in his head Harry knew it wasn't just rags the man was carrying. "Voldemort!" hissed Harry. "It's Voldemort; get back to the Cup, Cedric! Please!"

"I'm not leaving you!" protested Cedric, standing up and drawing his wand against the approaching figure of Wormtail.

Harry moaned, he struggled to his feet and tried to place himself in front of Cedric like a shield, but he was too slow, too sluggish. The words uttered that night would haunt him forever.

"Kill the spare!"

***

At half past eight precisely on the night of the Third Triwizard Task, Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory landed on the lawns in front of the spectator stands, and the Dark Mark on Severus' arm flared to life. The crowds started cheering, but Severus knew that something was amiss as soon as he saw the tears streaming down the Potter boy's face. He and Dumbledore were out of their seats in an instant. Almost at the same time Fleur Delacour let out an ear-piercing shriek that swelled and swelled until the whole place was full of screaming and wailing spectators.

Fudge and his Under-Secretary hurried to the two boys. Potter was lying prostrate over Diggory's body and Severus knew without a doubt that it was in fact a body – Cedric Diggory was dead. His face was pale, his eyes blank and unstaring. Moody appeared in the small tableau as well, his face was looking crazier than Severus had ever seen it.

"Harry, what happened?" asked the headmaster, but either Potter didn't hear him, or did not want to speak to the headmaster. Severus knelt down and tilted Harry's chin up to face him. The boy was a mess, his face stained with blood, tears and dirt, his clothes ripped. In contrast, Cedric Diggory's body was unmarked, something Severus had seen before. Cedric Diggory had been the victim of the Killing Curse.

"Potter, what happened?" asked Severus in as gentle a tone as he could.

"He's back! Voldemort's back!" screamed Harry, his breath catching on the words. "Cedric asked me to bring his body back. I couldn't leave him! Not there! Not with him!" Harry howled and clung to Cedric's lifeless form.

"It's all right, Harry. You're back home now," said Severus. "Both of you."

"The body has to be moved, Snape!" insisted Fudge. "There are too many people!"

"NO!" yelled Harry. "Let them all see! Let them all see what Voldemort did! He killed Cedric! He murdered Cedric before my eyes! He murdered him! He murdered him!" Harry howled again and sank down upon Cedric, his whole body shaking with the force of his sobbing.

Dumbledore bent down and tried to move Harry off Cedric's body, but Harry's grief and his grip were strong, and he shook Dumbledore off easily.

"NO!!!" screeched Harry and his voice was raw with pain, Severus thought he'd never heard such agony from a human throat before. "Get away from us!!! Cedric! Cedric!!!" sobbed Harry, bending over Cedric's body again, as if determined never to let him go.

"That's my son! My son!" wept Amos Diggory as he fought his way down from the stands. His wife was being supported by their older son and their daughter-in-law. Both women looked faint. The crowds had silenced now, just staring at the scene in front of them.

As Amos reached his son's body, Moody tried to take Harry away from Cedric. "Come on, Harry. You don't want to be here right now." Moody was stronger than the headmaster; he managed to get Harry upright and away from the body, but Harry was wriggling like an eel in the man's grasp.

"Let me go! Let go of me!!" shrieked Harry and even before Severus had time to react, he saw Minerva stun the newest DADA teacher. Harry fell from his grasp and ran back to embrace his dead fiancée, both he and Amos united in their grief.

"Professor McGonagall!" blustered Fudge. "What is the meaning of this?"

"That," Minerva jabbed at the prone form with her wand, "is not Alastor Moody. I should have realised as much when he turned Mr. Malfoy into a ferret. Alastor Moody was terrible at Transfiguration, he scraped by on his OWL and never managed a pass on his NEWT. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she sobbed and dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.

The act of stunning the suspect Moody had caused his hip flask to roll onto the grass. Severus bent down to pick it up and sniffed the contents, sharing a significant look with Dumbledore.

"All students are to return to their dormitories, all spectators please leave the field immediately!" called Dumbledore.

There were murmurs of protest but soon the only people left were Harry, Cedric's family, Fudge, Umbridge, Dumbledore, Minerva, Poppy, Mr. Crouch, whoever was pretending to be Moody, and Severus himself.

"Polyjuice!" said Severus with a glance at the prone form, showing the contents to the assembled crowd.

"You didn't notice you had an impostor working in your school all year, Dumbledore?" queried Umbridge, her simpering smile making her look more toad-like than ever. "The Ministry will have to look into Hogwarts' appointments more closely in the future."

"The Ministry has no authority over this school!" protested Minerva haughtily.

"Is that so? Well, things can change, can't they, Professor?" smirked Umbridge.

"We have to get back to the Ministry, Dumbledore," said Fudge, as if unwilling to hear any more.

"Don't you want to hear what has happened, Minister?" asked Severus.

"No need, no need, I'm sure you'll fill me in. Come along, Dolores," said Fudge, ushering the toad-like woman in front of him. Severus did not enjoy the way the woman looked at Harry as she passed, giving the unaware boy a simpering smirk. He wanted to slap it from her face.

Harry was bawling his eyes out, he didn't even seem to realise that anything else was happening around him, but Severus thought he needed to know. He needed to understand why these things had happened; he needed to understand who had done them to him; and who had really killed Cedric by sending them both to Voldemort that night.

Severus walked over to Harry and tapped him gently on the shoulder; already the Polyjuice Potion was wearing off and the body of the fake Moody was trying to regain its original form.

"Harry, you need to see this. You need to see," Severus said almost in a whisper. The Mark on his arm was burning and he tried to ignore the pain, he couldn't fall apart now. Harry needed someone to be strong now. Harry glanced up, tears and snot were running down his face, but he made no move to wipe them. Instead, he nodded at Severus and stood up, his legs almost giving way beneath him.

Severus wrapped his arms around the grief-stricken boy and led him over to see the face of his tormentor.

"Barty Crouch junior!" gasped Dumbledore.

The young man on the ground yanked the sleeve of his shirt up and everyone present saw the Dark Mark ablaze on his skin. "You know what this means! He's back! He's back!"

"You bastard! You fucking bastard!" roared Harry as he launched himself from Severus' arms and tried to beat the man to a bloody pulp. He probably would have succeeded too if Poppy hadn't cast a sedation spell on him. Harry sank to the grass, almost as lifeless as Cedric.

"Severus, can you take him to the hospital wing? I need to help Amos and - and prepare Cedric's b- body. Oh God! Oh God!"

The matron broke down in sobs herself, but she managed to pull herself together and bent down next to Amos, whispering softly to him. Amos nodded and stood up, signalling for his remaining son to join him. Together, he and Sam lifted Cedric's body and bore it away. Severus blinked as he watched Poppy following a respectful distance behind. Harry still lay on the ground, staring at nothing. Severus wondered if it was only the sedation spell or if he was in shock as well.

Severus bent down and scooped Harry up into his arms before carrying his burden to the hospital wing. It was then that he noticed the bloody gash on Harry's right arm. Severus had a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was mainly Dark spells which used blood. The Rite of Blood, Flesh and Bone, that's probably what Voldemort had used to regenerate himself. When Harry was feeling calmer they could ask him.

In reality, any wizard who was an enemy of Voldemort could have had their blood forcibly taken, but Severus had a horrible feeling that he knew why Voldemort had wanted Harry's blood in particular.

It was something he'd rather not know, but he realised that Harry himself would need to know, and soon.

There had been too many secrets already.



Part 30

Harry was staring at the clothes in his trunk. He'd done nothing but stare at them for the best part of an hour and Neville was rather worried about his friend. Harry shouldn't have been this quiet; he shouldn't have been this calm. Not after all that had happened. In the night, Neville had heard Harry being sick, he was crying so much. He'd got out of bed, wanting to comfort his friend, but Harry had some sort of charm around his bed and Neville couldn't get within a foot of it without being stung as if he'd fallen into a patch of nettles. He gave up in the end, but lay there awake listening to Harry weep.

The departure of the Hogwarts Express had been delayed by a couple of hours so that those students who wished to attend Cedric's funeral could do so. In an unusual move, Dumbledore had insisted that Cedric be laid to rest at Hogwarts, despite Minister Fudge not wanting to agree. As far as Neville knew, no other student lay in the graveyard in the grounds, just past teachers and headmasters.

Neville had never heard of a funeral taking place so quickly before, but he would be glad to have the chance to say goodbye to Cedric. Cedric had always been nice to him and Neville had been so happy when he and Harry had found one other. Now Harry was all alone and Neville rubbed his eyes free of the moisture that had gathered there. Hay-fever. That's what it must be.

Ron knelt down next to Harry and shared a worried glance with Neville. "Harry?" he asked tentatively. Harry gave no indication that he'd heard, but then he trailed his hands through the clothes in his trunk.

"I've nothing to wear," said Harry and he tossed every item out of his trunk and threw it on the floor. "Only the rubbish they gave me!"

Ron and Neville looked at the clothes littering the floor; it was true. Besides his uniform, all of Harry's clothes were tattered, too large for him or years out of date. There was not a decent outfit in there and Neville felt so bad for his friend. "I can't - I can't go!" sobbed Harry and buried his head in his knees.

But there, sitting on the bottom of the pile was the outfit Harry had worn at the Yule Ball. White dress shirt and black trousers along with an emerald green dress robe.

"Harry, here," said Neville as he and Ron gathered up the garments and showed Harry. He barely glanced at them.

"It's green. I can't wear green!" yelled Harry.

"I'll Transfigure it black, look, Harry," said Ron as he cast the spell to turn the robes black. Neville Transfigured the shirt and tie to be black as well and handed them to Harry. In the end, Ron and Neville dressed Harry in his funeral clothes, for he seemed in no state to do it himself. He just stood there like a doll and let them get on with it.

"Neville, I've never been to a funeral before, what do we do?" whispered Ron urgently.

"Everything has to be black," said Neville. "Socks, underwear, everything. No other colours at all. It's a sign of respect for the - for the dead."

Neville choked up and wrapped Harry in a hug, but it was like holding a plank of wood. Harry didn't feel like flesh and blood at all – more like skin and bone. Had Harry always been this thin?

Once Harry was sorted, Ron opened his own trunk and brought out a white shirt and a pair of black dress trousers. He Transfigured the shirt black, then Neville did the same on his clothes. Harry was still just standing there with that blank stare.

"Harry, it's time," said Neville, glancing at Ron. Harry gave no indication that he’d heard. Ron and Neville each took Harry by the arm and led him all the way to Cedric's funeral.

***

Severus Snape had seen his fair share of death, but he'd never actually been to a funeral before. He had no knowledge of the rituals that accompanied someone's passing and he wondered how many of the people who were actually here had known Cedric Diggory, had loved him like his family and Harry had. Or were they just here for the salaciousness of being witness to a murdered boy's interment?

Harry Potter was being supported by Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom. Severus had the impression that the boy would have fallen to the ground if it hadn't been for those two holding him upright; the Granger girl was sobbing into a handkerchief, uncaring as to who saw her and Severus knew that unlike some of the others gathered, her grief was honest.

Fudge was rambling on about something, but Severus blocked out the words, he was concentrating on Harry. The boy was entirely dry-eyed today and eerily calm after his almost-breakdown last night. There was no way he could have gotten over his grief so quickly and Severus knew there was something wrong somewhere. Even Longbottom and Weasley guessed something was up; if the strange looks they kept sharing were anything to go by.

Most of the crowds assembled were obeying tradition and it was a wave of black as far as the eye could see. Severus bristled when he saw that Umbridge woman wearing a pink bow in her hair. He noticed a flash of green out of the corner of his eye and saw Draco Malfoy hike up the leg of his trousers again and show off his green socks to Crabbe and Goyle, grinning maliciously.

Severus' blood boiled, but term had officially finished and he could not punish the infraction. He would not forget it though, and Mr. Malfoy would find himself in detention at the start of the next school year. It was a wizarding funeral and Malfoy as a Pureblood should have had more respect, no matter whose funeral it was.

At last Fudge finished his speech and the wizened Ministry wizard who was officiating took to the dais and began the ritual enchantments that would ensure Cedric Diggory's spirit would rest in peace. Then it was time for the family to say goodbye. Severus saw Amos Diggory trudge over to Harry and reach for his hand, his voice carried over the sea of people.

"You were his family too, Harry," said Amos as he led the boy to the stone table where Cedric lay, draped in a white cloth, only his head visible. Ancient Runes and symbols in gold decorated the cloth, but Severus wasn't aware what half of them meant. Severus noticed the toad's eyebrows wander to her hair as Amos pulled Harry away from his friends. He had no doubt that as soon as she got back to the Ministry she would be investigating the records and Cedric and Harry's betrothal would be all over the Prophet in a matter of hours.

This shouldn't have happened. Cedric Diggory should not have died. It was a senseless death, but then Voldemort had always specialised in those. He didn't care who he killed or hurt and if Harry didn't stop him for good this time, then they were all going to be in an even worse darkness than ever before. Severus had gone to Voldemort again in the early hours of last night. Had knelt at his feet and sworn loyalty even as his body endured more Crucios than he could remember. The Dark Lord thought he had one of his most loyal servants back in his dark fold, but Severus was a wolf in Death Eater's clothing now.

He stared at the dead boy and felt tears gather at the corners of his eyes; he quickly blinked them away. Hard to keep his cover as an unfeeling bastard if he was seen crying at a student's funeral. Severus had no doubt that Draco would be reporting everything to his father.

They should have made love, ages be damned. Then Voldemort's renewal would not have been as powerful. Harry's blood had been taken. Every wizard knew virgin blood and semen were the most powerful for rituals, if Harry hadn't been a virgin, then the Ritual might not even have worked as Voldemort had hoped. They would never know now.

The noise of the crowd had diminished as the five people standing around the stone table got ready for their goodbyes.

Cedric's mother went first, kissing her dead son on the forehead. His brother next, then his brother's wife, then Amos.

Harry stood staring at Cedric, his stance as rigid as the stone table on which his dead beloved lay. The crowd seemed to be holding their breath as Harry bent down to bestow a last kiss upon the dead boy's lips. It was as if they had expected some miracle… some fairytale ending.

There was no miracle. Cedric was as still as ever when the stone table enveloped Cedric's body and became his tomb. As the final slab settled into place, Harry collapsed at the foot of the tomb, clutching the stone and weeping as if his heart was breaking. Severus knew it was, for the boy's heart had just been interred in that tomb. Harry clawed at the stone until his hands were bloody and Poppy had to drag him away, away from the gawking spectators intruding into his private grief.

But Harry had no wish to leave. No wands were allowed at funerals; everyone's wand, except for Cedric's which had been entombed with him, were in a box in the Entrance Hall of the castle. It didn't seem to matter that Harry did not have a wand. He howled his grief to the sky and to the ground and the power erupted from him with such force that Poppy was thrown ten feet away from him. Clouds darkened overhead, thunder and lightning pierced the sky; a jagged bolt hit Cedric's tomb and when the storm had passed everyone present saw it. There, burnt onto Cedric's white tomb was a scorched lightning bolt, almost an exact replica of the scar on Harry's head, and the stone was cracked in two.

"Cedric! Cedric!!" wailed Harry as he curled to the ground and lay there weeping. No one felt confident enough to move him, not after seeing that display of wandless magic.

Severus heard the mutters, he had excellent hearing and it was hard to miss them. They were scared of him – scared of a grief-stricken boy who looked as broken as the tomb.

Poppy brushed herself off as she stood up and made her way over to him. "Severus, the train is leaving soon. Harry needs to be on it."

"Couldn't he stay at Hogwarts? I don't think he really wants to leave yet, Poppy."

"Well, of course he doesn't, but the headmaster is insisting that he needs to stay with his relatives, at least for a while. He'll be taken to headquarters later in the summer, but it's best Harry doesn't have to think about all of that now. Perhaps you can get through to him?" asked Poppy as the others began leaving in dribs and drabs.

The headmaster had already gone off somewhere arguing with Fudge and Umbridge. Cedric's family and Harry's friends were the only ones still left. Weasley was comforting Granger now and Neville was kneeling down beside Harry, but Severus didn't hear what the boy whispered to his friend. Harry glanced up and nodded slowly, before pulling himself to his feet, given a helping hand by Longbottom.

Harry kissed the tombstone and after hugging the Diggorys, he walked with his friends towards the castle.

It looked like he'd be on that train after all.

TBC

Chapter 7: Everything's Not Lost
Part 31

Mrs. Weasley hugged Harry at Kings Cross station; his aunt and uncle were nowhere in sight yet. They knew the time the train arrived, but it would be just like them to make Harry wait as long as they thought they could get away with it. Mrs. Weasley's tears dripped onto Harry's t-shirt, but he barely felt them. He didn't feel real. He felt hollow; he was just the shape of a boy, a doll, a puppet. He wasn't real. He couldn't be real. No one human could withstand this pain. It wasn't possible.

"Did you want us to stay with you until your family arrives, Harry?" asked Mrs. Weasley, standing up and blowing her nose delicately into a cotton handkerchief. Mr. Weasley was glancing round at the people milling about the station as though he hoped to spot the Dursleys. It would have been easy if they'd been there. Uncle Vernon's bulk was hard to mistake.

"No thank you, Mrs. Weasley. They shouldn't be long."

"Oh. All right, dear. If you're sure. Now, owl us if you need anything. Anything at all, Harry. Will you promise to do that?"

Harry nodded, he didn't trust himself to speak without bursting into tears and he did not want to be in that state when the Dursleys arrived. He would only be punished for it. He'd thought he would never have to see the Dursleys ever again; remembering winter days wrapped up in Cedric's cloak as they made plans for the summer when Harry would go to Quixley Street again. It wouldn't happen now. Dumbledore had insisted he return to Privet Drive, despite the Diggorys asking him to visit them. Dumbledore said it was too dangerous and Harry had been too tired and upset to argue. It was just easier to let them do with him what they would; it wasn't as if he had a life any more. Cedric was gone and Harry knew he would never feel the same again.

Ron, Ginny and the twins gave Harry brief hugs, none of them saying a word before Mr. and Mrs. Weasley hurried their children out to catch the next Portkey. Harry's stomach jolted when he heard the word, his mind yanked back to that graveyard where his life had ended. Cedric had been his life and now he was gone. Nothing the Dursleys could do to him would hurt as much as the knowledge that he'd killed Cedric; killed the boy he loved. It was Harry's fault. If he hadn't pestered Cedric into taking the Cup with him; if he'd been a better wizard he might have saved Cedric. He was too slow, too hopeless.

Sometimes he wished he'd let Voldemort kill him that night too.

Harry walked around the station in a daze, there was no sign of the Dursleys and he wondered how long they were going to keep him waiting this time. They didn't know Voldemort was back, that he was after Harry, to kill him. They probably wouldn't even care. Harry couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything, he was a bit light-headed, but he had no money left for a snack. He'd given Ron the last of his sickles for the sweet trolley on the train as Harry hadn't felt like eating anything.

He wasn't hungry now, he just thought he'd better eat something before he fainted right here on the concourse. He sank down onto his trunk, perching Hedwig's cage on his lap and stared at nothing. Hedwig hooted softly, as if trying to console her owner, but Harry couldn't be consoled. Cedric was gone. He was gone and nothing was going to bring him back. As Dumbledore had told him before he left, no magic could bring back the dead.

"Are you all right, lad?" asked one of the station guards when he'd passed Harry a few times. "You've been here a couple of hours. Have you missed your train?"

Harry shook his head. "My uncle's late," he said. "He was supposed to meet me."

"Why don't you go and have a cup of tea or something while you wait? Be a bit more comfortable in the coffee shop than out here," urged the guard.

Much to his horror, Harry felt his eyes well up at the man's concern; this stranger was being nicer to him than the Dursleys ever had.

"You don't have any money, do you?" asked the guard. "Come with me." The guard wheeled Harry's trolley over to the coffee shop, just as Uncle Vernon came barrelling towards them.

"There you are!" snarled Uncle Vernon. "Been looking round this ruddy station for hours! Do you think we've got nothing better to do than run after you? Well, do you?"

Harry assumed the question was rhetorical, so he didn't bother answering. That was a mistake. It was always a mistake to ignore Uncle Vernon when he was in full rant mode. He slapped Harry hard across the face.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" protested the guard. "Leave the boy alone!"

"Keep your nose out of other people's business!" roared Vernon, spittle flying from his mouth.

A few other passengers glanced at Harry, then red-faced they hurriedly looked away again. They didn't want to get involved. "And you! What are you doing talking to strange men? You bloody freak! Get to the car!" yelled Vernon, yanking Hedwig's cage from Harry and storming off, leaving Harry to manoeuvre the luggage trolley with his trunk.

"You don't have to go with him if you don't want to," said the guard, looking worriedly at Harry.

"I do," said Harry, remembering Dumbledore's insistence on the matter. "I'll be okay."

The guard wrote something down on a scrap of paper and handed it to Harry. "Here, take this."

"What is it?"

"It's the phone number for Childline."

Harry had no idea what Childline was and knew he would never be allowed to use the telephone anyway.

"Thank you," he said and wheeled his trolley out.

Petunia was already in the passenger seat when they arrived in the car park, but there was no sign of Dudley. Maybe for once, Harry's journey to Privet Drive would be without Dudley pinching him and thumping his legs when his parents weren't looking. Not that they would have cared if they'd seen him doing it anyway. After all, Dudley was learning by example, wasn't he?

"What's the matter with you?" demanded Petunia as soon as Harry had climbed into the back of the car. "You're filthy! Well, if you think I'm going to wash your dirty clothes, think again! You'll be doing your own laundry from now on!"

Harry didn't bother to reply. He'd been doing the laundry at the Dursleys' since he was eleven, it was nothing new.

As soon as the car started up, Harry leaned back against the window and closed his eyes. He didn't sleep, he was too afraid to sleep. Afraid to see that graveyard and Cedric's lifeless face as he fell after the light of the spell. The Dursleys thought he was asleep though and spent most of the journey berating him about how tough they had it having to bring such a monster into their house. It was nothing they hadn't said to his face before, but now without Cedric to talk to, the words took root in his chest like splinters. He could almost feel slivers of wood flow out from his heart and through his veins. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to exist. He just wanted to stop existing. He wanted this pain to end.

***

The Dursleys had kept him waiting so long at the station that it was dark by the time they reached Surrey. As Harry got out of the car a large eagle owl swooped down on his shoulder and dug its claws into the skin there. There was a Ministry seal on the scroll dangling from its leg. Harry didn't want to read the letter, but knew he'd better or they'd just keep sending them and Vernon was annoyed enough as it was.

"Not more bloody owls!" groused Vernon as he pulled Harry, just as Harry took the letter from the owl. Once inside the house, Vernon took Harry's trunk and stuffed it in the cupboard under the stairs. It barely fitted and Harry wondered how on earth he had ever fitted in such a small space. Surely he'd never been that small?

"Where's that bloody stick?" demanded Vernon, his hand out ready. Harry thought of lying, of saying that he'd lost it, but he was too scared of what Vernon might do if he discovered that Harry had lied. Not that Vernon ever needed an excuse, but Harry's punishments were always worse if Vernon felt justified in administering them. It was as if he'd been holding back the rage until Harry had done something he wasn't supposed to and Vernon could really let go.

Harry removed his wand from his jeans pocket and handed it over to Uncle Vernon, shuddering when the man's sweaty, pudgy hands took it from him. Petunia hissed behind him; she hated it when anything so obviously magical was about. Vernon took the wand and threw it in the cupboard, before locking it with three padlocks and a deadbolt that only he had the key to.

"Get to your room, boy, do you think we want to be staring at your ugly mug all night?"

"I - Uncle, Aunt. I - I wondered if I might have some supper?" Harry ventured. Maybe he'd feel better with some food inside him, it might get rid of that hollow ache in his chest.

"Supper? Supper? What do you think we are? Made of money? It costs enough to send you to that fool school, if they haven't fed you today, then that's too bad! Supper's over, you'll get nothing until breakfast like all the rest of us!" Vernon clipped him round the hair so hard that Harry's eyes watered. "Now get to bed and leave us in peace!"

Harry knew when he was beaten, what had he been thinking asking them for food? They hated it when he brought their attention to the fact that they starved him. Harry was just lucky it hadn't been worse, Vernon never even reached for his belt tonight. He hurried upstairs before his uncle changed his mind, the letter from the Ministry clutched in his fist.

A few minutes after Harry closed the door of Dudley's second bedroom, he heard Aunt Petunia's lighter footsteps outside his door as she locked him in, the chains and keys rattling as she did it. It didn't matter. There was nothing in the rest of the house that interested him. Nothing interested him now, not now that Cedric wasn't here to share any of it.

It might have been nice to have a shower or a bath before bed, but Harry had learned to live with the fact that luxuries such as hot water were not for him. Even when they let him out of his bedroom in the mornings the rest of them had used up all the hot water and it was a cold wash or none. It was why he always took such hot showers at Hogwarts; he felt he needed to make up for the lack over the summers.

Harry lay down on the narrow bed. The mattress was lumpy and sagged in the middle after the years it had been Dudley's – it wasn't only Harry's clothes that were second hand. The curtains were still open; the orange glare from the sodium street lamp outside was casting strange shadows on the walls.

Harry switched on the bedside lamp, he was surprised the bulb was still in it; the Dursleys had removed the overhead bulb last year. He scooted up and leant against the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest, wishing Cedric was here to hug him, but Cedric was never going to be here again. Cedric was gone and Harry didn't think he'd be able to bear it. Tears fell unchecked down his face, dampening his trousers but he couldn't stop crying. There was nothing delicate about the sound; his cries were guttural and raw, the sound of someone mortally wounded.

His hand tightened around the letter as he let out a particularly strong sob. Harry lifted his head up and wiped his eyes before slipping his thumb underneath the envelope; he was still sobbing occasionally, his breath hitching as he read the blurred letters before his eyes.

Dear Mr. Potter

It has come to the Ministry's notice that on the night of June 29th this year, you knowingly did Magic while away from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This contravenes the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery Act. Since you have already received an official warning under Section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks' Statute of Secrecy, the Ministry has no choice but to suspend you from school and implement a disciplinary hearing.

Your hearing has been scheduled for the 1st August this year. Please consider yourself suspended from school until further notice. Please bring your wand with you as it may have to be surrendered to Ministry officials and destroyed.

Yours sincerely,
Mafalda Hopkirk
Improper Use of Magic Office

Harry crumpled up the letter and threw it on the floor. His throat and chest ached, he felt sick and faint. He hugged a pillow to him, staining it with his tears.

The 1st August would have been Cedric's eighteenth birthday.




Part 32

Harry slept badly, his dreams plagued by images of Cedric dying and Voldemort's rebirth. Vernon had come into the room at one stage, after Harry's screams just couldn't be borne any longer. Harry was whipped with his uncle's belt and near dawn, Vernon stuffed Harry's school tie into his mouth to gag him; tying Harry's hands to the headboard with his belt so that Harry couldn't remove it.

Harry didn't sleep at all after that; he just lay there awkwardly on the bed, his arms above his head, his shoulders aching from the effort. Around seven o'clock, a bowl half filled with porridge was shoved under the cat-flap, but it was removed half an hour later; Harry couldn't move to get to it.

It was well after eleven before Vernon came in to untie him; as soon as Harry was free he dashed to the bathroom – the urge had become rather desperate – Vernon ranting at him all the while. Once the essentials were taken care off, it was as Harry had expected; the water had long gone cold but he needed to wash anyway. He couldn't face the shower, not with all that cold water, so he just lathered up a flannel and had a wash by the sink. It would do; it wasn't as if he was going anywhere special. He never would.

***

Vernon didn't tie him up again after that first night and he threw Harry's tie away. He never bothered with a gag again, unwilling to lose any of his own clothes to the cause of trying to keep Harry quiet. Harry spent his days doing the chores and the evenings trying to avoid Vernon's fists or his boots, but sometimes he wasn't fast enough. He'd stopped counting the bruises now, there were always more the next day.

Each time Harry screamed after a nightmare, he would get the belt again and would lie there afterwards sobbing and crying. He wasn't crying about the pain his uncle had just inflicted, but because it was so different to what Cedric would have done. Cedric would have held him; rocked him against his body; soothed him with soft kisses until Harry felt calm enough to get back to sleep. Vernon didn't care that Harry had nightmares, that he'd just lost the love of his life, he was just annoyed at being kept awake. Harry wished things could change: that there was some mistake; that the Dursleys weren't really his family and he had a loving family out there who would come and rescue him.

He didn't know how much more he could take.

***

It was a Saturday when things finally did change. Harry knew it was a Saturday because Vernon was home from work and was out the front washing the car; Harry was never allowed anywhere near the front of the house in case the neighbours saw him and the state he was in. The Dursleys had stopped avoiding his face now and it looked like he had a pattern of purple and yellow flowers on his cheeks. Harry had been in pain from the first night he'd arrived back here and he knew it wasn't going to get any better.

Harry was on his knees, sponge in hand as he washed the patio doors, his jeans wet as he knelt in the puddles of water on the flagstones of the patio. Aunt Petunia was doing something by the kitchen sink and gave him a glare every so often if she thought Harry wasn't working hard enough. Harry had last eaten three days ago, they'd given him a mouldy slice of bread and a cup of water and the bread had been so bad that he'd thrown up almost as soon as he'd eaten it.

Dudley was lounging against the door, a jam sandwich in his hand. He smeared strawberry jam against the glass deliberately so that Harry would have to clean it again. Harry was so hungry that he was tempted to clean the smear away with his tongue.

"I hear you, you know," said Dudley as if it was normal, the two of them having a conversation. "At night. Screaming that boy's name. Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric!" he mocked, rummaging in his pockets for something.

He brought out a piece of paper, only Harry realised it wasn't paper, but parchment. He saw the flash of colour, his own unruly hair. The picture Cedric had given him. His hand tightened on the sponge so that water oozed out onto the stones beneath him.

"Give that back!" yelled Harry standing up and striding towards his cousin. "You've no right to go through my things!"

God, it was awful, watching Dudley's jam-covered fingers maul that picture. Something that Cedric had touched. Something that Cedric had given Harry.

"Your things? You don't have anything, Potter! You're a fucking freak with no home, no family, nothing!" Dudley scanned the picture. "To Harry, all my love, Cedric. Who's Cedric? Your boyfriend?"

"Give that back!" Harry threw the sponge to the ground, uncaring where it landed. He tried to yank the picture from Dudley's hands, but he kept putting it that bit further out of Harry's reach. "Give it back!" They were both in the conservatory now, scrabbling over the tiles.

"Not just an ordinary freak, are you, Potter? No, you're a fucking fag as well!" Dudley guffawed and made kissy kissy noises at the picture. "Who was the girl, Potter? You, or dear Cedric?"

"Shut up! Shut up! Don't you talk about him!"

"Aw, little baby Potty's gonna cry over his dead boyfriend!"

Harry lunged for his cousin, anger and adrenaline his only fuel for days now. Everything was in such a state of unreality to him that it never even occurred to him that his cousin was bigger and a lot stronger than him in a fight. He got one punch in on Dudley's ample stomach before he was yanked back by his t-shirt and it was bunched up around his neck by a thick fist.

"What's going on here?" growled Uncle Vernon close to Harry's ear.

"He's a pervert!" screeched Dudley. "He was trying to touch me!"

"You bastard! That's a lie!" screamed Harry.

Dudley just smirked and handed the picture to his father. Still with one fist curled around Harry's t-shirt, Vernon perused the picture until his face went an unbecoming shade of red.

"So," he said. "So. After all we've done for you. Taken you in, giving you the food from our table, the clothes on your back, this is what you get up to."

"You've never fed me!" screamed Harry. "Not properly and I only get clothes once Dudley's finished with them!"

"How dare you!" Vernon shook Harry so hard he could almost hear his teeth rattle. "You're nothing but a dirty, filthy freak and I curse the day we ever took you in! Not only are you one of those, you practise shameful, sinful acts with other boys! You'll burn in Hell for this, Potter! And now you're trying to corrupt my son as well!"

Vernon pushed Harry up against the wall, smashing his face into the plaster. Stars exploded behind his eyes as the pain almost felled him. Blood was running down his nose and into his mouth yet still Vernon kept doing it. Harry tried to get out of Vernon's grip but the man was a veritable mountain and his attempts were futile. Once Vernon let go, he sank to the floor, only to have Vernon and Dudley really get to work on him.

He drifted in and out of consciousness; he didn't even know what they were doing to him half the time. All he was aware of was pain.

"Petunia! Get his trunk!" Vernon bellowed and Harry had to slap his hands to his ears to drown out the noise. It hurt, God it hurt. He just wanted it to be over. The front door was opened; Harry was yanked to his shaky feet and thrown onto the garden path. "No more! I won't have you in this house, boy! You and your unnaturalness! Get out and stay out!"

Harry couldn't move from where he landed, he was in too much agony. Vernon threw his trunk out after him, it caught Harry on the leg and he howled in renewed pain as it made contact. Oh, God, why hadn't he died yet?

Then suddenly there were strong arms around him, rocking him.

"Cedric!" sobbed Harry. "Cedric!"

"Ssh, Potter. It's all right. I've got you. I've got you."

The voice was stronger than Cedric's, older. Harry couldn't turn his head to see his rescuer, but he knew the voice.

"Sir! Oh, sir!" he sobbed and let the darkness finally claim him.

***

Severus was sitting on one of the guest beds in Grimmauld Place where he'd been sitting for the past hour. He was holding the bruised and battered Harry Potter to his chest, rocking the boy and crooning softly at him. Sirius Black had tried to interfere, had tried to take his godson out of Severus' arms, but Severus wasn't letting go.

It was only when Poppy appeared in the bedroom Floo, that he actually began to feel a bit calmer. Poppy would know what to do, how to help.

"Severus, please set Harry down on the bed so I can examine him. I need to know what needs to be fixed."

"Cracked skull, concussion, broken ribs, nose, shoulder blade, ruptured spleen, extensive bruising and cuts, punctured lung," Severus listed the complaints calmly as if he'd been reading off Potions ingredients.

"Severus, how did you --"

"My monitoring spell went off. He's dying, Poppy! Those fucking Muggles almost killed him!"

"Out, both of you!" snapped Poppy to both him and Black. They both glared at her, but both knew that the woman was not to be argued with, especially not when Harry's life was on the line. "I need to tend Harry. Why didn't you bring him to the infirmary, Severus?"

"After Barty Crouch got through to Hogwarts? I don't think he's safe at Hogwarts anymore."

That wasn't the only reason; Severus wasn't sure how Harry would react if he woke up back at Hogwarts, back with all those terrible memories. They had no idea of his state of mind and wouldn't until he regained consciousness.

"Severus, set Harry down," ordered Poppy. Severus realised his grip had tightened on the boy rather than releasing him. It was as if he just couldn't let go; his hands curled like claws around Harry's waist. Severus couldn't do it; physically he just couldn't let go of the frail form in his arms. Poppy had to remove Harry from him with a spell and lay him gently down on the bed.

"Now out, both of you and let me tend my patient," said Poppy, a few tears dripping down her cheeks.

Once in the hall, Sirius Black turned to him and did something that Severus had never seen the man do before. He held out his hand.

"I never said thank you," said Black, his hand still hovering there.

"For what?" asked Severus, relenting and taking the hand. It felt so strange to be standing here in Black's ancestral home, shaking the man's hand while Harry lay wounded in the next room.

"For saving him," said Black and his voice certainly seemed sincere, none of that mocking cruelty like when they'd been at school.

Remembering the terrible state of the boy in the bed, Severus sighed deeply. "He's not saved yet."



Part 33

The two of them were sitting nursing glasses of firewhisky when Madam Pomfrey entered the kitchen over two hours after they'd left Harry in their care. Who would have thought that he and Sirius Black would ever have had something in common? They were both worried for Harry and neither of them spoke a word about it; content to keep their misery close to their chests. For Severus, it was due to his many years as a spy, the less he talked about anything, the less he would give away.

"How is he?" they both asked the matron at the same time. Her apron was pristine; Severus guessed she'd already spelled the blood clean. His own robes were darkening with dried stains of it, but he had never thought of removing Harry's blood from his clothes. It seemed disrespectful somehow, to magic away the evidence of what he'd been through.

"Not too good," Poppy admitted. "God, those people! How could they do that to him? To a child? I've placed him in a healing sleep for now and tended his wounds as best I could. Severus, thank goodness you found him in time. He's not out of the woods yet, I really should get back to him just in case he - he does anything."

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius.

"He came round as I was cleaning his wounds. He - he said he wished I'd let him die."

"What?" roared Sirius and marched to the door. "He's just giving up? Just like that? Just because some school friend died?"

Poppy and Severus exchanged looks; it seemed that Harry hadn't told his godfather about his relationship with Cedric. "Sirius, sit down," said Poppy. "I won't have you upsetting him. He feels bad enough at the moment as it is."

Sirius stared at the door, but then relented and took a seat by the kitchen table again. "I should get back," said Poppy.

"I still have that monitoring spell on him, Poppy. It will alert us if he's in any immediate danger."

"Oh, okay, Severus," she said sliding into another chair. Severus couldn't sit down; he was coiled too tightly to sit. It felt like he might snap in two at any moment.

The silence stretched for an eternity. "Could someone please tell me what is going on?" demanded Sirius eventually.

"Cedric Diggory was not just Harry's school friend," explained Severus. "They were betrothed."

"What do you mean they were betrothed? Harry's only fourteen!"

"Nevertheless, they both had a betrothal ceremony and made plans to marry as soon as Harry had left school and was of age."

"What? Harry would never have done that without telling me. Why are you making all this up, Snape? What's in it for you? It's such a silly lie."

"It's true, Sirius. I was there. I was one of the witnesses," said Poppy.

"Oh, God, it's really true? He loved that boy? But why didn't he tell me?"

"I guess it's because of those Muggles who bashed his head in," said Snape, his voice almost cracking on the words. "They filled his head with nonsense, how it was unnatural for him to like someone of his own sex. It was the reason they were so violent towards him today, they discovered he was gay and couldn't handle it."

"Couldn't handle it? Couldn't fucking handle it? They almost killed him for fuck's sake! Harry, oh, Harry!" Sirius pounded the table. He glanced up at Snape, then Poppy. "I'll kill them. Every last one."

"Do you need some help with that?"

"Stop it! Both of you!" admonished Poppy. "The last thing Harry needs right now is for either of you to end up in Azkaban! He needs our support; he doesn't need one of us to go off half-cocked like some avenging angel. Here, look at this." She thrust a piece of crumpled and bloodied parchment in Sirius' hands; Severus read it over his shoulder.

"Is this some sort of joke?" snarled Snape, ripping the letter from Sirius' hands. "The Ministry is taking him to task for duelling the Dark Lord? The 29th, that was the night Cedric died!"

"It's not a joke, Severus. He could end up expelled, or worse, stripped of his wand."

"Over my dead body!" shouted Sirius.

"And mine," said Snape. Sirius gaped at him.

"What's it to you, Snape? You hated James and you've hated Harry as soon as you met him. Before, even."

Severus yanked up the sleeve of his shirt; Poppy gasped when she saw the Dark Mark.

"He's back, isn't he? Voldemort is back," said Sirius, reaching out as if to touch Severus' arm. Severus pulled down his sleeve and moved away from the other man's reach.

"Yes, and if the Ministry is so foolish as to destroy the wand of the only wizard who is powerful enough to defeat him, none of us are going to survive for long. I will stand between anyone who is foolish enough to attempt it."

Severus' voice had risen on the last few words; the anger coursing through his veins surprised him. He knew he'd spoken the truth. He would stand between anyone who tried to hurt Harry again and not just because he was their best hope for defeating Voldemort. It was a revelation, there in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. He would stand between them because it would be Harry.

Severus sank down on a chair, feeling shaky. He refused to admit even to himself what that meant.

***

Vernon Dursley was a down-to-earth, practical man. He didn't believe in anything supernatural. He didn't believe in magic, no matter what strange things may have happened when Harry Potter had been in their house. He didn't believe in ghosts, in ghouls or anything else of that nature.

So why was it that none of them could venture anywhere near the bedroom where the Potter brat had stayed? It was cold, so cold despite the heat of the summer. Petunia had gone in to clean it as soon as Vernon had chucked the brat out, but she'd rushed out almost immediately.

"There's something in there, Vernon!" she shrieked as Dudley hovered by his father's shoulder.

"Don't be ridiculous Petunia," snapped Vernon. He hadn't time for this sort of nonsense. He wanted that bedroom for his home office and his wife having hysterics was not going to stop him. It was time they got rid of the rest of the brat's things. Vernon didn't want to be reminded of Harry Potter every time he went in there. There were still drawings tacked on the walls, a couple of books, quills and ink bottles spread over the desk. Quills! Quills! He would have none of that nonsense in his house anymore.

Vernon crossed the threshold of the bedroom and gasped; it felt like he'd just been submerged in ice cold water. His breath misted in front of him; the bedroom's window was rimmed with frost. Frost? In July? He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself for a few moments before starting to rip the freak's pictures from the walls.

Or at least he tried to. The pictures wouldn't budge. What had the brat done? Glued them on there? No matter how much Vernon tugged and tugged, the pictures remained stuck fast. "Petunia, give me a hand!" he hollered, even though Petunia was right outside the door. "Dudley, you too!"

The rest of his family entered the room and began shivering too as soon as they entered it. Despite how cold Vernon was, he was sweating with the effort of trying to get those pictures down. It was a while before Vernon noticed the pain, starting in his neck and radiating down his left arm. He felt someone touch him on the shoulder and turned expecting to see Petunia. The touch was cold, so much colder than the room and even before he turned he knew that it wasn't Petunia who had touched him.

His heart faltered, his mind refused to process what he was seeing and he was dead before he hit the floor; the last sounds he heard were those of his wife and son screaming in terror.

***

The police had been called by a neighbour, a Mrs. Arabella Figg. She'd explained she hadn't seen any of the Dursleys for a couple of weeks, not since the day they'd made a scene and turned their nephew out of the house.

Detective Inspector Drake had a bad feeling about the house even before they went inside. If they'd been dead for a couple of weeks, he dreaded to think what state the bodies would be in by now in the July heat. He and his team entered the house, the front door was wide open but there was no sign of forced entry.

The forensics boys got to work fingerprinting everything in sight. Drake checked all the downstairs rooms. Everything was neatly arranged, nothing out of place. There was a sponge and a bucket of dirty water on the patio; the conservatory doors were open and it was here that Drake saw what he expected to. The walls and floor of the conservatory were covered in rust-coloured stains. He didn't need forensics to tell him it was blood, but there were no bodies here.

He made his way upstairs, pushing aside doors with the edge of his jacket so that he wouldn't leave any fingerprints. His sergeant, Owens, was new to the job and was looking a bit green around the gills after seeing the blood downstairs.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," said Drake. He had no desire to babysit a fainting sergeant if he could help it.

"I'm fine sir," the man insisted and Drake's respect for him went up a notch.

They stopped by the last door, both of them shivering. "God, it's cold!" said Sergeant Owens as Drake pushed open the door. Three bodies were inside, an overweight man, a thin woman and a fat boy. Rather than the bloated and maggot-infested corpses Drake was expecting, all three of them just looked as if they were sleeping. There wasn't a mark on them, neither injury nor decay. The room was like a freezer and had probably preserved the bodies.

"God! Their faces!" said Owens. "It looks like they died of fright!"

***

Some miles away in a house in Grimmauld Place, a boy tossed and turned on the bed, bad dreams disturbing his healing sleep. He woke, shivering and sweating, feeling as if he'd just been kissed briefly on the lips, but there was no one in the room with him.

He looked around, his heart breaking anew as he realised what it meant. It was a final goodbye. He would never feel those lips again.

"Cedric," he whispered to the dark. "Cedric."

But there was no reply.




Part 34

"Such a handsome boy," Voldemort hissed as his toes curled around Cedric's dead face and pressed it into the dirt.

"Don't touch him! Don't touch him!" yelled Harry as he struggled against his bonds. He couldn't move. He screamed louder.

"Harry, ssh, dear, it's just a dream," a voice crooned in his ear and he felt himself being rocked against someone.

It wasn't Cedric. He knew it wasn't Cedric, but he allowed the comfort the touch provided before he let himself fall into the darkness of his dreams once more.

When he woke next, summer sunlight was streaming through the thin curtains which had a pattern of Hippogriffs on them. Where was he? He had no idea. It wasn't the Burrow, at least not in any room he'd been in before and it definitely wasn't Privet Drive. He ached all over, but most particularly his left leg. It was agony every time he moved. His head was fuzzy, as if he'd slept for days. Maybe he had.

The last thing he remembered was his uncle throwing him out and Professor Snape holding him before Harry blacked out. He couldn't remember much after that. Madam Pomfrey had been here, he remembered that, and he remembered telling her that he wanted to die. He flushed as it came back to him. Cedric would have been so ashamed of him for not being able to withstand a bit of pain.

"BLOOD TRAITOR! BESMIRCHING THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS!!" came a shriek from somewhere and Harry almost jumped out of his skin.

Who on earth was that? Was this Snape's house? How long had he been unconscious?

Harry looked around the room; he was feeling more alert than he had been for weeks, most probably due to Madam Pomfrey's potions or spells. The walls were painted a very unbecoming shade of beige, which reminded Harry somewhat of puke. His trunk was sitting at the foot of the bed, which was an old fashioned iron affair reminiscent of the beds in the infirmary. On the wall opposite the bed was a blank painting, a slightly stronger shade of beige than the walls.

There were two beds in the room; the one Harry was lying on and another pushed up against the window, squashing the bottom of the curtains. Between the beds was a small table that held an oil lamp; a couple of potions bottles; a jug of water and a glass. Harry lifted the jug, he was feeling rather thirsty, but his hands were shaking so much that most of the water ended up on the floor rather than in the glass.

His left leg was getting more painful by the second. He dropped the glass – water splashing him, the bed, and the floor as he screamed. Barely a second later Madam Pomfrey, Professor Snape and his godfather had barged into the room.

"Sirius! You're here!" cried Harry as he tried to ignore the pain in his leg, but Madam Pomfrey was having none of that.

"Here, Harry, drink this," she said, offering him a vial she'd removed from her apron pocket. "It will help with the pain, dear. Two drops."

Harry swallowed the potion and almost immediately felt himself enveloped in warmth as the painkiller did its magic and his leg stopped aching, as did the rest of him. Sirius and Professor Snape were still looking at him a little worriedly. Harry sighed and lay back against his pillows.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" Harry couldn't imagine why his godfather should be at Snape's house.

"I live here," said Sirius. "Or rather, I used to. This was my parents' house."

"Sirius, we'll leave the two of you alone for a bit," said Madam Pomfrey. "I'll go and make Harry some lunch, you can explain about the Order to him and about ..."

"What Order?" asked Harry, feeling more and more confused. If Sirius had a house here, why did he have to go back to Privet Drive? Why hadn't Dumbledore sent him straight here? Why did he have to endure all of that? He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and he blinked them back quickly before the others saw. Sirius handed Harry his glasses, but didn't speak.

"Sirius?" Harry began when his godfather showed no signs of explaining anything. Madam Pomfrey ushered Snape out the door with a muttered, "Come along, Severus!"

Harry wondered how many more secrets he was expected to endure.

***

"His leg's not getting any better, is it?" asked Severus as soon as he and Poppy were back downstairs and were out of earshot of Harry. Poppy busied herself by the old fashioned range as she warmed up some chicken soup.

Severus scanned the Muggle paper Poppy had brought with her that morning. All the Dursleys had been found dead, they'd been dead for weeks according to the inquest, but the bodies had been preserved. No reason could be found for their deaths and the coroner had recorded a verdict of Death by Misadventure.

"No, Severus. The potions are only helping with the pain, but the damage has already been done. He'll be limping for the rest of his life."

"Merlin! Those bastards! He should never have been sent there! Never!"

"Severus, you know the blood protection only worked if Harry lived with them."

"What use was fucking blood protection if it was his relatives who were harming him? It didn't stop him from being almost murdered, did it?" Severus sank down on a chair, the gorge rising in his throat. This was too familiar. Far too familiar.

"Severus, I know how much this upsets you. It must bring back terrible memories for you," said Poppy as she removed the saucepan from the stove and ladled some soup into a white bowl which was sitting on a wooden tray.

"I'm not going to let it happen again, Poppy. The Ministry will have some stupid law about where Harry goes now that the Dursleys are dead. They're not going to treat that boy like they treated me – I won't stand for it!"

"Severus, the Ministry will probably make Harry a Ward of Court. It will be up to the Wizengamot to decide his future, what can we do?"

"I don't know, but there's got to be something."

"Here, Severus, take this tray up to him, will you? I'm just popping back to Hogwarts to get some more of your Hearts-Ease potion."

Poppy added two rolls, a small butter dish and a glass of pumpkin juice to the tray. She
held a knife in her hands for a long time before she set it and the spoon down on it as well.

"You've been giving him Hearts-Ease?" asked Severus, frowning. It was a very strong calming draught, addictive if taken too often and did little except mask a person's emotions. Hearts-Ease did just what its name suggested, it eased a person's heart, made it seem like all their problems were gone and that life was wonderful. It was artificial though, the problems weren't gone and when it wore off, patients sometimes felt even worse than before they'd taken the potion.

"What was I supposed to do, Severus? It'll help him for a while until he feels up to talking."

"You still think he might try something drastic?" asked Severus. Poppy glanced again at the knife.

"I do, Severus. Losing Cedric on top of all this just may well be the straw that breaks the Hippogriff's back. That boy has been through so much; sometimes I feel like crying just looking at him. He's so thin! Did you know, Severus? Did you know what the Dursleys had been doing to him all these years?"

"Not the specifics, no, but I think I suspected something. Sometimes when he came back after the summers, he looked - he looked haunted. It was how I used to look every year too. I should have done something sooner, Poppy. I should have stopped it!"

"We were all to blame, Severus. Letting ourselves believe that we were protecting him by having him stay there, where his mother's blood lived. We were trying so hard to ignore the facts even when they were before our eyes. Don't blame yourself, Severus. If it's anybody's fault it's mine. Look how many times I saw him in the infirmary, treating him for malnutrition, the broken bones, the bruises." Poppy shuddered and dried her eyes with the edge of her apron.

"You were only following orders, Poppy. Like all of us."

"That doesn't make it right."

"No, it doesn't," said Severus picking up the tray and trying to climb the stairs as silently as possible; he had no wish to disturb Mother Black's painting. He knocked on the bedroom door one-handed, Sirius opened it and waved him in.

"I'll see you later, Harry," said Sirius as he brushed past Severus in the hall.

"Madam Pomfrey's made you some lunch," said Severus, setting the tray down on Harry's lap. The boy made no move to touch anything on it. The bruises on his face were fading now that Poppy had been treating him. Underneath them he looked pale and wan. He was dressed in a pair of Sirius' pyjamas, which didn't fit him any better than the usual hand-me-downs; he was so small.

"I'm not hungry."

"Potter, you've got to eat something."

"No I don't! I don't have to do anything! Why don't all of you leave me the fuck alone?!!!" shrieked Harry as he grabbed hold of the tray and upended the contents all over the floor, his chest heaving with the effort.

Severus bit back an angry retort, he knew that Harry couldn't help how he was feeling and anger could well mean he was on the way to recovery.

On the other hand, it could just mean that the Hearts-Ease was wearing off.

***

"Ssseverus, so pleased you could join uss," hissed Voldemort as he pressed his foot harder against Severus' bent back. Severus did not cry out, did not move. He had been late for this Call and knew he was being punished for what Voldemort saw as his lack of obedience. The other Death Eaters were cloaked and masked; standing in a circle around him, baying like hyenas for blood. Severus was completely naked except for the collar Voldemort had placed around his neck. Voldemort's hands tightened on it and yanked Severus' head up to face him.

"Who do you serve?"

"Only you, my lord." Severus lowered his eyes.

"I have a special task for you, Severus. Very special indeed. Lucius, take him to my chambers and ... prepare him," the creature leered and licked its lips. Severus knew better than to shudder. He knew better than to show any distaste or any fear over what was coming. He'd known it was coming as soon as he'd been stripped.

He allowed Lucius to lead him away, crawling on all fours as his master expected, ignoring the jeers and catcalls of the others. Some of them would have killed to be in his place, but Severus felt nothing but disgust and shame as Lucius led him to Voldemort's bed chambers.

Lucius conjured manacles and tied Severus to the bedposts. The collar Severus wore did more than indicate his position tonight – that of Voldemort's slave – it also inhibited magic and he could no more free himself than he could fly to the moon.

Lucius raked his eyes over Severus' naked form and smiled.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it, Severus?"

"Not nearly long enough!" hissed Severus through gritted teeth.

"Now, now, Severus. You heard our master. I'm to prepare you." Lucius began unfastening his trousers.

Severus closed his eyes and wished that he was anywhere but here.




Part 35

Severus stood under the shower, letting the hot water wash away all that had happened earlier that night at the Riddle Mansion. Dumbledore had called an Order meeting at Grimmauld Place for as soon as he returned, but Severus had no desire to go there reeking like a Knockturn Alley whore. He had no desire to be thought of as one either; even though in reality that's what he was. His payment wasn't money, it was information and Voldemort had a loose tongue after he'd had his pleasure. The fact that Voldemort's pleasure meant pain for the other person was irrelevant.

Severus' skin was red raw by the time he finished his shower; even his own soft towels were painful after so many Crucios earlier that night. He had a higher tolerance to the curse than most people, but that only made his punishments last longer than anyone else's. Voldemort never stopped until Severus was screaming hysterically, almost mindless with pain. Severus cast drying charms on himself and put on the clothes he normally wore after Death Eater meetings; a soft silk shirt, black cotton trousers and a velvet outer robe. The clothes were then spelled even softer after he'd put them on. Before he took the Floo to Grimmauld Place, Severus downed a couple of painkilling potions and rubbed an antiseptic salve into the worst of his wounds; there was no telling where Voldemort or Lucius had been.

It was a small gathering that night, the headmaster, Minerva, Sirius, Molly and Arthur Weasley. Poppy wasn't a member of the Order, although she knew about it. She was staying with Harry; none of them thought Harry should be left alone.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Severus?" asked Molly almost before he'd exited the Floo.

"No, thank you," he said and dusted himself free of soot.

"What news, Severus?" asked the headmaster. Not one polite enquiry as to how he was feeling. None of the others knew what Severus endured in his role as a spy, but the headmaster did. In fact, he was the one who thought it was a great idea: a good way to curry favour with the Dark Lord. It had been the first meeting since Voldemort regained his body that he had decided to make an example of Severus. He’d had his pleasure, so had Lucius, while the others watched. The reason Severus did not want any tea was because he didn't think his hands would be able to stop shaking long enough to drink it.

He clasped them together and stilled them by sheer force of will.

"He knows Harry's relatives are dead, so that protection no longer worries him. He wants to know where Harry is now, who his guardians are. I couldn't tell him. I was - I was punished for not bringing him better news. Voldemort has other spies, they told him about the hearing; it must be someone from within the Ministry itself. He wants me to go to the hearing, discover whether or not he will be expelled and who will become his new guardians. I'm assuming, as is Voldemort, that the guardians will be appointed at the hearing on the 1st of August?"

"That's what we expect, yes," said Dumbledore. "And Voldemort has told you nothing else?"

Severus stared at him; he'd thought the information he gathered was rather impressive himself. They knew something of Voldemort's plans. He wasn't yet ready to kidnap or kill the boy; he was biding his time; seeing what happened. As long as Harry's new guardians were able to protect him until he returned to Hogwarts, there was little point in worrying. Voldemort would come after Harry and it seemed like it was going to be sooner rather than later. They just had to be prepared and they had to prepare Harry.

"He did not speak of the Department of Mysteries?" queried Dumbledore, sipping at his tea.

"No. Not to me," said Severus.

"Do you know something we don't, Albus?" asked Minerva.

"No, Minerva. I just wondered. Since the spy seems to be within the Ministry, Voldemort may have expressed an interest, that's all. Well, Harry will need an adult to accompany him to the Wizengamot, Severus, and this way you can be seen to be obeying Voldemort's orders and achieving our objectives as well."

"Which are?" Severus arched an eyebrow at his employer.

"To keep Harry safe of course!" said Minerva, as if Severus was foolish to even ask such a question. Dumbledore wasn't smiling, he wasn't even twinkling and Severus wondered if Dumbledore's objectives were different to what everyone else thought.

"Didn't Harry's parents work in the Department of Mysteries?" asked Molly as she went round the table refilling everyone's cup with steaming tea. She didn't offer Severus one and he was grateful; he thought he saw a glimmer of sympathy in her eyes, but wasn't quite sure.

"Yes," nodded Dumbledore, "but I doubt that has anything to do with why he wants Harry."

Severus wasn't so sure of that. Didn't the Department of Mysteries house the Hall of Prophecy? Was Voldemort going to look for the prophecy that Sybil Trelawney had made all those years ago? No, Severus realised, he wasn't. He was going to get someone else to do it for him; Voldemort rarely ran his own errands. Severus wondered if he would be the one set this task.

"Severus, I think it's best that you remain here for the remainder of the summer," said Dumbledore. Severus had known this was coming ever since he'd rescued Harry from Privet Drive. "If that is all right with you, Sirius?"

"I think the better question should be, is it all right with Harry? He's been through enough; he doesn't need any more upset. If Harry says you can stay, you can stay, Snape."

Severus nodded to the boy's godfather; he liked the idea that it would be Harry's choice.

***

Harry agreed to everything anyone suggested, it was just easier that way. He had no energy for fighting and arguments; he had no energy for anything anymore. He'd cried a little when Madam Pomfrey finally explained to him about his leg; it wasn't just broken bones and bruises; whatever Vernon had done, it had somehow damaged the nerves in that leg and Harry would never have the full use of it again. He could walk, but only with a cane and he would limp for the rest of his life. It was over a week since she'd told him and Harry still hadn't got out of bed except to go to the bathroom.

He'd agreed to Snape staying; he didn't feel he had any choice in the matter. The adults would do what they thought was best for him without consulting him; he was used to it by now. It was nice that Snape had come to his room and asked him politely if it would be all right for Snape to stay in the house for the rest of the summer. Since the house belonged to Sirius, not Harry, he didn't feel he had the right to refuse. Soon it wouldn't matter who was living where.

Snape was going to come to the hearing with him; that had been a surprise. Harry thought he was going to have to go on his own. He was so used to adults letting him down that it was difficult to trust anyone at all. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came to visit him sometimes after Order meetings; Ron was away in Romania with his brother and having a lovely time, as his owls to Harry indicated. Madam Pomfrey was in Grimmauld Place more often than she was not, but she rarely stayed the night anymore. Harry supposed that meant he was getting better, but he didn't feel any better. Not inside, not where it counted.

They never left him alone, there was always someone with him, and either Snape or Sirius slept in the spare bed in his room each night and followed him to the bathroom. At least they let him close the door for some privacy, but he was magically prevented from locking it. Harry was growing further and further apart from anyone who was still living. His heart was being tugged in another direction entirely. The emptiness just wouldn't leave him and it was getting more and more difficult to bear each passing day. He wanted Cedric. He needed Cedric.

He decided to do it on his birthday, and avoid the hearing altogether. Madam Pomfrey brought him and Sirius breakfast in bed; she smiled at him and handed him a couple of wrapped presents. Harry couldn't get excited over them; he knew he would never open them. He ate a little of his breakfast, just to save on arguments with his godfather really, as he wasn't hungry. He hadn't felt hungry for days now, as if his body was getting as ready as his mind was.

Harry got out of bed and lifted up the cane – Snape had magicked it for him, he’d said it was an early birthday present. It was made from beech and the handle was carved in the shape of a Gryffin. He stood wobbling for a few moments, his left leg wanted to collapse underneath him, but Harry refused to let that happen. He would walk to the bathroom under his own steam, even with a wonky leg. Sirius was out of bed before Harry even reached the door.

"Where are you going, Harry?"

"Bathroom," he shrugged, trying to appear calm, despite his heart beating so fast that he was surprised Sirius couldn't hear it.

"Okay, I'll walk with you," said Sirius, pulling a dressing gown over his pyjamas. Harry hadn't really expected anything else. Everything that could be considered a danger had already been removed from every bathroom. There were no razors, no mirrors, no pills or potions. They thought they'd done enough to save him from himself.

***

"SEVERUS!! FUCK! SEVERUS!!" screeched Sirius from upstairs; his shouts had the painting awake and ranting too.

Severus bounded up the stairs two at a time, the urgency in Sirius' voice urging him on. On the first floor landing, he found Sirius cradling Harry in his arms, a Harry dripping wet and still dressed in his pyjamas, the clothes clinging to him like a second skin.

"What happened?" asked Severus, bending down to check Harry's vital signs.

"He tried to drown himself in the bath! I thought he was too quiet, I called through the door but when he didn't answer, I feared the worst. I opened the door, even after I promised he could have some privacy."

The boy's pulse was weak, but steady. He was breathing fairly well for almost drowning. Why hadn't his alarm spell gone off if Harry had been trying to drown himself? Severus removed his wand and scanned the boy, his lips quirking up at the corners in what almost could have been a smile.

"He was never in any danger of drowning, Sirius. He's under the Aqua Tutis spell. Whoever cast it did not remove it; he can't drown, unless the caster removes the spell."

"He was trying to though, wasn't he?" asked Sirius, rubbing Harry's back. "I feel so fucking useless! I want to help – how can we help him, Severus?"

"I don't know, Sirius. But right now I think we'd better get him into some clean clothes."

Sirius glanced down at the wet form of his godson, as if he hadn't quite realised that the water dripping onto the floor was coming from Harry.

"He's not well, is he? Will he need to go St. Mungo's, do you think?"

"And how would Harry feel if we sent him there?" demanded Severus.

"Like we don't care, that we’d abandoned him. Shit! We can't do that, he'd never forgive us. What are we going to do?"

"We are going to get him some dry clothes, put him back to bed and call Poppy."

***

Madam Pomfrey, Professor Snape and Sirius were all in his room when Harry finally came round. He couldn't look at them, he felt so ashamed. After all they'd done to try and help him; he'd thrown it back in their faces. It hadn't worked, Cedric's spell was still protecting him even after the boy had died and there was no way any of them were going to leave him alone after this. He would never get another chance. He wouldn't get to see Cedric.

He sobbed his heartbreak into his pillow, turning away from the adults.

"Why did you do it, Harry?" asked Sirius but Harry couldn't answer. "Your parents would be so ashamed of you!"

"Sirius!" admonished Madam Pomfrey, but Sirius ignored her.

"They died to save you, Harry. How would it feel to them knowing that you tried to take your own life? They wouldn't be proud of it, would they?"

"Sirius, that's enough, out!" said Madam Pomfrey and he heard their footsteps retreating. Thinking he was alone, Harry really let out all the despair he was feeling, all the grief that was choking him and bawled his eyes out like a spoilt toddler denied a favourite toy. Only he'd never been spoilt, never been given any toys that weren't broken first and he wailed some more, finding it difficult to breathe.

He almost screamed when he felt a soft touch on his hair, caressing it before he realised that it was Snape, and that he couldn’t have left with the others. Harry didn't know what made him do it, he was barely thinking straight as it was, but he turned over and launched himself into Snape’s arms, wrapping his arms around Snape's chest and wailing his misery to his midriff.

"I - I miss him! I miss him!" sobbed Harry.

"I know, Harry, I know," the man said in a whisper as he stroked Harry's back.

TBC

A/N: Aqua - water
Tutis -protected, safe.

Chapter 8: Everything's Not Lost
Part 36

Severus scooped the weeping boy up in his arms and settled both of them on the narrow bed, with Severus propped against the few pillows and Harry leaning and sobbing on his shoulder. Neither of them spoke much for a while, Harry was crying too much and Severus did not know what to say. He had no idea of the depths of despair Harry must have been in to consider taking his own life. The fact that he hadn't actually succeeded was irrelevant, the desire had been there. Harry had wanted to die and he had no idea what to say, what to do that would make Harry feel any better about it.

Poppy popped her head round the door at lunch time, but Severus waved her away before Harry caught sight of her with the tray of food. He didn't think Harry was in the mood to eat anything; Poppy tip-toed away with the tray.

Harry sniffled a little, rubbing his eyes and blinked up at him. His eyes were even wider, even greener without his glasses on – they were still sitting on the bedside table. "Sir - may I - can I have some pain potion?" Harry asked at last, his eyes darting to the vials on the table. "My leg hurts." He hung his head, as if expecting rejection, as if he expected to be left in pain.

Severus felt his heart lurch into his throat. That's what Harry had been used to. The adults who were supposed to have cared for him hurt him and left him in pain. "Harry, you don't need to ask for pain potion, take it whenever you need it. Madam Pomfrey told you the correct dosages, I presume?"

"Yes, sir - but I thought I wouldn't be allowed any. Not now. Not after - after --" Harry was sobbing again, but it was short-lived, as if most of his tears had dried up. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You must all be so angry with me!"

"Ssh, Harry, ssh. I'm not angry; I'm worried that nothing we can do will be able to help you. Here," Severus unwrapped one of his arms and brought over the pain potion. "Drink this," he advised; Harry swallowed a couple of drops and laid his head back down on Severus' shoulder.

"I - I thought I was getting better," admitted Harry, talking to Severus' neck. "I felt a bit better and then things just started feeling so awful again."

"How long since you felt like this, Harry? That you wanted to end it?"

"About two weeks."

"You were taking Hearts-Ease potion, Harry. Two weeks ago was the last dose. You weren't really feeling better; it was the potion masking your emotional state."

"Oh." Harry's voice sounded so small, so defeated.

"Harry, did you want to talk about anything? Anything at all… it might make you feel better."

"Do you think that's all it takes? That I'll suddenly feel better because I'm talking?"

"No, Harry. I don't. Things like this, they're complicated, they're always complicated. But if you feel you have no one to confide in, things often seem worse than they are. If you don't want to talk to me, what about your godfather?"

"No, he's so angry with me. I don't think he'd understand why I wanted to do - to do that."

Harry was silent for a while, but then he started talking again. "I still dream about it every night. That night in the graveyard. Cedric dying, me being unable to stop it. But - but sometimes the dream changes and I save him, then when I wake up and realise it's just a dream I feel really horrible. That dream is worse than the nightmare because I know it isn't real and Cedric's never coming back. I - I loved him so much." Severus felt a few tears fall onto his robe, but he made no move to wipe them away. He didn't want Harry to feel that his tears were unwanted or that
he shouldn't have been crying. It might help him in the long run.

"Professor, can I ask you something?" Harry asked at last.

"You can, but I may not be able to answer."

"Do you know what my parents were working on in the Department of Mysteries? Why Voldemort went after them in the first place? Why he came after me? I was just a baby, what did he want with me?"

In a way, Severus was glad of the questions, curiosity was a great motivator for staying alive. On the other hand, he had been dreading this conversation ever since the night Cedric died. Severus knew Harry needed to know the truth, it was just going to be a difficult one to accept and he didn't want to do anything that might have Harry attempting suicide again.

"I don't know what your parents were working on, Harry. No one knows that, except maybe someone else at the Department of Mysteries. But as for why he came after you – there was a prophecy, a boy born when the seventh month dies will be the only one with the power to defeat the Dark Lord. It has been considered that you are that boy, Harry, and he set out to destroy you before you became a danger to him."

"A danger to him? How can I be a danger to him? He’s almost killed me so many times already."

"He has power the Dark Lord knows not," Severus quoted. "Harry, your mother died for you, she sacrificed herself for you. Blood sacrifice is very important to wizards, family blood sacrifice is even more important, especially in rituals. I don't know this for sure, but I've suspected it for some time and I think somewhere deep down, so have you." Severus stroked the boy's back and hoped he wasn't saying anything that was going to break the boy in his arms even further. "Do you know what I'm talking about, Harry?"

"It's him, isn't it? Voldemort was my father? He was one of the ones who raped her that night?" Harry shuddered against him, then sat up and retched over the side of the bed. Severus conjured him a glass of water when he was finished. Harry didn't seek the comfort of Severus' arms this time; he just sat on the side of the bed, breathing very rapidly as if he couldn't get air into his lungs fast enough.

"Dumbledore lied to me, didn't he?" asked Harry, turning round. His eyes were blazing with anger and it was the most wonderful thing Severus had ever seen. Harry was angry. Very angry. Someone that angry was in no danger of taking their own life. "He told me I got some of Voldemort's powers the night he gave me this scar, but that was a lie, wasn't it? I already had the powers; I inherited them, didn't I?"

"That's a distinct possibility, yes," agreed Severus. "Harry, the Dark Lord used the ritual of Blood, Flesh and Bone to regenerate, but because he used both his father's bones and his son's blood, he'll be more powerful than he ever was before. Without you, the Wizarding world doesn't stand a chance."

"I - I can't handle this. I don't want to handle it! I'm just me, I'm just Harry and I'm nothing to do with him! Nothing! Nothing!"

Severus knelt up on the bed behind him and wrapped his arms around the distraught boy. He hoped desperately he hadn’t made things worse. Harry didn't seem to be shying away from his touch. He didn't think the boy needed to be alone right now, not because he was worried about what he might do, but because Harry needed the comfort.

And who would have thought that Severus Snape would be the one offering that comfort to Harry Potter?

***

It wasn't exactly a birthday party, but Mrs. Weasley had arranged a birthday tea for Harry and when Madam Pomfrey came to the door and asked if he was feeling up to it, Harry wanted to refuse. He didn't want to face everyone; he certainly didn't feel up to having any sort of celebration. How could they think of celebrating when Cedric was dead?

Would any of them even be his friends any more once they discovered who his father was? Harry wondered why Snape hadn't run screaming from him, but then realised that the man had been spying on Voldemort for years, maybe he was sort of immune to the terror the man engendered by now. Harry wasn't. Father or not, Harry was terrified of the Dark Lord. None of them had been there. They hadn't been there that night when the Dark Lord returned, none of them knew how terrifying it had been to witness. How terrifying it still was each night in his dreams.

"I don't think Harry is quite up to that yet, Poppy," said Snape.

"No, it's okay, I'll go. Just for a while. Just please… please don't tell anyone what… what I tried to do."

"Harry! Of course I wouldn't and I've already told Sirius the same. None of them know about that, Harry. They just know you've been laid up in bed because of your leg, nothing else."

Harry struggled to stand up and fetched his cane, he was at the door before he realised he was still in a pair of pyjamas. Professor Snape waved his wand and Harry was suddenly dressed in a pair of jeans and an emerald shirt that matched his eyes. He hobbled back to the bedside table for his glasses and put them on.

"Thank you," he said to his professor before he was helped downstairs; he hadn't been off the top floor where his bedroom and the bathroom were, and the stairs were a lot harder to negotiate now with his gammy leg. Trick steps at Hogwarts would take on a whole new meaning if he went back. Harry could almost imagine Cedric's disappointment at what Harry had tried to do. Not if he went back. When.

Cedric deserved vengeance and Harry killing himself would never achieve it.

Harry plastered a false smile on his face as he entered the kitchen. Ron and Hermione were there, along with Remus; Mr. and Mrs. Weasley; Sirius; and Cedric's parents. Harry's smile faltered when he saw them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Diggory," he blurted. "What are you doing here?"

"We wanted to wish you Happy Birthday, Harry," said Mrs. Diggory. "And, if you don't mind, we thought we'd go up to the Ministry with you tomorrow. I can only go as a spectator, but Amos is one of the witnesses for the Defence. We probably shouldn't even be talking about the hearing, but I just thought you'd like to know."

Harry gaped at Cedric's father. "They've called you as a witness?"

"No, Harry. I volunteered. Cedric would have wanted it this way."

Harry felt tears trickle unchecked down his cheeks. That Cedric's father had volunteered to be a witness at his hearing, even despite his grief over his son had him feeling so awful, so ashamed of what he'd tried to do. Harry knew he had friends in an abstract sort of sense but right then he realised that his friends would have grieved for him, especially Ron and Hermione. How could he even have thought of putting them through what he was going through right now? He wasn't the only one who had lost someone. The Diggorys had lost their son and before him, their daughter. Were they wallowing in self-pity? No.

Harry walked up to his godfather and hugged him as if he'd never let go. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm sorry."

Harry didn't kid himself, he knew he wasn't better. He knew that sometimes things would just feel too much for him again, but now that he realised that there were people who cared for him he would try his best not to give in.

He had a purpose now, no matter what the Wizengamot decided, Harry would do the one thing that he was born to do.

He would destroy Voldemort once and for all.

Cedric's murderer deserved no less.



Part 37

"Order! Order in the courtroom!" Madam Bones banged her gavel hard on the desk in front of her as the crowd erupted into a cacophony of noise as soon as Harry entered, Madam Pomfrey on one side of him, Professor Snape on the other. Sirius, Remus, most of the Weasleys and Mrs. Diggory were already seated in the spectators' gallery; Mr. Diggory was sitting in the front row and gave Harry a small smile. Harry returned it; then his face darkened when he saw Lucius Malfoy leering at him from the very top tier of the gallery.

The courtroom was full to capacity and Harry had never felt so nervous in all his life. The whole Wizengamot was there, except for Professor Dumbledore; he'd been stripped of that office a few weeks previously. The Minister himself was there, along with that awful woman who'd been at Cedric's funeral, Umbert - no, Umbridge, that was her name. She was wearing the same pink bow that she'd worn then and gave Harry a smirk, as though to remind him of her disrespect. She needn't have bothered; Harry remembered it. He remembered all of it.

Madam Bones called order again and this time the crowds settled down; Harry saw Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quotes quill scribbling frantically. He wondered what was so exciting when the hearing hadn't actually started yet. No doubt she'd have a scoop before the day was out.

There were chairs in the middle of the courtroom with chains on the arm and another, plain wooden chair. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape led Harry over to it and helped him sit down. He heard the gasps of surprise when people noticed his crippled leg.

"Are you Harold James Potter?" asked Madam Bones as Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape took their seats next to Mr. Diggory on the front row. Harry was glad they'd sat there, he could see them from his chair and it didn't feel like he was in this alone.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you are fourteen, correct?" Madam Bones glanced down at some papers on the desk.

"Fifteen. It was my birthday yesterday."

"Do you know why you are here, Harry?"

"Because I used underage Magic."

"There, you see," interjected Umbridge. "He knew what he was doing was wrong, he even admits it!"

"When I want your opinion I will ask for it, Dolores. I wasn't aware your fingers were in the pie of the Magical Law Enforcement office as they have been everywhere else. This is a hearing and as such the accused is entitled to defend himself. If you interrupt proceedings again, I will have you removed, is that clear? You will have your turn to question the witness. Until then, please be quiet!"

Umbridge muttered something under her breath.

"You may well be the Minister's Under-Secretary, Dolores, but this is a courtroom, not an outpost of Fudge's office. Politics has no place here and until you are the Head of the MLE, you would do well to heed me."

Madam Bones turned to Harry again, fixing her monocle. "Please continue, Mr. Potter. I and the rest of the court are anxious to hear your reasons for attempting underage Magic while you were away from Hogwarts. What were you doing away from school on the night in question anyway?"

Harry took a deep breath and it all came flooding out of him. The maze, the Portkey, Cedric's death, Voldemort's return. When he'd finished, you could have heard the fluttering wings of a snitch. Mouths were opening wide, but no sound was coming out of any of them.

"So that is your defence?" asked Madam Bones. "To protect yourself and Cedric Diggory from the Dark Lord?"

"Yes, ma'am," replied Harry. He knew from the tone of her voice that she didn't really believe him.

"Your witness, Dolores," said Madam Bones and the toad-like woman stood up and marched over to Harry like a woman on a mission. She was on a mission, Harry knew it. This woman, whoever she was, was intent on destroying Harry's credibility.

"Isn't it true that this is not the first time you have been guilty of underage Magic, Mr. Potter? Just last year, you in fact used it on a Muggle, one Marjorie Dursley; you blew her up and she had to be Obliviated."

"Dolores, we are not hear to discuss Mr. Potter's past deeds. And in fact no action was taken on that occasion as per the Minister's orders, so it is not admissible anyway. Please restrict your questions to what happened on the night of June 29th."

"I am trying to establish that Mr. Potter has a history of breaking rules and lying," simpered Umbridge. "That he is lying about the night in question and that he in fact killed Cedric Diggory himself!"

The gallery erupted; Harry felt faint. Kill Cedric? How could the woman even think that?

"Do you have your wand with you, Mr. Potter?" asked Madam Bones.

Harry nodded. "Have you used it since the night in question?"

"No."

"Bailiff, Mr. Potter's wand, please," instructed the head of the MLE. Harry didn't want to relinquish it, but he knew he had to. They were going to break it and he would no longer be considered a wizard. His hand gripped it and he wasn't sure he would be able to let go when the man came over. The bailiff took the wand and handed it to Madam Bones, who then cast Priori Incantatem on it. The shadows of Harry's spells began to emerge from the wand tip and there, for all the courtroom to see was the ghostly, grey face of Voldemort as Harry had cast Expelliarmus on him that night.

There were shrieks and screams from the assembled crowds as a face that none of them ever expected to see again was hovering in the air above them. Madam Bones ended the spell; her hands were shaking as she set Harry's wand back down on the desk.

"Mr. Potter, it seems the court owes you not only an apology but a debt of thanks for bringing this news to the Wizengamot's attention. We had no idea – none – that the Dark Lord had risen again. This case is dismissed, Harry, you are free to return to Hogwarts in September as usual."

"What? You can't let him get away with it!" protested Dolores Umbridge. "He still used underage Magic!"

"To save his life and to try to save that of his friend. It was an honourable course and should never have been brought anywhere near a courtroom!"

"Then I suppose we must move on to the issues of guardianship?" simpered Umbridge. "And the illegal betrothal?"

"Illegal betrothal? Dolores, are you quite well? What's this now?"

Umbridge conjured a parchment, Harry knew what it was. It was a copy of his and Cedric's betrothal certificate. Madam Bones scanned the document and sighed. "There is nothing illegal about this, Dolores. It was witnessed; it was filed with the Ministry. All perfectly legal."

"But Mr. Potter was only fourteen when it occurred and he did not have permission from his guardians to proceed."

"If you are referring to those Muggles, the Dursleys, then you are even more of a fool than I took you for. They forfeited any right to guardianship the day they first laid a hand on Mr. Potter. The Dursleys are dead and I have already appointed Mr. Potter's new guardians. They gave permission. Nothing illegal about it."

"What? Who?" demanded Dolores Umbridge.

"That is a private matter between myself and Mr. Potter. Considering the Dark Lord's return and the danger it poses to Mr. Potter's safety, do you really think I am about to reveal that information to anyone but Harry Potter himself?"

Madam Bones stood up, the courtroom rose around her. Harry struggled to his feet, wincing as a sharp pain shot up his leg. "Mr. Potter, please come with me," urged Madam Bones as she strode briskly to a small door at the side of the courtroom and waved it open with her wand. As Harry reached the door, she held out his own wand for him to take. He did so and followed her into the room.

As soon as Harry was through the door, Madam Bones locked and warded it and cast some really powerful silencing charms on it. "Take a seat, Harry," she said, sitting on one of the armchairs dotted about the room. "Is your leg very painful?"

"It comes and goes," Harry said as he sank gratefully into one of the other chairs. He hadn't taken any potions today, wanting his mind to be clear for the hearing, but he hoped he'd be able to get back soon so he could at least take a painkiller.

"So, he's really back, then? The Dark Lord? A lot of us guessed it would come to this, but never so soon. Sorry, I'm rambling, I expect you'd like to know who your new guardians are, Harry?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, I'm afraid I told a little white lie, I haven't actually appointed them yet, but I do have someone in mind. I think they would be suitable, but only if you think so too, Harry. After what happened to you with those Muggles, I do not wish you to accept just anyone."

"You mean I can decide?" Harry hadn't expected that.

"I know in the eyes of the law you are not yet an adult, Harry, but you're hardly a child either. I'm not going to pack you off to someone you don't like or you feel wouldn't look after you properly."

"Who did you have in mind?" asked Harry.

"Well, in light of what has happened, both your injuries and the return of You-Know-Who, I thought it best if you had two guardians who would be well placed to protect you and care for you. I would like to award joint custody to both Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape, if that is agreeable to you."

"But what if they don't want to do it?" Harry asked. Maybe they wouldn't want to look after him full time.

"They have already made the application, Harry; I just have to approve it."

"You mean - you mean they wanted to become my guardians?"

"They did indeed, Harry. Now, what shall I tell them?"

Oh, God. Harry could barely believe it. That someone wanted him. That someone cared enough to want to look after him, not to hurt him. He remembered every time Madam Pomfrey had patched him up in the infirmary; every time she'd slipped him some chocolate even when he wasn't ill. He remembered too the many times Snape had saved his life; had helped him with the Gillyweed; how he'd told Harry painful truths but hadn't bolted from the room afterwards, but stayed to comfort him.

"Y - yes," tears were trickling down Harry's cheeks. "Tell them yes."



Part 38

From the Journal of Harry Potter:

"2nd September

I can't believe it! That foul hag, Umbridge, is our new Defence teacher! She hates me; I know she does, what on earth is she doing here? Even Hermione thinks she's up to something and she's never wrong about these things. Umbridge really wanted me expelled at that hearing. I wonder if ordinary teachers can expel us or does it have to be the headmaster? I'll ask Snape, he'll probably know.

Snape! Now there's a surprise, I never knew the man could be so understanding, but he talks to me like I'm not a child anymore. As if he thinks I should know the truth even if it's really horrible. Sirius was a bit upset when he found out that Snape was going to be one of my guardians, but he couldn't really do anything to stop it, could he? Not when he's off doing something for the Order and I guess so is Hagrid, because he hasn't been at school.

Snape isn't being nice to me in class, it's still the same insults and put-downs as usual, but with Malfoy there I know it has to be like that. Voldemort can't learn the truth, but it does make me feel bad sometimes when he berates me in front of everyone.

He gave me back my invisibility cloak just before we came back to school. He said I can go and talk to him at any time, even if it's after curfew! I cried, but then I've been doing a lot of that lately. Madam Pomfrey has made me promise that I'll go and see her for a check-up every week. She's worried I'm still way too thin, but I don't have much of an appetite, I never have had really.

I still dream about Cedric, but it's mostly the nightmare now, not the one where he's still alive. I woke up half the dorm with my screams last night; I'd forgotten to put up silencing charms. Madam Pomfrey and Snape made me take them down when we were all at Grimmauld Place, as they wanted to know how frequent the nightmares were. I think it shocked them how often I got them.

I miss Cedric so much but I have to keep reminding myself that I have to kill Voldemort for him, Cedric can't do it himself."

***

From the Journal of Severus Snape:

"3rd October

The first Hogsmeade weekend today and the headmaster decided it was too risky to let the boy anywhere near the village. Harry didn't seem to mind and came down after breakfast ready and willing to help me sort out the storeroom, if not exactly able. His leg seems to pain him constantly but he never complains and tries to hide his grimaces.

Poppy's told me he needs to take the pain potion every day; he'd be in agony without it. I changed the formula slightly and added chocolate, so at least the taste is better. He cried as he thanked me, but I waved it off. It was nothing. Nothing compared to what that boy has been through and what we're all expecting him to do. He's fifteen years old and the weight of the Wizarding world is on his shoulders.

I made him sit on a stool and read out lists of ingredients to me. He's so stubborn that I thought he was going to refuse, but his leg must have been sore as he sat down with no arguments at all."

***

From the Journal of Harry Potter

"10th October

Malfoy nicked my cane after Transfiguration today, but he didn't realise it was jinxed. The Gryffin is more than a decoration, it's a guard. He had to go to the hospital wing to get the bite seen to; I hope it was really painful. Serves him right.

It's been bad today, the ache. It's like I have a hole in my chest where Cedric used to be and I don't think anything will be able to fill it. People keep asking how I am, but I don't know what to tell them, how to tell them, so I just lie and say I'm fine. Sometimes I feel like talking about Cedric, but most of the time I can't face it, it feels too painful.

I went to the boys' bathroom and transfigured a bar of soap into a razor. I stared at it for a long time, hoping no one would come in and catch me. I didn't do anything, but I wanted to. I wanted to.

I went to Snape and told him what I'd done. He didn't shout at me, he just hugged me and let me cry but suggested I might like to tell Madam Pomfrey how I was feeling. I don't think I can. She's a woman and I was a lot more comfortable talking to a man. He made me promise to come to him if I felt as bad as that again, to come to him before I do something so foolish as to conjure myself sharp instruments.

He said me and knives don't really belong together, reminding me of how mangled my dandelion roots were. I think he was making a joke, it cheered me up a bit, even if I didn't laugh."

***

From the Journal of Severus Snape:

"November 20th.

Foolish, stubborn, idiotic boy! Why didn't he tell anyone what that woman was doing to him? I knew he'd been given detentions, but this – none of us had any idea what that woman's detentions involved. The boy's hand is scarred beyond healing now, it's been happening over too long a period. I must not tell lies. And the supposed lie is that the Dark Lord is back! Is the woman a complete fool? Hasn't she been reading the papers? The attacks, the murders, the tortures?

Harry didn't even tell me himself, it was his friend, Miss Granger who stayed behind after Potions and asked me about Murtlap essence for cuts. No one had noticed the scars on the boy's hand because he'd been using a glamour, but Miss Granger happened to see it one night after his glamour failed and I finally got what had happened out of her.

Harry didn't speak to his friends for a few days over what he saw as their betrayal, but I saw them talking again tonight at dinner. He wasn't smiling, but then he hasn't been smiling much since Cedric died. I just hope he does feel he can come to me if things get too much for him again. The sooner that Umbridge woman is gone, the better."

***

From the Journal of Harry Potter:

"23rd December

Cho Chang got me alone after the DA meeting today; she's been trying to get me alone all term to talk about Cedric. She wants to know how he died, was he brave? Did he think of her? What am I supposed to say? It happened too quickly for anything. One second he was alive and the next he was dead. There wasn't time for bravery, for courage, or famous last words and I hated her for making me relive that night yet again, as if I don't dream about it enough.

Then she tried to kiss me! I totally freaked and called her some really rotten things. She ran off crying and said she would tell the whole school how horrible I'd been to her. By that stage I didn't really care, people are always talking about me. I just ignore it most of the time.

I felt really bad so I went to Snape's rooms and he played chess with me for a while until I felt better. He didn't even ask what was wrong, he knows sometimes I don't feel like talking and he never pushes. I needed that, it was just nice to spend some time with someone who isn't trying to feed me, get me to open up or trying to snog me under the mistletoe.

I think I might even have smiled a bit as I thought of Snape under a sprig of mistletoe."

***

From the Journal of Severus Snape:

"3rd January

Arthur Weasley is none the worse after his brush with Nagini, although none of us like to dwell on what might have happened if Harry hadn't had that vision or whatever it was. Unfortunately, at the same time Harry was in possession of the snake, so was the Dark Lord and he now knows of their connection. It has been decided that Harry should learn Occlumency and Dumbledore has of course roped me in to teach it.

It is not something I'm looking forward to and I know Harry isn’t either, considering what happened the last time he was inside someone else's mind, and there is no Cedric to bring him back if things go wrong again this time.

Nevertheless, it is something that needs to be done and Harry has never been one to shirk responsibilities, never mind that his shoulders are not getting any broader, no matter what burdens we keep adding to them."

***

From the Journal of Harry Potter:

"25th June

It was the last OWL yesterday, thank God! That bastard sent me a vision during the History of Magic exam, I thought my skull was going to split in two! I think I might even have screamed out loud and the examiner took me outside for some fresh air – said it was probably nerves, it took some people like that.

I never liked learning Occlumency, it was really hard at first and I thought I'd never be able to do it, but I got better. Thank God I did! I don't know what Voldemort is up to, but I knew the vision was false right from the off. If it's something that's happening for real, like that night the snake attacked Mr. Weasley; I can see this sort of blue glow around everything. There was no blue glow around Sirius, so I knew he wasn't really at the Ministry but for some reason, Voldemort wanted to lure me there.

I told Snape as soon as I could and he's gone off, I presume Voldemort called him, because he was holding his arm before he left. I wonder if that is as painful as my scar sometimes? He's not back yet and I know it's probably silly to worry, but I can't help it. I worry about him every time he goes to that murdering bastard. I hope he's okay, or as okay as you can be after Voldemort's been torturing you with Crucio for hours. Snape's never said, but I can tell. I know what that curse feels like. Voldemort doesn't seem to care who he hurts, and I'm just hoping that one day I'll be strong enough to take him down.

Umbridge fell foul of Grawp, Hagrid's giant half-brother, and the centaur herd in the Forest, so it looks like we'll need a new Defence teacher next year again. The scar on my hand aches when it rains; I've stopped using the glamour. Hermione said I should let people see it as a reminder how awful that woman had been and that I wasn't really a liar.

Madam Pomfrey and Snape said they are taking me on a holiday this year. I felt a bit sad when they told me, remembering the holiday I had with Cedric last Easter. He'll never be able to go on holiday ever again. I think about him every day, but it's not so much him dying anymore. I remember the wonderful time we had last year, how wanted he made me feel. How normal. I'll never forget him; I still wear his ring and I always will.

I still miss him."




Part 39

Harry arranged the flowers in front of Cedric's tomb; he'd been doing it every week since they'd been back at school. The sun was hot on his neck and he couldn't believe it had been a whole year already. Cedric had been gone for a year and Harry was still no nearer to defeating Voldemort.

"Harry, there you are," called Hermione. Harry turned his head round to look at her. "The carriages are leaving soon."

He struggled to his feet, his leg was always worse after he'd been kneeling and it was a bit of an effort. Hermione tried to help him but Harry waved her away. "I can do it. I'm not a ..." he trailed off, realising what he'd been about to say. He supposed he really was a cripple at that. God, how could he even think of doing battle with Voldemort when he could barely stand up for an hour at a time?

"Everyone wants to say goodbye," said Hermione with a soft smile. "What with you staying at the school all summer."

"Not all of it, we're going on holiday for a couple of weeks." Harry never mentioned the names of his guardians out loud just in case a Death Eater in training happened to be in the vicinity and reported back to their parents. Almost as if the thoughts had conjured him, there was Malfoy sauntering across the lawns with his two pet gorillas, Crabbe and Goyle, in tow.

"Oh, oh," said Hermione in a low voice.

"Well, well, look who it is. Potty and the Mudblood. What are you doing here? Hoping to use Granger as a sacrifice to bring your dead boyfriend back? It's a bit late for that, isn't it? I'm sure he'll have been worm food by now. Do you think they ate his dick first?" guffawed Malfoy.

"Shut up! Shut up!" roared Harry. As always when his emotions got the better of him, he felt he power surge through him and it would have taken very little effort to incinerate Malfoy where he stood. Malfoy’s eyes widened in fear and he looked more like a ferret than ever. Crabbe and Goyle may have been stupid, but they weren't fool enough to stay and high-tailed it back to the castle, leaving Malfoy entirely at Harry's mercy. But not for long: he too turned around and scrambled back to the castle.

"Harry, are you all right?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, you're sort of glowing," she replied. "There's this white glow around you, like a force field or something."

Harry took a few deep breaths to try and clear his mind of the anger he'd been feeling towards Malfoy. "It's a physical manifestation of my magic; it acts like a shield when I'm feeling strong emotions. Snape reckons it's why Voldemort's Killing Curse didn't hurt me – it bounced off."

"You had a physical manifestation of magic when you were a baby?" gasped Hermione. "I've read about it, but it's only very, very powerful wizards who can do it. Normally people like hermits, who've lived away from society for a long time. It's supposed to take a lot of concentration and a lot of effort."

Harry shrugged. It didn't feel like it had taken him any effort at all, but he didn't want to get into a discussion with Hermione about how powerful he was supposed to be – that might lead to awkward questions about Voldemort. Harry hadn't confided in his friends what Snape had told him about his suspected parentage and he had no intention of doing so.

Harry's eyes flickered back to the tombstone. "Where's Ron?"

Ron and Hermione had been inseparable for the past year, so it was unusual for him to be talking to Hermione on her own.

"Still packing. He's lost some socks apparently. I told him he could get a new pair, but no, these are his lucky socks. The ones he wore that time Gryffindor slated Slytherin at Quidditch. He won't go anywhere without them now. I'll go back and see how he's getting on. I'll see you in a bit, Harry," said Hermione, nodding towards Cedric's tomb.

Harry blinked away a few tears, glad that Hermione understood him without him having to explain anything. Once she was gone, he knelt down again, panting with the effort, and leaned his head against the broken stone.

"I love you, Cedric," he whispered to the marble.

***

Severus detested airports with a passion, but with Harry unable to Apparate and the Ministry keeping track of Assisted Apparitions, not to mention monitoring the Floo network, it was either plane or boat. Poppy could get seasick on a boating lake, so a plane it was. At least the crowds consisted of Muggles, but he kept his eyes open just in case.

Severus led Harry and Poppy over to a quiet corner of the terminal building, casting a privacy bubble around them wandlessly and silently. "Professor?" queried Harry.

"We do not know who may be listening, just because this is a holiday do not assume you’re not in danger. For the duration of this trip, use first names only. It will be more difficult to recognise our connection if any passers-by are eavesdropping."

"Oh. Okay, sir - I mean S- Severus," said Harry, his tongue stumbling over the word. Severus supposed that was to be expected. It was not as if Harry had ever called him that before. "Where are we going, Severus?"

"We are going to Italy. To Positano, a small town on the Amalfi coast."

"Oh, Severus! How delightful!" enthused Poppy. "I've never been to Italy."

"Me neither," said Harry in a small voice. Severus already knew the boy had never been out of Britain. "We did a project on Pompeii at primary school."

"Well, perhaps we may get to visit it if time allows."

Poppy laughed. "If time allows! Really, Severus. We're on holiday, not at school, we don't need to keep to a timetable. Don't you worry, Harry, I'm sure we'll be able to fit it in." She gave the boy a wink and Severus was pleased to see Harry's small smile in return. It had been a long time since he'd seen the boy smile, it was only a few days after the anniversary of Cedric's death and Harry had been a bit subdued ever since.

Maybe a holiday would help him.

The check-in clerk wanted Harry's cane to be put in the hold, not taken into the cabin as it could be construed as a dangerous weapon.

"It's a walking stick!" protested Severus. "The boy cannot walk without it. May I speak to your supervisor?"

It seemed he's said the magic words. There was a queue getting longer and longer by the moment and the woman knew the passengers would soon lose their patience if they had to wait for a supervisor to be called. She relented and Harry was allowed to keep his cane, but the woman made sure to add a note to the ticket, that she had queried the item.

It was another few hours before their plane was due to leave, so Poppy steered them towards one of the airport's many restaurants. Harry only ordered a toasted sandwich and even then he ate barely half of it. Severus could not remember the last time he'd seen the boy eat a full portion, if ever, but his appetite seemed to have decreased since Cedric's death.

"Harry, would you like some dessert?" asked Poppy as he perused the sweet menu. "They do a lovely apple pie here."

"No, thank you," said Harry, pushing his half-eaten sandwich away. "I'm full."

Severus would surely have had something to say about that if they weren't surrounded by Muggles who were gazing nosily at them. He didn't think a public restaurant was the place to talk about Harry's eating habits, but he decided he would need to talk to Harry about it, and soon. This couldn't go on.

***

It had been years since Severus had been to his mother's villa and he'd forgotten how winding the roads along the coast were. Not to mention how high up. The road curved around the cliffs, rock on one side of it, a sheer drop to the ocean on the other. He'd lost count of how many times he had to stop the car to allow Harry to get out to be sick. Poppy had given him some anti-nausea potion, but it didn't seem to be helping. Harry was as pale as one of the Hogwarts' ghosts. Poppy made him lie down on the back seat while she dabbed his face with a conjured flannel.

A journey that should have taken little more than an hour actually took nearer three, but at last they reached the outskirts of town and Severus drove the car up to the very top of the hill and parked in front of the whitewashed house that would be their home for the next few weeks.

As soon as the car had stopped, almost before even, Harry clambered out and was sick by the small grove of orange trees. Severus had been surprised how prone to travel sickness Harry was, had the Muggles never driven him anywhere? He didn't like to ask, not wanting to risk reminding Harry of those awful people and what they'd done. Not that Harry didn't have a constant reminder every day – Severus' glanced at the boy's cane. Harry was leaning heavily on it, but at least his retching seemed to have eased. Poppy gave him a conjured glass of water before heading towards the house.

"How Muggles can stand to be trapped in those metal boxes is beyond me!" she exclaimed. "I'll go and get supper ready."

"How are you feeling now, Harry?" asked Severus once she'd gone in.

"Better now that I'm out in the fresh air." Harry turned so that he was looking over the low wall and down to the harbour below. Night had fallen as they travelled and the hillside was coming alive with orange dots. A few lights bobbed out on the sea from the boats moored or sailing there.

"It's beautiful," breathed Harry, turning back round to face Severus. A bright moon shone down, illuminating the planes and angles of the boy's face. His eyes almost seemed to glow jade in the fading light and Severus felt as if he'd just taken a bludger to the gut. He tried to disguise his gasp as a cough and looked out over the harbour.

"Yes, it is," he agreed, but Severus hadn't been thinking of the view.



Part 40

"Where's Poppy?" asked Harry as he settled himself at the carved wooden dining table. It still felt a little strange to call his guardians by their first names, even though he'd been doing it for over a week now. The villa had three bedrooms and a large open plan living, dining and kitchen area. All the walls were painted the same shade of cream with hints of terracotta on the woodwork trims. Every item of furniture in the house was elaborately carved with scenes from Roman mythology.

"She has a migraine and does not feel up to travelling today," said Snape – Severus, Harry had to keep reminding himself of that in case he slipped up when he was talking out loud – as he poured himself some coffee from the ornate pot on the table. Breakfast was already prepared: platters of fresh fruit; bread rolls, jams and marmalade; boiled eggs; platters of cold meats and cheeses; jugs of pumpkin and orange juice kept magically chilled, despite the heat outside.

"So she's not coming to Pompeii with us?" asked Harry as he helped himself to a selection of fruit and cheeses, along with a bread roll and a glass of orange juice. After she'd finally persuaded Severus to go on the trip, now she wasn't feeling well enough to go. "Couldn't she take a potion?"

"Harry, the woman is a qualified medi-witch, do you really think that if there was a potion that could help, she wouldn’t have taken it? Migraines are unique to the individual and general potions do not help. Poppy's affliction is made worse by heat and light. The fine weather for us would be agony for her and she will feel much better after a lie down in the dark."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to belittle her condition. Cedric used to get migraines too, usually when he was under stress." Harry jabbed his fork into a slice of cheese rather more forcefully than was necessary. It still hurt to think of Cedric and he wondered if he'd ever get to a place where he wouldn't feel like bursting into tears every time Cedric's name was mentioned. He put down the cheese and ate a few slices of melon and half of his bread roll instead, half hoping that the chewing and swallowing would prevent him from crying out loud.

Severus glanced at the still almost-full plate in front of Harry.

"Harry, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," he said.

"About what?" Harry toyed with the food, but made no move to eat any more.

"You haven't been eating properly for a while now; Poppy and I have both noticed it. Nutrition potions can only do so much, Harry. You have to eat."

"I do eat," said Harry, setting his fork down across his plate. He didn't want to argue, but he felt defensive whenever anyone brought up his eating habits. "I don't want to talk about this."

"All right, Harry. Not today, but we are going to talk about this some more."

Harry just stared at the design on the table and wouldn't answer.

***

It rained almost as soon as they got off the train, a thunderstorm brewing if the black clouds were anything to go by. Maybe the threatened storm was why Poppy was feeling so ill and Harry hoped she'd feel better soon. Most of the tourists cleared off as soon as the rain got heavier, but he and Severus had discreetly added water repellent charms to their clothes and had a great time wandering around an almost completely deserted site.

The place was bigger than Harry had imagined; he'd known in a sort of abstract sense that it was a city, but hadn't really put Pompeii into that context. It would be very easy to get lost in the small lanes and alleyways between the buildings, more of which were standing that he'd expected. For some reason, he'd imagined the ruins to be about ankle or knee high, he hadn't expected two storey houses, some with the roof still on.

They laughed at the mosaic doorstep on one of the houses. Cave Canem read the inscription in black and white. Beware of the dog. Harry could have spent hours in the bath house, looking at all the mosaics. They were so colourful; it was hard to believe that they were almost two thousand years old.

Harry's leg was beginning to ache, he'd already had his full dose of pain potion today, but he wanted to explore everything so he didn't mention the pain. Severus steered them away from one of the buildings from which a few other die-hard tourists were emerging, giggling and laughing.

"What's in there?" asked Harry, even more curious now that they were turning away from the dwelling.

"Something you are too young to see," said Severus in his best teacher voice.

"I'll be sixteen soon," pouted Harry, he hated when people used his age as a weapon against him.

"Very well. It was a house of ill-repute and the walls are full of murals of scenes to – to inspire their patrons."

"You mean it was a brothel? They had prostitutes in those days?" asked Harry, wondering how far he could take this conversation. He was curious too though. Maybe if History of Magic had a drop of sex in there every now and again, the students might have been more attentive to Professor Binns. Not that Harry was that bothered, his libido had been non-existent for the past year, he hadn’t even had a wet dream since Cedric had gone.

"Well, it has been termed the oldest profession," said his professor and this time he was smiling. Harry could hardly believe it. His teacher – his guardian – was joking with him about sex and he had to admit he was quite enjoying the banter.

They didn't go into the house, but Harry was left wondering what rude pictures it might have contained. Were the mosaics and murals the Roman equivalent of things like Play Wizard? The twins had got Ron a subscription to the magazine for his last birthday and Ron had quite happily spent hours looking at it with the other boys in the dorm until Hermione found out. Harry hadn't really been that bothered about the pictures, they were all of women – no men to be seen and he wasn't sure he even wanted to look at men in that way. It seemed a bit disrespectful to Cedric.

It was almost closing time before Harry got rather desperate for the loo. Severus consulted their map – it was in Italian so Harry couldn't understand most of it anyway – and led him to the public toilets. The attendant was just about to lock up and shook his keys, rattling something off in rapid Italian. Harry barely understood a word, but Severus engaged in conversation with the man and it soon became clear that Harry was indeed to be permitted to use the facilities before they left.

A couple of times, Harry felt sure his leg was about to give out from under him, it was difficult to pee with one hand on the cane, but he finally managed to relieve his bladder and emerged from the cubicle. The attendant had come back in and was standing by the doorway, effectively blocking it. He seemed almost as old as Dumbledore, his face as wrinkled as a prune, but his hair was jet black rather than white, Harry suspected it may have been dyed.

Harry washed his hands and splashed water on his face, feeling the man's gaze upon him the whole time.

He made his way over the exit, but the man didn't move, just stood there blocking it. Harry wracked his brains for some Italian. "Scusi?" he ventured as he got closer, his hand gripping tighter on his cane. The man's stare was unnerving him and Harry wished he was on the other side of the door right now.

The man gabbled away in Italian, waving his arms about, but Harry didn't understand what he was on about.

"Moneta! Moneta!" the man yelled, this time he waved a dish of coins in Harry's face.

Realisation dawned, he wanted payment, but Harry didn't have a knut on him, or a Euro come to that. Severus kept hold of all their money in case of pick-pockets; Harry would have seemed an easier target with his gammy leg. No one in their right mind would have attempted to rob Severus Snape, Harry was sure of that.

Harry shrugged. "No moneta," he emptied out his pockets to show the attendant and walked purposefully towards the exit. The man didn't budge from his position.

"Severus!" called Harry, feeling very foolish for calling for help, but his instincts were telling him something was horribly wrong here. "Severus!"

Barely a second later, the man was pushed into the room as Severus forced his way in behind him and he fell sprawling on the tiles, the coins falling out of the dish and scattering over the floor.

"Harry? Are you all right? What did he do?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure, he kept screaming at me in Italian. I think he wants me to give him money."

Severus spoke to the man in Italian, the man gathered up some coins, pointed to Severus, then to Harry and rambled something else that Harry couldn't understand. Harry had seen his uncle Vernon in plenty of rages, usually just before he was in for a good hiding, but nothing had prepared him for the anger radiating off Severus in waves. He didn't punch the man or hex him, although Harry felt that it was a good bet he wanted to. Instead, Severus took hold of the ceramic dish and smashed it against the wall, leaving the man huddling on the floor as he tried to avoid the falling shards.

It was only once they were back outside and well away from the toilets and the horrible man that Severus revealed what had transpired.

"He didn't want money," explained Severus. "He wanted to pay you. He thought you were a child prostitute and that I was your procurer. He thought that's why we were at the toilets so near closing time. It has happened before apparently."

Harry felt faint; he made his way to the nearest wall and leant against it, breathing heavily. What had made the man think that he was a whore? Harry glanced down at his apparel, jeans and a blue sweatshirt, nothing overly tight or revealing as far as he could tell. "Should I dress differently?" Harry asked.

"Harry, there is nothing wrong with the way you are dressed, that man just had a silly idea in his head, please think no more about it. Would you rather I hadn't told you what he said?" Severus led Harry over to a bench on the street outside the site and sat him down.

"No, I'm glad you did. I hate it when people try and hide things from me because they think I'm too young. I don't feel young, Severus. Sometimes I feel bloody ancient." Harry sighed and Severus wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Harry's head sought out the man's shoulder almost of its own accord. He'd been so used to crying on this man's shoulder for the past year. Who would have thought it? That he'd be finding comfort in the arms of Severus Snape of all people?

Much to his horror, Harry felt the tears start in earnest as he realised what might have happened to him if Severus hadn't been there. He clung to the man like a vine and just didn't want to let go. "I - I want to go home. Can we go home, Severus?" he sobbed to the man's shirt collar.

"Back to the villa?"

Harry sniffled and lifted his head. "No, to Hogwarts. I want to go back to Hogwarts."



TBC

A/N: moneta - money, coins.

Chapter 9: Everything's Not Lost
Part 41

Harry was very subdued on the train back to Positano, and considering what had almost happened in the toilets, Severus wasn't really surprised. He really would have preferred to Apparate them both back to the villa but with the Ministry's efforts in trying to control the use of magical transport, he knew they couldn’t risk it. Severus had noticed Harry flinching a few times when strangers got too close to them. Harry was breathing strangely too, as though he was just about to hyperventilate, but seemed to contain the panic before it got that far.

Poppy was feeling much better when they returned and dinner was already on the table when he and Harry walked through the door. Harry took one look at the table laden with enough food to see them through a small seige and immediately tensed up. "May I be excused?" Harry asked of no one in particular. "I'm not feeling hungry."

Poppy opened her mouth to protest, but Severus cut her off. "Very well, for tonight only, Harry," he said, letting Harry know without words that their conversation at breakfast hadn't been finished, just rescheduled.

Poppy watched Harry ascend the stairs to his room and close the door softly behind him. Harry never slammed doors or ranted like any normal angry teenager and Severus knew that his relatives were to blame for that as well. He probably would have had a hiding if he'd made any noise like that.

"Severus, he's got to eat something! He's skin and bone!"

"I know, Poppy, but forcing him to eat tonight is just going too far. Not after the day he's had."

Poppy sank down in one of the chairs. "What happened, Severus?"

"He was propositioned," said Severus, walking over to wash his hands by the sink and helping himself to a serving of bread.

"Propositioned? What do you mean?"

"A man propositioned him in the toilets, assuming incorrectly that Harry was a prostitute."

"What?" gasped Poppy. "I hope you hexed him!"

"No, but I was very tempted. As you can imagine, food is the last thing on that boy's mind at the moment."

Poppy sighed and ladled out two helpings of tomato soup. "Harry's never been very lucky, has he? That poor boy. My heart just aches for him sometimes, Severus. He's been through so much already."

"I know. I have to say I wasn't really surprised when he tried to kill himself. I'm just surprised he hadn't tried it before now."

Poppy was quiet at that. Too quiet.

"Poppy? Do you mean to tell me he has been suicidal before?"

"No, not that, but surely you've noticed how tense Harry is around food, or even discussions about it?"

"You think he might be anorexic?"

"I'm not sure if it's as concrete as that, but given what Harry grew up with – the enforced starvation – it's very likely that he has a problem with food. It could also be a way of him taking some control back, control that his relatives took from him. And it could be another way of killing himself, by slowly starving himself. If his weight doesn't improve soon, it is a distinct possibility."

Severus rubbed his chin, deep in thought. "Doesn't anorexia sometimes stem from low self-esteem?"

"Yes, and it is often found in abuse victims. Maybe you should have a talk to him about it, Severus?"

"Me? Wouldn't it be better coming from you, Poppy?"

"No, Harry will only think I'm worried about him because I'm a medi-witch. I think he needs someone to talk to him more as a friend, Severus."

"Well, that's hardly me, is it? Why haven't Weasley or Granger said anything?"

"Because they don't actually know. Harry must be a bit more relaxed around us now, because he hasn't been using his glamour, but he has been using it around everyone else. His friends see what Harry wants them to see, which is someone without scars and with a reasonable body weight. A glamour can't change your height, but it can disguise your weight."

"I'd known he was using it for the scars, but I had no idea he was hiding his size from his friends."

"Go on, Severus," urged Poppy. "Talk to --" Her voice was cut off by a horrified shriek from Harry's room. Both of them rushed upstairs and Poppy yanked open the door. Normally, they would have knocked, ready to give Harry the privacy he needed, but judging by that sound privacy was the last thing Harry needed right now.

Harry was lying on the bed, his whole body arched as convulsions racked his frame. Only his head and feet were actually touching the mattress, the rest of him was a few inches off the bed. The scar on his forehead was bleeding, scarlet dripping onto his face and almost into his eyes. He was still shrieking, still screaming.

Poppy grabbed Harry round the waist and turned him over so that he was lying with his face hanging down from the edge of the mattress. "Severus, move!" commanded Poppy as Severus neared the boy on the bed, but her warning came too late. Harry vomited over his shoes and the edges of his trousers. Harry's screams and tremors subsided, but then he started wailing when he saw that he'd been sick over Severus' clothes.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Ssh, Harry. It's all right," said Severus as he used his wand to banish the vomit. "There, all gone. No harm done."

Poppy retrieved a vial from the bedside cabinet and handed it to Harry without a word. He downed it all in one nervous gulp. "Thanks."

"Was it a vision, Harry?" asked Severus as Poppy was helping Harry to sit back up again now that his retching had ceased. Harry nodded, his face as pale as milk, the blood on his scar standing out like strawberries against snow. Poppy wiped the blood from his face with a conjured flannel and settled Harry back against the pillows.

"It was - it was Madam Bones. Voldemort and the others were torturing her, but she wouldn't speak. She wouldn't tell them who my guardians were. Voldemort tried to Imperius her, but even then she couldn't answer. I think she must have put herself under the Fidelius charm to stop herself revealing it."

"Very likely," said Poppy. "Amelia was always one step ahead of everyone else at school, she would think if that."

"The others, Harry? Other Death Eaters were there?" Severus asked. He didn't like the sound of that at all. It sounded like a very important meeting and if Voldemort hadn't called him to it, he realised that his days as spy might be numbered. Did Voldemort suspect him?

"Yes, just a few. Lucius Malfoy and three others, they were all masked but I think it was some sort of initiation or something. He wanted them to do something to prove their worth – Madam Bones was just entertainment." Harry shuddered and wrapped his arms around his knees.

"They ... she's not ... she's not dead, is she Harry?" asked Poppy.

"No, but I think they might have made her go insane with all those Crucios. I don't know where they were holding her; how can we send help if we don't know where she is?"

"Can you describe the room they were in, Harry?"

"It was big, with long glass windows from floor to ceiling, but there were closed curtains all around. There was a piano in one corner and three chandeliers. A dragon, there was a picture of a dragon on one wall, a Welsh Green."

"Thank you, Harry. I think it might be Malfoy Manor, I'll alert the Order straightaway." Severus left the room, feeling light-headed. Of course it was Malfoy Manor, where the hell else would it be for Draco's initiation? The two others were probably his year-mates, Crabbe and Goyle. But what task would Voldemort have given them before they became fully-fledged members of the Death Eaters? It had been their first initiation; it was only after they had completed Voldemort's tasks that they would be Marked. There was still hope for them, slim though it was, and Severus was determined not to let Voldemort's ranks swell by any more if he could help it.

***

Poppy was still sitting with Harry when Severus returned to the boy's bedroom after sending his messages to Dumbledore. Severus had a small dish of chocolate trifle in his hand, hoping to tempt Harry with some sweets, then wondered when he'd turned into Dumbledore.

"Do you feel up to eating anything, Harry?" asked Poppy as she eyed the dessert.

Harry shook his head. "No. No, thank you."

Severus could hardly blame him, it probably wasn't the best time to think about eating after the Dark Lord had been inside your head and had made you so ill you were convulsing and throwing up. No matter how good Harry had become at Occlumency, nothing could stop these visions that Harry sometimes had.

"Poppy, they've taken Madam Bones to headquarters; Dumbledore didn't want to risk it if there were any spies at St. Mungo's. He wants you there to help, if you wouldn't mind."

Poppy looked up. "Of course, Severus. Harry, will you be all right with Severus for a few more days?"

Harry nodded, but Severus noticed the boy looked rather upset. Was he worried that Severus couldn't protect him by himself or was he upset that they weren't going back yet? It didn't take long for Poppy to pack, she could Apparate this time as she was on her own. She stood in the living room, one hand holding onto her battered suitcase and hugged both Severus and Harry with the other before disappearing with a loud crack.

Harry hobbled to the sofa and sat down, setting his cane against the sofa edge beside him. Severus busied himself with clearing away the dinner that not one of them had eaten, worried about Amelia Bones and about Harry. He was much too quiet, even for him.

Severus sat down on one of the armchairs opposite him; Harry's hands were twisting in his lap, as if he couldn't quite keep them still.

"Harry? Is there anything you want to talk about?" Severus asked in as gentle a voice as he could muster. Poppy was better at this sort of thing than him and he worried that he was going about it all wrong when Harry burst into tears, turning his face away as if ashamed that he'd broken down again.

Severus didn't think, he just moved over to the sofa and wrapped Harry up in his arms, rocking him as the tears fell and Harry wept a torrent. "I - I - " gasped Harry between sobs. "I - I still miss him! I still miss him! Cedric!" wailed Harry as he turned his head and buried his face in Severus' shirt.

Severus continued rocking him, rubbing Harry's back until the tears eased, not saying anything. What could he say that would make this any better? Harry was heartbroken and Severus felt his own heart lurch as he thought of the pain Harry must have been going through.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered to his shirt.

"Hush, Harry. It's okay… it's okay to miss him."

"It is?" Harry looked up, the tears dried to silvery tracks on his cheeks. Severus wanted so much to wipe them away; he stilled his hands by sheer force of will. It would have meant crossing a line beyond that of teacher and guardian and he had no intention of allowing that to happen.

"Of course it is, Harry. You loved each other very much, of course you're going to miss him and grieve for him now that he isn't here."

"Should I still be grieving, though?" Harry asked worriedly.

"There isn't a timetable on grief, Harry. Don't feel worried or ashamed that you still feel sad, it's really such a personal thing."

Harry was quiet for a while, toying with the buttons on Severus' shirt, his breath hot against Severus' neck and he hoped Harry would stop doing that soon. Severus shouldn't be feeling like this, he should not be thinking these things about a student, about his ward. How good it felt to have Harry in his arms, the warm breath against his skin, wondering what he would be like to kiss. He felt the first stirrings of arousal in his groin and hoped Harry wouldn't shift any nearer to him, the last thing he needed was for the upset boy to notice his erection. Harry had wanted comfort from him, nothing more.

"It's getting late, Harry. Time for bed, I think," said Severus, moving slightly so that Harry had no choice but to slide down from his lap. Harry wobbled a little as his feet touched the floor; Severus reached his arms around the boy's waist to steady him, both of their eyes locked on each other's. A few more inches and Severus could have reached out and kissed those lips, as red as the apple that had tempted Adam. Severus shook his head to clear it and dropped his arms.

Harry stepped back, picking up his cane; only glancing back when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Goodnight, Severus," he said softly.

"Goodnight, Harry," he echoed, feeling as if he'd just lost something precious.




Part 42

By the November of Harry's sixth year, the Wizarding world was at war with itself. Voldemort and the Death Eaters had come out into the open and attacks against those opposed to Voldemort were frequent and merciless. The death toll was rising by the day and hundreds of students had already been removed by their parents from school.

It was considered too dangerous for Harry to go anywhere alone. Before Malfoy and his gang had been removed, they'd tried to ambush him in one of the bathrooms to take him to Voldemort. None of the Death Eaters could get past the wards, but that wouldn't stop people from within the school trying to get Harry out. As a result, all the students had been searched at the end of September when it was clear that Malfoy had not been acting on his own initiative and had already taken the Dark Mark.

Those students found with the Mark were expelled immediately, Dumbledore was not lenient with any of them and Harry wondered why the man had forgiven Snape for joining the Death Eaters all those years ago, but yet would not listen to any excuses from the students now. Ten students had been branded with the Mark: Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Marcus Flint and four other Slytherin students whose names Harry didn't know.

Harry felt awful that people were dying in order to protect him, hadn't enough people died because of him? His scar pained him constantly now, Voldemort was forever trying to get into his mind but Snape had been training him even more vigorously than usual in Occlumency and so far Harry had managed to keep the snake-faced bastard out of his mind. His dreams were another matter. Harry couldn't remember the last time he'd had a decent night's sleep; he was walking around in a daze half the time. His schoolwork was suffering, but none of the teachers seemed to notice; they were all so worried about what was going on outside the gates of Hogwarts.

Classes were in a sort of suspended state, with so many students missing, all exams had been put on hold for the time being. It was hard to worry about what grade you were going to get on your OWL or NEWT when you thought about what might be happening to your family outside the walls. Harry worried about Sirius, even though Peter Pettigrew had been caught a few weeks ago and Sirius was now a free man; that wouldn't help him if Death Eaters ran into him. They knew he was Harry's godfather and might use Sirius to get to him.

Harry felt guilt falling on his shoulders, getting heavier and heavier each day. Sometimes he just wanted to walk out past the castle wards and let the Death Eaters catch him and take him to Voldemort. The waiting was getting to him. Things felt suspended and he felt tension in his whole body, wondering when Voldemort would strike. Harry had no doubt that the creature would find him eventually and he wasn't at all sure he was prepared.

Snape had trained him in the Dark Arts, after warning him severely that he was never to use these spells except against Voldemort when the time finally came. Harry had no intention of running around casting Dark Arts spells, for a start no one knew Snape had been teaching them to him and he didn't want to get the man into trouble. He didn't think Dumbledore would have approved either, but it was Harry who'd begged Snape to teach him the darker side of magic. "Well, I'm hardly going to defeat him with a Cheering Charm or a Jelly-Legs Jinx, am I?"

It seemed Snape was of the same opinion and had reluctantly agreed to train him secretly.

The last Saturday in November was a Hogsmeade weekend. Harry was not permitted to go and an Order guard which included Sirius and Professor Lupin accompanied the rest of the students into the village. They promised Harry they'd come and visit him afterwards and it was something to look forward to in an otherwise dreary day.

Harry felt trapped like a prisoner inside the castle he had called his home for the past few years. He wandered about the deserted corridors, feeling as insubstantial as one of the ghosts. It was clear that he had to face Voldemort; the Dark Lord would not stop until he had Harry in his grasp and more innocent people were going to die because of him. Harry couldn't let that happen, but he had no idea how to stop it.


***

"Ah, Severus, sit down," urged the headmaster as Severus Flooed directly into the man's study. It was where he usually went after meetings, but today he really just wanted to go home to his own quarters and down a couple of vials of his strongest painkilling solution. Voldemort was getting frantic and his Crucios were not getting any easier to bear. Severus had the impression that Voldemort was working to some sort of twisted timetable, but he was not privy as to what it might be. No one was – whatever timescale Voldemort was working to, he hadn't shared it with anyone else.

"He's looking for something, Albus," said Severus, waving away the pot of tea that hovered in the air above the table.

"It's another prophecy," said Dumbledore. "James and Lily were working on the translation when they were at the Department of Mysteries."

"What?!" roared Snape. "You knew why the Dark Lord was after them in the first place? Who made this prophecy? Another one of Sybill's, is it?" Severus snorted.

"Actually, no. This prophecy is much, much older than any prophecy Sybill has ever made. You have some family in Ireland, do you not, Severus?"

Severus gaped at him. "Yes, but I don't see how that is relevant. My mother's family was from Cork." Pop!

"Are you aware of the legend of the Geal Leanbh?"

"No, I've never heard of it."

"It means the Cherished Child," said Dumbledore gravely, "but that is as far into the translation that Lily and James got before they were killed. The parchment is in an archaic form of Gaelic that has resisted all attempts at translation until now. Finally we have a translation and that is why Voldemort is running scared. He knows his time is running out. We now know what power Harry has, the power the Dark Lord knows not. It’s what will finally defeat Voldemort. Voldemort doesn't know what it is, nothing will prepare him for it. Nothing will prepare anyone for it because it is something that has never occurred before. His spy at the Ministry only knows that we have finished the translation, not what the translation contains. The Order made the mistake before of allowing Lily and James to work together on the scroll; each of them saw the whole thing. Now, hundreds of people have been translating a line apiece, and Voldemort will not know who worked on it because his spy didn't discover that either. The Ministry spy has been apprehended. We need Harry to win this war, Severus. He's the only one who can do it, but we need your help too."

Severus felt a little faint, it was hard not to after hearing Dumbledore's revelations. "And the power, Albus? What is Harry's power? He has become a skilled Legilimens, but so is the Dark Lord; I'm not sure that would be enough to defeat him. Harry's duelling skills are beyond his years, but Voldemort has had decades more experience. Do you really think he's up to taking on the Dark Lord alone?" Severus didn't bother mentioning the Dark Arts spells, but he had an inkling that the headmaster probably knew about Harry's secret training. Nothing remained secret from Albus Dumbledore for long.

"That's the beauty of it, Severus. Harry won't be alone, but Voldemort and all his minions will think that he is."

"I don't understand, Albus."

"What's the most powerful force in the world, Severus?"

Severus snorted; he'd been on the receiving end of these talks before. "I presume you're talking about love, Albus?"

"I am. But a more specific type of love, the love of a parent for a child – it's very powerful. It was Lily's sacrifice that enabled Harry to escape the Dark Lord once before. Harry won't be alone when he faces the Dark Lord this time, his child will be within him."

Severus just gawked at the man, feeling the world had suddenly tilted sideways. "I'm sorry, Albus, I thought you just said Harry would have a child within him?"

"I did. It's all in the prophecy, Severus. Harry is the Cherished Child, a prophesied child born of the Houses of Slytherin and Gryffindor, the only male who will be able to bear children. Voldemort can only be defeated by a male who is pregnant, that is the power he knows not."

"Albus, don't be ridiculous! Harry's a boy! We may be wizards but even we cannot interfere with nature that much! He cannot get pregnant!"

"On the contrary, dear boy, it has been foreseen, so it must be."

"Not all prophecies come true, Albus."

"No, but we have no option but to believe it, Severus. If Harry doesn't conceive a child within the next year, then we are all doomed. Harry doesn't need to know, Severus. In fact it's probably best for everyone concerned if you Obliviate him afterwards."

Severus had the impression that he and Dumbledore were carrying on entirely different conversations.

"I'm sorry, headmaster, but what has this got to do with me?"

"Someone will have to impregnate the boy," said Dumbledore and Severus felt the world fall away as he passed out.

When he came to, Poppy was leaning over him and he was lying on an infirmary bed. He was glad Poppy was here, he needed someone to talk to about this, and he couldn't see himself confiding in the headmaster, not after what he had just said. Obliviate Harry? What Albus was talking about would be tantamount to rape and Severus could not do it. Not to Harry, not to anyone.

Poppy put her wand away and smiled down at him. "I know that look, Severus. Is there something on your mind?"

"Yes," Severus nodded. "Harry."




Part 43

"You want to talk about Harry?" asked Poppy as she sat down on one of the chairs gathered beside the bed. Severus had no idea how to broach this subject with her, both considering her role as Harry's other guardian and her role as a medical professional. Was it even possible for a male to get pregnant, even if he was a wizard?

And what about Severus' part in all of this? Dear Merlin, was he even considering Dumbledore's suggestion? Ever since that one night where Severus had almost been tempted to kiss Harry and damn the consequences, he had hardly stopped thinking about the boy. He didn't let himself dwell on fantasies, but he knew his feelings were changing.

"I - I think I'm in love with him," Severus blurted at last. It was the first time he'd admitted it to himself never mind anyone else. Poppy would never forgive him for this. After all Harry had been through for Severus to think of him in any other capacity besides that of his student or his ward was morally reprehensible and Severus hated himself for feeling this way.

"You're in love with Harry," said Poppy softly and then she was smiling. "And this is a problem – why?"

"Why? For a start, he's only sixteen years old; he’s my student, and let's also not forget that I'm supposed to be one of his guardians!" Severus couldn't believe the woman was taking his news so calmly.

"Severus, there is nothing wrong with being in love with someone. In fact I’ve suspected for some time that you had developed feelings of this nature for Harry. I've known you since you were eleven, Severus. I know you."

"I swear to you, Poppy, I have done nothing inappropriate with Harry." Severus didn't tell her how many times he had been tempted to, though.

"I know that, Severus. I was talking about feelings, not what you may or may not have done. You can be in love with someone without anything happening physically between you. If you love him, you can wait for him until he leaves school, can't you? No one can say that is wrong, can they?"

"You've forgotten something, Poppy."

"What?"

"Harry isn't in love with me. He's still grieving for Cedric and I'm not sure he'll ever fall in love with anyone else again. He's been so hurt; I don't think he wants to open his heart to that sort of pain anymore. It would be too cruel to him, Poppy. My life is in danger every time I'm Called, how can I put him through that time after time?"

"Oh, I see. Have you talked to him about this, Severus? How you feel about him, I mean?"

"No! I don't want to put him under any sort of obligation to me and I thought I would never have to deal with this at all, but Dumbledore has other plans."

"Other plans?" asked Poppy and Severus told her all about the legend of the Cherished Child and what his part in it was supposed to be.

"Is it even possible, a male getting pregnant?" Severus asked once he'd finished his tale and Poppy had brought both of them a glass of firewhisky.

"Well, I've never heard of it before, but that doesn't mean to say it couldn't happen, it would probably have to be some sort of magical pregnancy. Harry will need to be examined – a full physical, magical work-up, the lot. So will you, Severus, if you're to be the father. The other father," she amended.

"I can't do what Dumbledore suggested," said Severus. "I can't to that and then Obliviate him afterwards. I want to tell Harry about it, let him decide for himself. I won't be able to do this any other way, Poppy."

"I think that's probably the best way," said Poppy. "You know that if he's unwilling, then he'll lose his potential power?"

"Of course!" protested Snape. "There's no way I'd take him unwilling, Poppy, none. I don't care how many prophecies there are."

***

"Snap!" cried Harry as he laid the last card and the deck exploded, scattering cards all over the dungeon floor. Remus and Sirius smiled at him before sitting back on the sofa. Harry stayed on the floor with his legs tucked underneath him as he tidied up their game with a click of his fingers.

"Harry! You can do wandless magic?" gasped Sirius, glancing down as if he'd never seen Harry before. Harry flushed. He'd forgotten that he wasn't supposed to use wandless magic around other people. Poppy and Severus both knew but they thought it was a talent best kept hidden until needed.

"Um - sometimes," said Harry, but didn't elaborate anymore.

"Oh, I almost forgot, Harry," said Remus fishing a few chocolate frogs out of his pocket. "I know how you love your chocolate!"

"Thanks," said Harry, setting the frogs to one side. Sirius quirked an eyebrow at him.

"You normally devour them as soon as you get them, Harry. Is something wrong?"

"No, Sirius. I just wanted to leave some room for dinner. So how was Hogsmeade?" Harry tried to steer the conversation away from his eating habits.

"Cold," said Remus, shivering for effect, even though the fire was blazing in the hearth. It was almost burning one side of Harry's body, but he didn't move: the pain meant he was feeling something.

"So how are things with Poppy and Severus?" asked Sirius. Harry knew the man was a little upset that Harry had continued to be cared for by Severus and Poppy, even though as a free man now, Sirius would have been able to look after Harry himself. Harry loved his godfather, but he felt more comfortable around Severus and Poppy. He'd known them longer than he'd known Sirius and he didn't want to move back to Grimmauld Place, he wanted to stay at Hogwarts.

"Fine," said Harry, willing himself not to blush. He couldn't stop thinking about that night in Positano where it had seemed that Severus may have been thinking of kissing him. Harry didn't know what he would have done if it had actually happened, he wasn't at all sure he was ready for anything like that. It somehow felt as if he would be cheating on Cedric, but he hadn't had to make the choice. Severus didn't kiss him, but it left Harry wondering about the man even more. Did he have feelings for Harry? Romantic feelings?

The fact that Severus might feel that way about him didn't scare him, not like that man in Pompeii. Harry knew that Severus would never do anything to hurt Harry and if Severus did think of Harry like that, he had been hiding it well. Apart from that one almost-kiss, Severus had never done anything that might be considered inappropriate.

Harry thought about it quite often, but he wasn't sure what he was feeling. He didn't think he desired Severus, but then again, he hadn't had an erection or a wet dream since Cedric had died. The word impotence hovered around the edges of his brain, but he couldn't quite admit it to himself that at sixteen years old his libido had well and truly diminished to nothing.

Sometimes he tried touching himself, but nothing happened so after a while he never even bothered. The desire just wasn't there; he didn't feel aroused at anything. Not even thinking of Cedric and what they used to do, or looking at sexy pictures or reading stories, nothing was happening with that part of him and Harry wondered if grief could affect you like that.

Harry looked up at Sirius and Remus, both of them a respectable distance apart on the sofa, even though Harry had known for a while that the two of them were lovers. Were they being proper around him because they thought he was too young to see them being affectionate with each other?

"Are you staying for dinner?" asked Harry, hoping they'd say no. It was more difficult to hide that he wasn't eating properly when there were more people around. He'd figured out a way to stop Poppy and Severus nagging him about food, but it would be more difficult to pull it off if Sirius and
Remus stayed.

"Not today, Harry. Order business," said Sirius.

The door swung open, both Poppy and Severus entered the living room. Harry and Poppy had been living with Severus in the dungeons since September when Malfoy had tried to attack Harry – the dorms were considered too easy a target. Sometimes Harry thought the lightning bolt scar on his forehead should have been a bulls-eye, for it felt like it sometimes.

Harry scrambled up from the floor to give Poppy and then Severus and enormous hug; he hadn't seen them all day. He felt Sirius' eyes boring into his back as he and Severus hugged; Harry dropped his arms and sat back down on the floor. The adults greeted each other civilly and Harry was glad that Sirius and Severus seemed to have put their past behind them.

"We have to get going, Harry," said Remus, he and Sirius both standing up. "It was great to see you again."

"You too," smiled Harry. He hugged Remus, then Sirius before the two of them left by Floo.

Poppy and Severus kept giving each other strange looks. When Poppy called a house-elf to order dinner, Harry had the impression that she was doing it to avoid having to talk to him.

Dinner that night was beef stew. It had never been one of Harry's favourites, but he ate a whole plateful and Poppy beamed at him when he asked for second helpings. He soon wished he hadn't. The food settled like lead in his stomach, he'd never eaten so much before and it was more than uncomfortable, it was painful.

"Harry, we need to talk to you," said Severus as he set down his knife and fork and dabbed his mouth with a napkin. Harry's own fingers clenched around his cutlery. Oh God, did they know? Did they know what Harry had been doing? Poppy was smiling at him though; wouldn't she be angry if they knew?

"May I go to the bathroom first?" asked Harry. He needed the food out of him as soon as possible. He couldn't sit there with it inside him while they talked. It was daft to risk it tonight, but Harry couldn't wait much longer. If he left it too long it was more difficult to do.

"Of course," said Severus. "We'll talk when you get back."

Harry almost ran from the table, but with his leg that wasn't really a possibility. He hobbled to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. All the rooms in Severus' quarters – his and Poppy's quarters now too – were spelled not to lock. He knew they still worried about him, about what he might do, but so far they had never come into the bathroom when he had closed the door, respecting his privacy much more than the Dursleys ever had.

Harry leaned over the sink with one hand holding onto his cane, with the other he stuck two fingers down the back of his throat to make himself gag. He didn't know how long he stood there throwing up, he did it until he felt a bit better, lighter. It was so easy; he wondered why he'd not thought of this sooner. He could eat and Poppy wouldn't worry about him anymore. Once he'd finished, Harry banished the vomit, washed the sink and then brushed his teeth.

When he returned to the living room, Poppy and Severus were sitting side by side on the sofa. They both looked rather worried and Harry wondered what on earth it was they needed to talk to him about.

Harry sat down on one of the armchairs facing them. He didn't know it then, but that night he would discover what his destiny truly was.




Part 44

Severus wasn't quite sure how to start. How did you tell someone this? How did you tell Harry this? Harry sat patiently on the sofa glancing from Severus to Poppy and Severus could almost hear the boy's brain ticking over, wondering what they had to tell him.

"Harry, there was another prophecy," Severus began. Once he'd started speaking the whole sorry tale tumbled out of him, even about Dumbledore wanting to Obliviate Harry so that he wouldn't even know he was pregnant. How Harry was a descendant of both Slytherin through his father, Voldemort, and Gryffindor through his mother.

Harry hadn't known about his mother. "So that's why I could draw Gryffindor's sword in the Chamber of Secrets?"

Severus nodded; Harry was the heir of both Gryffindor and Slytherin, the only one in history as far as Severus knew.

Harry's eyes widened like two jade saucers behind his glasses, he looked shocked, and how could he not be after those revelations? "Wizards can have children?" Harry asked at last, twisting Cedric's betrothal ring on his hand.

"Not any wizards, Harry, just you," said Poppy.

"So that's the only way I'll be able to defeat Voldemort? If I'm pregnant? That's what the prophecy says?"

"Yes, Harry," said Severus.

"And Dumbledore wants you to be the father?" Harry wasn't looking at either of them now; he seemed to be finding the dungeon floor fascinating

"Yes, Harry. But I promise you, I would never do anything to hurt you. I am telling you this because I feel you need to know, I will never do anything you don't wish."

"I know, Severus, I know you wouldn't. But I still need to get pregnant because of the prophecy. If it isn't you, wouldn't Dumbledore just get someone else to do it? I get the impression he doesn't care who gets me pregnant, just so long as it happens."

"That's very likely, yes," agreed Severus. He didn't want to think about that too much; he just couldn't imagine Harry being at all comfortable having sex with anyone who wasn't Cedric. Even if Harry agreed that Severus should take the role of the baby's other father, it would not be easy for Harry, Severus knew that. It would take patience and a bit of time, but Severus was prepared to do whatever it took to make this easier on Harry. The boy had been through so much already that Severus did not want to add any more burdens to him.

"I don't want to be Obliviated, Severus," said Harry forcefully.

"Harry, I have no intention of Obliviating you if we go through with this, but I did want to talk to you. I wouldn't be comfortable about this unless we were married."

Poppy gasped – as well she might, Severus hadn't told her that in the infirmary. However the fact remained that Severus couldn't do this if it could be construed as any form of abuse or taking advantage of Harry. Bonding was one way around that. Even as teacher and student, it was perfectly legal for them to have intimate relations if they were married, but Severus was still worried about the ethical implications.

Harry's eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "I never thought - after Cedric - I never thought I'd get married," Harry said softly. "How can I ask you to be tied down to me?" Harry glanced at Poppy and blushed. "Poppy, can I - can I talk to Severus alone for a bit?"

"Of course, Harry. I'll just be in my room. Call me if you need anything, won't you?"

"Thanks, I will," said Harry, turning back to Severus. Harry was paler than Severus had ever seen him.

"Harry, what is it? You know you don't have to decide about this today, but I just wanted you to know as soon as possible so that you'd have time to think about it."

"Severus, that night in Positano, you wanted to kiss me, didn't you?"

Should he deny it? What would make Harry more comfortable about this? "Would it alarm you if I were to answer yes?"

Harry shook his head. "So - so you have feelings for me? You like me? Like that?"

Merlin, there was nothing like being put on the spot, was there? "Harry, yes, I think I'm in love with you." Severus had thought it would be more difficult to say, but his heart felt curiously lighter now that he'd admitted it to Harry. "I know you love Cedric, Harry, and I would never dream of taking his place in your heart, but maybe one day you might find a little bit of room in there for both of us, do you think?" Oh God, it was the wrong thing to say, it was too soon!

Harry burst into tears and flung himself on Severus' lap, wrapping his arms around Severus' neck as he just wept and wept. Severus held him and rocked him until the tears subsided and Harry seemed more himself again.

Harry lifted his head and they gazed into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Harry shook his head. "It isn't that, Severus. It's me. How can I ask you to be married to me when I don't work?"

"What do you mean, Harry?" asked Severus and this time he gave in to the urge to wipe Harry's face free of the silvery tears. Harry didn't shy away from his touch; in fact he even seemed to lean into it. Dare he allow himself to hope that one day Harry would allow more?

"There," said Harry, unwrapping one arm from Severus' neck and waving in the general direction of his groin. "I don't work there."

"For how long?" asked Severus.

"Since - since Cedric," replied Harry, hanging his head. "I - I thought my first time would be with Cedric, you know? But he's gone, Voldemort has seen to that. Can I - can I still get pregnant even if I can't have erections?" Harry blushed, but at least he did seem willing to talk about these things that would have made anyone uncomfortable.

"I think so, Harry, but none of us really know anything about male pregnancies. It's Poppy we'll have to ask."

Harry groaned. "That would be so embarrassing."

"I know, Harry, but both of us will need to have a full examination to make sure we're both in the best shape for the baby's sake."

Harry squirmed a little on his lap. "Oh," said Harry, as if he'd never really considered that aspect yet, and maybe he hadn't. "Severus, if we get married, we don't - we don't have to make love straightaway, do we? I'm - I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that yet."

"Merlin, no, Harry! There is no rush for a while, we can spend some time getting to know each other a bit better, letting you get used to being intimate with someone. I just think it's best that we get married sooner rather than later, so that Dumbledore doesn't line up someone else to impregnate you."

Harry shuddered. "I don't want anyone else to be the father of this baby, Severus. If it can't be Cedric, I'm glad it's you."

It wasn't a declaration of undying love, but it would do for now.

***

Two hours later, Severus had been poked and prodded by Poppy in the hospital wing, while Harry watched from a chair and felt more and more nervous the nearer Poppy got to finishing Severus' exam. It was his turn next and he knew that he wouldn't be able to hide his condition from her, from both of them any longer. He would have to remove his glamour for the full medical and he felt so ashamed that he'd betrayed their trust in him.

Harry tried to cheer himself up by thinking of the baby he might soon have, a family. He could have a family, a husband and a child. He wasn't sure that he was in love with Severus, but he knew he liked him; he respected him and thought he would make an excellent father. They were friends now and Harry thought that friendship was as good a basis as any for marriage. He knew he would never forget Cedric, and Severus didn't seem to expect him to. It helped that Severus knew how much he'd loved Cedric – Harry didn't get the impression that he would have to hide his feelings from Severus. Sometimes Harry still got sad and Severus never shouted at him or anything if he cried, he was always there with a comforting arm or shoulder and Harry knew he sometimes needed that. Severus was so strong, Harry felt safe, protected. Maybe it wasn't love, but it was something he liked.

Poppy finished her final test and pocketed her wand again. She smiled down at Severus dressed in nothing but the flimsy hospital gown. The Dark Mark was stark against his pale skin and Harry couldn't help staring at it. Did it pain Severus as much as Harry's scar pained him? "Perfect," said Poppy. "You're in excellent condition, Severus. “You can get dressed now."

Poppy moved from the bed and pulled the privacy curtain around it so that the man could dress in peace.

"Poppy, how can a man get pregnant?" asked Harry, he still couldn't quite get his head around the concept that he could have a child, that he could bear a child. "Wouldn't I need to have a womb and have periods and all of that?"

"I don't really know, Harry. It seems that you are unique, so I will hopefully find something to explain it in your exam. You're next," she grinned at him and ruffled his hair. Harry felt shame choking him. Poppy and Severus had been so wonderful to him and what had he done to repay them? Made them worry and now they would be even more worried when they discovered what he'd been doing. He couldn't look the woman in the eye.

Severus yanked the curtain aside and strode out, smiling reassuringly at Harry. Severus was dressed again in his black clothes, the white of his shirt showing at his collar and cuffs. Harry twisted his hands in his lap and began to breathe erratically. He wasn't sure he could do this, wasn't sure he could face this – face the hurt he was going to cause them at any minute. They didn't deserve it.

"Harry? Would you like Severus to stay with you?" asked Poppy.

"Please, if that's all right with you, Severus?"

"Of course it is, Harry. Don't worry. It doesn't hurt."

Poppy handed Harry another gown. "Put that on and we'll be in to see you in a minute," said Poppy, leading him to a bed and pulling the curtain around. Harry got undressed quickly, debated whether or not to leave his underwear on, and decided that if Poppy was going to examine him to see if he could get pregnant, it probably would have to come off eventually. So he folded everything in a neat pile and set it on the stool by the side of the bed and then sat down on the bed itself, his legs dangling over the sides.

Two shadows appeared on the other side of the curtain, Harry swallowed around the snitch that had somehow lodged in his throat.

"Are you ready, Harry?" asked Poppy, her hand curled round the edge of the curtain.

"Yeah," said Harry, although in reality he didn't think he'd ever be ready for this, but if he didn't do it today, it would just be postponing the inevitable.

They would find out sooner or later anyway.




Part 45

When Poppy pulled back the curtain, Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed; his legs dangling over the side and his hands tucked underneath his thighs. His face was almost pure white, except for the pink scar on his forehead, just about visible through Harry's messy fringe. He looked terrified, as if Poppy was going to torture him rather than subject him to a medical and magical examination.

"Relax, Harry. Lie down on the bed for me dear, that's it," soothed Poppy as Harry complied. His hands clenched into fists by his sides; Severus didn't need to be a Legilimens to know that the boy was nervous. Poppy removed her wand from her pocket and uttered a basic scanning spell; blue light erupted from her wand tip, but scattered into thousands of particles as soon as it had reached an inch above Harry's body. Severus saw Harry swallow, his Adam's apple bobbing against his throat. Harry had still been using a glamour?

"Harry, you need to remove your glamour," said Poppy.

Harry mumbled something unintelligible.

"What was that, dear?"

"Can't I keep it on?"

"No, I'm sorry, Harry. It will interfere with the spells; you saw what happened with that scanning spell. You have to remove it."

Harry made no effort to say the counter spell, just closed his eyes as if hoping that would make the problem disappear.

"Harry," Poppy urged again.

"I - I can't! You'll hate me! You'll hate me!" sobbed Harry, turning over so that he was facing away from them, his knees tucked up so far he could almost have rested his chin on them. Poppy laid her hand against Harry's back and rubbed it a few times. Harry must have been using a very complex spell, because no matter how many times Severus had held Harry in his lap or rubbed his back, Severus had never noticed how thin he actually was. Harry had seemed fairly normal by touch. What sort of power must it have taken to not only change his outward appearance but to change the perceptions of touch as well?

"Harry, dear, I know you've got scars from what the Dursleys did to you, please don't be embarrassed about that."

"It - it isn't - it's not my scars," Harry said brokenly, but he still didn't turn back round to face them.

Severus' stomach jolted, why hadn't they seen it before? Why would Harry have been wearing a glamour around them when both Poppy and he had already seen all of Harry's scars? He was wearing a glamour because he had something else to hide, not scars. Harry wasn't better, far from it, but he and Poppy had both missed the signs. Harry had been going to the bathroom almost as soon as he'd eaten, and hiding food in his napkin in the Great Hall.

"Harry, please remove your glamour," said Severus softly. If Harry had been maintaining it almost round the clock, it wouldn't take much for Severus to break it, but he wanted to give Harry this chance to do it himself. If Harry could do that, could admit that there was actually something wrong, then they'd be in a better position to help him.

Harry sat up on the bed and muttered the counter spell. His glamour fell away amid a shower of gold sparks and Poppy couldn't help gasping.

"Harry! Oh, Harry, why didn't you tell us?" asked Poppy.

Harry, who'd never been on the heavy side, looked like a skeleton with skin. His eyes were sunken in their sockets, purple shadows underneath testified to the fact that he hadn't been getting much sleep. Severus could have fitted one hand around Harry's wrists with room to spare. A bit of pressure and Harry's bones looked like they would snap like a twig. There wasn't a spare bit of flesh on him. His ribs were like a xylophone, prominent even through the flimsy gown. A fine downy hair covered those parts of Harry's skin that were visible.

"You've been making yourself sick after meals, haven't you, Harry?" Poppy asked softly. Harry just nodded, silent tears dripping down his cheeks. "Why, Harry, why?" Poppy sounded so defeated.

"I ... I ... didn't ... want to worry you anymore. You worried about me when I didn't eat, so I just started eating."

"But not keeping it down," said Severus. "Did you think that wouldn't worry us, Harry?"

"I didn't mean to make you angry."

"You didn't, Harry. We're not angry, Poppy and I are both upset that you felt the need to hide this from us. Do you really trust us so little, Harry? Why didn't you tell us how you were feeling?"

"I ... I don't know," Harry sniffled miserably, Poppy handed him a handkerchief and he wiped his nose. "I'm not used to people looking after me. Before, I always had to cope on my own, I got used to it. Talking never used to help anything. Not with... not with them."

At that moment, Severus would gladly have brought the Dursleys back to life and killed them again for the damage they'd inflicted on the young man in front of him. There was no doubt in his mind that Harry's problems with food stemmed from his time at that awful house. The adults in Harry's life before had let him down so often that Harry was probably scared to ask for help, afraid that it would be refused him.

Poppy summoned two chairs and sat down on one of them beside Harry's bed. Severus sank into the other and just looked at Harry. He had a mad urge to wrap Harry up in his arms and flee; hiding him somewhere no one could harm him ever again. Not Voldemort, not Dumbledore, not the whole Wizarding world.

"Well, Harry, talking is going to start right now," said Poppy. "Getting pregnant would put a strain on anyone's body, but probably more so with you because a male body was never designed for bearing children. We have to get you better and up to normal bodyweight before you can even think of having a baby. I'm not going to lie to you, it won't be easy for you to get healthy again and you do need to talk to someone about what's been bothering you, Harry. This isn't just about food and if you won't talk to me or Severus, I may have no choice but to refer you to St. Mungo's for counselling."

"No! Please!" sobbed Harry. "I'll talk to you, but please don't send me away!"

Severus hoped Poppy's threat was an empty one; he didn't think Harry needed any more abandonment issues at the moment.

"All right, Harry. Would you prefer to talk to me or to Severus about this?"

Harry glanced briefly at Severus, as if seeking his permission. "Severus."

"Very well, we'll finish your exam then I want you and Severus to have a little chat tonight. I'll make myself scarce so you can have some privacy. Okay, Harry, lie back down," said Poppy and Harry did as he was bid.

***

Two hours later, Poppy had finished all her tests, all her prodding, all her poking and Harry was just glad it was over. He wasn't looking forward to the discussion with Severus, but he didn't want to get sent to St. Mungo's either. Poppy pocketed her wand. "You can get dressed now, Harry. I'll go over your test results with you tomorrow when I can make a bit more sense of them."

"Okay," Harry got down from the bed and winced when he jarred his injured leg. Poppy and Severus left him alone to get dressed. Harry took as long as he could, hoping to delay the talk with Severus as much as possible. He was tired and all he really wanted to do now was go to bed, but he had the feeling that neither of them would accept that as an excuse, not tonight. It must have been after midnight – had it only been a few hours ago that Severus had told him of that other prophecy?

His heart lurched uncomfortably as he thought of Cedric. Would Cedric be upset with him if he married Severus? It felt somehow like he was betraying Cedric by having another man's child. Cedric would have made a wonderful father and Harry wiped away another few stray tears. Maybe talking about things might make him feel better, but it was just so difficult to do. When he'd put his clothes on and dallied over doing up the buttons for as long as he thought he could get away with, Harry pulled the curtain back and made his way back to the dungeons with Severus. Neither of them said a word the whole way there.

As soon as they reached the living room, Severus cast a warming charm in the fireplace; while they'd been in the infirmary, the fire had dwindled to little more than ashes. Severus sat down on the sofa; Harry took a place in one of the armchairs and laid his cane across his lap, as though it was a barrier between them. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to talk about, so he said nothing.

Severus sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Okay, Harry, why don't we start with why you've been throwing up after every meal?"

"I don't like it," said Harry, biting his bottom lip.

"Well, no one likes throwing up," agreed Severus.

"No ... I mean I don't like food."

"You don't like food?"

Harry shook his head. "No. It was how they controlled me, through food or the lack of it. I was hungry most of the time I was with them, sometimes so hungry that when they finally did feed me I was sick, my body just didn't know how to handle food."

"So this is about control?"

"I guess," admitted Harry. He hadn't really thought about it like that before, but it was making a bit more sense to him now. "I didn't want to be controlled by food, I wanted to control it. I wanted to decide when I did or didn't eat, it was me, I was doing it. I needed to get some control back, food was the only thing I could control myself. Everyone else expects so much of me; I'm always being controlled one way or another."

"But, Harry, you do know that what you've been doing isn't healthy, don't you?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't really care to be honest. Maybe everyone would have been better off if I'd died too."

"Harry! How can you even think that?"

"Because it's how I feel!" Harry retorted sharply. "Isn't that what you wanted? What you both wanted to hear? How I'm feeling? I'll tell you, shall I? I barely sleep anymore because I get nightmares or visions from Voldemort. Some days I don't feel like getting out of bed, I just want to curl up in a corner somewhere and die. It hurts too much sometimes, Severus. Life hurts too much and now I'm expected to defeat the most evil wizard of all time while I'm pregnant! The only pregnant wizard, ever. I'm as much as a freak as the Dursleys said I was! My life is just so perfect, isn't it?"

"Oh, Harry," said Severus. "You aren't a freak. You're just unique."

"Yeah? Well, what if I don't want to be unique? What if I just want to be Harry? Just an ordinary boy who has nothing more to worry about than his exams and what he might do with the rest of his life? I never asked for any of this, Severus. I'm scared – not of dying, but what Voldemort might do to me first."

"But you'll defeat him, Harry," said Severus softly.

"Why? Because a prophecy said so?"

"No," Severus placed a hand over his heart. "Because I feel it. In here."


TBC

Chapter 10: Everything's Not Lost
Part 46

"What is it?" Harry trailed his spoon through the bowl of milky-looking substance. It was white, but thicker than milk.

"Semolina," said Poppy. "I thought it would be a bit lighter for you than porridge."

It was Sunday, so they had meals in their quarters rather than going to the Great Hall; Poppy and Severus had already started on their own porridge. Harry had never heard of semolina, never mind eaten it before and he looked at the bowl warily, as if expecting the contents to rise up and attack him.

"Would you like some jam with it?" asked Poppy, her hand hovering over the little ceramic pot.

Harry shook his head, it would take all his courage just to eat it the way it was. Both of them were staring at him; he felt like he was being scrutinised under a microscope. It shouldn't be this difficult, should it? Just put some on the spoon, lift it to his mouth and swallow. That's all he had to do, so why did it feel like he was just about to scale a large mountain? They were still staring, still waiting for him to start eating. Harry's hand shook and he dropped the spoon in the bowl, scattering the table with white drops.

"I can't do this if you're staring at me!" he complained. Poppy blushed and Harry wished he hadn't shouted. "Sorry."

"No, Harry, we're sorry. We didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," said Poppy reaching across and patting his hand. "Just a couple of spoonfuls, Harry. For me?"

Harry nodded and lifted the spoon to his mouth, closing his eyes. He couldn't look at the food; he swallowed it quickly, barely tasting it. At least it went down easily enough, and he didn't have the immediate urge to gag. He took three more spoonfuls and pushed the bowl away. He didn't want to eat any more and Poppy didn't force him, but he heard Severus clicking his teeth together. The food felt like a stone in his stomach and he wanted so much to go and get rid of it, but he knew he would never get better if he kept doing that.

"Well done, Harry," said Poppy. "I'd like you to do something for me. I want you to start keeping a journal, but as well as your thoughts on things, I want you to write down everything you eat, how much of it and whether or not you threw up afterwards. I want you to write down every time you feel the need to throw up as well, even if you don't do it."

"You – you want to read all that?"

"No, dear, the journal is for you. I want you to be able to see how your own recovery is going. Only you can do this, Harry. Only you can make yourself better. I can give you nutrient potions and all the rest of it, but only you can help yourself, do you understand?"

Harry nodded, but at the moment with his stomach full of food that he wanted to get rid of as soon as possible, he thought it would be quite some time before he got better. And he needed to get better if he was ever to have this baby.

"Did you finish with my test results?" asked Harry, trying to change the subject away from food.

"Yes, Harry I did. Severus, can you excuse us for a moment?"

"Of course, Poppy," Severus stood up and made his way to the bathroom. Harry wondered if the man really needed a shower right now or if he'd chosen the bathroom so that Harry couldn't go in there to throw up. Harry toyed with a napkin, anything to distract himself really.

"Well, Harry. Frankly, I am surprised that you are still alive. You're about as unhealthy as it's possible to be and still be breathing. What you've been doing has caused damage to your liver, kidneys, heart, lungs, not to mention your throat and stomach lining with all that vomiting. You really need to start eating properly, Harry, otherwise we may have to force-feed you through a tube and I'm warning you now, it isn't pleasant. I hope we don't have to do that. Starting tomorrow and every Monday thereafter, you are to come to my office before breakfast to be weighed. You have to start gaining weight, Harry; it's the only way you'll get healthy again. I've got some vitamins
and nutrient potions for you, but they will only help you as a temporary measure."

"I'm sorry you have to go to all this trouble for me," said Harry.

"Harry, it's no trouble, I assure you. I just want you to get well. Severus tells me you've been suffering from erection problems," Poppy said and Harry couldn't help the blush. "Well, that is another symptom of this disease, Harry. Decreased libido levels, erectile dysfunction, whatever you want to call it. Getting your body healthy is the only way to help that."

"Did - did you find out anything about me getting pregnant?"

"Well, there was something unusual in your scan. You have a very high level of female hormones in your body. Men and women have both sets of hormones of course, but your female hormone level was higher than one would normally expect to see in males. You also seem to have a gene that I've never seen before, so maybe this gene is what will help you get pregnant – none of my tests seemed to figure out what it did. You'll just have to try and get pregnant and we'll see what happens. But not yet, your body will not be able to withstand the strain."

"Okay. Thanks," said Harry.

"So what are you and Severus up to today?"

Harry felt his stomach jolt. "We have to go and visit Sirius."

***

Severus was not looking forward to his conversation with Sirius Black, and Harry seemed almost as nervous as he did. They'd arranged to visit after lunch, but well before dinner so that Harry wouldn't feel obliged to stay for a meal. Severus knew Harry was going to find it difficult enough without having to add his eating problems into the mix as well. He stepped out of the Floo at Grimmauld Place a few seconds after Harry; who was being helped up from the floor by his godfather. Harry's cane had made a bid for freedom and lay a couple of feet away from him.

Severus summoned it back into Harry's hand; Harry turned round and smiled at him. "Thanks," said Harry and Severus felt as if he'd just fallen fifty feet on a broom. It had been so long since he'd seen Harry smile, a real smile and he couldn't help smiling back.

"So, Harry, what's all this about? You don't normally visit during term. Does Dumbledore know you're not at school?"

Harry shook his head, what they had to say was for Black and Lupin's ears only, he just hoped Sirius Black wouldn't get so angry about it that he would go running to Dumbledore as soon as they'd left. Severus knew he and Harry ought to get bonded as soon as possible, the sooner they could start getting Harry ready for intimate matters the better. He sometimes wondered what Cedric and Harry had done together but felt it wasn't his place to ask. He knew Harry was still a virgin; his monitoring spell was still in place.

There was a problem though. Harry was only sixteen, and in order to get married, he needed at least two consenting witnesses, usually his guardians, but since Severus himself was one of Harry's guardians, he could not sign the required forms. Hence their visit today. Sirius as Harry's godfather was in a perfect position to act as one of the witnesses, or not.

"You can't tell anyone why we’re here," said Harry. "It has to be a secret, do you promise?"

Sirius and Remus both nodded.

"There's been another prophecy," said Harry, his eyes darting around the room as if he expected an ambush of some sort. Severus just listened silently as Harry told Lupin and Black what little they knew, for Severus realised that the headmaster had probably left some of it out. Severus would have loved to get his hands on the whole translation, not just the bits that Dumbledore thought they should know. Harry had decided that it was best if the witness request came from him, not Severus.

By the time Harry had finished the story; Lupin had poured out four cups of tea and sat down on one of the chairs with a strange expression on his face. Sirius just laughed, as if it was all some sort of joke. Severus gripped his hands into fists in case he was tempted to wrap his fingers around the man's throat.

"But, Harry, you're a boy. Boys don't get pregnant."

"More tea, Harry?" asked Remus as he hoisted the teapot over Harry's cup; it was still full. Harry waved the teapot away, Severus could hardly blame him. Harry looked like he wanted to be sick, with worry this time rather than anything to do with an eating disorder.

"I can," said Harry simply. "And it's the only way Voldemort will be defeated."

"It just seems so farfetched." Sirius sighed.

"It's why he killed them," said Harry softly. "It's why he killed Mum and Dad, they were working on translating that prophecy, Voldemort wanted to know what was in it. I have to get pregnant and I have to do it soon."

"Harry, you just can't go around asking people to get you pregnant!" gasped Sirius. "Are you even sure that it's a possibility?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey said so."

"Well, I don't know," said Sirius. "And what's going to happen to this child of yours, Harry? A child born out of wedlock in the Wizarding world can't inherit and it might cause problems later, without a valid name."

"That won't happen," said Harry. "I'll be married first."

"Harry! You're sixteen years old, far too young to get married!" protested Sirius.

"But old enough to have an illegitimate child? I won't do that to any of my children, Sirius," said Harry firmly.

Children? Severus tried to disguise his gasp as a cough. Harry wanted more than one? Well of course he did, Harry had always wanted a family and an only child probably didn't fit into his plans for that. Severus had to admit that he was quite looking forward to lots of tousle haired children with green eyes; he just hoped they didn't inherit his nose. He wouldn't wish that on anybody. Well, maybe Voldemort.

"I'm getting married, Sirius, that's why we're here. We need you to witness the marriage contract, stating that you give permission."

Sirius glanced from Severus to Harry and then back again, shaking his head as if the action would negate what he was beginning to suspect. "You want me to sign a contract stating that I allow you to marry him?" Sirius spat in Severus' direction. "No, Harry. No. This I will not do."

"Sirius, please," begged Harry.

Sirius rounded on Severus, who'd known the tirade would be coming as soon as he'd stepped out of the Floo, it was what Sirius did best after all. "Is this why you wanted to be his guardian, Snape? So that you'd have a ready made fucktoy? God, James would be turning in his grave at what you've done to his son! I should report you to the Ministry of Magic, I'm sure they wouldn't take too kindly to you molesting your supposed ward! Fuck!"

"Sirius, no! Severus hasn't done anything to me! He hasn't touched me; he wants to wait until we're married! And so do I!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Sirius.

"It means that I want to marry him, if I don't, Dumbledore will just make me have sex with someone else to get me pregnant. We have no choice, Sirius. None of us."

"You're telling me that Dumbledore would force you to have sex with some stranger, just over a stupid prophecy?"

"Yes," said Harry. "He left me with the Dursleys for years, even though he knew what they'd been doing to me. Do you know what my Hogwarts letter said, Sirius? Harry Potter, the Cupboard Under the Stairs. He knew that's where I lived and he sent me back there year after year. I'd rather have Severus than some stranger – someone I don't know and don't trust."

Severus' heart swelled at Harry's words. Harry trusted him.

"You shouldn't have to decide about this at all!" roared Sirius.

"No, he shouldn't," agreed Remus, placing a comforting hand on Sirius' arm. "But the fact of the matter remains that Harry is the Cherished Child and this is his destiny, don't make it any more difficult than it needs to be."

"You would condone this? Harry getting married to Snape?" asked Sirius.

Remus glanced at Severus and shared a secret smile with him. Of course, the werewolf knew how Severus felt, he could probably sense it. "Severus will look after Harry and their children. Harry could do a lot worse for his life-mate, a lot worse."

"You do understand, Harry," continued Sirius. "That there is no concept of divorce in the Wizarding world? If you marry Snape, you'll be married for life?"

"I know that, Sirius. I'm not stupid," Harry pouted, his lower lip jutting out so that Severus wanted nothing better than to taste it. But not yet, not yet.

"And when are you supposed to get married? Was that in the prophecy too?"

"The sooner the better," said Severus, "considering the state of the war. We thought during the Christmas holidays."

"So soon? That's barely a month away!"

"I know, Sirius," said Harry. Severus thought that Harry was acting more grown up than the rest of them put together. "But we need to do this and I was hoping that you would be one of the witnesses. It has to remain a secret, no one must know that Severus is married to me, it might compromise his position as a spy and we need all the information we can get for our own side, don't we? Even Dumbledore can't know."

"Fine," muttered Sirius irritably. "Where's this bloody parchment I have to sign?"

Harry stood up from his chair and wrapped his arms around his godfather's neck. "Thank you, Sirius! Thank you!"



Part 47

"So what are you doing for the Christmas hols?" asked Hermione, helping herself to a generous portion of scrambled eggs. Harry poured out some cornflakes and sprinkled a small teaspoon of sugar on top. He risked a glance up at the top table and saw both Severus and Poppy smiling at him. Ron was on the other side of Hermione, already tucking into bacon and sausage, drowning most of it in brown sauce.

"Nothing much," said Harry, feeling awful that he had to lie to his friends, but he couldn't very well tell them that he was getting married to Severus in the morning, now could he? This past month had been difficult for him, some days he managed to keep down what little food he'd eaten but other times he just had to make himself sick. He wrote everything in his journal as Poppy had asked, but he felt so depressed when he saw how often he'd failed. At least he was putting on some weight, Poppy weighed him every week and he was gradually getting heavier, but Harry knew he had a long way to go yet.

It didn't help that he was feeling more and more nervous as the wedding approached. A week ago Poppy had moved back to her own quarters near the infirmary, saying that he and Severus would need some privacy once they were married and it was best for her to go and leave them to it. Harry knew that being alone with Severus was what was making him nervous, not that the man had done anything as yet, but then Harry really hadn't given him a chance.

He stayed in the Gryffindor common room to do his homework before heading back down to the dungeons so late that he could go to bed straightaway after a hasty "goodnight" to Severus. Severus never complained, but Harry wondered how the man was feeling when it seemed that Harry was doing anything to avoid him these days. After the wedding, that wouldn't be an option, nor would it if Harry was ever to get pregnant. It didn't stop him feeling nervous about being intimate with someone though.

He'd been nervous the first few times with Cedric too, but he’d got used to it – used to Cedric and what they could do to give each other pleasure. Harry was afraid that he wouldn’t know how to please Severus. He and Cedric had been of an age, both of them had been as inexperienced as each other, but Severus was different. Severus was a grown man, not a teenager. What if Harry made a fool of himself? And how would Cedric have felt about Harry marrying Severus? Harry twisted the ring on his finger and pushed his half-eaten cornflakes away.

"Harry, you haven't finished your cereal," said Hermione.

"It’s gone soggy," said Harry, hoping that would be the end of it. But no, it seemed that Hermione was as determined as Poppy and Severus to feed him up.

"Here, have some toast then, you can't go to class on an empty stomach." She grabbed a toast rack that was hovering above their table and placed it in front of Harry.

Harry spread some butter on it and nibbled a slice, but he didn't really taste it. Harry was eating just to keep Hermione happy, just to keep everyone happy and he blinked away the moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes. Thank God it was the last day before term broke up and he could at least have some time away from his classmates.

Harry felt so very far removed from them now, the prophecy was weighing on his mind more and more. It hadn't escaped his notice that if he did finally kill Voldemort, he would be murdering his suspected father. His hand clenched around the toast. It wouldn't matter, Voldemort had raped his mother, Harry would only be avenging her. It wasn't as if the Dark Lord had brought him up as a loved son, was it?

Harry ate another slice of toast, getting more smiles from both the direction of top table and Hermione before he made his way to their first class. It was going to be a long day.

***

Severus had watched Harry discreetly all day, from breakfast onwards. Harry hadn't eaten a lot, it was true, but neither did he rush to a bathroom anywhere to bring it back up. His appetite had perked up a bit at lunch, Severus saw Harry eat quite a bit of the shepherd's pie and even manage a few spoonfuls of apple pie and custard too. Dinner always seemed to be the most daunting meal for Harry and tonight was no exception. Harry had only managed a couple of bites of his roast potato and a few slices of beef, but the carrots had been pushed aside as if they were poisonous.

Now, they were both back in the dungeon quarters. For a change Harry was early this evening and didn't dash off to his bedroom as soon as Severus arrived. Was he nervous about the wedding tomorrow? Surely Harry knew that Severus wasn't about to bed him immediately, even if that was something that Severus wouldn't object to. Harry needed a bit more time to get used to the idea.

Harry was sitting in one of the armchairs by the fire reading a novel. Severus had finished his marking and was taking time just to look at Harry, without the young man being aware of the scrutiny. Harry hated being stared at, so Severus had a book in his lap so that he could pretend to be reading in case Harry glanced up.

The firelight played over Harry’s features, casting orange highlights on his cheekbones and nose. Harry's eyes were lowered as he read the book and Severus couldn't help but imagine what his eyes would look like when he was lost in pleasure. He'd watched Harry struggle through the last month, but he was putting on weight and if some days Harry had been throwing up after a meal, Severus never brought attention to it, but just gave Harry a cup of mint or camomile tea to settle his stomach.

The top button of Harry's school shirt was undone, the Gryffindor tie loosely knotted around his throat and Severus wanted so much to lean over and lick that pale skin. Aware of how nervous Harry had seemed to be when he was alone with him, he settled for imagination rather than the real thing. His trousers tightened and he shifted on the sofa, trying to find a more comfortable position.

"You're very quiet tonight, Harry. Is anything on your mind?" Even as he said it, Severus realised that it was a moot point. Harry probably had a hundred things on his mind.

Harry glanced up and set his book aside, twisting the Claddagh ring Cedric had given him for their betrothal ceremony. Since Severus and Harry were getting married barely a month after they'd signed the marriage certificate, they hadn't felt a betrothal ceremony was needed. "Severus... I ... I can still wear Cedric's ring too, can't I? You won't make me get rid of it?"

"Harry, did you really think I would?"

"I don't know. It can't be easy for you, watching me with another man's ring on my finger."

"Harry, that ring is part of you. Your love for Cedric is part of you. I want to marry you, I love all of you. It's not as if I've been going round picking and choosing the parts of you I like."

"So, are there some parts of me you don't like?" queried Harry, his mouth curving into a smile and it was a joy to see. Harry was teasing him – it could almost have been considered flirting if Severus didn't know how inexperienced Harry was.

"You squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle," said Severus with a smile of his own.

"I do not! I squeeze it from the bottom!" pouted an indignant Harry.

"I know Harry, I was just teasing you."

"Oh. I didn't know, I'm not used to that. Friendly teasing, I mean."

And didn't Severus know it? He knew how words as well as actions had been used to wound Harry: calling him names that preyed on his self-esteem even now that Harry's tormentors were dead. Severus was determined that Harry would soon get to see that he was worth more than ten thousand Dursleys, and that he was allowed to be happy.

"Harry, is there anything you want to talk about or need to know about tomorrow? Try not to be too worried, it'll be over before you know it."

"Um ... there is something, Severus. Once we get married, what were you thinking about sleeping arrangements?"

To be truthful, Severus had just thought they would continue the way they had been doing, with each of them having their own room. He didn't want Harry to feel that certain things were expected. "Do you have any preference?" he asked Harry instead.

"Well, um, I was thinking that we should share a bed from the start so that I get used to being in the same bed with someone."

"Would you be comfortable with that, Harry?"

He nodded, but he was blushing slightly too. Severus thought it was delightful. "Yeah, I think I would. I only ever stayed the night with Cedric once. I wish ... I wish it could have been more."

"Oh, Harry," said Severus. He stood up and knelt in front of Harry's chair, resting his hand on Harry's right knee. Harry placed his own hand over it and squeezed.

"Thanks, Severus."

Severus glanced at the clock which graced the mantelpiece. "Nearly time for the carriages, do you want to go and say goodbye to your friends?" He stood again, stretching the kinks out of his back.

"Yeah, all right. I wish we didn't have to lie about getting married," sighed Harry as he stood up and smoothed out non-existent creases in his trousers. Severus had never seen a student's clothes so cared for as Harry's were – hardly surprising considering it was Harry who'd done most of the household chores from when he was no age. "I miss Poppy."

"You can go and visit her any time you want, Harry. She already said so."

"I know. It's just - this is going to sound silly," said Harry, clasping his hands together.

"Go on," urged Severus.

"Promise you won't laugh at me?"

"I promise," Severus said, wondering what on earth Harry had to tell him.

"Well, it's just when she was living here with us, it was like we were a family, a proper family and she was like – it was like having a real mum."

Severus didn't laugh, in fact his eyes felt suspiciously sore. He wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and kissed him on the forehead. "You'll have a real family soon, Harry. I promise."



Part 48

Harry woke up gasping, the dream itself fading as sleep left him, but the evidence of what it might have been about remained as a sticky residue on his thighs and groin. His first wet dream in over a year; he hoped that it was a good sign for their wedding. Harry stretched, cast a cleaning charm in himself before making his way to the bathroom. Had he even put up a silencing charm last night?

He groaned inwardly, hoping that he hadn't been too vocal. Yes, they were getting bonded today, but it was still embarrassing that Severus might have heard him having a dream like that. Not to mention that now his body seemed to be recovering, at least the libido part of it anyway, Harry wondered what was going to happen if he had a wet dream once he and Severus started sharing the bed.

Harry took his time with his shower that morning; he wanted to look his best for the wedding, but his hair, as always, refused to be tamed. It just wouldn't lie flat and Harry felt like shaving the whole messy mop off so that he was entirely bald. He might well have done it too if it hadn't been for the fact that a bald head would mean that his scar would be even more prominent than usual

Shower finished, teeth brushed (he smiled as he squeezed the toothpaste tube from the bottom as usual), Harry pulled on some clean underwear and donned a towelling bathrobe; there was no point in getting dressed in his wedding finery in case he spilled breakfast on it. Harry's tummy rumbled, he could hardly believe it. He was actually feeling hungry and could he dare give voice to the thought that he was actually looking forward to breakfast?

When Harry emerged from the bathroom, Poppy was already there, dressed in a silk robe of peacock blue; it shimmered various hues whenever she moved. She just couldn't seem to stop smiling. "Well, Harry, all ready for the big day?"

"Yes, I think I am actually." Harry noticed the table was only set for one. "Did Severus have breakfast already?" asked Harry.

" I hope so," replied Poppy. "Severus stayed at Grimmauld Place last night, he didn't want to mess with tradition."

"I thought that was a Muggle custom," said Harry. "About not seeing each other until the ceremony."

"It was a Wizarding custom long before the Muggles got hold of it," said Poppy. She waved her wand; a bowl of semolina, two slices of toast and a glass of pumpkin juice materialised on the table. Harry sat down and started to eat his semolina. He was getting used to it now and it didn't take him long to clean the bowl.

Poppy gaped at him. "Harry, that's the first time I've seen you clean your plate in a long time. How do you feel?"

"Full," Harry admitted, "but in a good way." As he said the words, he realised it was true. For such a long time, it had felt so odd to have a full stomach; it was something he wasn't used to at all. Maybe that meant he was getting used to eating again?

"That's great, Harry. Really great," said Poppy, smiling down at him, her eyes a little glassy.

"Hey, you're supposed to cry after the wedding," admonished Harry with a grin.

"Finish your breakfast so we can get you dressed," scolded Poppy, but there was no malice in it. Harry's heart lifted. Poppy sounded just like a mother, how he imagined a mother would talk to him and he ate his toast without further complaint.

His tummy was fluttering a little, but he thought it was from nerves rather than wanting to throw up.

"Would you like a calming draught, Harry?" asked Poppy. "Everyone's a little nervous on their wedding day."

"No, thanks. I think I'll be okay." Harry got up from the table and fetched his cane, before making his way to his bedroom to get dressed. He stared around the room that had been his home for the past few months. After today, it wouldn't be his room anymore, he would be sharing with Severus and Harry's old bedroom would make a perfect nursery. Harry smiled to himself as he got dressed in his wedding clothes. Everything was silk, from his stockings onwards.

Pale blue knee-length trousers with buttons down each side; a white ruffled shirt and blue bow tie; white stockings held in place by blue garters and an over robe that reached Harry's knees. Everything fitted him perfectly, it had been tailored to him by Poppy; she'd made both his and Severus' wedding robes, as they couldn't rely on secrecy if they had to get their clothes from a shop.

When Harry limped out of the bedroom, Poppy took one look at him in all his finery and promptly burst into tears.

"Oh, Harry, you look gorgeous!" she wrapped him in a hug before getting out the old newspaper that would act as their Portkey to take them to the Irish Ministry of Magic. Since Snape's family was Irish, he could choose to get bonded either in the British or the Irish office, and since all British bonding ceremonies were a matter of public record, they knew that the London Ministry wasn't really an option. The Irish Ministry had a much better privacy clause so that's where they decided to get married.

***

Severus glanced at the ornate clock on the wall of the Ministry Record Office; it didn't seem to have moved at all since they'd arrived. "Don't worry, Severus, he'll be here," said Remus squeezing his shoulder. Sirius grunted in what could have been agreement. The problem was, Severus was worried. What if Harry wasn't ready for this? Had he pushed too far too soon? The Irish Minister of Records smiled warmly at him and nodded, as if was used to seeing nervous grooms every day. He probably was.

Severus shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He hadn't worn trousers this short since he was about five, but the traditional wedding outfit called for knickerbockers along with the ruffled shirt and everything else as well. It was a good job Sirius hadn't given in to his urge to laugh out loud at his ensemble, or Severus might well have ended up hexing one of the witnesses.

There was a loud thud as Harry fell out of the sky onto the floorboards, while Poppy sailed serenely down to earth. Severus went to help Harry up from the floor, but the Minister waved him back and proceeded to help Harry up himself. Harry glanced around and smiled when he saw Severus.

Severus' heart seemed to skip a few beats as he saw Harry dressed in his wedding robes for the first time. Poppy had been adamant that neither of them should have seen their outfits until the wedding. Harry looked good enough to eat, the pale blue while not matching his eyes suited him to perfection, making a stark contrast with his dark hair.

"Are we ready?" asked the minister, as he led Harry over to the desk.

Severus nodded and made his way over to stand beside Harry.

"We are gathered here today to witness the bonding in magic and life of Severus Tobias Snape and Harold James Potter. If there is anyone here who objects to this bond, let them speak now or be forever silent."

There was a pause, Severus and Harry both held their breath, but no objections were forthcoming.

"Very well. You are both free persons, not chattel, so I do not ask who will give you away, but rather who has come to give you blessings. Harry, who comes with you today to bless this union?"

"I do," said Poppy.

"And I," said Remus.

"And I," said Sirius.

"Severus, who comes with you today to bless this union?"

There was a slight pause before Sirius spoke up. "I do."

"And I," said Poppy.

"And I," said Remus.

"Severus and Harry, marriage, like life, is a journey. There may be trials, there may be tribulations but by agreeing to be bound here today, you are agreeing to share in the burdens and joys that life may bring forth. Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly, only after careful thought and consideration. Harry, do you come here of your own free will in order to be bound to Severus?"

"I do," replied Harry without a trace of hesitation.

"Severus, do you come here of your own free will in order to be bound to Harry?"

"I do."

"Severus, you may say your vows now."

"I, Severus Tobias Snape, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, take you, Harold James Potter, to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one. To desire you and be desired by you, to possess you, and be possessed by you, without sin or shame, for neither can exist in the purity of my love for you. I promise to love you wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond. I share with you my life, my magic, my body and soul. I promise to be faithful to you and let no other come between us. This is my solemn vow."

"Now you, Harry," said the minister. "I understand you have changed the vows a little. That is perfectly acceptable, go ahead."

"I, Harold James Potter, by the life that courses within my blood and the love that I hope will one day reside within my heart, take you Severus Tobias Snape to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one. To desire you and be desired by you, to possess you, and be possessed by you, without sin or shame, for neither can exist in the purity of my concern for you. I promise to stay with you wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond. I share with you my life, my magic, my body and soul. I promise to be faithful to you and let no other come between us. This is my solemn vow."

"Now, Severus, if it is your wish that you both be bonded, place the ring on Harry's finger. Afterwards if it is also your wish, Harry, place the ring on Severus' finger."

Remus scurried forward and dropped one ring into Severus' palm and one ring into Harry's. Severus lifted up the plain gold band and reached for Harry's left hand. He pressed softly on Cedric's ring, sharing a soft look with Harry before placing the wedding ring above it. "This ring stands as a reminder of my promises to you."

"I accept your promises," said Harry before taking Severus' left hand and placing the other gold band on Severus' ring finger. "This ring is a reminder of my promises to you," said Harry; he was smiling up at Severus, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"I accept your promises," said Severus, his throat raw with suppressed emotion.

The Minister smiled at both of them before conjuring a goblet filled to the brim with white wine. He lifted up the goblet and handed to Severus. "Share this cup with Harry as a symbol of the life you are going to share."

Severus took Harry's hand in his and wrapped both their fingers around the stem before tipping the goblet towards Harry's mouth. Harry coughed as soon as the liquid touched his throat; he'd probably never been given any sort of alcohol before. Strictly speaking, Harry wasn't of an age to drink yet, but it was accepted for ceremonial purposes.

After Harry had taken all that he could manage, he did the same, tipping the goblet to Severus' mouth, both their hands still on the goblet and Severus downed the rest of the wine. It was considered bad luck if any of the wine remained. He was glad he'd managed to have some breakfast, for even on a full stomach the wine was making him a bit light-headed.

"Harry and Severus, you have both been bound according to our laws and customs. Bound you have been and cannot now be unbound. You may kiss."

The man smiled down at him. Severus had actually forgotten about this custom and he worried that Harry wasn't up to this. They'd never kissed before, not a proper kiss like this. Severus arched an eyebrow at Harry in question. His only reply was a beaming smile and a nod from Harry. His husband. Dear Merlin, they were married. He was married to Harry. Severus was convinced this was a dream and any minute now he was going to wake up.

Everyone was waiting patiently for them to kiss. Harry tilted his head up, his eyelids fluttering closed and hiding the deep emerald of his eyes. Severus leaned down and pressed his lips against Harry's for the first time. Mindful of their audience, it was a soft, brief kiss, but wonderful for all of that. When Harry opened his eyes again, he looked a bit dazed. Severus felt a bit that way himself.

"Congratulations!" said the minister as he conjured copies of the marriage certificate for all of them to sign. "I'm sure you'll both be very happy together."

"Thank you," said Severus, his arm wrapping round Harry as if he never wanted to let go.

Once all the paperwork was sorted out, they were free to go. Remus and Sirius stepped up and shook hands with Severus, but gave Harry a hug. Remus handed Harry an envelope. "A wedding present, it's from all three of us. We realised you probably wouldn't have been able to organise anything yourselves."

"What is it?" asked Harry.

"It's a trip to Las Vegas," said Sirius.

"For your honeymoon," winked Poppy.




Part 49

Harry had never seen so many artificial lights in one place before. "Do they do this for Christmas?" he asked Severus.

"No, I gather that the lights themselves are something of an attraction all year round," said Severus as he stood with Harry outside on the pavement in front of the largest building Harry had ever seen. The hotel towered above them, thirty storeys or more, it was too big to count. There was a large lake in front of the hotel and hundreds of people were gathered around the railings as if waiting for something.

Harry was curious, but he was tired too, so he let Severus lead them to the front door of the Hotel Bellagio. Both their trunks had been transfigured to look like Muggle suitcases, but Severus had cast a feather-light charm on both of them so that at least they wouldn't have to struggle like Muggles with their luggage. Soon they were in a queue for the check-in desk.

Christmas trees were dotted about the foyer, crystal chandeliers hung down from the ornate ceiling, the floors were polished marble and Harry heard his shoes make a satisfying click as they walked across it to the very harassed-looking clerk. It seemed that this near to Christmas was one of their busier times.

"Good evening," said Severus and handed over their tickets. "I believe we have a reservation?"

The clerk beamed at him, as if Severus was the best thing he'd seen all day. "Yes, yes of course, Mr. Snape, you do. Good job too, we've been turning people away." The clerk typed something into his computer, a printer spat out a length of paper and he gave it to Severus. "If you could just sign the register please, I'll get a porter to show you to your room."

Harry watched as Severus' long tapered fingers held the pen as elegantly as he'd ever held a quill and Harry flushed when he briefly wondered how those slender fingers would feel trailing along his skin. Severus seemed as much as home among Muggles as he did among wizards; he seemed to blend in wherever he was. Harry supposed that's what came of being a spy for so many years. You had to blend in or you were dead, it was as simple as that.

Harry had never felt comfortable in the Muggle world, he'd always been self-conscious about never fitting in, a state of affairs that the Dursleys were keen to encourage, with fists and boots if need be.

Freak! You don't belong anywhere! You have no one, you have nothing. But as Harry followed Severus and the porter into the lift, he realised it wasn't true. Not since that morning when he and Severus had sworn to share their lives together.

The porter showed them how to work the electronic key cards, pointed out the bathroom; the drinks cabinet; the television hidden inside an ornately carved cupboard; room service hours, and if he could be of any more help please don't hesitate to ask. Harry didn't realise what the man was waiting for until Severus shook hands with him to thank him and it was only because Harry had been paying a lot of attention to those hands that Harry saw the dollars go from Severus' hands to the porter’s.

There were two beds in the room, both of them enormous doubles. Harry made a conscious decision and set his suitcase down on top of one of the beds.

"Are you sure, Harry?" Severus asked him. "You don't have to."

"I know, Severus, but I want to share the bed, if that's still okay with you."

"It's more than okay, Harry." Severus sat down by the desk and flipped through the guest information folder, then started reading the corporate magazine. Harry couldn't help a fond smile. "What's so amusing?" Severus asked when he glanced up and saw Harry doing it.

"You," grinned Harry, unrepentant. "We've barely been here five minutes and you've already found something to read."

"Would you rather I was doing something else?"

Harry took a deep breath. His hands were sweating; his heart was hammering fit to burst; but he'd been thinking about it ever since the end of the wedding ceremony. "Yes, I'd rather you were kissing me right about now."

Severus' fingers curled around the edges of the magazine. "You want me to kiss you?"

Harry could feel himself blushing, he felt a little awkward at being so forward, but Severus was being so proper about everything that Harry realised it was probably going to have to be up to him. He was never going to get pregnant and fulfil the prophecy if Severus was keeping his distance, afraid of upsetting Harry. The sooner he got used to things with Severus, the better.

"Don't you want to?" asked Harry; he could feel his lower lip trembling. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't.

"Of course, Harry. I just didn't want you to feel that we have to rush into anything."

"It's okay just to kiss, right? Without doing anything more?" Not that Harry was worried the man might go too far but it was best to have some ground rules, wasn't it? He didn't want Severus to think he was a tease.

Severus licked his lips and Harry's memory jolted back to their wedding kiss; the man's kiss had been so soft, more tender than Harry had been expecting and even despite that, he had felt the first stirrings of arousal in his groin. It helped, knowing that he could get aroused by Severus’ kisses or touches. Harry had been so worried that all the time he would be thinking it wasn't Cedric and would not allow himself to feel pleasure at another man's touch.

He knew it wasn't Cedric, Severus was different, but both of them loved Harry; after so many years of abuse it was a heady thought that Harry had two wonderful men who loved him. He walked over to the desk chair Severus was sitting in and plopped himself down in the man's lap, with his legs on either side of Severus' waist and wrapped his arms around Severus' neck.

Severus' hand came up to caress Harry's cheek. Harry's breath sped up, he wasn't sure whether it was from anticipation or fear and he did his best to control it. He didn't want Severus to think he was scared of him; they would get nowhere fast if that was the case.

"Relax, Harry. Just kissing," agreed Severus as he pulled Harry's face towards his, closing his eyes and opening his mouth. Harry did the same, allowing his head to be guided towards Severus'. The first press of firm lips against his own sent a spark of desire shooting towards his groin and Harry couldn't stifle the soft moan. It had been so long since he'd been kissed properly and Severus certainly knew how to kiss.

Soft butterfly taps, then firmer, gripping Harry's head in his hands; little nibbles and bites which he soothed with his tongue, causing heat to flare low down in Harry's belly. He was so surprised; he never knew that kisses with Severus were going to make him hard like this. Despite the firmness of an erection pressing against Harry, Severus did nothing more than kiss him and caress his head and neck. Harry was awed at the man's self-control. He shifted; his jeans were getting a little uncomfortable now. As Harry moved, Severus pulled away from the kiss and gasped.

"Harry, as much as I would love to kiss you all night, I think we'd better stop now." Severus' hands had moved and they were gripping Harry's waist as if for dear life.

Harry's prick was throbbing in his jeans, especially where it was pressing against Severus and Harry knew that it wouldn't take much for him to come. Another few of those kisses and he would probably have made a mess of his trousers. He wondered if Severus was feeling the same and that's why he had stopped. Harry's body certainly seemed ready for more, but he wasn't sure he was mentally capable of it yet.

"Oh, okay," said Harry, climbing down from Severus' lap. "Um, do you need the bathroom first?" Harry couldn't stop the flush spreading over his cheeks. Surely Severus knew what he was going to be doing in there?

"No, Harry, you go ahead."

Harry sorted through his suitcase to get a fresh pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, before heading into the bathroom on shaky legs. He closed the door and peeled off his jeans and underwear; he was too tired and jet-lagged to have a shower or bath tonight, so he started filling the basin with water and while it was running, he tugged three times on his cock while remembering Severus' kisses – that mouth, that tongue. He came, spurting all over the bathroom tiles, his knees almost buckling beneath him at the intensity of the orgasm; as if his body was making up for lost time. His cane
had clattered to the floor sometime during his climax and his leg was protesting at having all that weight put on it.

Harry sagged against the side of the bath, panting for breath. He hoped the sound of the water running disguised any noises he might have made, although he had tried his best to be as silent as possible. The basin was just about to overflow; Harry limped to it in time and turned off the taps. He took off his shirt and washed himself, paying particular attention to his groin and thighs, before wiping up the mess he'd made on the floor. As he cleaned his spilled seed, he wondered if Severus had been doing the same in the next room, that erection pressed up against Harry had been
rather hard and impressive. Harry wondered if it would even fit inside him.

Once Harry had finished cleaning both himself and the room, he put on his fresh shorts and t-shirt, and made his way back to the hotel bedroom again.

Severus was already in bed, propped up on pillows, with his hair tied back in a pony-tail and dressed in a grey nightshirt. His face was a little flushed, but other than that there was no hint that the two of them had been snogging like mad only a few moments before. Harry couldn't help wondering if the man had pleasured himself, if he had come while Harry had been doing the same in the bathroom. Maybe in a while, they wouldn't have to stop if things got too heated with their kisses.

Harry climbed into bed next to Severus and saw the remote control for the television sitting on his bedside table.

"Do you want to watch some TV?" asked Harry.

"Do you?"

"Maybe. I ... I was never allowed, they never let me watch it."

Severus reached across him for the remote, Harry sucked in a breath, his prick perking up again as Severus' body pressed close against his own. "Then you can watch as much television as you like," said Severus as he clicked on the screen and the two of them settled down to watch something that Harry didn't know the name of, or who the characters were or what the plot was. He didn't particularly care. Severus opened his arms, Harry moved a little awkwardly because of his gammy leg and lay down, throwing his right leg and right arm across Severus' body.

Harry had no idea what the programme was, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was lying here next to his husband, enjoying being wrapped up in Severus' arms and listening to the thud of Severus' heart beneath his ear. He felt connected to someone for the first time in a long while. He felt safe.

Harry drifted off, soothed by Severus' heartbeat and the ebb and flow of conversation coming from the box in the corner. That night, without the aid of any potions, he slept free from bad dreams.



Part 50

Severus woke up to the warm weight of Harry's body draped across his. Harry must have moved in the night, for now he was almost completely lying on top of Severus, like his own human blanket. Warm puffs of air brushed against the underside of his chin as Harry breathed in and out and Severus just lay there for a while, afraid to move in case he woke Harry.

His wedding ring glinted in the early morning sunshine and Severus couldn't help staring at it, staring at Harry. It wasn't a dream. He was really married to Harry. Harry shifted, mumbling something in his sleep, before falling silent again and drifting deeper. Severus stroked Harry's back gently, more to soothe him than wake him, but Harry woke up anyway.

He grinned up at Severus from his perch on Severus’ chest. "Morning," said Harry.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?" asked Severus.

"Fantastic!" beamed Harry as he pushed himself up on his elbows and rolled off Severus. Severus missed the slight weight. "I didn't have a nightmare or a vision once."

"That's good," agreed Severus. He sat up and leaned against the headboard. "So, Harry, what did you want to do today? Bearing in mind that you're too young to gamble and drink and plenty of other things that this city is famous for."

Harry smiled again. "So, that means a trip to a strip-club is out?"

"What?" spluttered Severus. "You want to go to a strip-club?"

"No," said Harry. "I was just teasing you." With that, Harry got out of bed, fetched his cane and went to the bathroom.

Severus stared at his retreating back. If Harry could joke with him about sex, it boded well for physical intimacy, didn't it? Although he had to admit he was rather surprised that Harry had headed off to the bathroom last night to masturbate by himself, it would have been no hardship for Severus to have given him a hand-job, but maybe Harry thought that accepting any intimacy other than kissing was acceptance of something more. Severus wouldn't push, not until he was sure Harry was ready. They had to do it sometime after all and the headmaster's words echoed round his head. Harry had to get pregnant within a year, but Albus had failed to inform Severus as to why there was a timescale.

A few minutes later, Harry returned and climbed back into bed, cuddling up against Severus' side.

"I like this," said Harry as he looked up at him with wide green eyes. "We fit together, don't we?"

"You sound surprised, Harry."

"I am, a little. I thought that ... that after Cedric I wouldn't want to be this close to anyone ever again. I'm afraid that if I do, something dreadful is going to happen, like with Cedric."

"Harry, nothing is going to happen to me. I pro--"

"No!" Harry cut him off urgently. "Don't promise, please."

"All right, Harry. You still haven't told me what you'd like to do today."

"It's silly," said Harry.

"What is?"

"Well, I've always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon. Could we do that? Please?"

"Sounds great," agreed Severus. He'd travelled quite extensively over the years, but he'd never been to America before. "We can Apparate there after breakfast."

***

Like most hotels in Las Vegas, the Bellagio had quite a few restaurants and one of them had a buffet selection for breakfast, so Severus thought that would be a good idea for Harry. Harry could pick and choose what he liked and eat as little or as much as he wanted. The price was reasonable, Severus charged it back to their room and a waiter came over to usher them to a free table. Returning a few moments later with a pot of coffee, he set it down so hard that some of the dark liquid flew from the spout and stained the table. The waiter dashed off to seat someone else, so it was Severus who dabbed at the coffee with his napkin.

The room was filled with cabinets laden with food, hundreds of hot and cold dishes – some of them items Severus would never have considered a breakfast food in a thousand years. Fried chicken? Lobster? Apple pie?

He realised his mistake when he saw Harry's face, the boy was so pale that he rivalled the marble table for lack of colour.

"Harry?"

"Please, Severus. All this food. It's too much. I can't ... I can't." Harry was almost in tears as he shredded his napkin into bits, as if he needed something to do with his hands. "I'm sorry."

"Hush, Harry. It's fine." Severus reached across and squeezed Harry's hands with his own. He shouldn't have been so foolish. Taking Harry to a buffet restaurant was like bringing an alcoholic to a bar and expecting them to only have soft drinks all night. The problem was that unlike an alcoholic, Harry needed food to survive and he couldn't avoid his problem. Ever. Food was always there and Harry was always going to have to face it, day in and day out.

Severus helped Harry out of his seat and led them to one of the hotel's coffee shops. He wasn't going to let Harry get away without eating something, but he had no idea how to deal with this. It was Poppy who'd borne the brunt of it and Severus wished she was here now so that she could give Harry some much-needed moral support; Severus wasn't sure if he was enough.

Harry glanced down the menu. "They don't have semolina," said Harry, sounding on the verge of tears again. Severus knew it was what Harry had been eating for breakfast these past few weeks and he realised that Harry had become used to certain foods, it was almost like a comfort thing.

"How about some pancakes instead?" asked Severus, he had to get Harry to eat something.

"Okay, but only a half-stack," said Harry. Severus nodded; he'd expected as much. He ordered the pancakes for Harry; bacon and eggs for himself and sat back in his chair. Harry was staring at the floor, as if ashamed to meet Severus' gaze.

"Harry, what is it?" he asked gently.

"I'm sorry. That you had to pay for all that breakfast and then I couldn't eat any of it. It was so wasteful." Harry knotted his hands together on the table.

"Harry, it's all right. I shouldn't have brought you to the buffet – that was expecting too much too soon. You have nothing to be sorry about, it's my fault." Harry was silent. "Harry?"

Harry burst into tears and fled from the table, hobbling with his cane and oblivious to the stares of the other diners.

Severus quickly signed the docket the waitress handed him as he tried to leave the restaurant, he needed to get to Harry. The hotel was enormous, it would be very easy for someone who didn't want to be found to get lost.

***

Harry didn't know where he was going when he'd fled the restaurant, he just knew he couldn't sit there with everyone eating, the smell of food making him feel sick before he'd even eaten any. He couldn't do it, his stomach roiled and he knew he needed to find a bathroom before he ended up making a mess on the shiny marble floors. Patrons flew out of his way as he skidded across the floor and went sprawling, his cane flying to a halt against the wall. Harry doubled over, retching with dry heaves. All that was coming up was sour spittle, but still he couldn't seem to stop his stomach lining from trying to crawl up through his throat.

Someone was trying to help him up, a stranger. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" yelled Harry through his spasms.

"Harry!" it was Severus' voice, close to him, as Harry just closed his eyes and wished he could disappear. Everyone was staring at him, he knew they were and he just wanted it all to stop. Severus scooped him up in his arms, Harry opened his eyes just in time to see an elderly gentleman handing Severus Harry's cane.

"There you are, sir. I hope your son feels better soon." Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and clung to him, never wanting to let go.

Severus thanked the man, then headed to one of the empty lifts. He closed the door and Apparated them both back to their room. He set Harry down on the bed and fetched him a glass of iced water. "Here, Harry. Drink this; it might make you feel better."

Harry sipped at the glass as Severus tenderly held the back of his head. His eyes were stinging with moisture, everything in the room was a blur; Severus' face coming in and out of focus.

"Harry, talk to me. Please," said Severus as he stroked the back of Harry's neck.

"Please," said Harry. "I can't. Don't make me eat! I hate it, I hate it!" Harry was sobbing now, feeling so awful, thinking that he'd been getting better, but he hadn't, not really. He still hated food, hated the way it sat so leadenly inside him. Hated the way it made him feel, so bloated and full. Fat. Fat. It made him feel so fat, so ugly whenever he had to eat. He didn't want to end up like Vernon and Dudley. He didn't.

Visions of his cousin and his uncle stuffing their faces haunted his mind, eating in front of him; taunting him with food whenever he might have suggested he was hungry. Dudley and his gang holding Harry down as they stuffed him with sweets, cakes, crisps, chocolates and fizzy drinks then laughing uproariously when he threw it all back up.

Look at the fat freak!

Porky Piggy Potter!

Hey, Miss. Potter broke my chair 'cos he's so fat!

It didn't matter that somewhere deep down Harry knew that he wasn't fat, that Dudley's names were just another way to humiliate him. The words sank into his bones, into his psyche and he just couldn't seem to get rid of them. It was surprising that Dudley used to taunt Harry about being fat, when it wasDudley who was the size of a beached whale. Harry shuddered against Severus' arms as he remembered things he'd long forgotten.

"Oh, Harry," said Severus as he wrapped his arms around Harry and held on. Harry bawled for what felt like hours and he didn't want to stop being held by Severus, ever. Severus just continued holding him until Harry had calmed down somewhat.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" sniffled Harry and rested his head against Severus' chest.

Severus cradled him for a little while longer, but Harry knew the man was going to want him to talk soon and Harry wasn't sure he could do it. How was he going to tell Severus that? How was he supposed to tell anyone what they had done to him? He'd forgotten, he really had, but now the memories were clawing their way back into the forefront of his mind and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't make them disappear like he wanted them to. Could you Obliviate yourself? Or did someone else have to do it?

Harry could feel a few stray tears leak beneath his glasses and soak Severus' shirt, but the man didn't berate him for ruining his clothes, he just held Harry tighter and rocked him, saying "It'll be all right," over and over again until somehow the words finally sank in.

The Dursleys were dead. They couldn't hurt Harry ever again, their threats were meaningless now.

Harry looked up into the worried, concerned eyes of his husband and felt his heart lurch into his throat, for a moment he thought he was going to be sick again, but he managed to swallow down his distress.

"Harry? What's wrong?"

"I ... I have to tell you what they did."

TBC

Chapter 11: Everything's Not Lost
Extra warning, somthing very squicky in this part.

Part 51

Harry was finally sleeping now; Severus cast an extended sleeping spell on him so that he wouldn't wake up. His face was still tear-streaked; Severus bent down and trailed a finger through the drying moisture on his husband's cheeks before making his way to the bathroom.

Severus wanted to smash something; he wanted to break something; but all of the toiletries were in little plastic bottles – shampoo, moisturiser, conditioner. His hands itched to punish someone for what had been done to Harry. He punched his fist through the bathroom mirror; shards shattering against his hands, some of them drawing blood, but he barely felt the sting of it.

Those bastards! Those fucking abusing bastards!

It had all come out, amid Harry's hiccups and sobs, what they'd done, and why Harry really had such a problem with food. It was Vernon who'd first done it; but after Dudley saw his father do it, he wanted to do it too and had even got his friends, his gang to join in. Harry said he'd forgotten it until recently and Severus knew that was probably all too true. The boy's mind had probably shut down after something like that.

What little food Harry had been given, they'd soiled it. Vernon, Dudley, the gang of boys, they'd soiled Harry's food; soiled it with their semen and their urine and forced Harry to eat it as they held him down and he was sick again and again all over himself and the floor. Then they would force him to lick the floor clean, earning him welts with his uncle's belt and the boys' Smeltings sticks if he didn't obey.

Merlin, no wonder Harry had a problem with food, with eating anything. Severus stared at his bloodied hands and wished Poppy was here. He felt so fucking useless; that nothing he said or did was going to be able to help Harry. If he couldn't get Harry to eat, he knew that Poppy may not have a choice and would have to get him admitted to St. Mungo's, in the closed ward where Harry would be force-fed and made to have therapy whether he wanted to or not. Severus didn't think Harry would be able to survive that.

Severus had to do something – but what? Harry couldn't go on like this; they both knew it, but how to get Harry to eat, to see that food wasn't the enemy anymore? How to make him realise that it was fine to eat, to enjoy it even?

Smeltings the word popped into his head; Harry had mentioned something about Smeltings. Dudley Dursley's school, the school some of his tormentors still attended. The Dursleys may be dead, but Dudley's gang were walking around free from punishment after all that they'd done to Harry.

Not for long.

Severus cast a healing charm on his arm and fixed the mirror with a wave of his wand. He went back to the bedroom to check on Harry, casting one of the scanning spells Poppy had taught him. Harry was deeply asleep and wouldn't wake for quite a few hours yet, plenty of time for Severus to do what he had to. He wouldn't let them get away with what they'd done to Harry. No way.

He cast a warding spell around the bed and Harry, before taking himself back to the bathroom and wrapping himself in his cloak.

Severus closed his eyes, imagined himself back in London and a few moments later, he landed smack bang in the middle of a busy Oxford Street, crowded with Christmas shoppers. Some of them swerved to avoid him, as if they knew they shouldn't bump into him; not if they knew what was good for them. Severus made his way to the nearest tourist information booth and enquired as to where he might find Smeltings School; he knew it was in London, but that was about it.

The man behind the desk gave him directions and an address; a few moments later, Severus ducked into an alleyway between a department store and a cinema and Apparated himself to the grounds of Smeltings Academy for Young Gentlemen. The building blazed with light; he was in luck, the school hadn't broken up for Christmas yet.

He snorted at the gilded sign. Gentlemen? Piers Polkiss and his cronies were anything but gentlemen.

Severus waited patiently until the bell rang for the end of lessons that day. If the student body was anything like at Hogwarts, sooner or later some of the boys were going to come outside. His patience was rewarded; a few moments later, there stood Polkiss with his gang of cronies, holding down a younger boy as they punched him in the guts. One of the teachers was looking on, but did not intervene. The winter evening and Severus' own dark clothes hid him well, but he needed to make sure.

Severus cast a See-Me-Not spell on himself and made his way over to the group of boys who were beating up the younger student. He cast a protection bubble around the student on the ground before casting the spell that he'd really come here to do.

"Iucunditas abnego!" Severus hissed with all the force of his hatred. The spell wasn't an Unforgivable, it wasn't even considered Dark as it only lasted for a month or so. But what a month they would suffer! Severus watched in satisfaction as Polkiss and his cronies fell to the ground, grabbing at their crotches and moaning. The spell would make them lust for sexual pleasure, but be unable to find release; either at their own hands or the hands of anyone else.

He hoped they rubbed their cocks raw as they tried desperately to get what they needed, but they wouldn't succeed, not for quite a few weeks yet. Still invisible to them, Severus spat on each writhing boy as their victim stood up and wondered where the spit was coming from.

The boy grinned down at his former tormentors; he seemed to think it was a good idea too and cleared his throat as he spat on each of them in turn, the grin never fading from his face.

Severus turned and walked away; and with a barely audible pop he Disapparated back to the hotel in Las Vegas.

***

Harry was still sleeping soundly when he returned, so Severus took the opportunity to glance over the room service menu. His stomach growled as he perused all the dishes listed and realised that in his worry over Harry, Severus hadn't eaten any breakfast or lunch either.

He dialled and ordered up a selection of sandwiches and soup, hoping that the light meal might be enough to tempt Harry once he woke up. Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Harry jerked almost upright on the bed, his eyes widening in fear and disorientation.

"It's okay, Harry. It's just room service," said Severus as he crossed the room to open the door. A waiter stood outside holding the handle of a small trolley with plates covered beneath silver domes. Severus stood aside so the man could wheel it inside. He gave him a tip and saw him to the door, wondering how Harry was feeling now.

When Severus turned back round, Harry was staring at the trolley laden with food and was glaring hard at Severus, as if he'd been betrayed.

"How can you expect me to eat after what I just told you?" Harry asked, his voice hoarse.

"It's just a light meal, sandwiches and soup," said Severus, lifting one of the domes to reveal two bowls of soup, one chicken, one tomato. There were two soft bread rolls and little plastic packets of butter as well. Severus sat down on the bed next to Harry; Harry fumbled for his glasses on the bedside table but once he'd put them on, he glanced away from Severus.

Severus gently but firmly pulled his head back round. "Look at me, Harry. I know this is hard for you, but if you don't eat, you know what's going to happen, don't you?"

Harry nodded. "They'll lock me away, force-feed me. I can't do that, Severus! I just can't! It's too much like - like - "

"I know, Harry, and believe me I don't want it to come to that either. But if you don't start eating properly we may have no choice. Talk to me, Harry. Tell me what foods you like, you must have a favourite. Everyone has a favourite food."

"Not me." Harry shook his head stubbornly.

"Well, then, what about a food that reminds you of something good? A happy memory?"

Harry's eyes closed as he seemed to sort through his memories to find just that. At long last, his green eyes fluttered open and he smiled a little. "Chocolate gateau. It's what Cedric ordered on our first date."

Severus was a little worried that the memory was one of Cedric – that it would upset Harry even more – but no, he still seemed to be smiling. Another call to room service provided them with two slices of chocolate gateau arranged on one giant plate with a mountain of fresh cream in the middle.

Severus handed Harry one of the pastry forks as he took the other. He noticed that Harry avoided the cream altogether, but he did eat almost all of the slice of cake. Both of them were sitting cross-legged on the bed as they'd eaten the dessert. Harry's lips and the side of his mouth were stained with chocolate and if Harry had been feeling a bit better about things, Severus may even have given in to the urge to lick if off with his tongue.

"This is better," said Harry, sighing and leaning back against the pillows.

"What is? Eating chocolate cake?"

"No, eating with you. Alone, without everyone staring at me. I feel their eyes on me all the time."

Severus thought Harry was being a little bit paranoid there, but he knew that to Harry his fears were all too real and so he didn't want to belittle how Harry was feeling. If eating in their room would make Harry feel better, then he would happily do that for every meal.

"We can order room service again," said Severus. "And I thought that perhaps when we go to the Grand Canyon, we can take our own picnic? Choose things we like?"

"I - I thought we weren't going. Not now."

"Don't you still want to go, Harry?"

"I do," replied Harry softly. "But - but I thought we wouldn't be going. That it would be my punishment for not eating properly."

Dear Merlin, what sort of man did Harry think he was?

"Harry, I will never punish you for that – never. You have a problem; we both do for this affects both of us, especially if we are going to have a baby. But we'll work it out, Harry. Together. I know that same days you will not feel like eating, or you will want to throw up, but it isn't something that you need to be punished for. Do you think doctors punish someone who has a broken arm or leg?"

"No," said Harry. "But that wasn't their fault."

"And you think this is your fault, Harry?"

Harry nodded and Severus wrapped him in his arms; he was getting so used to this, to hugging Harry, wanting to hug Harry, wanting to give him all the comfort Harry had never received growing up.

"I – want to be normal, Severus. I want to get better, I do. I do. It's just so hard sometimes."

"I know, Harry. I know. But we'll get through this and you will kick Voldemort's arse so hard that he'll probably end up on the moon!"

Harry stared at him. "You called him Voldemort."

"Yes, I did, didn't I?"

Harry's spine straightened and he stared deep into Severus' eyes.

"He's not going to hurt anyone else I care about ever again."

Seeing the determined glint in Harry's eye, Severus didn't doubt it for a moment.


A/N: Iucunditas - pleasure, charm.
abnego - to deny.





Part 52

Three days after Harry had told Severus about what the Dursleys and Dudley's gang had done, they were wandering round one of the local supermarkets, to get supplies for their picnic.

Harry had never actually been food shopping before, his aunt would never have allowed him anywhere near the supermarket in case he did something freaky and caused all the neighbours to gossip about them. Petunia had only been too happy talking about the other residents of Privet Drive but she did not want to be on the receiving end, and so, Harry was almost always kept in the house whenever the Dursleys went shopping.

Severus was holding the basket as they trawled through the aisles to pick goodies for their picnic. Harry had no idea what to get; he was bombarded with bright packets, boxes and jars; and he had no idea what some of them contained. The names didn't seem to bear any relation to what the food was. Oreos, Jell-O, and what Harry would have called jam - the jars on the shelf called jelly.

"I don't know what to get," he admitted to Severus, feeling so useless that he couldn't even buy food for a simple picnic. He just had no idea. "You choose." It was the path of least resistance.

Severus gathered a few things off the shelves, seemingly at random or so it seemed to Harry. How did the man know what to pick when confronted with hundreds of items? Was there a skill to shopping, like knitting? Or did he just know what he wanted already before they'd gone into the shop?

"Choose something, Harry. Please," said Severus when their basket was almost full. Harry hoped Severus wasn't expecting him to eat all of that, but he knew he would have to try and eat something. He didn't want to be locked away in St. Mungo's but if he didn't get better it was a likely possibility. Harry picked up a couple of packets of crackers; he'd read in one of the pregnancy books he had that dry crackers helped to combat nausea, and even though he wasn't pregnant yet, he did feel nauseous quite often. Maybe if he interspersed his meals with crackers, he might be able to keep them down more often.

Severus never mentioned again what they'd discussed those few days ago about what his family and Dudley's gang had done to him, but Harry knew the knowledge was there between the two of them now. It didn't bother him; he felt a bit relieved actually that he'd told someone and that Severus was indignant on his behalf and didn't seem to blame him for what had happened. Sometimes Harry blamed himself though; if he hadn't been a wizard, his family might have loved him, might never have abused him. But if he hadn't been a wizard, he would never have met Cedric or Ron and Hermione and he would never have met Severus either. He sighed as he placed the crackers in the basket, feeling more than a little down today.

Severus glanced at the plain crackers, he raised his eyebrow a fraction, but he never said anything. Harry followed him to the cashier and leaned heavily on his cane as he watched Severus pay for their food. He'd already taken his daily dose of pain potion, but his leg was aching again. Maybe he needed a stronger dose?

The shopkeeper packed their purchases in brown paper bags after taking the money and wished them both a "Merry Christmas" as he and Severus left the shop. Glancing at one of the newspapers on the way out, Harry realised it was Christmas Eve and he hadn't got Severus a present yet. He'd already sent Hedwig off with presents for Remus and Sirius; the Weasleys and Hermione; Hagrid and Poppy. The truth was, he wasn't really sure what the man would like as a gift.

"Severus, can I meet you back at the hotel in an hour?" Harry asked once they'd reached the lobby.

"Where are you going?"

"It's a surprise," said Harry.

"All right, but don't go too far," warned Severus and Harry nodded. He was surprised Severus would let him go off on his own at all, but he supposed Las Vegas wasn't where Death Eaters usually hung out.

***

Five minutes before his hour was up, Harry returned to the hotel room laden with a couple of bags of shopping, and Severus looked as if he was trying not to seem too worried. "I'm not late," Harry pointed out calmly as he set his purchases down on the spare bed.

"No," agreed Severus. "I just worry about you all alone in a strange city. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Harry glanced at his shopping bags. "I hope so," he said and couldn't help the blush from spreading over his face and neck.

"I'll just freshen up and then we can Apparate to the Grand Canyon," said Severus, heading off to the bathroom.

All the shops had already gift wrapped Harry's presents, so he had nothing to do but wait for Severus to get ready. He couldn't see the food they'd bought at the supermarket anywhere, he guessed Severus might have shrunk it for their trip. Would the British Ministry know where they were if Severus helped Harry to Apparate? It was either that or go on a Muggle coach trip or plane ride and Harry didn't really feel up to travelling all that way on a bus, or sitting in a tiny plane.

When Severus emerged from the bathroom, Harry had already worked himself into a state and they hadn't even started on their picnic yet. He tried to breathe through it, feeling pins and needles darting through his arms and legs.Severus saw immediately that Harry was in the beginnings of a panic attack and handed him one of the paper bags their groceries had come in. Harry breathed slowly in and out, coming back to himself gradually; the tingles fading from his limbs, his mind feeling a bit clearer.

"Thanks," said Harry, setting the bag aside.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Harry. Ready to go?"

"Almost, just need the bathroom," said Harry and he hoped he was imagining the disappointed look on Severus' face. He did only need to use the loo, but was Severus always going to wonder if he was only going to throw up? Harry didn't want to disappoint him; he wanted Severus to be proud of him. He didn't want the man to regret marrying him.

Necessities taken care off, Harry came back out and reached out to take Severus' hand; Severus seemed pleased at the gesture and the smile he gifted Harry with made Harry’s heart soar. Severus looked a lot less like the Potions master and more like a man in love when he smiled. "Ready, Harry?"

Harry nodded as Severus wrapped him in his arms so that nearly every part of them was touching. After a small 'pop' Harry felt himself being squeezed through a very narrow tunnel and when he next opened his eyes; he was about five feet from the edge of a giant chasm. "Wow!" exclaimed Harry, but took a few steps backwards just in case he lost his balance.

"It's so big! I never expected it to be this size!"

"Well, it is called the Grand Canyon," Severus said, smiling indulgently.

Harry just gazed about himself in awe.

A river had done this? Carved this giant route through solid rock? The river itself was just a very tiny ribbon of blue far below them. Small tufty plants dotted each side of the canyon and some of it was dusted with snow, sparkling a little in the December sunshine. Harry shivered; despite the sunshine it was a bit on the cold side. Severus wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist again and the two of them stood there in silence, just feeling at one with each other and the nature that surrounded them.

"It's so beautiful," breathed Harry. "And so peaceful. I could stay here all day."

"A great place for a picnic," said Severus, fumbling in his pocket and removing the shrunken groceries. He conjured a red and black chequered blanket along with a pile of fluffy cushions, glasses and plates. Harry felt cold now that Severus was no longer holding him and he didn't really feel like eating any of that food. Severus helped him sit down; Harry winced in pain, his leg was getting worse.

"Harry, did you take your potion today?"

"Yes, but I think I might have overdone the walking a bit when I went shopping earlier. I'm okay, really."

Severus didn't look entirely convinced; but he just nodded and started laying out the picnic food and drink. Harry chose a chicken sandwich, hoping it would be something bland that he could actually keep down, but he was soon to discover that American sandwiches weren't just chicken. Oh, no, there was lettuce and tomatoes, gherkins and other pickles and some strange sauce that burned his throat. He took a bite and had to gulp down a drink of water to get the taste away. Severus looked pointedly at the sandwich; he didn't speak but this silent condemnation was almost worse.

"I can't," said Harry miserably.

"Harry," Severus warned.

"Something plain, I don't like the sauce that was in that."

"You don't like mustard?" queried Severus. Is that what it was? Harry had heard of mustard, but he didn't think he'd ever tasted it before; and wouldn't be tasting it again any time soon if he could help it. In the end he managed to eat a cheese sandwich; after Severus had scraped all the extras off onto an empty plate; shared a packet of corn chips with Severus and even managed to down a few strawberries; and in between he ate some crackers too. It wasn't a lot, it was true, but he was managing to keep it down and Severus was beaming at him.

"I'm so proud of you, Harry. You've done really well today."

"I have?" he almost felt like purring at the praise.

Severus scooted closer to him on the blanket. "Yes, you have. I think you deserve a reward for that."

"A reward? And what might that be?"

"Oh, I'm sure we can think of something," grinned Severus as he leaned down and claimed Harry's mouth in a heated kiss. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck as he let the man plunder his mouth. A few moments later, Severus was pushing him down onto the blanket and cushions amid the ruin of their picnic and Harry gasped into the mouth above him. Severus was lying on top of him; chest to chest, thigh to thigh, groin to groin and what with those kisses that still hadn't stopped, Harry was already growing hard against the man above him.

Severus' tongue pressed insistently against Harry's lips and he opened his mouth to admit it, tangling it with his own as he listened to the sounds of distant birds and their own heavy breathing. Harry's hands wandered along Severus' back, caressing and stroking as Severus just kissed and kissed him. It was so difficult to keep his hips still, Harry so much wanted to thrust up against that delicious pressure; his cock was throbbing with need between his legs. Would Severus’ kisses always do this to him? Make him almost mad with want like this?

All the blood in his body seemed to have pooled in his groin and thighs and Harry groaned into Severus' mouth. Severus made as if to pull away, but Harry grabbed his head and pressed it against his lips once more. Oh, he could never get enough of these kisses. Harry kissed the man frantically, his hips bucking without his conscious volition; God, he felt so hard, so desperate and he tried to get as close to Severus as it was as possible to get. The warm weight on top of him, Severus' kisses, that tongue in his mouth, all were adding up to bliss. Harry felt as if he was falling, but how could that be when he was already lying down?

He suckled Severus' tongue, hard. His whole body tightened and then he felt it, that delicious ache low down in his sac and belly. He snapped his hips upwards as the release tore through him; soaking his jeans and underwear as he shot pulse after pulse, still sucking madly on Severus' tongue as the climax faded. Once Harry's shudders had subsided, Severus gently pulled away from their kissing and glanced down at him.

"Are you all right, Harry?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," said Harry. "I - I couldn't help it." God, it was mortifying to be sixteen and a slave to your hormones. He should have controlled himself better, but once they'd started it had felt too good to stop. Harry flushed again, this time from embarrassment rather than arousal. Severus must think he was such a child, coming in his clothes like that.

"You've nothing to be sorry about, Harry," said Severus, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm glad you can enjoy pleasure with me."

"Me too," said Harry. He could still feel Severus' erection pressing against him; he reached out a tentative hand to touch it. Severus hissed and closed his eyes in pleasure, so Harry did it again, watching the man's face and loving every second of it. He could give pleasure too. Remembering his own sticky clothes, Harry began unbuttoning Severus' trousers. His husband's eyes snapped open and he moaned, "Harry!" but he didn't tell Harry to stop.

Severus was bigger than Harry there, but the weight felt good in his hands. Harry tried to stroke him in the same way that felt pleasurable to Harry, but maybe that wasn't as good for Severus. "Harder, Harry!" he begged. "Squeeze it hard. Oh – oh, just like that! Yes, Merlin yes!"

Once Harry got into a rhythm, it didn't take long for Severus to come, spurting over Harry's hands as Harry tried to catch every pearly drop, but some dribbled down onto the blanket. Severus was trembling when he leaned over to kiss Harry soundly again. "Thank you, Harry," said Severus.

Harry was glad the man hadn't said anything about how Harry didn't have to do anything to reciprocate; for the truth was that Harry had wanted to do it. He enjoyed giving Severus physical pleasure, and hoped they'd be able to do it again. Maybe with both of them naked on that large bed back at the hotel, rubbing against each other until they both spurted over their bellies and chest. Harry stifled a moan at the image in his head. Was he turning into some sort of sex-maniac?

He knew that soon they needed to become even more intimate to fulfil that prophecy. Harry wasn't dreading it at all now. He was looking forward to conceiving their child.

He snuggled closer to Severus and kissed him softly, hoping it would be soon.




Part 53

Ever since the picnic and the talk about what horrible things the Dursleys and those boys had done, it was as if Harry had suddenly let go of an enormous weight. He was becoming more and more tactile, seeming to touch Severus whenever the chance arose; holding hands, kissing him on the cheek and more than once Severus woke up to find Harry's hand wrapped around his cock as Harry stroked him to orgasm. Harry seemed fascinated with seeing Severus come, watching avidly as Severus spilled himself over Harry's hands before he was even properly awake.

Harry's face would be flushed, a red blush creeping along his neck and Severus supposed along his chest beneath the t-shirt Harry still wore to bed. They hadn't yet been naked together, but they'd touched and stroked, kissed and fondled each other to orgasm countless times and by the time their last day in Las Vegas rolled around, Severus had no doubts that Harry would be able to cope with more intimacy soon.

Harry had been eating small portions of the room service food; he seemed to enjoy food much more if Severus was feeding it to him, but having Harry's lips wrapped around Severus' fingers as he tasted the morsels kept giving Severus ideas: how it would feel to wrap his lips around Harry's cock, to make Harry the one crying out in abandon. It would be so easy just to dive beneath the bedcovers and do it, but Severus wanted to be on his knees. He wanted to worship Harry; but how could he do it without hurting Harry's leg?

Unusually, on their last morning, Harry was still sound asleep and hogging all of the blankets. Severus smiled, he wasn't cold, but it amused him no end how often the quilt seemed to migrate towards Harry's side of the bed, with lots of help from Harry's hands. Used to its morning routine now, Severus' cock was standing to attention and tenting the bedclothes. He moved closer to Harry and began kissing his neck, delighted when Harry made a low moan in the back of his throat.

"Sev'rus?" Harry mumbled thickly, glancing round with sleepy green eyes. His hair was an absolute mess this morning, as if he'd just been plugged into one of the Muggle electrical sockets, and Severus trailed a hand through it. Not to tidy it – he knew how futile that was – but just to feel it under his fingertips as Harry hissed and closed his eyes in pleasure.

Severus' hands skimmed up underneath Harry's t-shirt as he began nibbling on Harry's ear; caressing his husband's chest until he reached Harry's nipples. Harry bucked under Severus' hands, almost screaming. Severus didn't even need to touch Harry's cock to know that the boy was hard as a result of his attention; he guessed it from the writhing and the noises Harry was making.

"Harry," he whispered close to his ear, feeling Harry shudder against him. "Would you like us to shower together?"

Severus thought it was a good way to get them naked together without Harry feeling that certain things were expected of him. Harry enjoyed touching, would he enjoy it even more if they were naked?

"Yes," Harry's answer was a breathy moan; he turned round and claimed Severus' lips in a passionate kiss. Severus kissed back as hard as he was able, putting into the kiss everything he felt for Harry. The love; the desire; the care; the want; the need – and if they didn't get to the shower soon, both of them were going to end up in a sticky mess in the bed. Severus pulled away reluctantly.

"See you in there, then," Severus said, sliding out of bed and making his way to the bathroom on shaky legs. Once there, he conjured a stool for the shower, so that Harry could sit down if his leg got tired. Then he turned on the water before adding an anti-scald charm with his wand; Muggle hotel showers could be very temperamental.

Just as he was removing his nightshirt over his head, he heard Harry's footsteps and the click of the cane as his husband came into the room. Severus tossed his nightwear aside and smiled at Harry. Harry was grinning from ear to ear and that was another thing Severus had noticed; how often Harry was found to be smiling now. Oh, he still had his bad days, Severus knew that; he'd heard Harry being sick a couple of times, but not nearly as much as he had expected. It seemed that Harry was determined to get better and Severus couldn't have been more proud of him if he'd scored an Outstanding on a Potions test.

"I think I'm a bit overdressed, Severus," said Harry with a grin and a wicked lick of his lips. Harry let his cane fall to the floor and wobbled a little as he held his arms up over his head. "Do you think you could undress me?"

Severus wasted no time in stalking over to his husband and tugging the t-shirt over Harry's head, then throwing it to the floor. He'd seen Harry's chest before, when he'd put salve on after that Potions accident which seemed a lifetime ago now. The scars were still there, and Harry's eyes closed as he saw Severus looking at them; Harry was still self-conscious about them. Severus knelt down and then leaned forward, kissing each one he could reach, hoping to show Harry that he loved him; he loved all of him, scars and all. Harry gasped and his eyes flew open, staring down at Severus' head. "Thank you," whispered Harry.

Severus continued kissing his way down Harry's chest, hairless except for a small dark trail leading from Harry's bellybutton and dipping beneath his boxer shorts. His erection was straining at the fabric, a small damp patch at the tip. Severus pulled the underwear down; Harry moved to step out of them and almost fell, but Severus was there to catch him. He scooped Harry up in his arms and brought him over to the shower, settling Harry on the stool. Neither of them pretended they were interested in getting washed first; both of them were already panting with need.

Severus knelt down in front of Harry's stool and placed his hands on either side of Harry's hips; Harry's cock was sticking up almost vertically from the nest of dark curls at his groin, wet both from the trickles of shower water and from precome. "I want to taste you," said Severus hoarsely.

Harry nodded, he seemed beyond speech, but he guided Severus' head down to his lap and kept his arms wrapped around Severus' head, tangling in his hair. As soon as Severus settled his lips over Harry's groin, he arched his hips and let out a surprised cry. "OH! Oh, Severus!" Harry moaned. Severus looked up, Harry's eyes were closed, inky eyelashes dusting his cheeks; both cheeks flushed and a pink flush around his neck and chest. Severus set to his task, sucking and licking, feeling Harry's cock harden in his mouth. So soon? He smiled around it and began sucking harder, willing Harry to come; wanting Harry to come. He wanted to feel his husband's seed on his tongue.

Severus wasn't disappointed. A few more licks and Harry was there, shouting wordlessly, bucking almost completely off the stool and yanking on Severus' hair as he stiffened and came, pouring that sweet taste into Severus' waiting mouth. Severus swallowed every delicious drop, sucking and licking until Harry softened in his mouth. He let Harry's cock go, but kissed the tip and glanced up at Harry, who was still trembling with aftershocks.

"Oh, God! Wow!" beamed Harry. "That was - I can't even describe it. No one's ever done that before," Harry admitted with a small blush and Severus nodded in understanding, no wonder Harry had come so quickly. But that must mean that he and Cedric had never done this either? Severus found himself more and more curious as to what the two of them had done together, but he didn't really want to ask in case it upset Harry.

"Not to worry, Harry," said Severus with a wicked grin. "The more you practice, the more stamina you'll have."

Harry squawked as Severus bent down to take Harry's cock in his mouth once again.

***

Valentine's Day that year was a Monday and Mondays were Harry's check-up days with Poppy, where he was weighed and poked and prodded and anything else Poppy thought was necessary. Severus was in a foul mood, worried about how Harry's check-up was going, not to mention the lovely little tea he'd just had with Dumbledore before his first class. Basically it amounted to: Have you seduced the boy yet? Dumbledore's only thoughts seemed to be how quickly Harry could defeat Voldemort, not how Harry was feeling about the whole thing. Both Severus and Harry's rings were under a concealment charm and Severus hoped they could keep their marriage a secret for some time yet.

He gave detentions with Argus Filch to the first years, and some of them looked even more terrified at that prospect than they were of having detention with him. The second years got a pop quiz which he marked in front of them and failed everyone. The third years had heard he was in a bad mood and tip-toed in as quietly as possible and even managed to brew a couple of decent potions before Andrew Thomson's cauldron exploded amid clouds of green steam.

"You're not related to the Longbottoms by any chance?" Severus had asked in despair. Each year had its own Longbottom and some had two or three. He chased them all out after setting them a twelve foot essay, taking points and then settled down on his chair before heading back to his quarters for lunch with Harry. Harry was still a bit off about eating in front of other people, so they both had lunch together every day; with Harry going to the Great Hall for breakfast and dinner. At those two meals, Harry seemed to eat as little as he could get away with, so Severus was even more determined that Harry should eat a good lunch.

Harry was already there, clutching a piece of parchment in his fist.

"Harry?" asked Severus, unable to fathom the look on Harry's face. He sat down beside Harry on the sofa; Harry handed him the scroll. Severus unrolled it and glanced at the contents inside. It was a medical report: Harry's medical report. Severus stared at the columns and the results next to them. Heart, lungs, kidney, liver, respiratory, all read normal and then he got to the final column. Weight.

Patient's weight is within the normal range for height.

Normal. Oh, Merlin, normal. It was still on the low end of the scale, but it was within normal range. Harry's weight was back up, he was getting better. He was getting better.

"Severus, do you know what this means?" asked Harry, smiling shyly.

"You're getting better?"

"More than that, Severus. It means I'm well enough to have a baby."




Part 54

It was History of Magic after lunch; Harry sat down with Ron on one side of him and Hermione on the other. He just couldn’t keep the enormous grin off his face and Hermione kept whispering to him. "Harry? What's got into you?"

He couldn't tell them; he couldn't tell anyone, but he wanted to. Harry wanted to climb to the top of the Astronomy Tower and shout it to the world. He was well enough to have a baby, Severus' baby, and he grinned again. Hermione must have thought he was turning a bit loopy. After Professor Binns had given them a two foot essay for homework on the Goblin Rebellions again, (Harry was almost sure they were going round and round the same subjects on some sort of loop), she waylaid Harry outside the classroom door and asked if he was feeling all right and did he need to go and see Madam Pomfrey? Harry just smiled back and made his way to Potions.

He sat down; arranged his books and quills and tried not to stare at Severus who had his back to the class, writing instructions on the blackboard. It had been a while since Harry had actually seen the man write his instructions in chalk, rather than just magic them there with his wand. Harry couldn't help staring at his fingers clutching the chalk and remembering how those same hands had clutched at Harry's cock last night. Harry knocked his quill deliberately off the desk and knelt down to retrieve it, hoping the action would be enough to disguise his blush.

They could do more now than just touch and stroke; kiss and caress, and Harry tried to will his erection away by sheer force of will. There was no telling what might happen if people started realising that sitting in Severus' class made him get hard. Think of something – anything else rather than the man at the front of the room. Cabbage. Cabbage. Carrots. No, not carrots, dear God do not think of that man eating carrots, his lips wrapped around... No! Harry shook his head. He straightened up suddenly and banged his head on the underside of the desk; he groaned in pain and his erection faded as if it had never been.

When Harry resumed his stool again, Severus had turned around and was glowering at the room in general.

"Well?" he snapped. "What are you waiting for? The ingredients are in the store cupboard and the instructions are on the blackboard or do we need to send the lot of you for remedial reading classes?"

Don't smile! Don't smile! Don't smile! Harry warned himself, but it didn't work. His face broke out into what he felt was his broadest grin yet; he just couldn't help it as he smiled at his husband. Severus seemed a little taken aback and swooped down towards Harry's desk, his robes billowing out behind him like great black wings.

"Is something amusing you, Potter?" barked Snape as the few Slytherins left at Hogwarts burst into giggles. "You think this class is funny, do you?"

"No, sir," Harry was still smiling; it was as if he couldn't stop and it seemed that Severus had never had to put up with one of his students smiling at him before.

"Five points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Potter," said Severus as he stalked back to the front of the classroom and sat down with an audible thud. The other Gryffindors looked askance at Harry, but he didn't care one whit about points. There were more important things in life than winning the House Cup, or being good at Quidditch.

"Did you get hit by a Cheering Charm or something?" hissed Hermione as she gathered her ingredients around her in a semi-circle on the work table. Harry shook his head; he didn't mean to worry his friends but was it such a shock to them that he was smiling and happy for a change? That's what that strange bubbly feeling in his chest was, he realised. He was happy. He was happy.

The bell rang to signal the end of class and the students began putting their things away. Harry didn't think his burn salve was as good as Hermione's, but he thought he'd scraped a pass at least this time. "Potter, stay behind," Severus snarled as the rest of the class hurried out. Harry tried to make his face a blank mask, but it was difficult, he wanted to smile at his husband; wrap his arms around him; cuddle up in his lap; snog him senseless, and the rest of the school could just go and sod off. It was only the thought of Severus getting into trouble that stopped him making a spectacle of himself.

Once the last pupil had left, Severus locked and warded the door, casting silencing charms on the walls and doors for good measure.

Severus was looking rather stern and Harry felt his heart stutter against his ribs. Was Severus angry with him?

"Harry, you're being a little careless around me," he said with sigh. "Those smiles; people will get suspicious."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you angry. I just couldn't help it. I just feel so happy that we can have a baby now."

"I'm not angry, Harry. I'm happy about it too, but we need to be a little more circumspect, especially in class."

"Oh. Okay," said Harry, feeling tears prickle at the back of his throat. He swallowed, trying desperately not to cry. He was happy, why did he feel like he was going to burst into tears?

"Harry? What's wrong?" asked Severus, coming out from his desk and wrapping Harry in his arms.

"I - I don't know!" Harry sobbed against his husband's chest, one hand clutching at the fabric of Severus' robes, the other clutching his cane. He was a little wobbly on his feet with the force of his sobs. Severus stroked Harry's back and when Harry finished crying, he tilted Harry's face up and kissed him gently on the mouth. Severus had never kissed Harry while they were in school before, citing that there they were still student and teacher and blurring the lines was a bad idea. It didn't feel like a bad idea to Harry then. He could quite happily have stayed kissing Severus for the rest of the day. That, however, wasn't an option. Not if they were to keep their relationship secret.

"I have to get to Herbology," said Harry as Severus pulled away from the kiss. "Poppy wants us to see her tonight, after dinner."

"Is anything wrong, Harry?"

"No, I don't think so. She just wants to give me another physical to make sure everything's all right for us to have the baby and talk to us about it, I suppose."

Severus' hands stroked Harry's cheeks free from tears, but Harry's vision was still a little blurry. He stared at the man's hands as they dropped to his sides. Harry loved Severus' hands; loved the way they could give him comfort and pleasure both. Loved they way they made him feel – safe and protected. The knowledge hit him like a bludger and he gasped as if he'd really taken one to the midriff. He didn't just love the man's hands – he loved the man. He loved Severus.

Harry looked up and smiled, before standing on tip-toe to whisper in the man's ear. "I love you, Severus."

His only reply was a shocked kiss from the man towering above him.


***

Harry sat on the edge of the infirmary bed later that evening, the hospital gown reaching almost to his knees. Ron and Hermione had been keen to wonder where he wanted to rush off to so soon after dinner; but he couldn't very well tell them the truth, that it was to be his final physical examination before Poppy gave him and Severus the go-ahead, that he could indeed get pregnant now. He could almost imagine the looks on their faces at that conversation. Ron would probably faint and Hermione would probably want to know all the details of how exactly a wizard could get pregnant.

Severus held his hand and squeezed it tightly as they waited for Poppy to return with the results. Harry was a little embarrassed that Poppy had to examine all of him, to make sure that everything was all right; that it wouldn't harm Harry's body in any way to become pregnant. Poppy, however, was totally professional about it and the exam didn't seem to take too long either. Harry was glad Severus was here with him.

The only sounds were the noise of their breathing and the tick of the Muggle watch Harry had given Severus for Christmas; both their rings had concealment charms, but it was nice to see Severus wearing the watch in public, even if he couldn't say who it was from. As well as telling the time, the watch also followed astronomical events such as the phases of the moon and planetary movements. The only time Harry saw Severus take it off was when he had a wash; Severus even wore the watch to bed.

Poppy came out of her office, her face beaming.

"This is wonderful, just wonderful!" she said, a few tears making their way down her cheek. "Harry, everything is fine. You can get pregnant whenever you want."

"Is there anything we need to do?" asked Harry as Poppy and Severus both burst out laughing. "I don't mean that!" Harry hastily amended. "I mean, like take vitamins and things?"

"Yes, keep taking your vitamin potions, Harry and I'll prescribe you some folic acid as well. If you've been using contraceptive spells, they can come off now too. And a fertility potion wouldn't go amiss either." She glanced pointedly at Severus. Fertility potion? Did that mean Harry couldn't get pregnant on his own after all?

"We haven't," said Harry. "We haven't been using contraceptive spells, I mean."

"What?" spluttered Poppy. "Harry, if you'd become pregnant when your body wasn't ready for it ... that was very irresponsible of you. Both of you," she glared at Severus.

"Poppy, the reason we haven't been using contraceptive spells is that we haven't needed them. Not yet. Harry is still a virgin."

"Oh. Oh my. I just assumed that now you were married ... well no matter, you can start whenever you're ready."

Harry blushed to the roots of his hair; it felt so weird to be talking about this. He just wanted to get back to their rooms and cuddle up with Severus, only now they could do more than cuddle if they wanted to. The smile was back and this time, Severus returned it.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Severus," grinned Harry.




Part 55

Severus suggested that Harry should go to Gryffindor Tower after their meeting with Poppy, saying that Harry needed to spend more time with his friends. To say that Harry was a bit confused was the understatement of the century; especially considering what they'd just been discussing with Poppy. “But, Severus,” began Harry once Poppy had returned to her office for something, “don't you want to–”

“Harry, you are a virgin, do you remember me telling you about how a wizard gains their full power?”

“Yes,” Harry was beyond blushing now, but he still remembered that uncomfortable conversation back before they were lovers, before they were married. “A wizard only comes into his full power once he's lost his virginity.”

“True, but I may have left out a few things, considering your age at the time.”

“I'll be seventeen in a few months, Severus, and we're married, do you really think I can't handle a bit of knowledge?”

Severus sat down beside Harry on the hospital bed and traced the back of Harry's left hand with his right. Harry pulled his own hand away, feeling more than a little miffed that Severus had thought it necessary to keep certain things from him. “I thought you'd never lied to me,” said Harry. “Out of everyone, I always thought you'd told me the truth, even if it wasn't a nice truth.”

“I didn't lie, Harry, at least not deliberately. But you were so young, and some truths are not for childrens’ ears.”

“I'm hardly a child, Severus!” snapped Harry.

“I know, I should have told you sooner. Unless it's forced – rape – there is a ritual involved in divesting a wizard of his virtue. It is a very painful ritual that takes two days to complete and there is no way either of us is prepared for it tonight. We both must come to the ritual pure, after fasting for a day beforehand, then taking a cleansing bath and potion. And one of the most important requirements is that we should have had no ejaculation for at least four days before we start. So that means no touching, no stroking, no getting off until Saturday, which is when we can start the ritual. I thought it would be easier on both of us if you spent the next few nights in Gryffindor Tower, it would help us both stay away from temptation.”

Harry thought now was probably not the best time to mention that thoughts of Severus were enough to tempt him by themselves. “Um, so I guess wanking is out as well, then?”

“You guess correctly.”

“So how painful is it?” asked Harry. He was more than a little worried.

“It's very painful,” said Severus. “It's the reason why you should pick your first sexual partner very carefully. They need to be there to help you through the transition as your body is bombarded with more power than you ever thought it was possible to hold. It takes between five to ten hours, depending on the wizard. No spells or potions can be cast to help you through the pain as it might interfere with the acceptance of your power. It will be agonising, Harry, so I've heard. I never received my full power, but I've heard others describe the first time their body accepted all that magic. None of the stories were pleasant.”

Oh, God. Harry swallowed, feeling a little sick. He'd heard that a first time was painful – who hadn't? But this… he'd been thinking more along the lines of a burning, and stretching, not the more literal pain Severus seemed to be describing. “Is it like the Cruciatus?”

“Worse, allegedly. The pain isn’t constant; it comes and goes for the time it takes for your body to settle down again with your magic. You will however need to have someone there to look after you while it’s happening. Some people have gone mad when their lovers deserted them after they’d made love. You won’t be going through this alone, Harry. I’ll be right there with you.”

Five to ten hours of pain that rivalled the Cruciatus curse? Suddenly a few days in his old dorm seemed an appealing prospect.

“Harry, if you'd rather wait longer, we can. There is no rush.”

No rush? If only it were that simple. This wasn't just a case of a wizard losing his virginity, this was him, Harry Bloody Potter, Cherished Child, Defeater of Voldemort (he hoped) and they didn't have time to waste. What were a couple of hours of pain when compared to the fact that he might get rid of the Dark Lord once and for all? It was best to get it over with, acquire his full power, get pregnant as soon as possible and then go after that snake-faced bastard.

“Saturday will be fine, Severus,” said Harry, hoping his voice didn't shake too much. “It’s just the first time that will hurt, isn’t it? I won’t be in pain every time we make love, will I?”

“No, Harry. Just when you lose your virginity. Do you see now why it is so important that wizards wait? That they don’t just rush into sex when they are younger? It’s easier when the body is more mature.”

“The pain – it won’t affect whether I can have a baby or not, will it?”

“It shouldn’t, but since you’re the only male wizard in the world who can get pregnant, we can’t really be sure. Harry, please don’t worry about this. Millions of wizards have made love.” Severus leaned over and kissed him. “Now, it’s time you went to Gryffindor Tower and I’ll see you on Saturday.”

***

Harry was more than a little despondent as he made his way back to Gryffindor Tower. It had been a while since he’d slept in the dormitory; at first he’d had his own room in the dungeons, but now he’d shared a bed with Severus ever since they’d been married. He’d miss him, miss cuddling up to him, kissing him, stroking him … no, don’t think of that. They had to remain pure until Saturday when Severus would finally take him and Harry would be in (not constant) pain for five to ten hours. Worried? No, why on earth would he be worried about a little thing like that?

Harry leaned on his cane, staring at the portrait of the Fat Lady, realizing that he didn’t know the password – it had been over a month since he’d even set foot inside the Gryffindor common room. He tried a few words at random; the portrait tugged on her pink bodice and stuck her nose in the air, refusing to let him in.

“Harry! What are you doing here?” exclaimed Hermione behind him. Harry turned to see Ron a few steps behind her, grinning madly at him.

“Great to see you mate,” said Ron and sidling close to his ear. “Did Snape chuck you out?”

What? Ron couldn’t know, could he? They knew Severus was his guardian, but surely they didn’t suspect anything else, did they?

“For a few days,” said Harry. “He’s – um he’s – um,” but Harry couldn’t think of a single thing to say that wasn’t an outright lie. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea after all. How was he going to talk to them without lying?

“It’s okay, Harry,” said Hermione with a sympathetic click of her tongue. “People get in funny moods all the time. The argument will blow over before you know it. I suppose you were arguing about losing those points in Potions earlier?”

Harry made a sort of non-committal grunt which Hermione seemed to accept as agreement.

“Salamander fire,” said Hermione and the portrait swung open to admit them. Harry climbed the stairs, feeling the first stirrings of a panic attack beneath his breastbone. When they finally entered the common room, all noise ceased and everyone was gaping at him, mouths were opening and closing but no sounds emerged. Harry thought he might faint until George came over and wrapped him up in a hug. “Harry! Long time no see, mate. Oi, what are you lot staring at?” George grinned and led Harry over to a corner where Fred and Neville were having a game of wizards’ chess. Neville smiled at him.

“Hi, Harry. How are you?” asked Neville as he moved his knight.

“Fine, Neville, thanks,” said Harry, sitting down on the sofa next to George; Ron and Hermione each taking a squishy armchair and gazing longingly at each other over the small space that separated them.

The noise had gone back up to its normal level, people were discussing their Valentine’s cards, or lack of them. Some were talking about how Quidditch was going, and casting a few angry glances in Harry’s direction. Harry’s hand tightened on his cane. Was it his fault that his uncle had damaged his leg so much that he could no longer ride a broom? Did they think he didn’t want to fly? That he’d just abandoned the team?

“I – I think I’ll go to bed,” said Harry, feeling miserable. It was a mistake to come here. He felt lost – that everyone else had grown apart from him, or that he’d grown apart from them. The thoughts in Harry’s mind weren’t as innocent as who’d sent who a Valentine’s card or who was going to win the House Cup. Harry had to worry about when he was going to murder the Dark Lord. There was a chasm between him and the rest of them and it was a lot bigger than the Grand Canyon.

“It’s barely nine o’clock!” protested Ron, but Harry just wasn’t in the mood to sit here and be stared at; or be talked about behind giggling people’s hands. Harry made his way up the dormitory stairs, feeling light-headed. Had he eaten enough today? He couldn’t actually remember what he’d eaten.

The dorm room was much as he remembered it, except for his old bed. The bed itself was still there, but it had been stripped of hangings, pillows, sheets, and even the mattress was gone. It was more like a skeleton of a bed and Harry sat down on the slatted boards of the base, dropping his head into his hands.

He glanced up when someone knocked on the door; Fred and George were smiling round the doorframe. “Can we come in, Harry?”

“Sure,” Harry said. The twins came in and sat down, one either side of Harry.

“Harry, we just wanted to say thank you again for lending us that money to start the joke shop. The mail order is really taking off…” said Fred.

“…And promise not to tell anyone yet, it’s still in the early stages…” said George.

“…But we’re hoping to get premises in Diagon Alley, and start our own shop. Mum’ll probably be furious, but we were never really the academic type, were we, George?”

“No,” said George, smiling a little. “And it’s all down to you, Harry.”

“Will your Mum be angry with me for giving you that money?”

“Angry? With our little Harry? I don’t think so. You’re like our adopted brother or something. It would almost have been legal, but Madam Bones turned down Mum and Dad’s application for guardianship.”

“What? They wanted to look after me?” Harry hadn’t known that and he felt a bubble of happiness expanding like a balloon inside his chest. The Weasleys had wanted him to be part of their family.

“Didn’t you know, Harry? I thought for sure Ron would have told you, but he was a bit disappointed that you weren’t going to become his brother after all, so maybe he didn’t want to bring it up. Of course they wanted to look after you!” said George. “What did you think you were, an ogre or something? Of course people wanted to look after you!”

Harry thought of Ron, disappointed that Harry hadn’t been made his brother. He stood up and leaned on his cane.

“Maybe I’m not tired after all,” smiled Harry; he was determined to make Ron see that they were still friends. “Perhaps Ron would like a game of Exploding Snap?”

“That’s the spirit, Harry!” grinned Fred as he and George wrapped Harry in another hug as he stood up.

TBC

Chapter 12: Everything's Not Lost
Part 56

On Saturday morning Severus dried himself briskly with a towel; swaying a little as dizziness assailed him. He'd fasted, taken his ritual bath and potion as required; now all he had to do was wait for Harry. As soon as Harry had bathed and taken the cleansing potion (Severus had no doubt that Harry would have fasted; fasting would not be a problem for him), he and Harry would sit down to a ritual meal together, as energy would be required for what they would be doing later. The only stipulation was that the food had to be able to be eaten by hand and they would have to feed it to each other.

This part of the ritual was what concerned Severus. Would Harry be able to accept food from his hands? Considering all the times he’d had food forced upon him, Severus was afraid that Harry would balk and they would have to go through the ritual again later when he was more accepting. Severus' cock filled with blood as he towelled himself off, but he refused to give it any more attention, an orgasm now after the purification rituals could be disastrous. Severus had to be inside Harry the next time he came, the ritual required it if Harry was to receive his full power.

Once his body was dry, Severus tied his damp hair back with a ribbon and dressed in a pair of dark green trousers and a cream shirt before heading to the small kitchen in their dungeon quarters. Severus pulled down a couple of plates from the cupboard and began preparing the food for the ritual. Soon he was chopping and dicing away as if he was preparing Potions ingredients, whistling softly to himself all the while, so he didn't hear the outer door opening and he was startled by the sound of a soft cough beside him.

Severus whirled around. "Harry! I wasn't expecting you yet."

"Oh. Shall I come back later, then?" asked Harry, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"No, no, this is fine." Neither of them had discussed a time and Harry was looking worriedly at the food; Severus hadn't discussed that part with Harry either. Harry looked away and closed his eyes, breathing shallowly.

"You didn't tell me there would be food," accused Harry, still with his eyes closed. Severus put down his knife and after washing his hands walked over to stand next to Harry and tilted his husband's chin up to face him. Harry's eyes fluttered open, deep pools of emerald that Severus so wanted to drown in..

"It's part of the ritual, Harry. We have to feed each other some food before we start; it's because we fasted the day before the purification; we'll need some energy for what we'll be doing later. It doesn't have to be a lot, do you think you can eat a little bit from my hands?"

Harry nodded, but Severus wasn't fooled. He knew how hard this was going to be on Harry, it wasn't something you just got over in one day. Harry was still struggling, but maybe with a baby to look forward to, it would help him recover at least for a while. Severus had no illusions that Harry might never recover permanently; he would probably always have some problems with food, but hopefully he could help Harry control it.

Harry leaned into Severus' touch on his chin; it was no good, Severus had to bend down for a kiss. Harry's mouth opened under his like the petals of a flower seeking the sun. One of them moaned, he wasn't sure who, but it hardly mattered as they kissed and kissed. Severus could feel Harry's erection pressing against his leg; the forced abstinence for the past few days would ensure that they both came during the ritual. Despite there being pain for Harry afterwards as his body accepted his full magic, there was no reason for Harry not to enjoy everything beforehand. Severus intended to make sure that during the act itself, Harry suffered no discomfort.

Severus pulled away reluctantly from their kiss and handed one of the plates to Harry. "Shall we take these into the bedroom?"

***

They sat cross-legged on the bed, still fully dressed as they fed each other strawberries, slices of melon and little bite sized blocks of chocolate. Harry was a bit worried that he wouldn't be able to eat anything or keep anything down; the cleansing potion had made him feel a bit nauseous, but he did feel a bit better once he'd eaten something.

Harry set his plate on the bedside cabinet. "I can't eat any more, Severus." His stomach was tying itself in knots, he was feeling so nervous about this and he knew if he continued trying to eat he would end up throwing up and he didn't want to, not today.

Severus set the other plate down as well – the one he'd been feeding Harry from – and leant over for a soft kiss. Harry tensed when he felt Severus' hands fumbling at the buttons on his shirt. Harry's left leg was aching from being in the one position for so long and he moved out of the kiss.

Severus pulled back and stared at him.

"Harry? Are you okay?"

"Just a bit nervous, I suppose," Harry admitted, looking anywhere but at Severus. Why was this so difficult? They'd done plenty of other things before and Harry suddenly wished there was some way for him to get pregnant without actually doing this. He wasn't just nervous, he realised, he was scared and he didn't want to be scared. Not with Severus, not with the man he loved.

"Harry, talk to me," urged Severus, cupping Harry's face in his hands and tugging it up so that Harry was facing his husband’s eyes.

"I - I - I'm frightened, all right?" said Harry, feeling the corners of his eyes itch as he tried to hold back the tears. "I'm scared how much it's going to hurt and you're so big and I don't think it's ever going to fit inside me!" He said everything in a rush, choking the last few words on a sob and shifted closer to Severus so that he could lean his head on Severus' chest.

Severus stroked his hair. "Oh, Harry. Sometimes it does hurt a little the first time, I'm not denying that. But we won't just suddenly do that straightaway. We've got plenty of time, there is no rush and I'll make sure you enjoy everything we do today. You'll stretch and the lubricant I've made also has a muscle relaxant so it shouldn't hurt too much for you. Do you think I want to see you hurt, Harry?"

"No. I'm just being silly, aren't I?"

Severus kissed the top of Harry's head. "No, Harry. It's not silly to have fears and doubts, it's only human nature. I'll try and make sure this is as pleasurable as possible for you. You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course I do! And - and the pain when I get my power? What about that?"

"That doesn't happen during the sex, Harry. That happens usually an hour or so later. So all you have to do right now is lie back, relax, and let me take care of you, okay?" Severus pushed him gently back towards the pillows so that Harry was lying on his back and his weight was finally off his sore leg. He felt better now that they'd had that little talk. Severus said they'd probably do other things first; Severus would probably suck him off, he seemed to like doing that and Harry certainly had no complaints! Severus was wonderful at that and knowing they would be doing something familiar had Harry calming down somewhat.

Severus stood up by the side of the bed and removed his own clothes so fast that Harry was almost sure a spell had been involved, if not for the fact that no spells could be used until Harry's power had completely arrived. He lay back and took his time staring at his husband. Neither of them were particularly well-muscled, but Severus' body seemed well defined and Harry's eyes couldn't help but stray down that broad chest and lower still, where Severus' prick rose, red and aroused from its nest of black curls. Harry licked his lips; he'd yet to taste Severus, he still felt a bit daunted at that act, having something in his mouth just didn't appeal, but he felt he ought to do it sometime if only to pay Severus back for the many times Severus had done it for him.

Watching as Severus prowled towards him, the glint in his dark eyes as he took in Harry lying on the bed, had Harry's cock throbbing in his trousers. He wished they could do a spell where he was completely naked now rather than wait until Severus could undress him. Mind you, Severus undressing him was an event in itself.

Severus undid each button on his shirt one by one, kissing each patch of skin revealed and Harry was almost writhing on the bed before he got anywhere near the last one. "Severus!" Harry moaned, breathless as Severus reached the button on his jeans and opened it with his mouth. Oh God! Harry was so hard already and they hadn't even done anything yet. Severus tugged the zip down with his teeth, and then nuzzled his face along Harry's boxer-clad erection. Harry could feel that he was damp there already.

He wanted - God, how he wanted. "Severus, Severus," Harry whimpered, fisting his hands in the bedclothes on either side of him. Severus glanced up, and licking his lips, tugged Harry's jeans and underwear down his legs. There was a short halt in proceedings as Severus undid Harry's trainers and pulled them off before he could get the trousers and boxers off Harry's body. Harry hadn't worn socks today so now he was completely naked from the waist down, his shirt unbuttoned but still on.

Severus was staring at him with such a needy intense gaze that Harry thought for sure he was going to burst into flames right there on the bed. "Please. Oh, please!" he begged and Severus moved up Harry's body again, licking and kissing Harry's inner thighs. Harry's legs fell open even further; he bent his right knee and tried the same for his left, but it wouldn't stay up for long. Severus caressed the underside of his knees, paying lots of attention to his sore left leg, the caresses helped distract him from the pain somewhat.

Still licking and kissing, sometimes with a small nibble as well, Severus made his way to the junction of Harry's thighs and began nuzzling Harry's sac, taking one ball into his mouth at a time, then both of them and Harry bucked up on the bed. "Fuck! Oh fuck!" he howled as his balls were laved by Severus' tongue. They felt so full, he could almost feel them expanding in Severus' mouth and Harry thought he might actually come from this stimulation alone. He could feel the sharp ridge of Severus' teeth, but it didn't hurt, Severus was being very careful, sucking and licking as if he'd never tasted anything so delicious in all his life. Harry could hear himself panting for breath and the wonderful slurping sounds Severus was making around him. It felt so deliciously naughty and so sexy, how could he have been scared of this? Harry felt wonderful; Severus was making sure of that.

Severus released Harry's balls and then licked all around the base of Harry's cock for a few seconds before moving up and swallowing Harry almost down to the root, sucking for all he was worth, caressing Harry's balls in his hand. Harry's guts wrenched as he tried to calm himself down. He hadn't had an orgasm for a few days and he was on the verge of coming already. "Severus! Too soon!" he tried to warn his husband. "I'll come too soon!" Would the ritual be ruined if he came now? Harry's body was tightly poised, he wanted to come so badly.

Severus let him go. "It's all right, Harry. Come now if you need to, you'll be having more than one orgasm today. It's only me who needs to hold off; I need to come inside you for the ritual. You can come as much as you like," Severus gave him a wicked grin and bent his head down again. Harry watched as his cock was welcomed back into that warm, wet mouth, and watching it slide in and out of Severus' lips did for him.

"AHH! AHH! SEVERUS! Ohmyfuckingodseverus!" Harry screamed as he thrust his hips, feeling his cock hit the back of Severus throat and he erupted. It felt as if his whole body was coming, he shuddered and gasped and came and came and Severus swallowed every drop from his softening cock, but he didn't go completely flaccid.

Harry could feel Severus' own erection pressing against his leg, leaving a damp trail. Did doing that to Harry excite Severus? Would Harry feel excited if he did the same to his husband? He might try it one day. Severus was still licking and suckling on Harry's prick, but more gently now as if he knew how sensitive Harry was there after he came. His hands caressed Harry's sac again and then one finger dipped lower, between his legs and Harry felt his breath hitch. He knew they had to do it sometime, but it was just a surprise, that was all. After his climax, he felt a bit loose-limbed and rubbery, but he felt tense back there, as if he was waiting for something.

Severus' finger softly circled around his entrance, but made no move to penetrate him. Harry was surprised to find that he was aching slightly, twitching, as if he wanted to be filled. Severus sucking on his cock was making him hard again. He moaned and wriggled a bit; Severus brought his finger to his mouth and sucked it alongside Harry's cock, coating it with saliva and precome before bringing it back down to Harry's anus and teasing him again. A few more seconds of that and Harry was desperate for something, anything to go in and fill him. He felt so empty.

"Severus! Please! Please!" he was almost sobbing with frustration and finally, finally, he felt Severus' finger press against him. At first he didn't think it was going to work, but suddenly Harry's body loosened and Severus' finger was inside him. Severus was inside him; the finger wriggled about a bit, as if searching for something.

"OHH! OHH!" Harry wailed as the finger seemed to find what it was searching for and he was seeing stars. Severus stroked the spot again and Harry nearly came immediately. God that felt fantastic! "More, oh God, more!" pleaded Harry, arching his hips to give Severus better access to his body. Severus let his cock go and leaned over to get a jar from the bedside table, gazing longingly at Harry all the while. Harry relished that look. He felt wanted. He felt loved. He felt cherished.

Severus removed his finger and Harry wanted to clamp down and keep it there. So that was why people liked sex like this? Because of that magic spot inside? Harry watched lazily as Severus scooped out some lubricant and coated two fingers with it this time. He worried a little that two fingers wouldn't fit, but his body stretched and it didn't hurt at all. When Severus stroked that magic nub inside again, Harry felt as if he was floating on the ceiling. How much better was it going to feel with something longer and thicker inside him? Harry squirmed, ready for more. Severus kissed him as he added a third finger. Harry gasped into his mouth, that one hurt a little, but it was a good sort of hurt.

"All right, Harry?" asked Severus as he pulled back and stared at Harry.

"Yeah."

Still stroking and stretching Harry with one hand, Severus awkwardly coated his erection with the other and Harry tried not to panic. Severus was large, larger than three fingers and he was concerned that even with the stretching, Severus wouldn't fit inside him. Severus removed his fingers and kissed Harry long and deep, Harry could feel the man's heartbeat thud against his own and he smiled at the image of both their hearts next to each other.

Severus grabbed a spare pillow and placed it under Harry's hips. "Is this okay or do you want to lie on your stomach?" asked Severus.

"Like this," answered Harry. "I want to see you."

Severus poured some more lubricant over his fingers, stretching Harry once more, and then spread a bit more on his cock. He knelt up and positioned himself between Harry's legs, holding Harry's legs by the thighs. Severus pushed forward, but Harry had tensed up a little. "Relax, Harry. Breathe, bear down against me, that's it, that's it. I won't hurt you," Severus words soothed him and Harry allowed himself to relax, allowed his husband to finally breach the one barrier to his body.

It hurt and stung a bit, but not as much as he was expecting and Harry suddenly felt all the tension, all the worry drain away as he relaxed around Severus' cock and just allowed himself to enjoy. "Okay?" Severus glanced down at him; sweat beading on his forehead as he held himself still, as if afraid of hurting Harry.

"I'm okay, Severus, you can move," Harry smiled up at him and stroked Severus' back and flanks.

Severus moved, Harry could feel his husband's cock right up against his balls and he wriggled, loving the hiss from above when he did it. "Merlin, Harry! Do you know how wonderful it is to be inside you? You're so hot, so tight. Fuck!" Severus screamed and slammed into Harry roughly. Harry had never seen the man lose control so suddenly and he loved it. "I want to come inside you, Harry. I want to fill you with my seed, cover you in it so that you smell of me for days. Touch yourself, Harry. I want to see you come, see you splatter your belly and your chest as I come inside you."

"Oh Merlin!" moaned Harry as Severus' words, spoken in that velvet voice had him reaching for his cock almost before the man had finished speaking. Talking about sex in that voice should be illegal, how was Harry supposed to survive the onslaught? Harry wrapped his hands around his cock and rubbed up and down frantically as Severus pounded into him so hard that the headboard rattled on the wall behind them.

"Harry! Harry!" Severus wailed and slammed into Harry again. "I can't hold on much longer!"

Harry squeezed his cock even harder, and then Severus shifted slightly and managed to hit that magic spot again. "There!" Oh God, there!" groaned Harry. His toes curled, his balls tightened and he knew he was going to come in a matter of moments. "Nearly there, Severus! Nearly! Ah! Ahh! Guh!" Harry moaned wordlessly as jets of ejaculate spurted from his cock onto his belly and chest just like Severus had wanted and his whole body turned to something resembling jelly as he lay trembling with aftershocks on the bed.

Severus trailed a hand through the slick come on Harry's stomach and suckled his fingers, tasting Harry as with the other hand he gripped Harry's hip hard enough to bruise and thrust into him again and again. Soon Severus needed both hands to hold Harry’s hips; Harry was getting a little sore now but he knew Severus needed to come inside him for the ritual to work so he managed not to wince as he waited for Severus to climax.

It didn't take long. Harry felt the cock inside him stiffening, the balls against his arse tightening, full and heavy and then suddenly Severus exploded inside him and Harry felt himself filled with wet warmth. "Harry! Harry! I love you! I love you!" Severus screamed as the climax overtook him and then he was sucking hard on Harry's neck and his body was getting heavier and heavier on top of Harry. Harry didn't want to spoil the mood, but he was finding it a bit difficult to breathe. "Severus, you're getting heavy," he said with a smile.

Severus moved over so that he was lying alongside Harry rather than on top of him. Both of them were out of breath and rather sweaty. Harry stared at his husband with a big grin. "We have to practice that lots, don't we? If I have to get pregnant?"

"I suppose we do," said Severus bending his head and kissing Harry. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, well maybe just a little, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. What was that - that thing you touched inside?"

"That, my dear Harry, was your prostate gland. Fun isn't it?" Severus grinned down at him, leaning his head on an elbow.

"So is that why lots of wizards are gay? Because they have that magic spot?"

"No, Harry. It isn't magic, Muggles have them too."

"Oh, well it certainly felt magic!" laughed Harry.

"Yes, I think you'll find lots of people will agree with that. Now, it’s about time we had another bath, don't you think?" Severus asked, glancing down at Harry's come-covered body.

"Only if we share one," said Harry with a small smile.

"I never intended anything else," agreed Severus, kissing Harry once more.


Part 57

The screaming had stopped now; Harry was lying curled up on top of the bedcovers, shivering and whimpering. It hadn't been an hour before his full power started coming in, more like forty minutes after they'd made love, but at least they had finished their bath and Severus had wrapped Harry up in a soft velvet robe, like the ones he wore after meetings. His nerve endings would be as sensitive as if he'd endured the Cruciatus curse and Severus wanted to make it as easy as possible for him to endure this.

Severus placed a bowl of tepid water on the table next to Harry's side of the bed and bathed his forehead. Harry was burning up, but Severus knew he couldn't give him any potions or even ease his husband's discomfort with a spell in case it interfered with Harry receiving his full power. Severus didn't want to do anything to jeopardise this, but it was so hard watching Harry in pain and not being able to do anything about it.

As Severus wiped the cloth over Harry's skin, his whimpering eased off and he realised Harry had fallen asleep. It would be a bit of a reprieve for him at least; Severus set the cloth aside and curled up behind Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. Harry seemed to feel better if Severus was touching him when the pain started and Severus was prepared to try anything that would help his husband through this.

Harry screamed in his sleep, arching his body backwards and almost head-butting Severus in the nose, but he'd moved his face out of the way as soon as the screaming started. The lanterns on the wall flared to life brightly, then dimmed. The glass shattered, raining down on the stone floor. Harry's magic would be erratic. Spontaneous magic often happened during this phase as his body got used to having so much more power. Harry was still asleep, but still screaming in his dreams.

Severus could do little more than rock him and whisper to him, hoping it helped him through the pain. For another half an hour Harry lay sleeping, his breathing easing out, the screams stopping again. The body in his arms shifted and Severus knew Harry was now awake.

"Harry? Do you want something to eat?" the spasms had been going on for at least five hours and Harry hadn't eaten anything since the fruit earlier that morning. Harry turned round and shook his head; he was pale and ill-looking.

"Just some water, please," he rasped. "I'm thirsty."

No wonder, his throat was probably sore too from all the screaming. "Okay, Harry. I'll be right back," said Severus as he climbed down from the bed. He was so glad that he had insisted on having his own kitchen in his quarters, most staff chambers did not have kitchens and they had to go to the school kitchens or summon a house-elf for anything they required. Severus could just imagine having to keep summoning an elf to his quarters all day today while Harry Potter lay sleeping and screaming! He probably wouldn't even get to Azkaban; they'd lynch him first and not bother with asking any questions.

Severus turned on the tap by the kitchen window; the dungeons were underground of course, but he had charmed a few windows when Harry first moved in, wanting Harry to be able to see outside whenever he wanted. He remembered only too well Harry's time locked in a cupboard. Severus was determined that Harry would never suffer like that again.

The kitchen window was charmed to overlook the Quidditch pitch, but it being a Hogsmeade weekend, no students were in evidence around the stadium. He saw Rolanda Hooch make a circuit of the pitch and dive at an imaginary snitch. The woman could have played professionally; Severus often wondered what made people become teachers rather than something else. It was never a career choice he'd considered until Dumbledore had made his offer of sanctuary.

The jug overflowed as he ruminated; he switched off the tap and after gathering up a glass brought both it and the jug of water into the bedroom. Harry was sitting up now, propped up against the pillows, but his face was still almost white. Severus' heart lurched to see it. He had done this; he had caused this to happen to Harry. His hand shook as he set the jug down on the bedside cabinet. Taking a few deep breaths, Severus poured out a glass of water and handed it to Harry.

Harry swallowed it in two large gulps and held his empty glass out for more. Severus obliged, this time Harry drank it a few sips at a time.

"Feeling better?" Severus asked, pushing a few sweaty strands of hair away from Harry's forehead. His husband was still feeling feverish and Severus wished there was something more he could do.

"A bit," said Harry. "I ache all over."

"I know, Harry. It'll stop soon and then we can give you some pain potion."

"How do we know if it's stopped? That it won't start up again?"

"When your magical core is full, your aura will glow around you. Everyone's core colour is different, but we should be able to see the glow when your body has accepted all the magic you'll ever need."

Harry glanced down as if expecting or hoping to see his body glowing there and then, but he sighed in disappointment.

"It'll be a while yet then. How long since it started?"

Severus glanced at the hourglass on the dresser. "Five and a half hours."

The glass suddenly fell from Harry's hand; his eyes rolled back in his head and his whole body went rigid; arching up off the bed. His mouth was opening and closing on a soundless scream as Severus scrambled to hold him and prevent him from injuring himself as the convulsions took him. Severus knelt astride him, pinning Harry's hands above his head to stop Harry from clawing at his skin; Harry already had a long gash on one cheek from an earlier session when Severus hadn't been able to get to him quick enough.

Staring down at Harry, Severus was gratified to see a clear golden glow shimmering all around Harry's body; this was the shortest convulsion yet and Harry soon stared back up at Severus with clear green eyes. Severus almost thought he could see a hint of gold in the pupils of Harry's eyes too.

"It's finished, Harry. It's over. You've received your full power. How does it feel?" Severus was horrified to feel the spark of jealousy that flared in his chest. He'd never gone through this rite of passage that was every wizard's aspiration – Lucius Malfoy had never given him that choice – and he turned away, climbing off Harry, unable to look at him any longer. Severus sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to Harry.

***

"Severus?" asked Harry, feeling suddenly cold as Severus left him. He remembered the past few hours as a jumbled blur of pain and comfort; Severus rocking him; wiping his face and skin with a flannel; even singing lullabies to him and now that it was over, Severus was turning away from him. "What's wrong, Severus?"

"Nothing," said Severus, fumbling in the cabinet drawer for his wand. He summoned a vial of painkiller and bade Harry drink it. Harry obeyed, but he still felt strange. He thought making love was supposed to have brought them closer together, not make Severus so prickly that he could barely look at Harry.

"Severus - did I do something wrong?" Harry asked at last, thinking back. It was his first time doing that, so he was bound to have made some mistakes, wasn't he? Maybe it hadn't been as good for Severus as Harry thought it had?

"No, Harry. You didn't," said Severus, but he still wouldn't look at Harry.

Suddenly pain exploded inside Harry's head, it felt as though it was going to split in two. When it ebbed, he was left feeling like a scared boy, crying and whimpering in Poppy's arms as men from the Ministry kept asking questions over and over again. It was a memory, Harry realised, but not his. One of Severus' memories. This wasn't like being inside a pensieve, where Harry was an outside observer. In this he was Severus, he felt the pain, the humiliation as the men kept asking their horrible questions. Severus almost broke down, almost gave them what they wanted. A name – the name of his attacker. But then he saw Lucius Malfoy lurking by the door to the infirmary and the blond boy drew a hand across his throat as an unmistakable threat. Severus clammed up and wouldn't speak another word.

Harry stared at his husband as the memory faded. Severus looked about as gobsmacked as Harry felt. "I - I was you," said Severus, shaking. "You were in your cupboard, locked in the dark when Vernon came in with his belt."

"And I was you," said Harry, nodding. "After - after what Lucius Malfoy did to you. I'm so sorry, Severus. He shouldn't have done that to you. No one should have to go through that." Harry felt awful on Severus' behalf, but nothing he could say would make it better. Harry realised this was what was bothering Severus. Harry's first time had been an act of love, not violence, and despite the pain and fever Harry had now gained his full power. Severus in contrast had been raped by Lucius Malfoy and had never gone through this; he was probably feeling a bit strange about it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asked gently, remembering all the times Severus had been there for him with a ready ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Severus stood up. "I do not wish to burden you with that filth," said Severus angrily.

"Severus, I love you. I want to help you, it wouldn't be a burden to me," Harry replied.

"What if I do not wish to discuss it?"

"Then you don't have to. I'm not going to make you talk about something you don't want to."

Severus sat back down and clasped Harry's hand in his. "Harry - do you know what sometimes goes on at Death Eater meetings when I am Called? Can’t you see sometimes, through your scar?"

Harry nodded. "It's okay, Severus. I know what they make you do."

Severus paled. "So you've - you've seen my humiliation at their hands? Me, naked on my hands and knees as they take their pleasure? How can you bear to have me touch you after that?" Severus tried to pull his hand away, but Harry wouldn't relinquish his hold.

"Do you remember how upset I was about what happened to my mother?" asked Harry softly. Severus nodded. "Cedric told me that what he and I had, that was different. It's the same with me and you, Severus. What we do together, it's about love. It's different. With them, with Malfoy and Voldemort, that's not about love, that's about power over you; it has nothing to do with what happens between us."

"I'm a whore, Harry," said Severus. "I let them do it to me so we can get information."

"That's where you're wrong, Severus. You do not let them. They take what they want. Remember, I've seen them. I love you, Severus, and I think you're the bravest man I've ever met."

"You think I'm brave?" Severus sounded so surprised.

"I do. I promise you, Severus. I'm going to kill them for you. Both of them."



Part 58

Harry squirmed on his seat during Transfiguration; he couldn't stop thinking of what had happened the day before after Potions and just before lunch. His mind kept replaying the scenario over and over in his head, his husband's voice ringing in his mind as if he was actually there beside him. Harry knew it was only a memory, but it wasn't any less powerful for all that.

I can't wait till tonight, Harry. I want to be inside you so badly. I want to feel you clench around my cock as you come. I want to hear you screaming my name as you come. Harry had indeed come screaming over his husband's desk and his body was aching, anticipating when they might get to do it again. After they'd first made love, over a month ago now, Harry just couldn't seem to get enough. It was as if his husband was addictive or something.

Harry's cock filled with blood just remembering it and he shifted uncomfortably on his chair. Merlin, he was so hard! The lesson had over half an hour to go yet and Harry was desperate for some relief, some time alone with his hand. Professor McGonagall had already denied his request for a bathroom break and Harry stared sullenly at the kitten on his desk; he'd already turned it into a chair and back again. Spells came a lot easier to him now that he'd come into his powers, but still McGonagall would not let him go to the bathroom.

His desk was near the back, would anyone see if he started touching himself beneath the desk? He glanced around the room; everyone was concentrating on their work, the room was filled with the sound of mewling kittens. Hermione and Harry had finished their task before everyone else and were given reading to do while the others attempted to transfigure their kittens into chairs. Hermione was bent over her book, her hair hanging down across her face, a couple of times Ron stared across at Hermione, hoping for some hints, but Hermione didn't notice. She wouldn't notice if the world ended around her if she was reading.

Harry's prick throbbed in his trousers; he lowered one hand beneath his desk and pretended he was scratching his thigh. He glanced at the book in front of him, but he couldn't make out the words on the page. All he could concentrate on was his aching cock. He slid his hand further up his thigh, but didn't venture near his cock, not yet; he was still a little worried that someone might see him and what he was trying to do. It wouldn't have been a problem if McGonagall had just let him out to go to the toilets when he'd asked. A few tugs in one of the cubicles and he was sure he would have come in seconds and then he’d have been able to concentrate on the rest of the lesson.

God, what Severus could do to him with just a memory! Harry was sure he'd never been this fascinated with sex before. It was like Severus had opened some sort of floodgate that first day they'd made love. Harry wondered how he had managed without it before; he seemed to want to be with Severus all the time now and his husband certainly wasn't averse to it either. Harry bit his lip, using the pain to distract him from moaning out loud. He could be as noisy as he liked in their warded and silenced chambers, but he wasn't there now. He was in the middle of a class, for God's sake, and he wondered if he was really in his right mind to even consider doing this. Right here with twenty other students and his Head of House prowling around the classroom.

He was more than considering it; his hand had moved to the juncture at the top of his thighs and pressed hard against the bulge there, trying not to moan in relief. Oh, fuck, that was so good! Not as good as when Severus touched him, but Severus wasn't here and Harry needed to come to get rid of this ache. He pressed the flat of his hand against himself and thrusted a little, rubbing his cock against his hand.

"Eww!" screeched Lavender Brown, her eyes widened like saucers. "Professor! He's touching himself! Harry!"

Harry jerked his hand out from under the desk and felt his whole face flush with embarrassment; the rest of the class had turned around and was now staring at him. Even Hermione had given up on her book and Harry just wished a hole in the floor would open up and swallow him right about now.

"Mr. Potter, this is a classroom! I told you to get on with your reading, not commit lewd acts in public!"

The class tittered and Harry's face reddened even more. He would never live this down. Much to his horror, the shame of being caught had not dwindled his erection one iota, if anything it just seemed more painful, and Harry had an almost desperate urge to get himself off there and then, whether or not anyone was watching.

"This is most unlike you, Potter," said McGonagall and her mouth pursed into a thin line. She raised her wand and waved it around the classroom, speaking an incantation Harry didn't know.

A blue mist settled around Harry and then flowed over to Pansy Parkinson, who paled and sat trembling by her desk.

"Twenty points from Slytherin, Miss Parkinson, and detention tonight at eight o'clock with Mr. Filch. If I ever catch you casting a hex on anyone in my class again, you will be expelled! The rest of you, out! Class is dismissed early today!"

Harry stood up to leave, but McGonagall shook her head. "Stay there, Mr. Potter."

Harry was almost doubled up with pain by now and sat gasping on his stool; this fierce arousal wasn't normal, although it may have started out that way. What sort of hex had Pansy cast on him? He just hoped they'd be able to counter it soon, he couldn't go about like this all day.

Once the others had left, Professor McGonagall threw some Floo powder into the fire at the back of the classroom and called the Potions classroom. "Severus Snape," she said and almost at once the Potions master's head appeared in the fire.

"What can I do for you, Professor McGonagall?" he queried calmly, but with a worried glance at Harry who was sitting by a desk near the fireplace.

"Pansy Parkinson cast a lust hex on Harry," said Professor McGonagall. "I wondered if you had something to counter it. An anti-aphrodisiac potion or something?"

"Very well, Potter. Come through," said Severus as he moved aside to let Harry go through the Floo.

"I am very sorry, Harry," said Professor McGonagall. "If I'd known, I would never have shamed you like that in front of the rest of the class. Hopefully you'll feel much better by dinnertime."

"Um, thanks," said Harry as he stepped through the Floo and into Severus' office. He could see a class through the open doorway of the office and felt his face flame even more. No doubt what Pansy had done and what Harry had been trying to do in class would soon be round the whole school. Severus closed the classroom door with a wave of his wand.

"Harry, go and wait in our rooms. I will just dismiss the class and get back to you, all right?"

Harry nodded and headed to their living room, feeling sore and hard and hoping that Severus would be able to do something about it.

***

When Severus entered the living room after setting his last class homework, he found Harry sprawled on one of the armchairs, his school robes hitched up and his trousers around his knees; both hands gripping his cock desperately. His eyes were closed so he didn't see Severus entering the room and his hips kept bucking up into his hands, but the noises he was making weren't ones of pleasure, more like frustration or pain.

"Harry," Severus said softly, kneeling down next to Harry's chair and placing a hand on his husband's naked knee. Harry's eyes flew open, wide behind his glasses.

"Severus!" Harry's whole face burned red and he hung his head, as if embarrassed that Severus had caught him like this. "I'm sorry! I couldn't help it - I can't - it won't - I can't come!" sobbed Harry. "Do you have a potion? Like Professor McGonagall said?"

"There's no such thing as an anti-aphrodisiac potion, Harry, but I can help you with this."

"You can?" The hope in Harry's voice made his heart lurch. Harry's hands loosened their death grip on his cock and he stared at Severus for quite some time.

"But I was hardly going to tell Minerva that I needed to make love to you, was I?" he smiled up at Harry and leant over for a kiss, brief but passionate. "The spell Pansy cast is used to distract your opponent in a duel, but she was casting it on a classmate. I will be having words with her about it, have no fear of that, Harry. It will only diminish once you have had an orgasm at someone else's hands, that's why you can't make yourself come, Harry. That won't work." Severus gently removed Harry's hands from his cock and settled them on the arm of the chair, reaching out to caress Harry's cock with one of his own, larger hands. Harry shrieked but this time Severus knew it was from pleasure, not pain. Harry laid his head on the back of the chair and seemed to melt bonelessly against it as Severus' fingers worked their magic.

Harry's moans and wriggles were having an effect on Severus' own cock and he shifted a little to try and ease the pressure on his aching prick. As Harry's hips arched up towards his hands, Severus could see Harry's hole winking at him and he wanted so much to be buried inside that tight heat again. But would Harry's body have recovered enough for that? It was only yesterday afternoon when they'd last had intercourse, they normally waited a few days between before trying intercourse again, but did plenty of other things.

Severus moved his other hand underneath Harry's arse and circled gently around the entrance to Harry's body with his index finger. Harry wailed, deciding for him. "In me! Oh God, Severus! In me! I want you in me!"

"Accio lubricant!" called Severus, his breath hitching. He had to remove his hands from Harry's body to catch the jar and Harry almost howled in his distress that Severus' hands had gone.

"Ssh, Harry. It's okay, soon, soon," he said before casting a spell that had them both naked in mere seconds. Harry's whole body was taut with need and Severus' wasn't far behind, even though he hadn't the excuse of a lust spell. It was just Harry making Severus want so desperately. He coated his fingers and prepared Harry as quickly as either of them could stand, finding Harry's prostate almost on the first try – he was used to his husband's body by now. Harry screeched his name, "SEVERUS!" and raked his nails down Severus' back. Severus quickly poured the lubricant over his throbbing cock before lifting Harry bodily from the chair.

Severus sank back down on the chair and brought Harry down onto his lap; aiming Harry over his cock. Severus moaned as he felt Harry's body sink down onto his own, that hot, tight channel gripping him like a velvet covered fist. He could never get enough of this, of being inside Harry, of being one with Harry, and he moaned low in his throat as Harry began to move, jiggling up and down on top of him. Harry's hands gripped the back of the chair as he bounced on Severus' lap, on Severus' cock. Severus held Harry's hips, but didn't try to dictate Harry's pace. He knew how incapacitating some of those lust spells could be and he knew Harry needed to come as soon as possible if he was to stop feeling so frustrated.

Harry's eyes were closed and his mouth open as he licked his lips and panted for breath. His cock was standing almost vertically from its nest of dark curls, leaking precome that smeared on Severus' chest as they moved together in the ancient rhythm. There wasn't really room for Severus' hand to get between them, so he leaned a little forward so that his chest gave Harry's cock something to press against. Harry screamed and sped up his thrusts; Severus could feel the tension coiling in Harry's body and knew his husband was on the verge.

"Come for me, Harry. Come," urged Severus, knowing how much Harry loved his voice. "Cover me in it, Harry."

"Fuck! Oh fuck!" screamed Harry as his whole body shuddered and Severus felt his chest and belly splattered with his husband's seed. Harry's arse clenched around Severus’ prick and it was all Severus needed before he was coming too, filling Harry with each sharp pulse of his cock. Harry's mouth was on his, frantically kissing him, their chests sticking together with Harry's spilled seed, but it was a long while before Harry's frantic kisses stopped. Severus certainly had no complaints. He could have quite happily kissed Harry all evening, but his stomach growled rather loudly and broke the mood.

Harry pulled his mouth away, smiling and giving a little giggle. "Hungry?" he asked.

"Well, we did use up a lot of energy there," said Severus, kissing Harry's nose. "Are you okay? Not too sore after yesterday?" Severus lifted Harry up so that his softening cock slipped out of his husband's body.

"No, I'm fine, Severus. I think I needed that, though. Why do you think she cast that on me?" Harry shifted so that he was sitting curled up in Severus' lap, his head on Severus' shoulder. They were still both naked and Severus was surprised to discover how much more comfortable Harry was now in his own skin. Was it because he'd finally put on some weight? Did he perhaps think of himself as not so ugly anymore? Severus traced Harry's chest scars with a fingertip and was relieved when Harry didn't object.

"Well, since you weren't duelling, I can only think of one other reason why someone would cast a lust hex on another person. She wanted to be the one to help you with it."

"Ugh! That's gross!" exclaimed Harry. "She's a girl! And I'm married anyway!"

"Yes, but the populace of the school doesn't know that, Harry. You're a very attractive young man, you know. I should have foreseen this sooner."

"You mean other people might try to hex me because they fancy me?"

"It's a possibility, yes. It happened all the time when I was at school, as well as love potions of course, but they were easier to confiscate. Spells were simpler."

"But it’s a spell! It's not real; I wouldn't love any of those people! That's - that's almost like rape!"

"It is, Harry, which is why Pansy Parkinson will not be getting away with it. Do you think I'd stand by and let you get hurt? By anyone?"

"What are you going to do to her, Severus?" Harry was sounding a little worried on the girl's behalf but Severus wouldn't let that deter him.

"Slytherins set great store by honour, Harry, much as you'd like to disbelieve it. She has shamed her House; I won't need to do anything that the rest of Slytherin won't have thought of first. As her Head of House, however, she knows that she will have to face me to atone for her actions today."

"But the Slytherins won't care that she hexed a Gryffindor!" protested Harry, turning his head to face him.

"No," agreed Severus calmly, he knew there was no love lost between those two Houses. "That was not her shame, Harry. She'd done what no Slytherin should ever do. She got caught."



Part 59

"Harry! I am not taking no for an answer!" snapped Hermione as she led Harry by the arm down from the Quidditch stands as the game carried on behind them on the pitch. "You almost fainted!"

"It's nothing, Hermione. I was just dizzy from the height, that's all," he protested.

"Since when do you get dizzy from heights, Harry? You were a Seeker! There's something wrong, you need to see Madam Pomfrey right now!"

Harry struggled down the steps, his cane clattering on the wood as Hermione helped him down. He couldn't see Poppy today. Harry sensed that she would somehow know that Harry hadn't been eating properly for the last week, that she'd be able to tell he was throwing up after meals again. He just hadn't been able to keep anything down and he knew it was probably the lack of food that had made him feel faint.

Once they got to the bottom of the spectator stands, Harry angrily tore his arm away from Hermione's grip.

"I'm fine, Hermione! I don't need to see Madam Pomfrey!" he insisted. Much to his surprise, Hermione burst into tears.

"Stop it, Harry! Just stop it! Stop lying to me! Do you think I'm stupid?" she demanded.

"No, of course I don't think you're stupid, Hermione. I never did."

"I know, all right?" she blubbered. "I know what's wrong with you, Harry! Do you think I don't notice how little you eat or how often you go to the bathroom straight after meals? Do you think I'm just going to stand by and watch one of my best friends starve himself to death?"

Harry felt his leg buckle beneath him and the world around him going white. "Harry!" he heard Hermione scream before the blackness claimed him.

***

Harry knew he was in the infirmary even before he opened his eyes; he recognised it from the smell of disinfectant potions and floor wax overlying the cloying scent of sickness underneath. His stomach churned and he had barely rolled over to the side of the bed before he was dry-heaving. He hadn't eaten anything solid for days, so all that was coming back up was sour spittle and bile. The retching did nothing to alleviate the horrible feeling in his guts and he lay there shaking on the bed before he heard Poppy's footsteps click along the floor.

She held a basin out in front of Harry's mouth and rubbed his back while she waited for Harry's heaving to subside.

Hermione was nowhere in sight, Harry wondered if the matron had chased his friend away. He didn't remember getting to the infirmary. All he remembered was his and Hermione's conversation. She knew, oh God… she knew. Harry had to lean over the basin again feeling as if his entire body was turning inside out. He hated being sick, he hated throwing up, it was such a horrible sensation and yet still he forced himself to do it. There was something very wrong with him, Harry knew it, and he wished there was a magic spell that would suddenly make him better.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he sobbed. He wanted Severus; he needed Severus to be here. "I want Severus!" he sobbed louder and grabbed hold of Poppy's arm so tight that the basin fell to the floor with a clang.

"Hush, Harry. It's all right. Severus will be here soon, he's in a meeting with the headmaster or he would have been here straightaway. Lie back down for me, pet, that's it."

"Don't," hissed Harry even as he obeyed her. "Don't call me that. Cedric called me that." The tears were welling up again and Harry didn't know who he was sobbing for any longer, whether he was calling out Severus' name or Cedric's. He just knew that he needed a broad, male chest to curl up against and feel strong arms around him. He felt so weak; his whole body was trembling and aching. Harry knew he was becoming hysterical, sobbing and screaming as Poppy did her best to try and comfort him, but it didn't help. He just couldn't stop.

"Severus! Thank goodness!" said Poppy, and almost as soon as the matron left the side of his bed, Harry saw Severus there. He climbed up onto the bed and wrapped Harry in his arms; rocking him and kissing his hair as Harry just wept and wept, a torrent flooding out of his eyes and staining his husband's robes. Harry was dimly aware of hearing Poppy moving away to the infirmary doors and he heard her cast locking and silencing charms on the whole hospital wing. Oh no! She was so angry she was going to shout at him and she didn't want anyone else to hear. Harry began to hyperventilate and he was sure he was going to pass out again.

"Harry, Harry," soothed Severus. "It's all right, I'm here now, Harry. Why are you so upset? What's wrong?"

But Harry had no breath for speech; he shook his head and buried his face in Severus' robes, his glasses digging into his skin as the tears continued to fall in a steady stream. His throat ached, snot was running down his nose and back down his throat, his breath hitching, but still Harry couldn't seem to stop crying.

"Nothing's wrong, Severus. The hormones just take some people like that, especially in the first few months." Harry felt Severus' arms tighten around him and Harry looked up at Poppy, who was smiling down at both of them fondly. "Congratulations, both of you. You're going to have a baby."

To his credit, Harry didn't faint, but he had a weird whooshing sensation both in his head and his midriff. Harry glanced down at his still flat tummy and couldn't quite believe it. "You mean I have a baby in there?" he asked in amazement.

"You do indeed, Harry. That's probably why you've been feeling ill and faint lately. Morning sickness."

"But it's afternoon!"

"The term morning sickness is generally used for the nausea and vomiting that accompanies pregnancy, but really, Harry, it can happen at any time. I'm afraid I can't give you any anti-nausea potions in case they affect the baby, but eating regular meals should help and maybe you can snack on dry crackers between meals too."

A baby. A baby. Harry could hardly believe it. He and Severus had made a baby; the prophecy was true after all. Harry felt a wave of guilt wash over him at what he'd been doing. What if skipping food and throwing up had harmed the baby in some way? "I'm sorry," he whispered to Severus' shoulder as he lowered his head again. He didn't think he could look at Poppy and tell them both how awful he'd been.

"Harry?" asked Severus, his voice curious. Harry knew Severus didn't think he was sorry about the baby, not considering how much they'd talked about it and how much Harry had been looking forward to it.

"I - I haven't been eating properly, not like I'm supposed to," Harry finally admitted. "I've been throwing up again. Deliberately," he added when he saw that Poppy was just going to explain it all away as morning sickness. "I didn't know I was pregnant, I swear. I don't want to do anything that'll harm our baby."

"But what about you, Harry?" asked Severus softly. "What about harming yourself?"

"I - I'm not as important to the prophecy as the baby is," Harry said. "I won't do anything to jeopardise that, I know I have to get rid of Voldemort."

"Harry! Of course you're important!" protested Severus, wrapping his arms even tighter around Harry. "I love you, your friends love you. Why do you think I married you, Harry?"

"Because of the prophecy," replied Harry.

Severus looked shocked. "You really believe that, don't you? Harry, I would have married you anyway, prophecy or no prophecy. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our children. How can you say you aren't important? Oh, Harry," Severus sighed and bent down to kiss him, putting all the love, all the passion, all the care he felt for Harry into that one simple touch of his lips.

"Harry, dear," began Poppy once he and Severus had stopped kissing. "What made you start throwing up again? I thought you were coming along so well. Your weight hasn't gone down that much."

"It was because of what happened with Pansy Parkinson," said Harry. "Last week, after she hit me with that curse..." but Harry didn't want to continue. He didn't want to make Severus feel as if he was to blame, when Harry knew that wasn't the case. It was Harry who was to blame, only Harry.

"Go on, Harry," urged Severus.

"You said ... you said that you should have foreseen it, that I was an attractive young man. I didn't want that to happen again. I didn't - I didn't want to be attractive to anyone else, I wanted to make myself as small as possible, I wanted to disappear."

"You should have talked to us, Harry," said Poppy. "Let us know how you were feeling. Why do you feel the need to keep bottling things up? It isn't healthy for you, Harry. Surely you know you can come and talk to me or Severus about anything?"

Harry looked up at his guardian. "I know that here," he said, pointing to his head. "But not here," he placed his hand on his chest. The Dursleys had never been ones for wearing emotions on their sleeves, seeing it as a sign of weakness to admit that you even had feelings. Harry had just got used to hiding how he was feeling from everyone and he knew it was a habit he needed to break.

"Well, Harry," said Poppy. "I have to tell you that skipping meals and throwing up after them will not do you or the baby any good at all. I'll make out a diet sheet for you, but until then just try and eat a healthy balanced meal, not too much fat, salt or sugar. And milk, drink lots of milk."

Harry nodded, he knew he would do whatever it took to give their baby the best possible start, especially since he might have unintentionally harmed it before he realised he was pregnant. He placed his hand on his abdomen and could almost imagine he felt a small flutter there, although it was probably a bit early to feel anything yet.

"How long?" asked Harry, curious as to when their child might have been conceived.

"You're approximately five weeks along from the date of conception," smiled Poppy. Harry and Severus exchanged a surprised glance with each other. Five weeks ago was the very first time they'd made love.

***

At least Severus wasn't naked for the meeting tonight, although that's all that could be said in its favour. The Crucios had started almost as soon as he'd arrived and prostrated himself before the Dark Lord. The creature was getting restless and a restless Voldemort made for one who was interested in little else besides torturing his servants.

"I have had enough of your excuses, Severus!" he hissed. "You are at Hogwarts to serve me, are you not?"

"Yes, my lord, of course, but -”

"Crucio! No more excuses!" he roared again. "You will bring the boy to me by the end of the week or I will have you gutted and fed to Nagini, do I make myself clear? You know I do not make idle threats, Severus."

"Yes, my - my lord. It sh sh - sha - shall be as you wish," Severus gabbled through the blood trickling from his mouth. He could see two of his teeth on the wooden floor of the Riddle mansion. Maybe if he lay here long enough, Voldemort might be gracious enough to heal him. He'd given Wormtail a silver hand; would he replace Severus' broken teeth with gold ones?

"You disgust me!" snarled Voldemort, pressing his booted foot on Severus' back. He pressed down, hard, and Severus was sure one of his ribs cracked. He could barely draw breath enough to scream. "Get out! Get out of my sight and do not come into my presence again until you have done as I demand!"

The pressure was lifted from his back and Voldemort swished away in a rustle of scarlet robes, with most of the other Death Eaters following him. One remained; Severus didn't need to see to know who it was. He closed his eyes and thought of Harry. He thought of Harry and their baby, and how, very soon, Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy would be destroyed forever.

He thought of Harry's smile as his trousers were yanked down to his ankles. He thought of Harry's clear green eyes as the underwear joined them, and he thought of Harry wrapped up in his arms as Lucius Malfoy's prick pierced him again and again.

Severus didn't scream anymore. Some things were just too horrible for a scream to help.

TBC

Chapter 13: Everything's Not Lost
Part 60

When he returned later that night Harry was waiting for up for him. Severus wished he hadn't, he wished Harry hadn't witnessed his humiliation yet again. Harry only waited up for him when he’d seen what went on at the Death Eater meetings through his connection to Voldemort.

"You should be in bed, Harry. The baby…" sighed Severus. "You both need your rest."

"I couldn't sleep, Severus. Not after – not after – "

"Don't," said Severus. "I can't discuss this, Harry. Please, not tonight." Severus' nerves were still so raw after enduring so many Crucios and he could not bear to discuss what Malfoy had done. "Did you see all of the meeting, Harry? Do you know he wants me to bring you to him?"

"I know," said Harry in a subdued voice. "In less than a week. What if I’m not ready to face him? What if it doesn't work? I'm scared, Severus."

"I know, Harry," Severus knelt down and placed his hands on Harry's knees. Harry settled his own hands on top of Severus' and Severus couldn't stop himself from flinching, even though he knew the touch was from his husband, the young man he loved more than anything in the world.

"I'm sorry," said Harry, withdrawing his hands.

"No, Harry. Please keep touching me. It was just a reflex, that's all. I know you wouldn't hurt me like that, ever. It helps when you touch me – it helps banish the memories."

Harry's hands came back and squeezed Severus' hands.

"We need to discuss our plan, Harry."

"Later, Severus. Right now you need to have a bath and get some potions into you. We can discuss this later."

"Not a bath, Harry," said Severus, pushing himself upright again. He felt cold now that Harry's hands were no longer touching him. "I – " but he could barely even tell his husband how hurt he was back there. So hurt in fact that even contemplating lying in a bath just couldn't be borne. "I'll have a shower, though." Could Harry smell it on him? The shame? The corruption? Was he covered in Lucius Malfoy's scent even though he'd already had a shower at the Riddle house?

"I've left your robes and potions in the bathroom," said Harry, standing up and pressing his arm gently. His husband's eyes were glistening like jewels in the dying embers of the fire and Severus had to keep looking at them; he had to keep reminding himself that he was home with Harry. Not there with them. "Is there anything else I can get you?" Harry asked softly, biting his bottom lip, as if worried he'd asked a silly question.

Severus remembered only too well the day Harry's powers had come in, how much pain Harry had been in and how he’d wished he had been able to do something more to ease it. Did Harry feel like this every time he was Called? Useless, unable to help? It wasn't a good state to be in and even though there wasn't much Harry could do to help ease this; Severus wanted him to think there was. Harry needed to be needed. "After my shower, some camomile tea would be good," said Severus and was gifted with one of Harry's rare smiles.

"I'll make some while you have your shower," promised Harry as he walked to the kitchen.

***

Harry was waiting in the living room; the pot of tea had a heating charm cast over it as Severus still hadn't emerged from the shower yet. It had been over an hour, but Harry didn't disturb him. He knew how much Severus needed to this, especially after meetings like that one tonight. Severus had to scrub himself raw to get the memory of what Malfoy did off him. Harry was amazed again at how brave the man was, to go back to Voldemort's Inner Circle time and time again, knowing what might await him.

The cups rattled in their saucers as Harry felt his anger flare. Lucius Malfoy would not get away with what he'd done to Severus, both when Severus was a child and what he was still doing to him now. He wanted to snap Malfoy's neck like a twig; stamp on him until every bone in the man's body broke; burst his lungs; rip out his still-beating heart from his chest; hack off his prick and choke him with it. All while he was still alive and could feel every moment of pain, every moment of terror as he knew there would be no reprieve and he would die at the hands of a boy as young as his son. As young maybe, but Harry knew he was a lot more powerful.

Before Cedric was killed in front of his eyes; before his love was torn from him, Harry had never thought of himself capable of murder. He could not have imagined he had it in him to take another life. But he had it in him now, oh yes. No one messed with the people he loved. No one.

When Severus finally came out of the bathroom, he was wearing one of his softer velvet robes and his skin was scrubbed pink. It looked a little sore actually, but Harry didn't draw attention to it. They didn't talk much about what happened to Severus during meetings and the word rape was rarely used. The knowledge of it was there though, hovering between them, and Harry wondered how Severus coped so well with sex. Maybe it was because he was on top when they were together and so it didn't remind him of what Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort had done to him.

Severus cast a brightening charm on the lanterns around the room; Harry thought he understood. His husband was trying to chase away the shadows. "I've kept the pot warm," said Harry as he poured out a cup of the herbal tea for Severus and then poured one for himself. Severus took a sip and set the cup back down on the tray.

"Harry, we need to discuss some things before you face Voldemort. You need to know what to expect."

Harry nodded and sipped his tea. He knew that tonight neither of them would be getting to bed anytime soon.

***

"Are you sure that door's warded, Hermione?" asked Harry a few days later. It was Friday, the day before the Easter holidays officially started, but most classes had already finished and he, Ron and Hermione were in the Gryffindor boys' dorm. He wasn't looking forward to the conversation he needed to have with his two best friends, but Severus agreed that it had to be done. They didn't want to tell the headmaster, Harry had never trusted the man completely ever since he'd guessed that he knew Harry's relatives had been abusing him, but had refused to do anything about it. And as for wanting Harry Obliviated – no, neither of them felt the man could be trusted any longer.

"Of course it's warded, Harry! You know how good I am at those spells!"

Harry nodded. Of course he did, but he just needed to make sure. "It's Voldemort," said Harry, and Ron paled on hearing the name. "He wants Snape to bring me to him tomorrow."

"What? Just like that? You're not thinking of going!" protested Hermione.

"Of course I am! My whole life has been leading up to this and if Snape doesn't bring me, he'll be killed."

"Rather him than you, mate," said Ron.

"Ron! That's a terrible thing to say!" Hermione punched him on the arm.

"Ow! Well it's true! I'd rather he died than Harry!"

"So you don't think I can do it, then? You don't think I can defeat him?"

Ron's silence was all the answer he needed.

"Look, Ron, I'm scared too. But the truth is Snape's been training me all last year, I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be to stand up to him. This isn't like – this isn't like with Cedric," said Harry softly, his throat felt raw as he remembered the other boy who had refused to leave Harry's side, even to save himself. "Voldemort doesn't know that I know he wants me. He thinks I'll be surprised, but it's him who'll be surprised." Harry's hands clenched into fists. "But even with all that training and the prophecy, things might still go wrong and I – "

"Shit! Harry! Do you expect us just to stand here and let you run off and get yourself killed?"

"That's exactly what I need both of you to do, Ron. This is my battle, you've always known that. The thing is, if things go wrong I want you to go to Professor McGonagall. If Snape isn't back by tomorrow evening, tell Professor McGonagall. Please. She can call the Order to save him."

"When things go wrong? You mean if Voldemort fucking kills you!" snapped Ron. Harry knew his friend's anger was a way to cover his fears for Harry and he couldn't berate him for it, not when Ron's fears were uppermost in Harry's mind too. What if the training hadn't been enough? What if his full powers were no match for Voldemort's?

"Oh, Harry!" sobbed Hermione wrapping him in her arms. "Is this why you've been - you've been ill?" she cast a quick glance in Ron's direction. "It was all this worry over You-Know-Who and here I was accusing you! Oh, God, Harry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Harry patted her on the back and led her over to Ron's bed, standing up as Hermione sat down. "No, Hermione, you were right. I do have problems with food, but Poppy and Se - Snape have been helping me with it. It has nothing to do with Voldemort though, but please, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, that's just great!" snarled Ron. "Harry doesn't want to talk about it so we don't! What about the rest of us, eh? What if we want to know why our best friend is determined to commit suicide? Whether by Voldemort's hand or his own!"

"Ron, shut the fuck up!" shouted Harry, surprised at the force of his own voice. "What the fuck would you know about being suicidal? You with your perfect life, your perfect family! None of you have any idea what I've been through, none! So don't stand there and tell me what I should and shouldn't do to get rid of that fucking bastard once and for all!"

"No, we've no idea, because you won't fucking tell us!" said Ron, his face turning an almost alarming shade of red. "You close us out all the time; you'd rather talk to Snape than us!"

"Yes!" Harry snapped back. "I would. Because he listens to me, and he doesn't judge me!"

"Stop it! Both of you!" said Hermione, sobbing again but the boys were too far gone in their argument to listen to her.

"When have I ever judged you? When?" demanded Ron, hands on his hips.

"You thought I put my name in the Goblet of Fire! You think I'm spoiled and rich and if I hadn't been in Gryffindor, you'd probably hate me as much as you hated Malfoy!"

"You are rich!" protested Ron. "But I never said you were spoiled, never! Your parents left you everything; the Potters were as rich as the Malfoys, Harry. Everyone knows it! And it wouldn't hurt you to share it around a bit more, would it?"

"Ron!" roared Hermione.

"Accio receipts!" called Harry, without benefit of his wand. A bundle of parchments fell into his hands and he threw them at Ron. "Take a good look, Ron and then tell me I ought to share it round a bit more! What would you like? More dress robes? Do Fred and George need bigger premises? Does your father need more medical treatment? Does Ginny need extra for her dowry? Does Charlie need a bigger enclosure for the dragon reserve?"

Ron paled as he read through the evidence before him. "You - you did all this? You helped Fred and George get started at the mail order business? And Dad's medical bills? A donation for the dragon reserve? A dowry fund for Ginny, for all of us. You've put money aside for all of us, and Hermione," said Ron, handing Hermione the parchment. Ron scowled. "What do you think we are? A charity or something?"

"No, Ron, I thought you were my friend, and that you'd accept my help."

"I don't want a knut of your rotten money!" said Ron. "You can keep it! Go and face Voldemort, get killed for all we care!"

Ron turned his face away, but not before Harry saw the tears glistening in his friend's eyes. He didn't want to hurt anyone ever again, but he didn't know what he could say to make it better. Harry had to face Voldemort, he knew that, but he also knew deep down that things might go terribly wrong tomorrow and so he couldn't honestly make a promise to his friends that he would be fine.

"Ron, I can't promise that I will come back tomorrow, for I don't know. What I can promise is that I will do my best."

It was all he could do and all he had left to offer. Ron wrapped him in a hug and sobbed on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Harry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say all those horrible things to you."

"I know, Ron. I know."


Part 61

"You bastard!" screeched Harry, struggling in Severus' grasp, but making sure not to break free yet. Voldemort needed to believe that without his wand Harry was helpless. Severus had wrenched Harry's wand from him almost as soon as they'd entered the Riddle mansion and had given it to the Dark Lord, prostrating himself before the fiend. Oh, Voldemort was going to pay for what he'd done to Severus. All of them were.

Voldemort was standing on a dais, which in the past would have been the stage for the musicians whenever the Riddle House had staged something as lively as a ball. There was a throne-like chair behind him; it was just wood that had been spray-painted gold and even as Harry stared at it he could see that the paint was flecking off in places. He could hardly look at Voldemort; just meeting the creature's eyes made pain flare in the scar on his forehead, but he had to concentrate. Before they'd left Hogwarts, Severus had dosed him with pain potion; it was helping with the pain in his leg, but not his scar.

"You've been working for him all along!" Harry continued ranting as he writhed in Severus arms. "You fucking traitor!" Voldemort was twirling Harry's wand between his pale, worm-like fingers. Harry would want a new wand after this: no way did he want to continue using the one Voldemort was mauling.

"Of course," Severus said smoothly. "You don't really think I was working for that old fool, do you? I'm loyal to one wizard only. The one who has more power than any wizard alive today. More power than any wizard who ever lived."

"Well said, Severus! Well said!" Voldemort crowed, clapping his hands in glee. He didn't see the soft look Severus gave to Harry. Harry knew who Severus had been talking about and it wasn't who Voldemort thought it was. "Lucius. The boy's cane, bring it to me."

A hooded and masked Death Eater broke ranks and Harry recoiled, recognising the white-blond hair. His struggles were useless though; Lucius got hold of his cane and took it to the Dark Lord. Besides Harry, there were thirteen people in the room; they were Voldemort's Inner Circle, his coven, of which Severus was one. Only Severus and Voldemort himself were without hoods and masks. (Harry wondered if that was because Severus was totally trusted by the Dark Lord, or because he wasn't.)

"Hmm," said Voldemort, hefting Harry's cane, a gift from Severus. "Protection charms, but nothing else. No doubt a gift, perhaps from that meddling fool, Dumbledore, or from your illustrious godfather. No matter, protection spells won't help you here, Harry. You're in my domain now, and under my power, my control."

"I'll never be under your power, Tom!" spat Harry with all the loathing he could muster.

"No? I hear you're fairly resistant to Imperius, Harry, and sometimes Cruciatus lacks poetry, don't you find that? The Muggles have an expression, poetic justice. You're little more than a Muggle yourself, Harry, no matter that you once escaped me. You won't escape tonight. You are going to be defeated once and for all, I'll make sure of that. I won't need magic: you're going to die the way you've always feared the most. A dishonourable death, Harry, no martyrdom for you, my young friend."

"I'm not your friend! And you'll be the one who dies tonight, Tom, not me!"

"Oh, no, Harry, not me. Do you know what my dear Severus has told me, Harry? How to defeat you? How to kill you and watch you suffer terror throughout? Voldemort waved Harry's wand and his own and there, standing in the middle of the dusty ballroom floor was a rectangular tub filled to the brim with water; it looked to be about two or three feet deep and Harry couldn't help the small shudder of fear running through him, even though he knew this was part of the plan. "Water, Harry. Your greatest fear – after me of course!" He guffawed and the Death Eaters joined in. "It was how Muggles used to torture Magical Folk years ago, drown us or burn us. I detest the stench of burning flesh – water is so much more refined. I'm going to drown you, Harry. You're going to die gasping for breath and knowing that nothing or no one can save you. Tell me, Harry. How does it feel, knowing you're going to die at my hands?"

Harry smiled at the creature. "Great, Tom. Just bloody great!"

***

Lucius poured out another measure of wine for the Dark Lord and couldn't seem to stop smiling. It had been an hour since Harry was pushed head-first into the water; an hour since Severus had seen Harry's body struggling against the Death Eaters who held him; an hour since his struggles had stopped and his body lay still.

The three of them were in Voldemort's bedchamber and Severus knew he would soon be called upon to perform his duty for the Dark Lord, the man was in a celebratory mood and that only meant one thing. He wanted to fuck someone and Severus was his favourite for that act. He'd sent the others away after Harry had stilled, he’d even encouraged them to go and find their own celebration now that the Boy Who Lived was finally dead.

"I can hardly believe it," said Lucius as he placed the jug of wine on the small table by the window. Voldemort settled back and stared behind him in surprise. He'd been trying to lie back against his pillows, but something seemed to be in the way.

"Did you doubt me, Lucius?" he snapped, forgetting the strangeness of the pillows for the moment.

"No, My Lord. Forgive me for speaking my mind. I never had any doubts you could do it."

"You are forgiven, Lucius. Tomorrow I want Fudge brought to me. See to it, Lucius. The Ministry will have a new leader by this time tomorrow!"

"Of course. My Lord, whatever you wish, it shall be done."

"Severus, come here. You have earned a reward. You may pleasure me this evening. With your mouth – the very mouth that betrayed Potter to his doom."

"As you wish My Lord," said Severus, as always hiding his loathing. Suddenly, Voldemort's head was yanked to one side by invisible hands and twisted on his neck. The creature didn't even have time to scream. It was Lucius who was doing the screaming as the Dark Mark on his arm burned like acid. Severus' Mark burned dully; it wasn't only Harry who'd been dosed with pain potion earlier that day.

Harry shimmied out of his invisibility cloak and screamed a spell Severus had never taught him.

"FRACTUM!" yelled Harry, pointing his finger at Lucius and there was a loud crunching sound as every bone in Lucius' body broke at the same time. His broken legs and spine no longer able to support him, Lucius fell to the ground in a crumpled heap, howling in agony as his lungs and his other organs were pierced by his broken ribs. He couldn't move to protect himself when Harry came nearer to him.

Severus was watching everything as if in a daze. Harry had done this; Harry had killed the Dark Lord and was now going to kill Lucius Malfoy, for him. That this was all for him, Severus knew, for Harry always protected his own.

"I curse you, Lucius Malfoy. May your soul never find the peace it craves. You and all your line will die with you; your pure bloodline will die this day, just as you will."

"Dr - Draco's too well h-hidden," Malfoy rasped through his broken jaw. "You'll n-never f-find him."

"I don't need to find him," snarled Harry. He stood hovering over the broken body of Lucius Malfoy and raised his hands to the air; the whole room was filled with a rushing wind and Severus had never felt such power, not even when Voldemort had been around the first time. Harry didn't use Avada Kedavra, and Severus had never even heard of the spell he used now.

"Exterminatus!" roared Harry and Malfoy's body imploded, scattering flesh and blood over both of them and the rest of the bedchamber. Harry threw up and sank to his knees on the floor; Severus didn't know whether it was because of the power Harry had just channelled or because of the gore that now covered them or even if it was just due to his pregnancy.

Severus cast a cleaning charm over both of them and conjured a glass of water for Harry to rinse out his mouth.

"It's over, Harry, it's over," said Severus, rubbing his husband's back gently as Harry sipped the water. Harry set the empty glass down on the floor and stood up, out of Severus' embrace.

"One last thing," said Harry. He stood up on shaky legs and retrieved his cane from the side of Voldemort's bed. Harry grimaced as he looked at Voldemort's dead body, but he wouldn't come away. Severus hadn't expected the anger that came off Harry in waves. Harry hefted his cane as if it was a bat and proceeded to bludgeon Voldemort's already-dead body in a frenzy, hopping awkwardly on his damaged leg.

"You bastard! You fuck!" shrieked Harry. "I should have made you suffer! This is for Cedric!" Whack! Voldemort's skull caved in. "This is for Severus!" Harry battered the creature's midriff. "And this!" Harry yanked Voldemort's robes open, as always he was naked underneath and the horrible prick lay quiescent at the juncture of his thighs. Harry brought the cane down again and again as he destroyed that part of Voldemort that had caused so much pain. "This is for my mother!" spat Harry. When he was finished, the flesh resembled little more than hamburger meat.

Severus didn't bother to stop Harry; how many times had he wanted to do the same? It was a pity the sick bastard wasn't alive to feel the pain of it. Almost as he thought it, he felt the power surge in the room again as Harry got ready to speak a spell. "Reani-"

"NO, HARRY NO!" screamed Severus, interrupting Harry before he could complete that spell.

"He deserves it!" said Harry, tears dripping down his cheeks, his whole body trembling with adrenalin and rage.

"I know, Harry, but you don't. Come on, Harry. Let's go home."

Harry turned towards him, his eyes blazing jade fire, before turning back to Voldemort's body once more.

"Incendio!" roared Harry and soon there was nothing left of the Dark Lord except a pile of ashes.

TBC


A/N: Fractum - to break, to destroy utterly.
Exterminatus - made up from ‘exterminate’, just thought it sounded good :)


Part 62

The celebrations lasted more than a week. Fudge and half the Ministry were up and down to Dumbledore’s office; Severus didn't know what they'd been told about what Harry had done, but they kept trying to visit Harry in the infirmary. Poppy was having none of it, though, and had extended the wards around the hospital wing so that only the staff and Harry's friends could visit. She didn't specify which friends, so Severus was surprised one morning when he saw Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood walk in on tiptoes, as if afraid they might disturb Harry.

Harry was indeed still asleep that morning and Severus didn't want him woken. His sleep had been so disturbed ever since that night – full of nightmares – and Poppy couldn't give him any Dreamless Sleep in case it affected the baby. She was worried, and so was Severus. Harry had been throwing up almost constantly while he was awake and one night he'd even been sick in his sleep, soiling his hair and pillow. A cleaning charm could take care of all that, but nothing seemed to be helping Harry to keep down anything solid.

He was managing on water and pumpkin juice and a magical drip was feeding nutrient potions into him. Neville and Luna stared aghast at the boy in the bed. No wonder: Harry's glamour had faded after he'd unleashed so much power and they were seeing him as he really was now. Gaunt and pale except for the purple shadows under his eyes. Harry's body and magic were no longer strong enough to keep the glamour in place, but at least the hospital gown covered the worst of his scars, although a few were still visible on his arms. Maybe his friends would think the scars came from his battle with Voldemort.

Harry's lightning-bolt scar was still on his forehead, but each day it faded a little more. The Dark Mark on Severus' arm had disappeared completely a few days ago. This wasn't like last time; Severus knew Voldemort was gone for good this time. Before, when Harry had defeated Voldemort while still a baby, Severus’ Dark Mark had faded but it had never completely disappeared.

"Sir, Harry's going to be all right, isn't he?" asked Longbottom, still trembling a little at having to talk to one of his most feared teachers. Severus' respect for the bumbling boy went up a notch. Despite his fears, the boy was still here, still talking to Severus out of concern for Harry.

"Madam Pomfrey is doing her best, Mr. Longbottom. Facing Voldemort took an awful lot of magical energy. Harry needs plenty of rest to replenish it." Severus saw Poppy waving at him from the office doorway. "Excuse me. Please do not wake him."

"No, sir. We won't," said Luna as she sat down on a chair next to Neville and clasped the Longbottom boy’s hand in hers. Severus raised an eyebrow at that. He hadn't noticed that those two might be an item, but then these past few years his concentration had been on other things: namely Harry and protecting him from Death Eaters and the Dark Lord until he was ready to face them.

As soon as he reached the office, Poppy warded the doors and invited him to sit down on one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"How is he, Poppy?" asked Severus as he saw her desk was littered with Harry's charts; Severus couldn't make much sense of them. "Being so sick, will it harm the baby?"

"The morning sickness just takes some people like that, Severus. It shouldn't do any harm to the baby, but Harry is very dehydrated and not getting enough nutrients at the moment. Hopefully, it will clear up in a few weeks. Most people only suffer during the first few months, but some people are ill during the whole pregnancy. No, Severus, it isn't the throwing up that's worrying me."

"But something is?" Severus felt his heart lurch to somewhere near his shoes. After all that they'd been through, he wasn't sure that Harry could take any more bad news.

"The power surge you mentioned when Harry cast those spells: it’s draining him, Severus. It's - it's as if he used all of his magic at once to get the power he needed."

"He's lost his magic?"

"No, his magic isn't gone. It's there and it's even more powerful than before. Harry's so tired because he's trying to resist it: resist that power."

"What do you mean, Poppy?"

"Severus, when Harry killed You-Know-Who -"

"You can say his name, Poppy. He won't be able to hurt us anymore."

Poppy was quiet then and Severus knew what she was going to say. He had suspected it ever since Harry had destroyed Lucius with a spell Severus had never taught him; and since he had tried to raise Voldemort from the dead – another spell that Severus hadn't even told him about, never mind taught him. How had Harry known those things?

"Severus, when Harry killed V - Voldemort," said Poppy. "Voldemort's power got transferred to him. All of Voldemort's power. It's joined with Harry's own magic, his Light magic. Harry is trying to push it away, out of himself, that's why he's so unwell. He's afraid of becoming Dark, Severus. I don't think Harry quite understands about the balance between Light and Dark Magics. If he keeps trying to deny this part of his nature – as it is part of all our natures – he will lose his magic."

"Maybe he no longer wants to be a wizard," said Severus. "All the time he's known he was a wizard he's been groomed to defeat Voldemort. Perhaps Harry feels he no longer needs his magic anymore."

"Severus, Harry is male and pregnant. It's a magical pregnancy, in his last scan the levels of pregnancy hormones were getting low, they've been steadily lowering since he's been back."

"What does that mean, Poppy?"

"It means that unless Harry is able to accept his magic again, both Dark and Light, he is at a very high risk of miscarriage. He might lose the baby, Severus."

***

When Harry woke up, he saw Neville and Luna sitting by the side of his bed; they were looking at each other and didn't notice he was awake for a few moments. Severus was nowhere in sight and Harry tried to swallow around the disappointment he felt. He liked his friends, but they were no substitute for the person he really wanted to see.

"Hi, Neville, Luna," Harry said, his voice hazy with sleepiness. He felt so tired all the time now.

"Harry! You're awake," said Neville, his eyes darting round the room. "Professor Snape said we shouldn't wake you. Were we talking too loud?"

"No, Neville, I didn't even hear you. Professor Snape was here?" asked Harry.

"He's always here, Harry," sighed Luna. "Madam Pomfrey just called him away for a moment, but he's in here all the time. I suppose as it's the Easter hols, he doesn't need to go to classes anyway. He really cares about you, you know."

Harry felt his eyes welling up. It had come out, via the Daily Prophet, courtesy of Rita Skeeter, that Severus and Poppy were his guardians. But Harry knew Severus cared for him in another way entirely. They were married, they were going to have a baby and he wondered how the world would take that news. Harry’s friends had told him how many Howlers Severus had been receiving about being Harry's guardian.

Luna was looking at Harry with a strange expression – even stranger than usual if that were possible.

"You have a beautiful aura," said Luna. "I've never seen one so pure before. Have you, Neville?"

"I've never really been able to see anyone's aura before, Luna," said Neville. "Gran says I haven't got enough magic in me to see them."

"Nonsense!" scoffed Luna. "It just needs a little bit of concentration. Close your eyes, Neville and think of Harry. Think of how much you love him -"

"Er," stammered Neville, his eyes snapping open.

"As a friend, Neville," giggled Luna. "You can love your friends you know – it's allowed."

"Oh! Oh," said Neville, closing his eyes again and breathing deeply.

"Now, the next time you open your eyes, stare hard at Harry and you'll be able to see his aura."

"Okay," said Neville and he did as Luna bade him, staring hard at Harry. Harry tried not to squirm under the scrutiny.

"Oh! Oh, wow!" breathed Neville. "It's all gold! I've never heard of a gold one before. It's so sparkly!" Neville reached out a hand as if to touch it, but drew back when he saw how uncomfortable Harry was about his aura being touched. "Sorry, Harry. It is beautiful, though. All gold with little dancing flecks of silver. Two of the purest colours in wizards and you have both!"

"You don't - you don't see anything Dark in there? Like black?"

Luna shook her head. "Harry, don't be silly. We all have some Dark magic in us, otherwise our magics wouldn't balance, but an aura never lies. Your Light magic is so strong that it will always come out on top, no matter what you have to do."

"And anyway," added Neville. "How on earth can the Cherished Child be Dark?"

Harry wondered how on Earth he could fall any further when he was already lying down.

***

"Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey!" Longbottom was pounding on the office door. Poppy went to open it and Severus saw the distraught boy with tears streaming down his pudgy cheeks. Luna was hovering over Harry's bed and Severus rushed past Longbottom; worry for Harry overriding everything else.

"What happened?" he demanded of Luna once he reached the bed.

"He fainted, sir, after Neville said something about a child."

"What?" Severus rounded on Longbottom. "What fool nonsense have you got into your head now, boy?"

"It isn't nonsense!" exclaimed Neville indignantly. "My Gran told me all about the legend of the Geal Leanbh, the Cherished Child. It's Harry, isn't it? That's why he was able to defeat You-Know-Who. He was pr-"

"Longbottom, one more word about this and you will be in detention until you graduate! Do I make myself clear?"

"But sir-"

"Do I make myself clear?" hissed Severus through clenched teeth. "There are still Death Eaters at large, Longbottom. Harry is not suddenly out of danger just because the Dark Lord is gone. The less people who know about his unique situation the better, yes?"

"Yes, sir. Of course. I'm sorry, I don't want Harry to get into any more trouble. I won't tell anyone else, I promise."

"I think Harry has had enough excitement for one day," said Poppy. "You may visit again some other time, but right now, let me tend my patient."

"Yes ma'am," the two students said in unison before heading out of the infirmary.

"How did Mrs. Longbottom know about the legend of the Geal Leanbh?" queried Severus as Poppy scanned Harry.

"I'd hazard a guess it was from her son, Frank. He was an Auror in the Special Services unit, they were annexed to the Department of Mysteries. Maybe he heard the Potters discussing the translation. Do you think that's why the Death Eaters went after the Longbottoms in the first place? That they thought the Longbottoms knew what the prophecy contained?"

"But Dumbledore said they'd only got as far as translating the title, that the parchment had resisted all attempts at translation before now. Why would he lie?"

"Do you think he was lying about it?"

"I do," said Severus. "I don't know why though. I think it's time we had a little chat with Mrs. Longbottom, don't you?"


Part 63

If Augusta Longbottom felt any surprise that she'd been invited to visit the Potions master of Hogwarts, she hid it well. Poppy took the woman's travelling cloak and hung it up on the peg by the door. The woman was dressed in a dark green, tweed skirt suit, but thankfully the vulture hat was nowhere in evidence today. Severus and Poppy had decided it would probably be for the best if the woman thought that Poppy still lived in the dungeons with Severus and Harry.

"May I offer you some refreshment, Mrs. Longbottom?" asked Severus once he'd waved her into a chair. "There's tea – or would you prefer something stronger?"

"A bit early in the day for me, Professor. Tea will be fine, thank you," she replied, putting her red handbag down on the floor by the side of the chair. "I've just come from St. Mungo's, visiting Frank and Alice, and what passes for tea in that cafeteria is worse than dishwater! I do hope you have Earl Grey, Professor."

"Yes, we do. Please call me Severus."

"And you must both call me Augusta. There's no point in formalities today, is there?" she arched an eyebrow at him and Severus had the distinct impression that the woman knew exactly why they wanted to see her.

"Very well, Augusta," said Severus as he made his way to the kitchen to prepare the tea. He could dimly hear snatches of conversation from the women; the usual small talk about the weather and the prices in the shops. Severus tuned it out as he made the tea. The good china came out and he ordered some food from the House-Elves: sandwiches; a selection of biscuits: Ginger Newts; shortbread and chocolate, and a couple of dainty cakes. He even conjured a few doilies, although he had never used them before in his life. Once the tea was made, he arranged everything on a tray and levitated it out to the coffee table.

Augusta smiled when she saw all the goodies on the tray. She eyed the teapot and other accoutrements as if she'd been pleasantly surprised. Severus was so glad he'd thought to use the good china. It was a family heirloom which he’d barely used.

"How delightful, Severus! I can't remember the last time I was served a proper tea like this. Is that service a Gregory Gently by any chance?"

"Why, yes it is. It was my grandmother's," said Severus, glancing at the pot which was white with designs of roses all along one side, Gently's trademark. "I didn't know you had an eye for antiques, Augusta."

"Oh, I dabble a little. I have to have something to do now that Neville's away at school and Frank..." she trailed off and clasped her hands in her lap. She fumbled in her pocket for a handkerchief and blew her nose rather delicately on the lacy square. "Excuse me. It's just so hard sometimes, knowing that he's gone but my Frank and Alice are still the same."

Severus poured milk into each of the delicate china cups, not saying anything, for nothing could be said about it. ‘I’m sorry’ seemed woefully inadequate and he knew Augusta Longbottom was not the type of woman who angled for sympathy. He noticed her giving him a nod of approval as he strained the tea into the cups. "Proper tea too, Severus! You are a marvel, aren't you? Nearly everyone I know is going in for those new-fangled Muggle tea bags. Now, I have nothing against Muggles, but tea just doesn't taste the same from a bag!"

"Do you take sugar, Augusta?" asked Severus, hovering over the bowl with tongs in hand.

"No, thank you, Severus."

It felt very strange to have a woman other than Poppy or Minerva in his quarters, although it had been an age since Minerva had visited – she still seemed a bit miffed that Harry had moved into the dungeons and was no longer in Gryffindor Tower. He handed Augusta the tea, then served Poppy and himself, settling back into another armchair. Augusta was scrutinising both of them carefully as she took a sip of tea.

"I suspected I would get an owl from you after Voldemort's defeat," said Augusta as she settled her cup in its saucer. "But I must say I never expected it so soon. Neville, I suppose? He's a good boy but sometimes he doesn’t know when to keep his own counsel. I've lost count of how many times I’ve told him never to speak of it to anyone. It was all very hush-hush, you know, but I did think Neville had a right to know once he was older."

"Know what?" asked Severus.

"About the legend of the Geal Leanbh, of course. Really, Frank should never have told me either, but my son never kept anything from me, especially not when he was looking for advice. How is young Harry doing, anyway? I'm sorry, that was remiss of me, I should have asked sooner."

"He's still in the infirmary," said Poppy. "Defeating Voldemort took a lot out of him."

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose it would do and being pregnant can only complicate matters."

Severus' cup clattered against the saucer. "Augusta, whatever rumours you may have been hearing..."

"Oh, come now, Severus. There's no need to lie, at least not to me. I know all about it, all right? Both the prophecy and Harry's role in fulfilling it."

"But how? We were told that the prophecy was only translated recently."

"Nonsense! The Potters were working on that parchment as soon as they started in the Department of Mysteries. I know that there was no love lost between you and James, Severus, but are you honestly trying to tell me that you don't think they were up to the task?"

"No, they were very clever, both of them."

"Indeed they were. They managed to translate the prophecy in a matter of months. It was a couple of months before Alice and Lily got pregnant, in fact. They all became very firm friends, especially with their babies being conceived around the same time. The Potters told Frank and Alice what the prophecy contained: the Cherished Child. Harry."

"Couldn't it just as easily have been Neville? He was born at the same time and his parents had also defied the Dark Lord?"

"It could have become Neville, yes, but Alice wouldn't hear of it. Frank refused to put his wife under so much stress and so he turned down Dumbledore's offer."

"Dumbledore's offer?" asked Severus, feeling the world about him swaying. "What do you mean?"

"You don't know? I thought everyone in the Order knew. Voldemort set great store by prophecy, as you are probably aware. Dumbledore used that to his advantage and created the prophecy about the Geal Leanbh."

"What do you mean he created it? The prophecy wasn't real? But Harry is pregnant!"

"The prophecy isn't real, no, but Dumbledore made it so. At first everyone thought it was real, but he had to tell Lily and James what he'd planned for Harry, in order to make the prophecy come true. I'm not sure exactly what they did to that boy when he was a baby, but there were operations, lots of them. They were messing about with Muggle doctors as well as healers from St. Mungo's too, changing him, fiddling about with his genes so that a boy could get pregnant."

"But why? Why on earth did Dumbledore think a pregnant male would be enough to kill Voldemort?"

"It's all to do with magical wards. None of them would be set off by a pregnant wizard, only by a pregnant witch."

Severus felt sick. Harry had been used from the moment he was born. "And James and Lily agreed to this? To all these operations to make Harry feel even more of a freak than ever?"

"Well, at first, Dumbledore wanted to use Neville, but when Frank and Alice refused, he went straight to the Potters. I'm not sure that ‘agreed’ is the right word, but they were soldiers in the Order of the Phoenix. I don't think they were given much of a choice: following orders and all that."

"So Harry was never born with this ability? It was like some sort of experiment? It was forced on him? On a child who couldn't consent to it?"

"It was an experiment, Severus. Frankly, I'm quite surprised it worked – that he even managed to get pregnant in the first place. Who's looking after him? Poppy?"

"Molly Weasley at the moment."

"Good woman, Molly. I've always liked her. Heart of gold, you know. Probably good to have someone like that around when it happens."

"When what happens?" Severus' hands were clenched so tightly together that he wouldn't be surprised if he broke his own fingers. He wondered why the woman wasn't more curious as to who the father of Harry's baby might be, but he wasn't about to offer the information.

"Well, whatever they did to him only enabled Harry to become pregnant. They didn't change his body that much. Harry's body was never designed to carry a baby to term. It was never anticipated that he would actually have a baby, just be pregnant in order to get through the wards."

"Harry!" cried Poppy and Severus together as they left Augusta and rushed to the infirmary.

TBC

Chapter 14: Everything's Not Lost
Part 64

"Still not feeling so good, Harry?" asked Molly Weasley as she removed Harry's lunch tray. That was an understatement; Harry had barely eaten a spoonful of soup before he was spewing it back up again. At least this time he'd managed to avoid covering Mrs. Weasley in it. The same couldn't be said for breakfast and he was still feeling mortified about that. She was being very nice about it, though. Harry briefly wondered how different his life would have been if he'd been brought up by a loving family like the Weasleys instead of his horrible relatives.

"No, sorry." Harry pushed the tray aside and poured himself a glass of water from the jug on the bedside table. It was charmed to stay chilled and the cool liquid helped with the nausea somewhat. He wondered if he'd ever feel well enough to leave the infirmary.

"Never you mind, Harry. Just let me know if you feel like having something later, won't you?" She banished the tray and its contents with a wave of her wand. Harry was glad – even the smell of food was making him feel sick these days. Poppy assured him it was all perfectly normal during pregnancy, but Harry still worried.

"Oh! Look, Harry, visitors for you," said Molly, glancing at the door. Harry looked round and saw Professor Dumbledore and two men he didn't know wearing pin-striped robes that reminded him uncomfortably of Fudge. Neither of them was the Minister though and Harry wondered how the two of them had managed to get past Poppy's wards to the infirmary. Whoever they were, Harry doubted they were here with good news.

He should have known that people were bound to be curious as to how Voldemort was defeated and probably wanted to hear all the details from Harry, although neither of them looked like a reporter.

"Harry! How wonderful to see you, dear boy," exclaimed Dumbledore. Harry almost snorted. It had been nearly three weeks since he'd defeated Voldemort and he had been in the infirmary ever since. This was the first time Dumbledore had come to see him.

"This is Edgar Pratt from Wizarding Family Services and this is Healer Alfred Stebbins from St. Mungo's. Poppy has asked him for a consultation,” Dumbledore continued.

Oh, so that would explain how the healer could get through the wards, but what about the man from Family Services? Surely Poppy would have told Harry if they were to expect a visit? Unless it was one of those surprise visits? Harry was surprised; after Madam Bones had made Severus and Poppy his official guardians, no other arrangements were made and they'd never had anyone from Wizarding Family Services calling on them before.

"Mr. Pratt would like to interview you later, Harry, but first Healer Stebbins needs to see you. Now, Harry, why don't we let Molly go and have a cup of tea while the healer examines you?" smiled Dumbledore. The smile never reached his eyes.

"Poppy wanted me to stay with him until she comes back," said Molly.

"Ah, but that was before we had another healer here. I'm sure that Harry will be in good hands with Healer Stebbins, won't you, Harry?"

"I'd rather Mrs. Weasley stay, sir," said Harry, although he almost choked on the words. Something wasn't quite right here; he didn't know what it was, but he knew something was wrong somewhere. Poppy was almost fanatical in letting Harry know about his treatments and she'd never mentioned a healer from St. Mungo's coming to see him. Harry knew that he was at a high risk of miscarriage because Poppy had told him, even though the news wasn't great, she didn't hide things from him - unlike Dumbledore who'd been hiding plenty all along.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Come now, Harry. A big boy like you, don't tell me you need someone to hold your hand? I'm sure Molly has plenty of other things to be getting on with."

"Headmaster, if Harry wishes me to stay with him, I really think I should," said Mrs. Weasley, squeezing Harry's hand.

Dumbledore glanced at the healer.

"As long as you stay out of my way while I do my work, Madam," he said haughtily. The man from Wizarding Family Services looked very interested in the proceedings, but he hadn't even spoken yet. "Now, Harry, get undressed and we can start the procedure. It won't take long and then your little problem will be gone."

Little problem? They were talking about the baby, Harry realised.

"Stay away from me!" screamed Harry. "Don't you dare touch me!" No one was going to take his baby away. No one.

Harry felt the power building up inside himself; he tried to resist it, but he was too angry. Rage like he had never felt before except once – the night he killed Voldemort – was building up inside him. The pressure was so great that Harry thought he might explode into a thousand pieces.

They were going to try and take his baby away – force a termination on him – and he could not let them get away with it. He didn't know if he spoke a spell – all he could hear was a dreadful rushing in his ears and his vision was blurred with spots. Someone screamed as all the windows in the infirmary imploded, showering everyone except Harry in shards of glass as Harry howled his rage to the room. The walls were shifting, changing, seeming to melt like ice-cream on a hot day. A few flagstones dislodged from the floor and whirled around the room, knocking Dumbledore and the two strange men off their feet.

"Harry!" screamed Severus from the doorway and that's all it took; just hearing his husband's wonderful voice had Harry's magic calming down again. He took a deep breath and the whirlwind stopped. The three men on the floor groaned as Poppy bent down to tend them. Harry was shaking, his hands and feet felt like icicles in the shape of flesh. His hands were turning blue as he watched.

Severus ran to him, not stopping to see how the injured men were doing, and wrapped Harry in a hug, crushing him to his chest. "Ssh, Harry, it's all right. It's all right."

"Professor Snape, please remove yourself," said Mr. Pratt from Wizarding Family Services. "Your being here can only make things worse. Harry will not be able to speak freely if his abuser is in the same room with him."

“What?” screeched Molly and Poppy together.

Severus lifted his head and glowered at the two men. "Get out! Neither of you are to come anywhere near Harry, is that clear? You have no business here!"

"I'm sorry," said Mr. Pratt. "But once an allegation has been made, we are duty bound to follow it up."

"An allegation? What sort of allegation?" demanded Severus, tightening his grip on Harry. "Who made this allegation?"

"I'm sorry, we are not at liberty to say."

"Oh, very convenient. Again, I ask you, what sort of allegation?"

Mr. Pratt was looking round at all of the occupants of the room. "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a more private conversation, Professor Snape?"

"Tell me. Now," said Severus in his best classroom voice.

"Very well. We received an anonymous owl, stating that you – that you raped Harry Potter and have been sexually abusing him ever since he was placed in your care."

"He never raped me!" protested Harry. "Never!"

Molly Weasley looked as if she might faint.

"This same owl indicated that you had Obliviated Mr. Potter and that he would have no memory of the incidents. Healer Stebbins will be able to reverse any Obliviates that have been placed on Mr. Potter and determine whether or not Harry Potter has indeed suffered any abuse while in Professor Snape's care."

"How dare you! Get out! You're not coming anywhere near me! I won't let you!" ranted Harry. This was a nightmare, it had to be. This couldn't be real. Thinking that Severus could do something like that to him. And Obliviate; there was only one other person in this room who had insisted Harry be Obliviated and he was standing there in his purple robes looking like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Harry knew better. It was Dumbledore, he knew it was.

Pratt exchanged a look with Stebbins. "This is often seen in abuse victims, Healer Stebbins. Aversion to touch, however innocent."

"Abuse? You want me to talk about abuse, Mr. Pratt?" screamed Harry. "Wizarding Family Services? Where were you when my parents died and I was placed with the Dursleys? They abused me from the first moment I spent there! So don't you stand there and accuse Severus of something so vile on the say-so of an anonymous owl! I know why you're really here, Mr. Stebbins. You're trying to take my baby away and I won't let you! Never!"

Dumbledore gasped, as well he might. He thought he'd been so clever, hadn't he? Get Severus to Obliviate Harry so that he wouldn't even know he was pregnant and the termination could have happened without much fuss. Only Harry had never been Obliviated – Severus had refused to do it.

Healer Stebbins gaped at Harry. "Harry, are you trying to tell me you're pregnant?"

"Yes, I'm pregnant," said Harry. Voldemort was dead, now it didn't matter who knew, did it? He glanced quickly at Severus, wondering if he'd gone too far, but Severus was giving him a small smile.

"But that's impossible! I was informed that you had a cancerous growth in your abdomen. I was here to remove it as well as examine you about the abuse allegations."

"Don't you ever, ever call my baby a growth!" snarled Harry.

"Harry dear," said Molly. "Boys don't get pregnant."

"I did," said Harry softly, placing his hands protectively round his abdomen. The gesture wasn't lost on any of them.

"The poor boy's distraught," said Dumbledore. "Not in his right mind."

"Healer Stebbins, would you care to take a look at Harry's chart?" said Poppy, as she conjured it. "As you can see Harry is indeed pregnant."

Stebbins perused the chart for what seemed like an hour or more; he paused every so often to ask Poppy some medical questions, but Harry didn't understand half of them. He just wanted everyone to go and leave him alone with Severus.

"I can hardly believe it," said Stebbins at last. "But it's all here in black and white."

"But how?" persisted Molly. "How can a boy get pregnant?"

"Harry," said Pratt. "Is that what happened? Professor Snape raped you and you got pregnant?"

"Are you deaf?" roared Harry. "I was never raped! Severus never raped me!"

"It might not seem like abuse, Harry, but the professor is your teacher and your guardian. Any sexual conduct between the two of you is highly inappropriate, surely you can see that?" Pratt continued.

"No, I can't," said Harry. "Severus, do you think it's time to tell them?"

Severus squeezed Harry's hand and cast the spell which revealed their bonding rings to the assembled gathering.

"Now, Mr. Pratt," began Harry. "Are you going to tell me that sexual activity with my husband is forbidden?"


Part 65

"Can I get you anything else, Harry? Another blanket?" asked Severus as he wrapped a blanket securely around Harry's knees. Harry was lying on the sofa, his feet up, with his head resting against one end. Severus wasn't entirely sure that Harry was well enough to be out of the infirmary.

"I'm fine, Severus. Just sit down and relax, you know Poppy wouldn't have let me out if she didn't think I was better," said Harry.

"Hmm," Severus wasn't entirely sure that was true. Harry had been going stir-crazy cooped up in the hospital wing and maybe he'd convinced her to let him out even though he wasn't anywhere near ready. "Are you still getting morning sickness?"

"A little," admitted Harry. "But it's not as bad, Poppy thinks the worst of it might be over."

"That's good," said Severus. "A cup of tea?"

Harry made a face, "Ugh, no, I can't even stand the smell of tea or coffee at the moment. Poppy says it’s normal."

Severus sat down on one of the armchairs by the fireplace. "I didn't mean there, Severus. Sit here, beside me. I can put my feet in your lap, if that's okay?"

It was more than okay. Severus was just waiting to see what Harry was comfortable with. He'd been in the infirmary for almost a month now and it had been a week since the news of their marriage had leaked out via Rita Skeeter and the Daily Prophet. There wasn't really a lot they could have done about that besides Obliviate everyone who'd been in the infirmary that day. They'd been expecting Howlers ever since the articles had appeared.

Minerva McGonagall had gone into full mother hen mode to protect Harry and the Howlers were disposed of before they ever got to them. Severus sometimes thought she'd been doing it to protect him too, but he knew that it was Harry people were protecting. No doubt they were appalled at Harry’s corruption at the hands of a Death Eater. It was their opinion – it wasn’t Harry's, nor any of the staff who knew Severus and certainly not Severus’ own.

He didn't think it was even possible to corrupt Harry at all. After all that Harry had been through, it would have been very easy for him to turn to the Dark side of his nature to the exclusion of all else, but he never had. Severus and Poppy had explained to him about the balance of magic – that he needed to accept his Dark magic as well as his Light in order to function properly.

"We’ve got a letter from Wizarding Family Services," said Severus, wondering how to broach the subject. Harry had suffered what could be called a mini-breakdown that day, especially once he’d heard what Dumbledore had done to him, and done to his parents. Mr. Pratt had given Dumbledore Veritaserum and it was discovered that the headmaster had cast the Imperius curse on the Potters so that they would agree to hand Harry over. So that they would agree to all those operations just so Dumbledore could have his perfect weapon to defeat Voldemort. Dumbledore had never let anything or anyone stand in his way.

Pratt had called for Dumbledore’s arrest, but Fudge had refused, stating that it was because of Dumbledore's actions that they were now free from Voldemort. No mention was made of what they'd put Harry through, or of what the boy had endured over the years. Severus was so angry with Fudge he wanted to raze the Ministry to the ground.

Dumbledore was stripped of the headship and Minerva McGonagall was now the headmistress of Hogwarts. When Dumbledore was asked why he'd made those allegations concerning Harry and Severus, the truth tumbled out of him: how he'd actually told Severus to Obliviate Harry and how he’d thought the accusations were a good way to get back at Severus. Dumbledore had never really forgiven him for joining the Death Eaters all those years ago, but he'd used the opportunity to gain himself a spy anyway. Harry and Severus had both been used and Severus wasn't sure he could be responsible for his actions if he saw the ex-headmaster again. The last he heard, Dumbledore had been living with his brother Aberforth above The Hog's Head in Hogsmeade. Which was another good reason not to frequent that establishment besides the lack of hygiene.

"What did they say?" Harry asked, as Severus lifted Harry's legs, sat down and settled them on his lap, rearranging the blanket again.

"It was an apology for all the distress we’d experienced, hoping we won't hold it against the Ministry and wishing us well as parents."

"You're joking?" said Harry.

"No, you can read it later if you want. Did Healer Stebbins call in to see you today?" Healer Stebbins had been coming in to see Harry nearly every day, fascinated by the prospect of a male pregnancy, and he was hell-bent on trying to figure out a way for Harry to carry the baby to term, even though it had never been done before.

"Yeah," said Harry quietly. "He wants me to…he wants… he wants …" but Harry couldn't seem to face saying any more and turned his head away.

"Harry, what is it? What did he say?"

Harry twisted his hands in his lap. "He wants to turn me into a girl, Severus. I don't have a womb; there's nowhere for the baby to grow once it starts getting bigger. He wants to turn me into a girl until the baby is born and then turn me back again."

"Oh, how is he going to do it? Polyjuice Potion?" asked Severus.

Harry gaped at him. "That's okay? It's okay for me to become a girl?"

Severus stared at his young husband. "Of course it is, Harry. What were you thinking?"

"That - that you wouldn't want me any more if I was a girl."

"Come here, Harry," said Severus, lifting Harry's legs from his lap and patting his knees. Harry scrambled out from under the blanket and scooted over to settle himself on Severus' lap, resting his head against Severus' shoulder. Harry was breathing rather erratically and Severus could almost feel how panicked he was. Harry had a terrible fear of being rejected and Severus felt awful that Harry might think that Severus could ever reject him. "Harry, I love you. I love you. That won't change just because your outward appearance changes. I know how important having a family is to you. I never thought it could happen to me. To find someone to love… to have a family. I want a family with you so much, Harry. Our baby, a child we’ve created together."

"Oh, Severus!" Harry sobbed against his shoulder. "I'm so scared, Severus! I'm terrified of losing the baby, I want it so much!"

Severus rubbed his back and held Harry until he calmed. Harry's knuckles clenched around Severus' shirt as he cried and cried. Severus wasn't quite sure what to say, so he just held on, knowing that Harry loved to be touched, to feel connected to someone after so many years of being left alone in his misery. It was half an hour or more before Harry looked up at him, his tears drying to a trickle.

"And - um - Severus -" Harry took a deep breath. "What about - what about the sex?"

Severus couldn't help it; he laughed. "Oh, Harry. I have to admit that I have never really been attracted to women in that way, but it will still be you and I love you. I'm sure we might think of something."

Harry blushed. "Oh! Oh…" he said and Severus thought that particular shade of pink would look very well in the nursery if they had a girl. Harry rubbed at his tear-stained cheeks. "I'll just go and freshen up." Severus eased Harry down from his lap and handed Harry his cane, giving him a soft kiss before Harry left for the bathroom.

Once the door closed, Severus stared at the dying embers of the fire. It was getting a little chilly, but he didn't bother to relight it. A girl – it wasn't something he could have imagined, but if it helped Harry to have the baby he always wanted, then Severus wasn't going to gainsay it. He'd told Harry the truth, he'd never been attracted to women or girls, but it was Harry and Severus couldn't imagine not being attracted to Harry, no matter what the outward appearance happened to be.

"Severus! Severus!" screamed Harry from the bathroom and Severus shot up from the sofa so fast he feared he might have ruptured something. He yanked the bathroom door open and found Harry lying on the floor, his arms clutching his abdomen.

"Poppy! I need Poppy! Severus, I'm bleeding!" gasped Harry.

***

Poppy sent for Stebbins after it was decided that Harry needed to be changed that night, they just couldn't wait any longer. Severus held Harry's hand while Stebbins cast the spell that would turn Harry temporarily into a girl. It changed Harry on a genetic level; he would still be Harry, but into what he would have been if he'd been a girl.

It took a couple of hours for Harry's body to transform into a female; they all watched fascinated as Harry grew breasts; his hips widened; his waist thinned and his hair grew by a couple of inches in length. Harry hadn’t even started shaving yet, so his face didn't change much, just softened a bit round the edges and his lips became a bit fuller. It was still Harry though and once Poppy left them alone, Severus couldn't resist bending down for a brief kiss. "You're beautiful, my Harry," Severus whispered against his lips, tasting salt.

"The baby, Severus? Is the baby okay?"

Just then, Madam Pomfrey peeked her head round the privacy curtain, Stebbins hovering behind her. "We've got your scans here, Harry. The baby is doing very well."

"But the bleeding?" asked Harry worriedly.

"Bleeding can sometimes happen in pregnancy, it doesn't necessarily mean you are going to miscarry, but it was best to get you changed as soon as possible to give the baby the best possible chance. You're about nine weeks along, Harry and up until the third month has passed, there is some risk. The risk diminishes the longer you're pregnant, so I have to insist you take it easy until we can get past the danger mark."

"I - I have to stay in the infirmary again?"

"No, you can go home, you can also attend class, but no standing up for long periods of time and you'll have to give Potions a miss altogether, some of the ingredients and fumes won't be good for the baby. Whenever you can, put your feet up and have a good long rest."

"So if I do all that, the baby will be okay?"

"Harry, dear, no one can guarantee anything, I'm sorry. But doing what I've suggested will minimise the risk, that's all we can do really. However, I can tell you from your scan that your weight is starting to get back up after all that morning sickness, and the baby's heart rate is good and strong. You have a fighter in there, Harry. That baby wants to be born."

Harry placed one hand on his abdomen and with the other he reached for Severus and placed Severus' hand beside his own.

"Can you feel it, Severus? Can you feel our baby in there?"

Severus couldn't have stopped the tears any more than he could have stopped the sun from rising.

"I can, Harry, I can," he choked out, even though he knew it was far too early to feel anything yet.


Part 66

Harry was nervous when the time came for him to go back to class, back to his lessons. Would people treat him differently now that his body was different? Poppy and Severus had cast so many protection charms both on him and the baby that he felt as if he was actually walking around wrapped in cotton wool. Everything around him felt a bit muffled, but Severus and Poppy didn't want him getting hit by stray hexes or jinxes. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door to the Charms classroom and stepped inside.

Everyone knew what had happened, news never stayed secret for long at Hogwarts, but so far most of his classmates hadn't seen him as a girl and Harry was a bit worried how they would take it. He held his books in front of his chest with one hand, trying to hide his breasts, and clutched his cane in the other.

It still felt so weird to have breasts, and Harry wondered if girls were as self-conscious about them when they first got them too. He wandered into the classroom, not sure what to expect. Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna had been great over what had happened. They were a little surprised that he'd married Severus, but once Harry had explained what Dumbledore had wanted to do, and how Severus didn't want to do anything unless they were married, they were very understanding.

"Hi, Harry," said Ron. "I've saved you a seat."

Unfortunately, Ron was sitting at the front of the classroom, so Harry had to make his way down the aisle, sure that everyone was staring at him. He just reminded himself every so often why he was doing this. For the baby – his and Severus' baby – and after that he didn't worry so much whether or not people were staring at him or talking about him. He should be used to it by now, they always talked about him no matter what.

"You look great, Harry," whispered Hermione just as Professor Flitwick stood up on a stack of books and smiled at his pupils.

"We're all here, good, good. Now it's a little bit early for these charms, normally they're taught in seventh year, but since Mr. Potter-Snape might be needing them a bit sooner than that, I thought I'd start you all on baby calming and cheering charms. We have a volunteer with us today so that we can practice. Would you all say hello to Mrs. Diggory, please?"

The whole class glanced round and Harry was pleasantly surprised to see Sarah Diggory with baby Tim in her arms, although he was wriggling like an eel trying to get out of them. He must have been almost two by now. She stopped by Harry and Ron's table on her way to Flitwick's desk. "Congratulations, Harry. Cedric would have been so happy for you."

Harry nodded, his throat tight. He didn't think he would have been able to say anything without bursting into tears.

***

When he was four months pregnant and his bump was just beginning to show, Poppy and Hermione were determined to take Harry on a shopping spree for some new clothes. Harry had been managing with magically extending his own shirts and trousers, but Hermione was determined that he ought to have some maternity clothes too. Severus had kissed them that morning and wished him luck on his ‘girl's day out’, smirking at Harry's indignant look.

Poppy and Hermione had both decided that Muggle London would be the best place to go, no one there would know that Harry had once been a boy and there wouldn't be as many stares at his bump either. They took the Hogwarts Express one Saturday morning. Poppy wasn't allowing Harry to Floo or Apparate anywhere yet and they settled in for the train journey to London.

Harry watched the countryside float by in a blur of colours, unaware that he had a small, contented smile on his face the whole time. At his last check-up, Poppy had said that everything with the baby was doing well and she had high hopes that the risk of miscarriage was getting less and less. Harry's new body was helping with that – after all the female form was designed to carry babies.

Once at the station, they first went to Gringotts where Harry changed some of his galleons into Muggle money, hoping he had enough. He didn't really have any idea how much clothes cost in the Muggle world, for the Dursleys had never taken him shopping in all the time he’d spent with them.

"Oxford Street first, I think," suggested Hermione. "There's a new maternity shop there called Blooming. I'm sure we'll find something for you there, Harry."

Harry nodded, he didn't really care where they went, and he just hoped the shopping wouldn't take too long.

They took a taxi. Poppy was still on her Harry, you mustn't do anything too strenuous kick and it was easier to give in than to have an argument about it. He also didn't want to do anything to jeopardise the tiny life inside him and if Poppy thought going by taxi would help, then Harry was all for it.

Blooming was tucked away in between a department store and a bakery. The smell of apple and cinnamon wafting out from the doorway had Harry's mouth watering. There were a couple of metal tables and chairs sitting outside, and a few shoppers sat there with coffees and cake, enjoying the early May sunshine.

"We can go there for lunch after we get you some clothes," said Poppy as she pushed open the door to the maternity shop. The shop was bigger inside than it had looked from the street, it was thin but it was long with racks upon racks of clothes as far as the eye could see. There were trousers, tops, skirts, dresses, nightwear, and even lingerie.

Harry blushed at seeing all that lace and satin. Hermione had lent him a couple of bras at first, but Harry's breasts would soon outgrow them; he knew he needed a bigger size, but it was just so embarrassing. Did Hermione find shopping for underwear embarrassing? Poppy noticed his blush and patted him on the shoulder. "Why don't we let Hermione help you with those? I'll just go and have a look at the prams upstairs," said Poppy and she toddled off.

"Oh, Harry, they have a wonderful selection here, look," said Hermione holding up a lacy bra that seemingly would reveal more than it hid. Harry tried to imagine what Severus would think of him wearing lacy underwear, so far Harry had been wearing the plain cotton bras Hermione had given him and his own boxers or y-fronts, but Hermione was sorting through the lingerie rack and coming up with panties in various shades of satin and lace. Harry reached out and caressed the fabric – it did feel nice, but would being dressed as a girl put Severus off him altogether? Poppy had suggested they didn't try intercourse until the three month mark had passed and Severus hadn't even seemed keen when Harry had tried to suck him off, so they hadn't really done anything besides kiss for a while.

"Severus will love you in these, Harry, they're so pretty," said Hermione, holding out a matching camisole set in pale peach with lace edged panties to match. Harry glanced around, the sales assistants were at the other end of the shop, helping a few other customers.

"Um, Hermione, I'm not sure that he will. Severus - well, he's gay. He's never been attracted to women. He's never been - he's never been with a woman."

"Well, he's been with you, hasn't he?" asked Hermione, looking through the racks again and coming up with a frilly negligee set.

"Not - not since I've been like this," admitted Harry, feeling his face heat. It was a bit embarrassing talking about this to Hermione, but it would have been even worse talking to Poppy about it. "Not since I've been a girl."

Hermione glanced round and gave Harry the once-over. "Do you know what that means, Harry?"

"That he doesn't find me attractive like this?"

"No, I'm sure that's not it. He probably didn't want to do anything to hurt the baby, but you said your last scan was fine, didn't you? Have you asked Madam Pomfrey if it's okay now?"

"Yeah, I did. She said it should be fine."

"Well, there you are then," said Hermione as if that settled the matter. "No, what I was talking about Harry, was that you are both virgins like this." Her voice had lowered to a whisper and then Hermione burst into a fit of giggles.

"Hermione, what?" he demanded.

"I just realised, Harry. You're a virgin mother!" she doubled over again until one of the sales assistants came over to ask if she was all right. Hermione nodded, tears of mirth streaming down her cheeks, waving the girl away as she helped Harry choose some clothes, lingerie included.

***

They had lunch in the little bakery next door, chicken sandwiches (Harry's was just plain chicken) and a slice of apple pie and fresh cream. Poppy was beaming at seeing him eat. It had been a while since Harry had felt the need to throw up after eating; he knew he needed to eat healthily for the baby's sake and he was trying his best. His mind wasn't on food today though, but what Hermione had said in the shop. It was true, they were both virgins like this and Harry wondered if what he was thinking would actually work.

He remembered that long ago conversation when Severus had given him the sex talk. ‘Only vaginal or anal intercourse would be considered as losing one's virginity.’ Lucius Malfoy had raped Severus, in effect also raping Severus of his full powers. If he and Severus had sex now, with both of them being virgins that way, would Severus get his full powers back?

Harry wasn't sure, but with his new purchases wrapped up in boxes and bags, he was determined to give it a try.



Part 67

When they returned from London later that night Severus was supervising a Saturday evening detention and wasn’t in their quarters when Harry got there. It was getting late, the train journey was long and Harry was so tired that he just went to bed and fell asleep almost straightaway, his purchases lying in a heap at the foot of the bed. His sleep was restless and he had a nightmare almost as soon as he closed his eyes.

"Such a handsome boy," hissed Voldemort, as he pressed Cedric's dead face into the dirt of the graveyard.

"Don't touch him! Don't touch him!" yelled Harry, his body straining against the statue binding him, but it was useless, he couldn't move. He couldn't move and Voldemort was still touching Cedric, trailing a long finger down Cedric's cheek in a parody of a lover’s caress. "Get away from him! Get away from him!" screamed Harry and he woke up, gasping for breath.

Severus was awake in moments and had Harry wrapped in a hug even before Harry needed to ask for one. "Nightmare?" he asked as he kissed Harry on the forehead.

Harry nodded, unable to speak just yet. His heart was pounding so hard he was surprised it didn't burst out of his chest. He was clammy with cold sweat and just lay there trembling in his husband's arms, feeling the terror drain away the longer Severus held him. Now that Voldemort was gone, Harry really hoped he'd stop having those horrible dreams about Cedric's murder. Cedric shouldn't have died – he shouldn't – and Harry felt the first tears fall before he was even aware that he'd started crying.

"Ssh, Harry, it's all right, it's all right," Severus whispered to him over and over again, rocking Harry gently against his body. Harry allowed himself the comfort and eventually his weeping stopped. He felt a bit ragged round the edges: everything seemed so much more intense in the middle of the night and he wished it was morning already.

"Harry? Are you all right?" asked Severus, he shifted in the bed and a few moments later, the torches flared to life but with a dimmer light than usual. It was just enough illumination to see each other. Harry was glad, he didn't want any shadows tonight.

"It's just - it's just sometimes I still really miss Cedric. Is that awful?" Harry rubbed his eyes and cheeks free from moisture, feeling a bit guilty that he'd brought up Cedric. Maybe Severus didn't want Harry to talk about another man.

"Harry, of course it isn't. You'll probably always miss him to some extent. He was your first love and he died way too young."

"You don't mind me talking about him sometimes, do you? If you'd rather I didn't..."

"Harry, you can talk to me about whatever you like, Cedric included. I don't want you to feel that there are some things you can't tell me. You can tell me anything, Harry. Anything."

If that wasn't an opening for Harry's next conversation, Harry didn't know what was.

"Severus, when we were in London, Hermione said something that got me thinking. We haven't made love since I changed. We're both virgins like this. Do you think we could do the ritual again? Maybe it would bring your full powers back?"

Severus stiffened in his arms. “I’m sorry, Harry, no."

Harry felt his heart splinter into a thousand sharp pieces, piercing his chest. "You told me you'd love me no matter what," said Harry, close to tears again. "Was that just a lie to placate me? You haven't even touched me since they turned me into the resident freakshow!"

"Harry, it's got nothing to do with that. And you’re not a freak."

"Then why can't we do the ritual again?"

"Because, Harry, we would both need to fast and I am not going to do anything that might endanger you or the baby. That doesn't mean I don't want to make love to you, for I do. I was just waiting until Poppy thought it was safe."

"So you want to - even though I'm like this?" Harry glanced down at his breasts, they felt strangely heavy and full, when he looked back up, Severus was eyeing him as if Harry was a particularly delectable dessert. Harry felt desired. Wanted. His heart rate sped up as he stared at Severus, their eyes locked.

"God, Harry you have no idea how difficult it's been to keep my hands off you. You've blossomed, every bit of you. You're different, but it's still you and I want to taste every inch of the new you. Lick and suckle your breasts, nuzzle in between them. Kiss your thighs and suck in between them. Have you writhing underneath me, my tongue and my cock filling you."

"Oh God! Severus!" moaned Harry, Severus' words were making him tingle deliciously all over, but most especially between his legs and he could feel moisture gathering there too. Severus swooped down to kiss him, the kiss so hungry and demanding that Harry had no choice but to give in to it. Severus groaned and Harry could feel the vibrations deep in his own throat. His toes were curling and he was clawing at Severus, trying to meld the two of them into one body. His breasts were crushed between them, Severus was stroking his face, cupping his chin and Harry thought he might die if Severus didn't do something soon.

"Severus, please!" he gasped as he pulled away from the kiss. Severus stroked Harry's breasts through the fabric of the t-shirt Harry had taken to wearing to bed; he'd felt a little self-conscious about being naked in bed once he'd turned into a girl. He didn't feel self-conscious now, as Severus' fingers grazed his nipples Harry howled and his hips bucked upwards. "Severus! Severus!" Harry wailed.

Severus glanced down at Harry's face and smiled softly at him, his hands skimmed down Harry's chest, caressing the small mound of his belly, their baby, and Harry felt a surge of desire so strong at that gesture; he was pulsing with it, throbbing with it and his legs widened almost of their own accord. "Please, please," begged Harry, unsure what he was asking for.

Severus' hand moved lower, dipping beneath the waistband of Harry's boxer shorts, curling through the triangle of hair there. Every touch of his husband's hands was making Harry's whole body flame. He arched his hips again, trying to get Severus' hand to go lower, where he needed it, and at last Severus seemed to realise what it was that Harry wanted and his fingers moved downwards and he slid two fingers inside easily.

Harry felt so wet, so open; it felt different than before. It had always been his cock and sac he'd felt things in before, now it felt as though what Severus was doing to him, the slow slide of fingers in and out, was affecting every part of his body, not just where Severus had his fingers. Severus flicked his thumb against the small bundle of nerves and Harry screamed.

"Fuck! Severus! Oh fuck!" Harry roared as the orgasm tore through him with an intensity he could never have dreamed possible. It felt as if his whole body was coming, pleasure washed over him, wave after wave of it and he felt as if he was floating somewhere near the ceiling.

Severus kissed him deeply as the tremors continued, Harry sucked hungrily on his husband's tongue, feeling the need for something in his mouth. Severus' hands were still stroking Harry gently, in and out, Harry felt the need coiling in his belly again and he groaned his desire into his husband's mouth.

"I want you, Severus. All of you," Harry whispered against his lips once he'd pulled away enough to speak. Severus grinned down at him, Harry could feel Severus' rock-hard erection against his hip.

"I was hoping you'd say that," said Severus as he said the spell to remove their clothes and summoned the jar of lubricant that was on the bedside table.

Harry laughed. "I don't think we need that tonight, Severus. I - I'm so wet already," Harry felt himself flush, a band of heat creeping over his neck and face. Severus angled his fingers inside Harry's body, Harry squealed and squirmed in delight, loving the feel of it, of having Severus inside him. "Please," Harry pleaded.

Severus didn't need asking twice, he removed his fingers and used both hands to tug Harry's hips apart. Harry could see Severus' erection, so red and pulsing, the pre-come at the tip glistening in the dim torchlight. Severus was aroused, he wanted this as much as Harry and he let himself relax as Severus propped himself up on his knees and got into position. It hurt a little when he first pushed his cock inside, but he stopped and took his time, stretching the hymen, letting Harry's body adjust to the new sensation.

It helped that Harry had come already, his muscles were more relaxed now and all that renewed play by Severus' fingers had stretched him and continued to keep him wet. "Okay, Harry?" Severus looked down at him, concern etched on his features, he slid a bit further in and Harry gasped at the full sensation. It was different to the feel of having Severus in is arse, not necessarily worse or better, just different. Severus continued to push in a little more, slowly, and Harry loved it, the sensation of being stretched so tenderly. When Severus was fully sheathed inside him, he let out a grunt and kissed Harry desperately.

Harry was aching with want and he shifted his hips to get Severus to move, the desire building and building as Severus took the renewed movement of Harry's hips as an invitation to do just that.

"God, Harry! You're so tight! It's wonderful, you're wonderful!" Severus' thrusts became more erratic the closer to climax he came and Harry was finding it difficult to get into the right rhythm and just held onto Severus' back as he pounded into him. Harry was getting less aroused the longer Severus fucked him and he wondered what that was about. He'd loved the fingers inside him and he’d wanted this, so why was he finding it so difficult to stay aroused? Severus suddenly stiffened above him, screaming wordlessly as he spilled himself inside Harry. Harry could feel the wet warmth coating his vaginal walls and he clamped down, feeling the urge for something more.

"Harry, Harry," Severus said breathlessly against Harry's shoulder. "Did you come again?"

"No," said Harry, trying not to sound too disappointed. He'd wanted to, but had just been unable to get there. Maybe next time.

"Well, we'll have to remedy that, won't we?" grinned Severus as he began licking a trail from Harry's neck to his abdomen. Harry held his breath; surely Severus didn't mean to do that? Oh, but he did. Severus pushed Harry's legs apart and lowered his head. Merlin! That tongue! Sucking and licking and even some biting and Harry was turning to a puddle of goo on the bed as Severus proceeded to fuck him with his tongue. The lubricant was still on the bed; Harry saw Severus coat two fingers with it and brought them back between Harry's legs.

Severus’ hands moved down, back past Harry's perineum and he probed at Harry's anus until Harry relaxed enough to let the fingers inside. Oh fuck! The dual sensation of Severus' tongue in his vagina and those fingers in his arse was something he had never felt before and he moaned as molten heat jabbed his whole body. He writhed, trying to impale himself both on those fingers and that tongue as he let the sensations flow through him.

"Oh God! Yes! Yes! Oh God!" moaned Harry, his hands clutching at Severus' head, keeping his tongue there, right where he wanted it, right where he needed it. "Fuck! OHH! OHH! SEVERUS!" screamed Harry as one of the strongest orgasms he'd ever had overtook him. He could feel himself clenching around Severus' fingers and Severus' tongue, feeling so full, stretched almost to his limit. Severus continued licking him gently and easing his fingers in and out of Harry's anus as he slowly came down from the aftershocks.

Severus moved up the bed to kiss him and Harry loved their combined flavours, kissing Severus until he could taste every drop. "I take it you enjoyed that?" smirked Severus.

"You have no idea!" laughed Harry, snuggling up to him.

"Did I hurt you, Harry?" Severus asked in a more serious tone.

"Just a little at first. I wanted you to make love to me, Severus, but after a while I stopped getting excited. Is that normal?"

"I've heard it is, not every woman can have an orgasm during intercourse, but can during foreplay or afterwards. Most of the sensitive nerves are around the outside of the vagina, and especially here," said Severus, his hand cupping Severus mound and pressing against it. "The clitoris." He didn't press hard, Harry was glad, it was feeling a little sensitive now, almost like his cock had felt after he'd had an orgasm.

"Are you sure you've never been with a woman, Severus? You seemed to know exactly what to do."

"That's because I'm with you, Harry. I love you and nature took over from there."

"We can do it again, sometime?" Harry yawned.

"We can, but right now you and the baby need your sleep."

***

Less than an hour later, Harry was woken from his slumber by the screams of his husband. Severus was rigid in the bed, as if he was having a fit or something. A few moments later, Severus' body calmed, but the jar of lubricant shattered, as did all of the glass from the lanterns and wardrobe door.

Severus opened his eyes and stared around at Harry in amazement. "Harry? What's going on?"

"It worked, Severus! It worked!" sobbed Harry, wrapping his arms around his husband. "You're getting your full powers back!"


Part 68

Harry didn't walk anymore, he waddled, his bump getting bigger by the day. It was less than a month till his due date and he was getting more and more nervous as the birthdate approached. Everyone was being very supportive; there was always someone offering to carry his schoolbag to the next class, or to run to the kitchens to get him ice-cream (he'd never started craving pickles), but he was craving ice-cream like a thirsty man in the desert craved water. People were getting more and more curious too, a few wanted to touch his tummy, but besides the healers, he only allowed Severus to do that. It was something he felt was very personal and even though Ron and Hermione were a little hurt at his refusal, Harry didn't change his mind.

Hermione had given him quite a few books on pregnancy and birth, both Wizard and Muggle, but Harry just had to stop reading them in the end. They were very detailed in their descriptions of things that could still go wrong, especially during the birth and Harry was getting more and more panicked the closer it came. Poppy suggested that he and Severus go to one of the birthing classes being held at St. Mungo's as a way to allay some of Harry's fears.

So now, there they were in a room full of other pregnant couples, Harry wasn't sure how Severus was feeling, but Harry was feeling very uneasy. He was quite obviously the youngest one there and even though his scar was gone and he looked a lot different now and Severus was under a glamour to look like a brown-haired, blue-eyed man; Harry thought that people were still staring at them and disapproving because Severus still looked older than him.

The walls were plain, painted cream and prints of peach flowers that swayed in their frames. Harry supposed it was meant to be calming. There was no furniture in the room, except for a desk pushed against one wall had various plastic models of babies and pregnant women, like very realistic dolls. The instructor hadn't arrived yet and the other couples were talking amongst each other, they'd obviously been here before. A few people smiled at them, but didn't make any conversation with them.

There were large cusions scattered all over the floor, the pregnant women began kneeling down on them, their husbands or partners kneeling behind them. Harry's damaged leg wouldn't allow him to kneel for any length of time, but he allowed Severus to help him down to the cushion and settled his bum on it, stretching his legs out in front of him and leaning against Severus's chest. He felt a lot calmer now that Severus had his arms wrapped around him.

Harry sighed with contentment; he loved being so cherished and Severus had been wonderful throughout the whole pregnancy. It made a change to be so looked after, to be so loved and Harry relished in the attention Severus was giving him and their baby. Severus would make a wonderful father and they were both determined to shower their baby with all the love they'd never received growing up. Their child would never doubt that he was very much loved and wanted.

Harry gasped as he felt the soft fluttering low down in his abdomen again and pressed his hands there.

"Did she move again?" Severus whispered, close to his ear. Severus was convinced that the baby was a girl, while Harry was almost entirely convinced of the opposite. He just didn't think a girl would kick so much.

"Yes, he did," said Harry, arching his neck to turn and smile at his husband. There was movement at the other end of the room, the double doors opened and their birthing instructor glided in. The others did not seem at all surprised, some of the women even let out a few sighs as the man came in. Harry was sure Severus must have looked as gobsmacked as he felt.

There at the front of the room, smiling his perfect smile with even white teeth, fair hair curled to perfection and dressed in lilac silk robes stood Gilderoy Lockhart.

***

"I've got a surprise for you, Harry," said Severus once they were on the way back to their quarters, hoping it would cheer Harry up after that disaster of a birthing class. Was Lockhart even qualified to teach it? The bumbling fool had used one of the model's to demonstrate a birth and had ended up breaking the hips on the female doll, causing every other female in the room to wince and recoil. It hadn't done much to help Harry with his anxiety at all and Severus wished there was more he could do to help.

As Severus paused by the door to their quarters and prepared to take down the wards, he noticed Harry was rubbing at his lower back. "Are you feeling okay, Harry?"

"Just a bit of backache, I've been having it on and off all day." Harry shrugged it off as if his pain wasn't important and Severus knew that for Harry to even admit to having any, it must have been pretty intense. He got Harry settled on the sofa once they were inside, putting Harry's feet up as per Poppy's orders. Severus was convinced the woman had some sort of sixth sense when it came to Harry's welfare and would know if Severus hadn't been looking after him properly.

"What's the surprise, Severus?" asked Harry, perking up a bit now that he was sitting down.

"Wait here," said Severus as he went into their bedroom and made straight for the wardrobe. Harry couldn't bend down so well in his condition, so it was unlikely that he'd be able to find what Severus had hidden at the bottom with a concealment charm. A cradle, carved in a pale honeyed wood that had taken Severus months to make. It would have been quicker to use magic, but it was traditional in the wizarding world that a baby's first cradle was carved by his father. The only decoration on the wood was a heart at the foot of the cradle, with room left beneath it for the baby's name once they'd had the naming ceremony.

Severus cast a levitation charm and waved the cradle out into the living room; it was like lifting a feather, he hardly felt the weight of the cradle during his spell at all. Harry had given him back the gift of his full powers; Severus had been so surprised that his full powers had come in even though they hadn't done the purification ritual beforehand. He'd looked through all the books he could find and discovered that the ritual only started becoming popular during the Victorian era, when the Wizarding world first started getting very interested in Pure bloodlines; they thought the ritual was a way to ensure that no sexual contact took place outside marriage so that their lines could continue without being sullied by Muggles and Half-bloods. The ritual wasn't actually needed at all and Severus wondered how much of else the ritual had been lying about, had he and Harry gone through all that pain without benefit of pain potions just because some obscure Victorian text had said so?

Severus followed the cradle into the living room, the smile died on his face when he saw Harry looking horror-struck at the cradle.

"Get it out! Get it out!" wailed Harry, almost in hysterics. Severus banished the cradle with a wave of his wand as Harry continued to breath very hard, but he seemed to calm himself before the panic overtook him too far.

Severus was kneeling down beside Harry in an instant and clasped Harry's hands in his. "Harry? What's wrong?"

"Where did you send it?" asked Harry, his face paling.

"To one of the castle store-rooms."

"Good," Harry nodded and visibly relaxed."It's beautiful, Severus, but I don't want it in our quarters. I don't want anything for the baby here until it's born."

"Is this a Muggle custom, Harry?"

"Not that I know, I just don't want to tempt fate, Severus. Next door to the Dursleys, there was a young couple who were expecting a baby, I was about six or seven at the time. Every week something new would be delivered; a pram, a cot, furniture for a baby's room. P- Petunia said that they would be punished for their arrogance and they were, Severus. The baby was stillborn and Petunia gloated about it for weeks afterwards, how she knew it was going to happen."

"But, Harry, Poppy says everything is going well with the baby."

"I know, Severus, but please, just indulge me in this."

Severus kissed Harry, cupping his face in his hands, they didn't need words to know that Severus agreed. It was very easy to indulge Harry. Harry groaned and pulled away from the kiss; it was a couple of seconds before Severus realised it was one of pain, not pleasure.

"Harry?"

"Oh! Oh!" gasped Harry, doubling over. A few seconds later, he glanced up at Severus, his face flushed with embarrassment. "Severus, my waters just broke."

"I'll get Poppy," said Severus as he fumbled for the jar of Floo powder on the mantelpiece.

A few minutes later, Poppy was stepping through the Floo and helping Harry into the bedroom. Harry had wanted to have the baby in the privacy of their quarters, rather than the hospital wing where anyone could have come in. Severus went to his lab and gathered up all the potions he'd been brewing in time for the birth before going into the bedroom and getting ready to welcome their child into the world.

***

"Push, Harry! Push!" urged Poppy and Harry did his best to obey, he really did. He was so tired though and even keeping his eyes open was such an effort. The pain of the contractions had diminished thanks to some of his huband's wonderful potions, the formulas changed so that they wouldn't harm the baby.

"I can't! I can't!" he sobbed, leaning back against Severus. Severus was on the bed behind him, cradling Harry between his legs, Harry sitting upright against his husband.

"You're almost there, Harry, you're almost there. Come on now, you can do it, you can, Harry. I can see the head, one more big push, Harry, that's all. You can do it," said Poppy.

Severus wiped Harry's sweaty hair away from his forehead.

"I want to sleep," said Harry.

"Soon, Harry, soon," promised Severus. "But don't you want to see our daughter first?"

"Our son," said Harry and geared himself up for one last push. If it hadn't been for the potions he was on, Harry was sure it would have been unbearable. He panted and pushed, pushed the baby out as Poppy knelt on the bed between his legs.

A few moments later, Poppy was holding a squalling infant in her arms, tears dripping down her cheeks. "Gentlemen, you have a son," she smiled at them, then her smile faltered as another strong contraction tore through Harry.

Less than an hour later, they had a daughter as well. Twins.

***

"Ready, Harry?" asked Severus as he fastened his own dress robes in midnight blue. No black was allowed at a child's naming ceremony, but Harry had the idea that Severus disliked wearing anything too bright. The dark blue suited him though and Harry couldn't help but lean up for a small kiss.

It had been a week since the twins' birth and Harry had asked Healer Stebbins to reverse the spell; he was back to being a boy, but it meant that he wouldn't be able to breast-feed. He'd been a little upset at first, when all the books had been going on how it was the best start and he'd felt guilty for a while until Hermione had told him about the Muggle formula milks which were designed with all the same nutrients in brest milk in mind, so he'd been giving them both bottles. It meant Severus could help too and more often than not, visitors to their quarters would find Harry an Severus on either end of the sofa, a twin in their lap and giving them their bottles.

"I love you," Severus, sighed Harry as he pulled out of the kiss. "You approve of the names, Severus?"

"I can't think of any more fitting names for our children, Harry. Come on, it's time to go."

Harry nodded, smoothing down his bottle-green velvet robes and made his way to the living room where the naming ceremony would take place. Hermione was already cryiing, she and Ron were to be the twins' godparents and each of them was already holding a baby in their arms.

Arthur Weasley was conducting the ceremony and Harry was so pleased that everyone had been able to make it. All of the Weasleys were there, all the Diggorys, Remus and Sirius, Poppy, Neville, Luna and all the Gryffindor sixth years and a couple of younger ones too. It was a good job Severus had magically exteneded their quarters otherwise everyone would not have been able to fit in.

"Hello everyone, we are here today to welcome the newest members of the Snape-Potter family. Harry, Severus, who do you appoint as your children's guardians?"

"Hermione Jane Granger and Ronald Bilius Weasley," said Harry and Severus together.

"And with what names do you gift the children with?"

Severus turned to Harry and smiled at him, as if to say, go on.

Harry took a deep breath.

"For our daughter, we gift the names Lily and Poppy." There was a small smattering of applause as Harry finished speaking.

"For our son," said Severus, squeezing Harry's hand and glancing round at everyone assembled there. "We gift the names Cedric and James."

THE END

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骨镜

啊啊啊，everything will not lost 我觉得很甜了，结尾

喂小酒窝

看了上一篇虐心的，来看篇甜的透口气……

flame_hf

i like snarry, this is a very long story,  i will keep it and read carefully, thank you for sharing!这是我最喜欢的cp啦，存下来慢慢读，感谢楼主分享!

。。。。

这个作者真的写了好多的文啊..跪了

。。。。

这个作者真的写了好多的文啊..跪了

。。。。

ps刚给漏掉了 这篇的塞哈也写的好好